


ALWAYS

by DalishFox79



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 03:09:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 178,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8084431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalishFox79/pseuds/DalishFox79
Summary: The Blight is over. Alistair is King and Kateriel must find another path. But how can one live with out the beat of their heart? The continued story of my Dalish Warden and her Prince made King - begins after the Blight and continues through Inquisition. Includes many different characters, including Hawke and the Inquisitor and their companions.





	1. Open Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kateriel is pronounced Kate-ree-elle. I thought up this name before I read about Katriel who was Maric's love. Just in case you were wondering.  
> This is my original fic, the one that began it all, so it's a bit rough at first.

The Blight was over. The coronation of King Alistair was complete. As Kateriel Mahariel was paraded through the streets of Denerim, she spotted familiar faces in the crowd, people whom she had been able to help throughout her journeys. She had always tried to help anyone who needed it, if she was able to. She had only ever wanted to do what was right and to use her skills to help others. She was glad to have been able to help so many.

The crowd cheered her name, mixed with shouts of "Hero of Ferelden". She did her best to smile and wave at the people. Inwardly, she sighed and shook her head. She was relieved that the world was safe, but it was bitter sweet. She knew she should be happy and proud. She knew she should feel _anything_ but she was numb inside. Numbness caused by an undercurrent of pain that she had managed to bury but that was slowly beginning to resurface as her strength to keep it buried was beginning to fail.

She had never sought fame and glory. There was only one thing she wanted more than anything in the world she couldn't have it. Alistair. His love was denied her because she wasn't a noble and because she was an elf. It didn't matter that she was "the Hero" and she had saved Thedas from the Blight.

Alistair said it was also because it was nearly impossible for one Grey Warden to have children let alone two and he would need an heir to the throne. And though it was true, she knew it was not the only reason. It had been ultimately her choice to put him on the throne. Once again, she had put the needs of others above her own. It was far better for Alistair to rule than Anora. Anora was untrustworthy and power hungry.

As they came into sight of the palace the numbness finally broke. The ache in her heart was almost unbearable. It was all over. Everything. One thing after another had come to an abrupt end: her life with her clan, her journey, the blight, the fellowship…

The fellowship…..everyone was going their separate ways, just like that. Alistair was King and they could no longer be together, not as they were, not as lovers. Morrigan was gone. Wynne was staying in Denerim with Alistair for the time being, before returning to see how she could help the circle. Leliana was going off on some mission for the Grey Wardens, even though she'd promised to travel with Kateriel. Sten was going back to his people. Oghren was staying in Denerim to join the military. Shale was leaving find out more information about her past.

Well, there was still Zevran, she thought with a smile. It was good to know she would still have one friend to stay by her side. But for how long? She would still have to do work for the Wardens at some time and would he stick around for that? There was also her mabari hound, Thunder. He would go with her of course but the hound master had approached her on breeding Thunder as they had lost so many hounds in the war and blight. He was a fine dog. And it would be good for Alistair to have a well-trained mabari since the breed was a status symbol.

She tried to find consolation that at least she'd been able to help her people, to give them something that they had longed hundreds of years for. The elves would have their own land at last. She would try to help with the transitions. Her influence could benefit her people and the humans bordering the new lands. She was thinking they should build a new city at Ostagar. The structure there was still strong and sound. And she has some connections with the dwarves that she hoped she could use to fix up Ostagar and also build anew.

As they approached the palace she felt a stab of pain again. It had been a struggle to get through the coronation, to smile and seem happy. And she was happy for Alistair; he would be a good king. She was happy the world was safe from the Blight and that the arch-demon was gone. She was happy her companions were safe, as well as everyone else she cared about. But her heart was still broken.

She hadn't counted on being paraded around. She had spoken briefly with Alistair before going to the entrance. "I'm sorry about the way things had to happen for us," Kateriel said.

"So, am I. You have no idea how much." Alistair replied, his voice soft and sad.

So that was it, she thought. Deep down, she had held on to a shred of hope that they could somehow still be together after all, after the dust had settled. But no, it was truly over. All the time they spent together flashed through her mind. Their meeting at Ostagar, her joining, finding themselves at Flemeth's hut the only wardens left to stop the blight, recruiting their other companions and traveling to all the different places to use the treaties to build an army, and the battles won together. They had never been apart. They fought perfectly together, their skills complementing each other's. She thought of the nights at camp, growing closer, falling in love…"being near you makes me crazy", he'd said, "but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever."

She entered the palace and approached the great hall. It was getting harder to breathe. The doors opened for her and a cheer went up again from inside the hall. She held a hand up in acknowledgement. Then as people returned to their mingling, her eyes fell on Alistair. His eyes met hers. He gave her a little smile, and her heart shattered once more. She quickly looked away and forced herself to take a deep breath and steady herself. She would not show her emotions now, not here.

She felt as thought she'd been run through with a great sword. The same way it had felt after the Landsmeet:

" _ **So, that's it? It's over?" Kateriel's mind went numb and she didn't even really hear his response. She starred at Alistair like he'd hit her over the head with his shield and then plunged his sword through her heart.**_

_**She couldn't breathe and for a split second all she saw was black. She turned from him and grabbed the back of the nearest chair for support. Her pride kicked in and she drew a deep breath. Deep down, she had known it was coming; it really shouldn't have come as such a shock. But she hadn't expected it to happen so soon.** _

_**She straightened and turned back to face him, "You'll be a good King", she said, proud that she kept her voice from wavering.** _

" _ **But I'd give it all up for what I really want," Alistair replied, his voice rough with emotion,**_ " _ **I'll be back at camp. I need to be alone." He turned and walked out the door but stopped just the other side and said again in a voice that was barely a whisper, "I'm sorry". And he was gone.**_

_**She was glad all their friends had excused themselves out the kitchen door when Alistair had come in, because she then lost all her strength and had to grasp the chair again to keep from collapsing to the floor. Her head spun, she was numb from head to foot with shock.** _

_**Oghren came** _ _**back in through the kitchen but she slipped out the door before he could see her face or make a comment. She suddenly found her strength again and began to run. She ran out the estate doors, ran through the streets of Denerem, ran until she was out in the hills outside Denerem. She had run where she was sure no one was around, in a forest glade in the hills. Forests were perfect to muffle sound. She stopped and fell to the ground on her knees. She threw her head back and cried out at the top of her lungs, letting all the agony escape. She then collapsed on the ground and wept bitterly.** _

_**After some time, when she finished pouring out all the emotions and tears that she could, numbness took over and she embraced it, pushing any feelings that she had left down underneath.** _

_**She had a job to do and she would fight as a Dalish warrior, with honour and pride. She picked herself up again and made her way to the camp. When she got there, her friends all glanced uneasily at her. All except Alistair, who had not yet emerged from his tent. She glanced briefly back at her companions and went into her tent, where she laid down on her mat exhausted. She was glad to be so tired and refused to let her mind focus on anything but the blackness behind her lids. Blessed sleep over took her.** _

_**The next morning, she lay in her tent. The numbness still remained and again she embraced it. She thought through the previous day's events. Making Alistair king, the things Alistair said, how this was not what he really wanted and that he loved her and would always love her. She knew if he had his way it would be different, that he would find a way to be with her while still being king. That knowledge made the rejection a little easier to bear.** _

_**She felt foolish; she had known it was coming. She knew what would happen if she made him king. The people were far from ready to except an elven queen. The humans were no different than any other race. Dwarven royalty would never allow a mixed race marriage. If the elves had a kingdom and royalty, she was sure it would be the same way. She would not hold it against Alistair. He was trying to do what was right.** _

_**And now so would she. She had an Archdemon to kill and must now put all else aside.** _

_**But it made things strange. They could hardly look at one another, their conversation reduced to only necessary remarks regarding the quest and travel. The whole group could feel it.** _

_**But either one of them could die at any time, she would not want things to end like this, she loved him too much. So, one night she asked him if they could talk about what happened. He said that he thought they'd said all that could be said. She asked if they would at least be friends, although she knew it would be a very strained sort of friendship. How can you just be friends with someone you're so deeply in love with? But he smiled and said of course they would be. But they both knew things would never be the same. The pain would always be there like a wound that wouldn't fully heal….** _

She had to get out of there. She needed to get away. She couldn't stay where he was. She turned to go out the side door that would lead to the wing where her chambers were. Some nobles stopped her and she plastered on a smile, answered a few questions and excused herself as quickly as possible. She was angry with herself. She faced death in battle time and again, suffered all kinds of horrible wounds, but she could not handle this. Not yet anyway.

Alistair had been talking to Arl Eamon, Bann Teagan, and another noble in the great hall. The doors opened and the noise of the crowds outside could be heard. Kateriel entered and a cheer went up all around in the great hall.

The conversations began to return amongst the crowd but his eyes stayed on her. He was so proud of what they had accomplished. Despite the odds against them they had triumphed. He was so proud of Kateriel. It was she who had led them, and she who had slain the archdemon.

Her eyes met his and what he saw struck him. He saw pain deep in her eyes as he'd only seen once before, after the landsmeet. The way she had looked when he told her it was over between them. Maker, it was as if he'd put his sword in her heart. Yet, it had been her choice to make him king.

She looked as though she was bleeding from some unseen wound from which she could not recover. He'd seen her in pain from battle many times but this was different. His heart ached. It wasn't as if he didn't feel the same as she did. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done. His heart was broken too but what choice did he have? There was already unrest in the kingdom and he was going to have to earn the trust and loyalty of the people, to bring peace and restore order.

Even though she had earned her spot among the nobles and in the court through being The Hero, she didn't come from a noble family and if you married royalty you had to be of one of the highest noble families. And then, of course, she was an elf. None of that mattered to Alistair, but the people would never accept it. And he needed to gain their favour and trust. If he did as he pleased and married and her, there would be a rebellion. The people would not accept it, king or not. And then finally, there was the whole business of an heir, which he wasn't even certain, was possible.

He watched as Kateriel made her way to the side doors, pausing to converse politely with some nobles. Where was she going? He was worried about her now. He wondered if he should go after her.

"I knew that this would hurt you both in the end," Wynne had come up behind him, "Somehow, I thought she'd handle it better out of the two of you. No offense." She spoke low as he turned to her. Leliana joined them. Both women had caught the look in Kateriel's eyes.

"I think you should go talk to her," Leliana told him.

"What can I say that I haven't already said?" he nearly snapped in his frustration, "I can't change the way things are! Maybe one of you would be better to do it, you know woman to woman."

"You have hardly had time to talk to each other since the fall of the Archdemon," Wynne said gently, "It has been a long journey for you two, more so than for the rest of us. Maybe there needs to be some closure."

Alistair sighed, "All right." He made his way out of the great hall and through the corridors.

He glanced outside the windows as he walked. There was a celebration going on everywhere. He had called a holiday. Alistair had ordered food to be given out to the poor. The people celebrated in the streets, in their homes, and mansions, and in the palace. There was to be a feast followed by dancing.

His mind was not on celebrations. He was thinking about what Wynne had said. It had been a long journey and they'd been through a lot together. Kateriel had been there when Duncan was killed. She'd done her best to console him and help him. He thought of the rest of their journey the same as she had done during her parade. He'd tried not to think about how they'd fallen in love, about how much he loved her. He would never have thought, on that day at Ostagar, when he first saw this little elf rouge coming toward him, that he would lose his heart to her.

It was also Kateriel who had thought he should be king. She had convinced him when it had not been what he had wanted. She helped him to believe in himself, to be strong and confident, that he could be king like his father and brother.

She had come to mean everything to him. She was too important to him to lose entirely. He must find a way to at least keep her as a friend.

Alistair was standing at her door. It was quiet. He knocked but there was no answer. He let himself in anyway; he knew she was there. He found her standing with her back to him, facing out the window. He glanced at the bed where her pack was open and partly filled. Her weapons and armour lay there as well, ready. She was leaving.

"I know you said you were planning on traveling," he said, "but I didn't think you meant immediately. You're leaving right now, just like that? Were you even going to say goodbye?"

There was a long pause. She didn't turn from the window. "I have to go," was all she said. Her voice was weak. She tried to keep it steady.

"Why?" he asked, even though he thought he knew the answer, "You can't leave yet. There's a celebration going on. There's a feast. The people will be looking to honour you. It will look bad if you just take off."

He was starting to feel frustrated and a little angry. Frustrated with her, with the world, with the situation, and with his feelings. Part of him felt relieved at the thought of her leaving so that he wouldn't have the ache he felt when he saw her and could no longer reach out and touch her or hold her in his arms. And part of him was panicked at the thought of her leaving, that they would no longer be together at all.

"You're running away," he said, frustrated, "You're being...selfish!"

She turned on him then and he could see the tears on her cheeks but also the anger in her eyes mixed with pain and sorrow.

"Am I!?" she asked, her anger rising. She fought to keep her voice steady. "Well, how dare I! I'm sorry, _your majesty_ , but you'll have to excuse me. I think I'm entitled to a little selfishness. Everywhere we've gone, I tried to help or save everyone I possibly could. I never asked for anything in return, no favour or reward for myself!" She looked at him sadly, "There's only one thing I want and it is denied me. So I guess I am feeling a little selfish."

"Do you think this doesn't hurt me? That my heart isn't broken?" he said, pounding his fist on his chest, "This isn't easy for me either! What choice do I have? I thought you wanted me to be king. We can't have both! I love you! If there was another way I'd take it."

She saw the pain in his eyes and heard the desperation in his voice. Her heart softened and her tears began to fall again though she didn't sob. "I know. You're right of course. And I don't blame you; I know it's not your fault. But it's just so hard!"

She paused as she looked at him sadly. "'Being near you makes me crazy' and I can't stand the thought of being without you. But I can't stand being near you, loving you the way I do, and not being able to do anything about it."

She turned back toward the window. "I wish now that I had not accepted Morrigan's offer and died with the archdemon on Fort Dracon."

"Kateriel," he said, his voice full of pain, "Please don't say that."

"I can't help it. I feel like I've lost everything. First Tamlen, my clan, and my life. I didn't ask to be a Grey Warden, not that I regret it as I am proud to be a Warden. Then I start to build a new life, make new friends…..and fall in love. Then suddenly, it's all over. My friends are all leaving me, except Zevran. And you and I can't be together despite how we love each other."

"You still have those friends even though they can't be with you when you go. And I will always be here for you, Kate. I still want and need you in my life. I hope we will still be friends. You said back in camp that we could, remember?" Alistair said, "And the Wardens still need you."

"I know," Kateriel sighed, relenting, "Though it's hard to imagine going on as a Grey Warden without you. After all, you were at my joining and the only Grey Warden I've really known other than Duncan." She sighed again deeply.

"I'm just feeling sorry for myself," she turned to face him again. "I will always be there for you when you need me. I know we will be friends to the end, as much as two people who feel more than friendship for one another can be friends. But you can't deny that it will be easier when I'm gone."

"I'm still in no hurry to see you leave. And you must stay for the celebration. It will annoy the wrong people if you take off now and you really should keep up your influence and status," he persuaded, "It will come in handy for your people and your duties. Being "Hero" will bring on its own responsibilities, as well your Gray Warden duties."

"When did you learn to be so persuasive?" she smiled at last.

"I had a good teacher," he smiled back.

"You really are going to make a great king," Kateriel said, looking at him with pride, "All right, you win. I'll stay tonight."

"Are you feeling better now?" he asked, relieved to see her smile a little.

"Not really," she admitted. "It won't be the same without my companions, especially without you, at my side. But it's for the good of Ferelden. And as for influence and responsibilities, Grey Wardens aren't supposed to get involved in political matters, remember?"

"Yes, but being The Hero and a Dalish elf will hopefully improve people's views on elves. So best to keep in good graces." he said, "And I don't mean to cut this short but I really need to get back to the great hall. I think it would be best if you did too. It shouldn't be for very much longer as there a preparation time before the feast."

"You go on ahead. I'll be along momentarily," she said, breathing in a deep breath.

"We will be sitting next to each other at the head table. And I was hoping you'd save me a dance," he said tenderly, "Are you ok with that?"

"Anything for you, Lethallin," she replied, "Always."

Alistair bowed and placed a kiss on her hand. He immediately regretted doing so as the feeling of her skin in his hand and on his lips sent a burning through his blood straight to his heart. He felt her give a little shiver and heard her breath catch.

He quickly turned to leave but paused at the door to look back with a smile, "I have your word. Don't disappear now when I'm gone." And he closed the door behind him.

Kateriel stared at the door for a few minutes. She could still feel his lips on her hand. At his touch she felt a little jolt shoot through her. She sat down on the bed feeling drained. She was suddenly so tired. She did feel a little better for talking to Alistair and refused to let herself cry anymore.

She got up and washed her face. She could feel strength returning. Yes, she would conquer this. She could celebrate, there so many reasons to. They succeeded in their mission and she had led them. She didn't for a second take all the glory and credit, as no leader ever succeeds with out the help of those in their command. Even though there was still work to be done and darkspawn to kill, the hardest and most vital part was over.

After giving her skin time to dry and recover from signs of tears, she left her room and headed down to the great hall.


	2. Feasts and Fancies

Kateriel found herself in the most awkward situation that she had ever been in; having servants attending to her in preparation for the feast.

A dressmaker was also in the room yanking and adjusting a gown she had made at who knew whose request. Apparently this brilliant seamstress was able to tell her measurement by sight, and had rushed off to make the dress as soon as the coronation had ended. This flamboyant and eccentric, middle aged Orlesians woman, with a very thick Orlesian accent, reminder her so much of Wade, the armour smith, that it was hard to keep from laughing at the comparison. Not to mention both were absolutely brilliant in their professions.

"Oui! I knew that this would be the perfect colours!" crooned Mistress Marabelle. She had chosen to make a gown of deep forest green with gold thread and trim. "I matched your eyes perfectly, Hero!"

"It's just Kateriel, please. And it _is_ very beautiful! Thank you so much!" Kateriel couldn't help but beam down at the gown, despite her discomfort at the thought of wearing it.

She then looked at her face in the mirror. If only she could make _that_ beautiful, she thought, and then mentally slapped herself. She knew she wasn't beautiful, even for an elf, but she wasn't ugly either. She was average or plain, but had pleasing enough looks that people would say she was pretty. She had shoulder length dark blonde hair, deep green eyes with a splash of gold in the center around the pupil, a small round nose and a small mouth. Her features were small just like the rest of her. She had a firm toned body but it was shapely enough.

Kateriel was often suspicious of people who said she was beautiful, it usually meant that they were trying to flatter her or they wanted something from her. Usually she found that people truly thought she was attractive once they got to know her. Someone once told her that her playful sense of humour and the way she truly seemed to care about others boosted her appeal to people.

Kateriel looked at the gown again and sighed, "I'm afraid I'll still feel awkward in it. I'm used to armour or more simple clothes. I've never worn a gown in my life!"

"Tut tut!" Marabelle chirped, "It is nothing! I made it of the finest and lightest Orlesian silk! And I fitted it just right in front and back for walking and dancing. Now I must go! There are others who need my help." And then she was out the door in a flourish.

As Kateriel sat down to let an attendant fix her hair, another little wave of panic hit her. Dancing! Oh, creators! She loved to dance, and danced all the time at home with her clans and in the big gatherings and festivities. But court dancing was different!

There was a knock on the door and, after being given permission, Leliana came in, already dressed and ready for the feast in a gown of deep blue. "Oooh! Don't you look fine!" she exclaimed.

"You look lovely as well! And I'm so glad you're here!" Kateriel said, anxious, "I need your help!"

"What is it?" Leliana asked concerned.

Kateriel blushed and glanced at the attendant fixing her hair.

Leliana picked up on her discomfort. "Thank you, please let me take over and let us be alone," Leliana said to the attendant, who bowed and left the room.

"What's wrong?" Leliana took over fixing Kateriel's hair.

"I am a Dalish Elf," Kateriel explained, "And before joining the Wardens I'd never left my clan. I don't know the first thing about dancing at court!"

"Is that all?" Leliana laughed, "But I've seen you dance while I played music in camp many times! You dance very well."

"It's not the same," Kateriel countered.

"It's not so very different." Leliana said with a slight shake of her head, "Come, I will show you some things; how to use what you already know, and some new things as well. It's actually very much like combat! As one with skills as a rouge, it should be easy for you as you need to be light on your feet."

Kateriel smiled at her in gratitude, but Leliana caught something else in Kateriel's eye. "There's something else isn't there?" Leliana asked, finishing Kateriel's hair a letting her hands fall to the elf's shoulders.

Kateriel stood up, and walked a few steps away before facing Leliana again. "I'm going to miss you," Kateriel said sadly, "I am glad you are going off to have an adventure of your own, but I had hoped that we would keep our promise to each other to travel together for a while."

"Oh. I see" Leliana said, as her cheeks flushed pink, "I did not forget. Do not get me wrong, I love you dearly my friend and I enjoy traveling with you. But you have helped me to feel confident in who I am and I feel the need to do something on my own for a little while. It was my thought, since you are a Grey Warden and I'll be doing some work for them, that our paths would cross eventually and that we might travel together then."

"Of, course. I understand now," Kateriel smiled, "Thank you, Leli. I'm sorry I doubted you."

"I understand completely." Leliana replied, "I should have said something to you. Now, let's get down to this dancing lesson before we run out of time!"

Kateriel made her way down to the great hall for the feast. She felt excited and, for some strange reason, more than a little nervous. Despite all the silk she was draped in she felt naked without her weapons and armour. Thankfully she'd thought of strapping a dagger to her right thigh, which made her feel a little more comfortable.

At the entrance to the great hall, the seneschal stopped her. "Greetings, Hero!" he beamed, "May I say, my lady, that you look very beautiful this evening! Right this way please!" He ushered her through the door.

They passed through the great hall to the dining hall, where they paused at the door for the Seneschal to announce her. "Ladies and Gentlemen! The Hero of Ferelden, Slayer of the Archdemon and vanquisher of the Blight! Kateriel Mahariel of the Grey Wardens."

The crowd applauded as a squire escorted Kateriel to her seat at the head table. Alistair was already there. Her breath caught, he looked incredibly handsome in his royal clothes. They fit him perfectly and she could see his muscular frame clearly without all his armour on. She curtsied and blushed as he was grinning at her. He bowed and kissed her hand.

"My lady Kateriel, you look absolutely amazing!" he said softly, "You are the most beautiful woman in the room." And he meant it. It took all his strength not to pull her into his arms and kiss her deeply.

"Thank you, your Majesty." She replied, pleased that she was able to keep her voice steady although her heart beat painfully. She knew that wasn't true, though it might be as far as he was concerned.

Alistair sighed, "I know you have to call me things like that in public, but I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with it."

They took their seats and after a few more arrivals, the feast began. Kateriel was grateful that Ban Teagan was sitting on the other side of her. Teagan had always been friendly and she liked him. Arl Eamon sat on the other side Alistair. Other various nobles filled the table, men and women whom Kateriel had no idea of who they were. The conversation varied from plans for rebuilding, helping the people, the new lands for the elves, and the re-telling of the tales of their journey, especially the final battle and slaying of the Archdemon.

The quality of the meal was excellent, but the quantity was not extravagant as the King refused to eat excessively while so many of his people had lost so much. Alistair had ordered food to be distributed to the common folk and the needy, including the alienage. He had strongly encouraged all the nobles to do the same for their own people, sending messages home to 'share the wealth'.

She could see her companions at the next table and imagined that they were also retelling their tales. She could see Leliana and Zevran making flourishing movements in illustration, and the people listening occasionally bursting out laughter or gasps.

Sitting next to Alistair was a bit distracting. He looked so handsome, and Kateriel was tormented by the desire to reach out and touch him. She pushed away bitter thoughts of why she was no longer able to do so. She looked around and noticed that many of the noble ladies watched Alistair and whispered together. Jealousy and anger stabbed at her heart. _They_ were allowed look, and one of them could even be chosen to be his bride! Yet, Alistair loved her and would choose her if he could. It's was then she decided that she deserved at least one night with him as king.

When the feast was over, Alistair, as instructed by Eamon, rose to his feet and asked that everyone join him in the ballroom. He turned and bowed to Kateriel before he offered her his arm, and asked if she would do him the honour of escorting him. This gesture filled her with pleasure and gratitude.

Alistair led her out onto the ballroom floor, and the music started. They began to dance and sway to the music being played by a group of musicians, who were raised up on a dais at the end of the room.

It felt so wonderful to be in his arms again. He was gazing at her tenderly, and Kateriel wondered if he was thinking and feeling the same as she. It was hard to resist leaning against him and laying her head against his chest, as she used to when he would hold her in his arms.

"I didn't know you could dance so well," she smiled up at him.

"I had an etiquette teacher in before the feast showing me some things. There wasn't time to teach me a lot, but enough to try to get through this night. Turns out, dancing is a lot like swordplay," he said and they laughed, "I've seen you dance in camp before, but I didn't know you knew ballroom dancing."

"Leliana came to see me before the feast and helped me as well," Kateriel replied, "She explained it the same way, in that it is similar to fighting, I mean. Well, since we battle so perfectly together, it would only be natural for us to also dance well together."

"It always felt natural to be together," he said, his voice soft, "I'm sorry. It doesn't help to think or say things like that. I just can't help thinking it when I'm holding you again."

She felt her cheeks flush slightly but all she could do was give a little nod to say she understood. They didn't say a word to each other for the rest of the dance, and Kateriel was glad as she felt that she might not be able to hold back her tears.

Kateriel was immediately requested to dance by Ban Teagan, then Arl Eamon, then Tyrn Fergus Cousland, and many other nobles. Eventually, she found herself in Zevran's arms.

"I haven't had a word with you, my friend, since after the coronation," Zevran said, "I have been growing impatient to finally get a hold of you."

"I know," Kateriel replied, finally feeling a little more relaxed and relieved to be in familiar company, "I'm sorry Zev. But I have been keeping an eye on all my companions. You seem to be having a good time."

"Of course! Why should I not?" he chuckled, "And I have been keeping an eye on you as well." He pulled her close. "I have seen your hurt. And I have seen the two of you tonight. I don't know what you're planning, but I warn you to be careful. Do not hurt your heart further." He looked at her tenderly. "He's not the only one who cares for you, you know."

"I know," the look she returned was sympathetic, "And I can't tell you how happy I am that you are coming with me when I go."

"Why would I stay?" Zevran shrugged, "As I said before, it's so much more exciting to be with you."

"Of course it is!" Kateriel laughed, choosing to turn the conversation into lighthearted banter. She knew it was the best way to handle Zevran, "Life's no fun without nearly being killed every other day! Though, it may not be quite so dangerous now that the Blight is over."

"You don't need a Blight to find danger and death," said Zevran, "and danger seems to follow you like a shadow."

The thought made Kateriel shiver. "Come on," she said, taking his arm, "Let's go get a drink before I get asked to dance again. I haven't had a break and I _really_ need a strong drink."

Kateriel was able to get some refreshments and mingle about, and eventually she found herself in Alistair's again. He and Wynne had joined Kateriel, Ashalle, Keeper Lanaya, and Zevran near the entry to the balconies.

"I haven't seen Sten since the feast," Kateriel said, thinking Alistair or Wynne might know where he was, "Do you suppose he's gone?"

"I think it most likely," said Wynn, "He indicated, quite happily over desert, that he would be leaving as soon as possible."

Kateriel felt a little disappointed not to have been able to speak to her qunari friend again before he left. But there was nothing to be done.

"Alistair, I'd like to make a request of you," Kateriel said, turning to him.

"Anything," he replied.

"I want you to keep Thunder for me for the time being, while I'm gone." Kateriel said, "He's very fond of you and the Hound Master wants to breed him. I don't want him to be lonely."

"Of course!" Alistair beamed, "It would be my pleasure to keep the rascal. He's a hound fit for a King! But…uh…Have you broken the news to him yet though?"

"No, not yet but I think he'll be ok." Katriel said, thoughtful, "I mean think about it: pampering and breeding."

"Sounds perfect to me!" Zevran exclaimed, "Ah! There is Leliana! She owes me another dance." He walked briskly off into the crowd.

"And I need to talk to the First Enchanter, please excuse me," Wynne said and was gone.

Ashalle and Lanaya went to get more refreshments, leaving Alistair and Kateriel alone. Alistair pulled her toward to the balcony, "Come on! Let's get some fresh air while no one seems to be missing us at the moment."

They went out on the balcony and down a set of steps that led to the gardens though they did not go far. It was a beautiful starry night. Kateriel breathed in deep. It felt good to be outdoors!

Alistair looked at her, the moonlight on her hair and the stars in her eyes, as he'd seen so many times at camp. He longed to pull her into his arms and kiss her. It was infuriating. People thought that being king meant having things your way. They had no idea how restrictive it can be! _Here_ was his sacrifice, what he was giving up for his people. And no one would ever really know or understand!

He had to give in a little. He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms and the roughness of it surprised her. He lowered his head so that his lips barley brushed her forehead. His breathing grew a little heavier and his heart pounded. Being near her still made him crazy.

"Alistair…," she could sense his tension and beginning to feel her own pulse quicken.

"Shhh..." He said, holding her tightly. His voice was rough when he spoke, "I just want to hold you here in the moonlight. I want to capture how you look and feel in my arms...while I can."

They had only minutes before they heard a voice inside the ballroom call, "Have you seen His Majesty?"

Alistair sighed, "And there it is. Come on. Let's go back in."

They entered the ballroom and Alistair was called away. Kateriel watched him with a crowd of nobles. There were some women in the group and a few were smiling and making eyes at him.

She couldn't watch and turned away. But when had turned, she was pleased to see Ser Perth approaching her. He was finely dressed and looked very handsome. He bowed and took her hand and kissed it.

"Good evening, my lady," he smiled, "Might I have the honour of a dance?"

"Of course, Ser Perth!" she replied, returning his smile amiably.

As they danced, Kateriel inquired about his part in the battle and he about hers. "I wish I could have fought with you," he said, regretful, "But it seems you had enough help."

"Every part of the battle was important, no matter where it was fought," she consoled, "You were with Bann Teagan. That was an important place to be."

"Are you…. _very_ fond of Teagan, my lady?" Perth asked.

"He is a good friend and I'm glad he is safe. I'm very relieved you are unharmed as well, but that doesn't surprise me, as I know firsthand what a skilled warrior you are from the battle at Redcliffe," she replied finding his question and tone a little strange but shrugged it off thinking that she imagined it.

"Thank you, my lady," he smiled, "I hear you are not planning on remaining in Denerim. Will your travels bring you to Redcliffe again?"

"I think so," she replied, "Or nearby. My people will be moving to the Hinterlands within the next few months. I plan to go as well to assist in the transitions."

"That is good!" Sir Perth said, "You will be in a neighbouring land and not too far. Are you planning on remaining with your people then?"

"For a while but I'm not sure for how long," Kateriel said thoughtfully, "I'm still a Warden and will need to find out what that will mean for me."

"Well, I hope I will have the pleasure in seeing you at Redcliffe if you come there," he gazed at her, "You will always be welcome."

From across the room Alistair was watching. There was no way to mistake the way Sir Perth was looking at Kateriel. He felt a wave of jealousy and possessiveness wash over him but he knew not to show it. He reminded himself that this was something he would have to get used to. He had no claim on her anymore. Would he want her to be alone? No. But the thought of her in another man's arms pained him terribly.

The night went on and it began to get late. Kateriel was asked to come to the dais and give a little speech before the night continued and people would begin to leave.

"My friends!" Kateriel said in a loud, clear voice, "Tonight, we celebrate the end of the Blight and the new reign of our King Alistair, may the Maker bless his rule!" She paused for a cheer from the crowd.

She looked at Alistair who was bright red, then continued. "I do not for one moment take all credit for the victory over the Blight or the Archdemon. A leader is only as strong as those in his or her command. I would never have succeeded with out my companions, especially our King. I know, and you can too, had I fallen in the final battle, that King Alistair would have slain the Archdemon."

Another cheer. "It has been an honour to fight for you and if I had to do it again, I would. And now, I believe we can all work together to rebuild our homes, to rebuild our country and stand strong again. United! Elves, Humans, and Dwarves! We are Ferelden!" The room erupted once more in cheers and applause and Kateriel stepped down off the dais.

"That was well said!" Arl Eamon complimented Kateriel. "I hope you will be around to help with all these transitions and re-buildings."

"I'll keep in touch and help where I can," Kateriel replied. "I still want to travel and I want to help my people as they begin to settle in their new home. Not to mention that the Grey Wardens will be looking for me as well. But for right now, I am tired and I think I'll call it a night."

"I understand," Eamon said, and he bowed, "Have a good night."

Alistair remained a little longer at the celebration, until he was finally able to excuse himself for the night. As he made his way to his chambers, he thought about Kateriel and wondering when she would leave tomorrow. He thought of how it had felt to hold her in his arms during the evening, and his heart ached.

He sighed heavily. It had been a good night but he was glad it was over. Now he could be alone with his feelings. He entered his room and shut the door. The only light was the fire in the hearth. As he turned, a movement caught his eye and he tensed to fight.

"Relax! It's just me." Kateriel said, as she stepped out of the shadows and next to the fire.

He recognized the look of desire in her eyes. His heart began beating faster, and then he sighed and tried to settle his warring emotions. This was probably not a good idea. If he took her in his arms now, he was not sure he could let her go.

"What are you doing here, Kate?" he asked, "I'm not sure that you should be."

"Do you want me to go?" Kateriel asked, hesitant. _Please say no!._

Oh, Sod! He knew he would have to let her go, and it would be like ripping off his arms, but it was worth the risk. "No", he said and walked over to her so he was inches from her. "Just one more night? To say goodbye?"

"One more night," she replied with a hint to pleading in her voice.

He had her in his arms in a flash, his lips on hers, feasting at first but then moving slow and savouring. He revelled in the scent of her, like a forest in the morning, and in the taste of her, like sweet rainwater. He was moving his hands over her sides and back, and she was running her hands over his chest and into his hair.

Slowly he undid her gown and let it fall away. As he kissed her, he ran his hands over her body, causing her to moan softly. He wanted to devourer her. He wanted to touch every part of her body and commit it to memory.

Kateriel pulled off his shirt and savoured the feel of skin against skin. She breathed in his scent, the smell of leather and metal that still lingered from his armour, and the unique scent that was his own skin. She was breathing fast and her head had a warm buzz. She wished she could wrap herself all around his body.

Alistair gently ran a hand up her neck, across her cheek, and then to her ear. He had learned from their nights together that, when aroused, elven ears became a very sensitive and intimate organ. He ran his fingers along the ridge and lingered over the tip. Her breathing grew even harder. He brought his mouth to her ear, his tongue following where his fingers had gone, and she moaned.

He removed her breast band and dropped it to the floor. He tangled one hand in the hair at the back of her neck and stroked her cheek with the other hand, before he slowly moved it down over skin, down her neck. She gave a little moan as he cupped her breast and she pressed into his hand. She slid her hands back down over his chest and stomach to his hips, and began to undo his breeches. Soon they were in a pool around his feet. He grasped her backside and pressed her firmly against himself. Then he picked her up and carried her to his bed.

Alistair undid the ties to her small clothes and drew them off, then ran his hand along the inside of her thigh. He deepened his kiss again, as he ran his fingers through her heat and she gasped into his mouth, and he groaned his pleasure. He kissed his way down her neck murmuring praise to her and began licking and sucking her nipples, causing her to gasp and bury her fingers in his hair. He slid his fingers inside her and she arched to meet his hand. She reached down and yanked the ties of his small clothes loose, and then pulled the garment off. She ran her hand down his stomach and grasped his manhood causing him to groan again.

"Alistair," she gasped, "now, please…"

He drew back up so they were face to face. He positioned himself at her entry. "Kateriel, look at me," he breathed.

Kateriel opened her eyes and looked straight into his. He slowly entered her, savouring the feeling of her around him. Then he started to move, slowly and rhythmically.

She lifted her hips to meet him and match his rhythm. He felt so good inside her, filling her, completing her. She drew him down to kiss her again. He began to thrust faster and harder, their breathing becoming fast and laboured. She began to whimper and moan, and his control broke and he pounded harder. Finally she cried out his name and he was able to let go, groaning her name loudly into the side of her neck.

Alistair lay beside Kateriel and pulled her close. Looking into her eyes, he said, "I love you. I will always, always love you."

Her heart swelled, and with tears in her eyes she said, "And I love you. I will always love you, forever." They fell asleep in each other's arms.


	3. Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

It was still dark, just before the break of dawn, when Kateriel slipped out of Alistair's bed. She had awoken and laid looking at him, trying to capture the moment in her mind. But she knew it was time, while he was still sound asleep.

She had brought a bag with her then night before, with a change of clothes and something else, something special. She took out a little cluster of flowers tied together with a royal blue ribbon. She had stopped to pick them in the courtyard gardens before she retired to her room to get ready for the feast the day before. She had needed some air and was slowly walking around to see if anything had survived the attack at the palace, when she spotted these hardy blue flowers with yellow centers. She smiled because she recognized them and because they made her think of Alistair, and she picked a small bunch.

She turned and watched him for a moment more, as he slept peacefully. She may not have had to sacrifice her life in killing the Archdemon, but she had made a sacrifice nonetheless. _Here_ was her sacrifice, and no one would ever know or understand.

Kateriel placed a little note and the flowers on the pillow beside him. She slipped on the pair of trouser and shirt she'd brought with her, and then she folded up her gown and placed in the bag. She slipped the bag across her chest and walked over to the window. There were no guards at the door last night when she slipped in, but there would be now, ever since Alistair came in. She opened the window, turned to take one last look at Alistair asleep in his bed, and slipped out.

It was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life.

Using her rouge skills and the thick ivy and stonework, she was able to move undetected to her own window, which she had left unlocked.

She quickly washed and dressed in her armor. Her pack was still mostly ready from the day before. She needed to leave quickly before she weakened and went running back to his room and begged him not to let her go.

She locked up all that she wasn't taking in a few chests, all her treasures, extra equipment, mementos, and her new gown. Alistair said he would keep the chests in the treasury until she needed them. She would only take what she needed.

Kateriel was about to close the final chest when something caught her eye. It was a red rose. She picked it up and gazed sadly at it. It was the rose Alistair had given to her. She'd had Wynne cast a preservation spell on it so it still looked mid-bloom. After a moment of thought, she put it in her pack and then closed and locked the chest. She strapped on her weapons, flung her bag across her shoulder, and left her room.

The palace servants were just beginning to stir. She found the seneschal in the kitchen. She had written a few notes in her room the night before, finishing them before going to Alistair's chambers. She gave the seneschal notes to give to Zevran and Ashalle, and another note for Alistair to be given to him after breakfast.

The note to Zevran asked him to accompany Ashalle to the Dalish encampment outside the city, where she would meet them. The note to Ashalle explained the same theme, asking her to go with Zevran. The Dalish where moving south toward their new lands, where they would hopefully be meeting with other Dalish clans who had been unable to be at the battle. Kateriel wanted to be with her people at this time to assist where she could. The clans were to meet in the southern part of the Brecilian Forest. The darkspawn were still a threat and she wanted to protect her people as they traveled, and to be there to eradicate the darkspawn from their new lands.

Kateriel stopped at the kennel. Thunder was very excited to see her. She hugged and kissed him with tears in her eyes. He quirked his head and whined questioningly. "I have to leave for a while boy," she said, "But I want you to stay here. I need you to take care of Alistair for me." Thunder whined again.

"I know. I'll miss you," Kateriel said in a choked voice, "but they need you here right now. And it's not forever. I'll come and get you when I get settled somewhere. I really need you to take care of Alistair for me and make sure he isn't lonely. Please can you do that for me?" Thunder let out a small affirmative bark but then whined a question again.

"Don't worry about me," she said with a little smile, "I'll be alright, I've still got work to do and I won't be alone." Thunder wagged his tail and gave her a little lick on the face. Kateriel smiled again said good-bye and left.

As Kateriel made her way out of the palace, every step became heavy and her chest tight, making it hard to breathe. But she eventually made it out the main doors and into the courtyard. All was still dark. Kateriel continued across the yard and finally through the gates. Not until she was through the city and out the city gates, did she stop again.

Kateriel stopped at the other side one the city wall and leaned against it. She needed to collect herself for a moment. She looked out over the wide world. The world seemed dark and empty to her. _Now what_ , she asked herself.

At that moment it hit her, she finally realized what the nagging feeling she was struggling with was. It was uncertainty. What was out there for her now? What was she supposed to do? The greatest adventure of her life was over! There would never be anything to top that. Maybe she made a mistake taking Morrigan's offer. Maybe she was meant to die in the greatest feat of her life and in staying alive may have endangered the world. All these dark thoughts were overwhelming and she hung her head.

It was then that the sun finally broke over the horizon. It beamed suddenly down on her and she felt its warmth. She raised her head and her spirits rose as well. There was so much to be done elsewhere, and she would find her way.

She pushed away from the wall and made her way toward the place where the Dalish were camped. She crossed a field and climbed a tall hill. At the top she allowed herself to turn once more and look back. Far away she could see the castle, and knew exactly where Alistair's room was. The sun had reached that part of the castle.

Then she turned away and continued on.

* * *

Alistair woke up alone. He opened his eyes and they rested on the pillow beside him where the note and flowers were. He sat up and looked around, then back at the note. _Gone_ , he thought. His heart felt heavy.

He picked up note and read it: "Alistair, I thought it would be easiest if I left before you woke. These hearty little blue flowers remind me of you - true blue with heart of gold. Corny I know. But they are also called 'forget-me-nots'. You once gave me a flower that meant something to you; I thought I'd do the same. I believe in you. I'll miss you, my love, ma vhenan. Be safe and take care of yourself and Thunder."

Alistair picked up the flowers and gazed longingly at them. He made a mental note to have Wynne cast a preservation spell on them. He looked at the note again and sighed. It would have been nice to say good-bye but it was probably best this way.

He went over to the window and looked out. He wondered where she was right at that moment. Then a thought finally sunk in that had not before. He would never know where she was, what she was doing, if she needed help or even if she was dead. Because he would not be there to protect her!

He had to restrain himself from going after her. _Get a hold of yourself,_ he thought, _Kate could take care of herself!_ It didn't really help; he knew he'd always worry. But there was nothing he could do, he'd have to learn to live with it.

He remembered how he used to hate it when she'd make them wait out of sight of enemies, while she used her stealth to go in on her own, to sneak up behind their enemies and incapacitate their mage or strongest fighter. Having to sit there and listen for the sound of engaged battle, praying that she wouldn't be slaughtered by the time he got there to help. Who would be there now?

With a heavy sigh he turned back to his room. He would have to put her out of his mind now and face his new responsibilities, his new life. Still the knowledge of her not being there left a big hole in his heart.

Alistair walked over to the washstand and washed up. He looked at himself in the mirror and looked hard. King of Ferelden. He felt he didn't know himself. He threw on a robe and walked back to window. He scanned the still dark streets, as if he could find her somewhere. His love was out there in the dark. She had many, many dark paths to travel still ahead. Should he not be there with her? Could he really live without her?

The world felt dark and uncertain. Then the sun broke out over the horizon. It shone on his face, he felt warmed by its rays and he felt strength rise in his spirits. He needed to be strong now to be the king that Kateriel, and now even he, believed he could be. He looked over the land outside the city walls. His gaze landed on a hill in the direction of the Dalish camp.

There was a knock on his door. "Enter," called Alistair.

A man not much older than Alistair entered. "Good morning, your Majesty!" he said with a bow, "My name is Eben Sommerled. I am Captain of your personal guard. I can also help and instruct you with many other things such as protocol, etiquette, court officiates, and things of that sort. I am at your side and at your service."

Alistair studied Eben a moment. The man looked as if he could lead an army in battle. He was tall, well built and had an air of command about him. Yet he had a pleasant face, with deep brown eyes, short dark brown hair, and he was well dressed and spoke well.

"A man of many talents I see then. How much do you know about me?" Alistair asked. It seemed this man was going to be with him a lot from now on, and Alistair needed to know how much he could be trusted.

"I have spoken to Arl Eamon about your upbringing." Eben replied, and smiled as Alistair frowned, "Don't look so concerned. If you had continued as you had in the beginning and not been sent to the Chantry, I imagine we'd have a _lot_ of work to do. But the chantry has taught you well regarding manners and what it means to be a gentleman. So, anything else should be easy enough to pick up."

"Yes, I suppose something good came of my being sent to the Chantry after all," Alistair said with a hint of bitterness. "You're being generous though, I know, making it out to be better than it is. Not that I don't appreciate your effort."

"The fact that you caught that is more to your credit than you know. It means you won't be blinded by flatteries and petting, and that is good." Eben smiled, "The only problem with being raised in a Chantry, is that you're not taught all the social skills you need. But I meant what I said. It would have been far worse if you had of been left to live in a barn."

"Is that common knowledge?" Alistair grimaced.

"No, your Majesty." replied Eben, "Arl Eamon decided I should know so I could best help you."

"Well, that's a relief then," Alistair smiled, "I actually feel better that you know. I think you and I are going to get along just fine. It's good that there's someone that I feel I can be myself with. You at least don't appear to judge me for it."

"No, I don't," Eben said sincerely. He was thinking he could really like this new king, "I think having a humble beginning will make you the best King we've had in a long time. You understand the common man. You've been there. I look forward to seeing what you will do. I will wait for you in the hall." As Eben went out, two attendants came in to assist Alistair in getting dressed and ready for breakfast.

* * *

As Kateriel entered the Dalish camp she was greeted warmly. The guards welcomed her, and as she passed through the camp, there were many shouts of greetings and praise. This made her blush but she couldn't ignore how relaxed she felt to be among her people. It was like coming home and the pressure of her burdens lessened.

She wondered why she didn't feel like this when she was with Lanaya's clan in the Brecillian Forest earlier in her journey. After some thought she decided that it was because Alistair and all her companions were with her. Since the coronation she'd been struggling with feeling alone and a bit deserted. Now, here with her people, she didn't feel so alone. Kateriel asked for directions to Keeper Lanaya's aravel. She was given the directions but informed that the Lanaya had stayed at the Palace last night, as a gesture of friendliness.

Kateriel was pleased when a familiar face then approached her. "Aneth ara, lethallan!" said the blonde elf woman.

"Mithra, good morning!" Kateriel returned her greeting.

"You are to be highly congratulated and honoured on your victory over the blight!" Mithra said, "You do us all proud. I am surprised you are here so early. You look both tired and hungry, have you not yet broke your fast?"

Kateriel had been so absorbed in her struggles that she'd had no appetite and had not even thought about food. Now that she was feeling some relief from her burdens she realized she was very hungry. "I have not actually. Is there anywhere I might find something to eat?"

Mithra smiled, "Of course, lethallan. I am about to have my meal as well. Come and join us at our fire. You can tell us all about your travels, and what happened in the final battle. Some of it I know myself, as I was there fighting the Archdemon with you," she said leading the way, "Although I'm sure you didn't realize. You were preoccupied with fighting. There's no way you could focus on everyone else."

"You were one of the Dalish that were on the top of Fort Dracon?" Kateriel asked amazed and pleased, "I am relieved you survived! So many perished. Though I cannot express what it meant to have my people there at the final battle."

"And we are pleased to have you travel with us as we prepare for our new lands." Mithra said.

Mithra lead them to where her clan was encamped. They sat down at the largest of the fires. Varathorn, Deygan, Sarel, Cammen, Elora, and a few others were gathered by the fire. It wasn't long before word had spread through the entire Dalish camp that the Hero of Ferelden was there, and soon there many elves, from other clans as well, gathered around their fire.

Sarel asked Kateriel to tell her tale from the beginning so that all might hear and her story could be recorded. Kateriel hated telling her story. She always told less than there was so that it didn't seem like she was boasting.

"Why did you not stay at the palace longer," asked Varathorn, "I thought you would be much more comfortable there. And are you not close friends with the King?"

Kateriel took a moment to reply, looking into the fire, "I guess I'm not use to such finery. King Alistair is a good friend but we both have things to do. And as much as I like humans, it's nice to be back among my people." She smiled at the faces around her.

The elves nodded and smiled in return. Kateriel asked them to tell of their own journeys and parts in the battle. She also wanted to know what they hoped for their new land. This caused much excitement, as well as some arguments. Some talked of houses and land and farms. Others talked of cities of their own which was when the arguments mostly happened.

They asked Kateriel what she thought. Kateriel told them about both of the ruins she found in the Brecilian forest. They wondered at the thought of places built of stone that seemed to include human elements as though they lived together.

"It is not so unusual for our people to live in cities. Think of Arlathan," this was spoken by Keeper Lanaya who had appeared unnoticed along with Ashalle and Zevran.

"How true you speak, Keeper" said Sarel, "We know so little about our heritage, we should probably not simply rule out all possibilities."

Kateriel explained her idea of using the ruins of Ostagar to build a city. "Ostagar is old but most of it is still solid. I think the Tevinters had dwarves build it. I have many connections in Orzamar and I think we can build a strong hold there, a city."

"Do you not think our own people could do it?" asked Varathorn defensively.

"I believe our people capable of many things," replied Kateriel, "I think we will be able to build beautiful homes of wood, like our wonderful Aravels, but bigger and grander. But when was the last time we built something out of stone? There's no harm in letting others help us or show us how. No one builds better with stone than the dwarves. There's no shame in it. It's what they live in after all."

"I believe the Hero speaks wisely," said Lanaya, "We can design it and they can assist us in building. _If_ that is what the clans decide to do, though I think it's a great idea. We will have to survey the land to get an idea of all the possibilities, and then hold a counsel of the Keepers."

Kateriel blushed at being called "Hero". It was going to take some getting used to coming from her own people just like it had being called "Warden".

Sarel began questioning Zevran about his version of their journey and was quite pleased when Zevran began filling in all the details Kateriel left out. All the elves listened even more intently than before. Zevran had more flare for storytelling.

Sarel looked at her accusingly, "You understated your parts considerably!"

Kateriel shrugged, "Maybe I'm tired of the attention. And maybe my companions deserve as much credit as I do. There were battles were I was knocked out and found myself awakened after it was over."

"As did we all," Zevran said, "But rarely you, my modest Grey Warden."

Kateriel asked Lanaya if she'd heard from Kateriel's clan. She was disappointed that they had not yet arrived. She missed them sorely. Lanaya said she had not heard from them. Ashalle reminded Kateriel that their clan had taken ship to Kirkwall so traveling back would not be quick or easy. It was different for her because she was one person.

They had spent the entire morning talking and it was approaching noontime, and the midday meal was being prepared. Keeper Lanaya told Kateriel that an Aravel had been prepared for her. Kateriel tried to decline explaining that she was more than happy to sleep in a tent as she was used to it but Lanaya would not hear of it.

"The clans want to honour you." Lanaya said, "They would not have you sleep on the ground. You could have asked for any reward but you remembered your people and got us our land. There will also be a celebration when we all meet in the Brecilian forest. We will celebrate you and our new lands."

Kateriel couldn't help but smile at this. "Thank you, Lanaya, and please pass my gratitude to all the rest. I am honored indeed!"

Lanaya showed Kateriel to her aravel so Kateriel could get washed up before the midday meal. Ashalle and Zevran went with them. Ashalle declined sharing Kateriel's aravel, as she had a cousin in another clan that she had promised to travel and spend time with.

Kateriel turned to Zevran, "You can share my aravel, Zev. I won't have you sleeping in a tent while I sleep here. There are three or four beds in there."

"Do we need more than one?" Zevran teased.

"Yes," Kateriel replied with a smile and shook her finger at him with mock sternness.

Lanaya excused herself to go to her own aravel and Zevran wanted to have a walk about the camp.

Kateriel went in to the aravel and washed up. She picked a bed at the back of the aravel and lay down. It almost felt like home, it was so familiar. The feel of the mattress stuffed with soft grasses and wild fowl feathers, the smell and the creeks of the wood of the aravel. She sighed.

It felt good. And yet it felt odd. These were the same mixed feelings she had about being with her people, she felt both connected and yet disconnected. Being away from her people and seeing more of the world, meeting different races and different types of people opened her mind and even changed some of her beliefs. Not to mention being a Grey Warden set her apart slightly, with the taint in her blood. She would always be one of "the people" but it would never be the same. But she still could enjoy it and she was enjoying it. Giving herself a mental shake she got up to go out to join the meal.


	4. Questions and Answers

Alistair was in his study after breakfast, when a servant appeared with a note from Kateriel. The servant said it had been left early that morning with instructions to give it to him after breakfast. He was immensely curious and opened it.

_"Alistair, There is one thing more I would say to you that I did not wish to bring up before; for fear that it would ruin our last minutes together. Be assured that I do not say this out of possessiveness or selfishness, because I do want you to be happy._

_Here it is: I do not think you should waste time finding a bride and conceiving an heir. The likely hood of conceiving a child is slim to none. Most likely any child you bring forth will be tainted, and you know that means they will die after birth. I would not see you go through such torment, and how would it be for the woman who would be your wife? (Lucky though she would be for that privilege)._

_The reason I know this would be so, is because of Morrigan's ritual. You know she wanted to conceive a child and wanted the soul of the Archdemon (or rather the dragon god), but she needed the child to be tainted to attract the soul of the dragon god. That was why she needed to lay with a Grey Warden and not just any man. I know this will upset you but do not fear. I believe she intends no harm and ask you to continue to trust my judgment. And no, the child will not be a darkspawn. However, I also realize it may upset you to know it will not likely be possible for you to have an heir._

_I suggest you look elsewhere. There must be records that make it possible to trace lines to other families that connect to yours. Maybe even rumors of other bastard children from previous kings? It will not be easy but if it turns out fruitless then maybe there is another noble family who you may deem fit to adopt from. At least you would have the choice of who would take over for you._

_Well, there it is. That's all I have to say. I'm sorry. Please burn this letter to be rid of its contents. I hope you will not be too angry or hate me now._

_Your faithful friend forever,_

_Kate"_

Alistair crushed the letter in his hand. He didn't know what he was feeling. He had sat down halfway through the letter. He was angry, and sad and…..angry. He threw the letter into the fire. He felt slightly betrayed. No that was silly. Kateriel did tell him that Morrigan wanted a child with the soul of the dragon god. He had assumed she had come to him for the sake of secrecy. He didn't realize it was the taint Morrigan was after! His taint, the taint that would infect any child he produced.

Then he felt despair take over. So likely there would be no heir. Should he try anyway? No, it would be horrible to lose child after child. And how fair would it be to marry some poor girl and have her children die over and over. No, he shook his head, he couldn't let that happen.

What had he become king for then? He did it because he was Maric's heir and now there would be no way to continue the line. What was the point? The point was that Anora was a conniving, power hungry, daughter of a traitor and not to be trusted. He had a chance to change a few things. And he would.

He heaved a heavy sigh. Well, it was good to know this now. Finding a bride was one less thing to worry about. Finding or choosing an heir would be the thing now. He would have to explain to Eamon about the taint and recruit his help in finding a suitable heir.

Alistair spent the morning exploring the castle. While in the library he had gathered some books on governance and brought them to the study to add to the ones there. He was not quite ready to dive in yet. He wasn't even sure where to start. He had decided it would be best to get a tutor of sorts to help, and he was sure Eamon would have lots of advice. There were still a lot of other things to be sorted out, and many nobles to see before he would have time for any studying.

He had just finished the midday meal and had returned to the study before the business of the afternoon began. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door. "Enter!"called Alistair.

The door opened and Eben came in. "Your Majesty, there is a couple of Grey Warden here to see you."

"Oh! Already?" he asked surprised, "That was fast. I'll see them, let them in."

Eben opened the door and two Grey Wardens entered. One was older, about the same age as Duncan was, with dark hair and a thick dark mustache. The other was younger, about Alistair's age, slim but well built, tall and blonde. They walked over to Alistair and bowed the Grey Warden bow by crossing their arms over their chest and bowing at the waist.

"Greetings, your Majesty!" said the older Warden, with an Orlisean accent, "My name is Stroud, and my companion here is Kael."

"Greetings!" Alistair returned, "I am always honored to meet another Grey Warden. I wasn't expecting you so soon. I thought another day or two perhaps."

"We came by horse so as to reach here sooner," said Stroud, "We wanted to come and assess the situation. The rest of our group is coming on foot so as to eliminate darkspawn as they travel. There are still bands of spawn roving about that will need to be dealt with immediately. We also need to discuss the details of your journey, especially the final battle. Where is the Hero of Ferelden, this Kateriel?"

"Ah! Yes," replied Alistair, "Kateriel has gone out to join the Dalish encampment. They will be leaving tomorrow for the Brecilian Forest. She is planning to go with them for the time being, I believe."

"Is that so?" Stroud frowned, "I'm afraid that's impossible. She is to go to Weisshaupt and give an account. She will also be examined, as she is the only warden ever to slay an archdemon and live. Also we need to focus on the remaining darkspawn and getting the Wardens in Ferelden re-established. I cannot say that the Wardens are thrilled that you have left the order and taken up a crown. You are aware that becoming a Grey Warden meant forsaking all titles, and Wardens aren't supposed to be politically involved. I wonder what Duncan would have thought."

Alistair went red with anger, for being questioned about his loyalty and for Stroud daring to bring Duncan into it. But Stroud saw his expression and quickly continued before Alistair could retaliate, "However, we also understand why you did this. Your country needs you, I suppose. I understand you are giving us the Arling of Amaranthine. That is quite generous of you."

"Yes, well, it's the least I can do really" snarled Alistair, "I only did this because it is in the best interest of the country! I never thought when I became a Grey Warden that I would ever be in this position, not in my wildest dreams! And if a better option came along I would gladly renounce the throne and be a Grey Warden for the rest of my life! I don't know what Duncan would have thought, although you're right, I doubt he would have approved. But he wasn't here for me to ask, so here I am! I can't believe you dare throw him in my face!"

"I apologize, your majesty!" Stroud bowed, "I spoke out of place. I do not mean to upset or insult you. It's just that every Warden is important, and in losing you we lost a good one. Please forgive me."

"You have no idea what I had to give up for this," growled Alistair. Then he sighed. He really wasn't surprised that the Wardens were displeased, "Forget it. All is forgiven. Yes, I have set apart Amaranthine for the Grey Wardens. I will assist in any way I can to help you establish the order there. You will also have Soldiers Peak, which our company reclaimed during our travels. But I think it best to focus on Vigil's Keep, which is Arling's estate. However, it may take several months to get it all in order."

"Thank you, you majesty," said Stroud, "If you don't mind, as a last act as a Warden, would you please tell us of all that happened on your journey, beginning with Ostagar?"

"Certainly," replied Alistair with a shrug, "You may want to sit down." He indicated to some chairs in front of his desk. The Wardens were seated and Alistair took his seat in his chair on the other side of the desk. He told them the story of their journey from Ostagar, and all that happened there, to the fall of the Archdemon, excluding the ritual with Morrigan.

"And how, your majesty, do you think it is that Kateriel survived?" Stroud asked.

Alistair shrugged and looked oblivious, "I don't know. It's a mystery to me as well. I'm just glad she did."

Stroud studied Alistair carefully a minute trying to read his face. But Alistair was good at playing dumb when he needed to. Stroud was convinced and nodded to show he understood. The two men rose to their feet and so then did Alistair.

"Thank you for your time, King Alistair. Our hope is to establish Warden Kateriel as Commander of the Ferelden Grey Wardens once we are ready to claim the arling. I will need to find her. Take care, your Majesty. Maker bless you."

Alistair smiled back, "Maker be with you. You'll need all the help you can get if you intend to get Kateriel to change her plans to travel south with her people. Good Luck!" Still smiling Alistair sat down at his desk and pretended to focus to his business.

The Wardens took this queue to leave. They bowed and left Alistair to his work.

* * *

Kateriel was just finishing her noonday meal, when Mithra and a couple elves from another clan came running up.

"Kateriel!" Mithra said anxiously, "We have a situation. There is a large group of people gathering near the camp. They say they heard you were out here, and want to see their Hero. It's making many of our people uneasy."

Kateriel sighed, "I will go out and see them. Then I will send them away." She went to the edge of the Dalish encampment and saw several large groups of people.

Someone spotted her and shouted, "There is the Hero of Ferelden!" which sent the crowds cheering and clapping. She smiled and waved and stepped forward among them. Several had questions and she was patient and answered as many as she could. Many expressed their gratitude to her.

After a while the crowd's attention turned to the Dalish standing behind her. Most people had never seen Dalish elves before. She answered questions about her people and tried to encourage some of the elves to come out and meet them. The elves were reluctant but a few, such as Mithra and Cammen, came forward. The elves spoke curtly and cautiously when asked about different things.

"Understanding each other is a big step toward peace for our peoples", Kateriel said. She encouraged the elves to ask any questions of their own.

Finally Kateriel bid the crowd farewell and the people began to leave. Kateriel watched them go but when the crowds dispersed, some of the city elves remained behind. She spotted Shianni and Soris among them. They asked if they could see the Dalish camp and speak further with the Dalish and learn more about their heritage.

Kateriel decided the Dalish would not mind educating these 'flat ears' but her people could become arrogant in their pride to the point of some saying city elves weren't really elves. She would have to stay near to make sure no offence caused trouble. The city elves spent the afternoon visiting the Dalish and hearing their history.

The city elves were awed by the Dalish but spoke proudly of their own separate culture and traditions too. Kateriel pointed out that though the city elves traditions were different than the Dalish ones, they might have roots tying back to forgotten traditions from long ago.

Before the city elves left, they begged Kateriel to come to the alienage once more before she left. She agreed accompany them back to the alienage and pay her visit right away. Back at the alienage, the elves there greeted her with warmth. She spent time chatting with them about what their plans were for rebuilding, what help that the king would provide, and who their next leader would be. Kateriel suggested Shianni be the new leader for the city elves.

Nearby she could hear some of the elves telling the others about the Dalish they'd met and what they heard and learned. Some elves scoffed and others were excited while still others were amazed and intrigued.

Finally, Kateriel said her farewell and returned to the Dalish camp. When Kateriel arrived at the camp, Mithra was waiting. "Kateriel, there are some shemlen here waiting to see you. They say they are Grey Wardens."

"Really?" asked Kateriel surprised, "I wasn't expecting them so soon. Indeed, I had thought to be on our way and they would be a few days trying to catch up at least. Where are they now?"

"They are with Keeper Lanaya," informed Mithra, "Are you going to leave us to go with them?"

"No." Kateriel replied firmly, though she suddenly felt a little nervous. The only Wardens she'd known where Alistair and Duncan. She really didn't know what to expect. What was the order like? How would they treat her and how would she fit in?

They made their way to Lanaya's aravel. There were two men sitting with Lanaya outside her aravel near a fire. The Keeper had even made them tea.

"Ah! Here she is," said Lanaya, rising to greet the approaching elves with a smile. Turning to the Wardens she indicated politely to Kateriel, "Gentlemen, this is Kateriel Mahariel."

Kateriel crossed her arms over her chest and bowed, as she'd seen Duncan do so many times. This was exactly as the two men did, so she was relieved to have done the right thing. It apparently was a Grey Warden greeting.

"Greetings to you, 'Hero of Ferelden'," said the mustached man, "My name is Stroud. I am a Commander in the Grey Wardens. My companion here is Kael. Is there someplace we can talk?"

That meant in private obviously, as they could talk where they were. Kateriel said nothing but indicated for them to follow her to her aravel. There was no one around except Zevran, so they could stay outside and talk. They glanced and Zevran and then back at Kateriel.

"Zevran is a trusted friend and I prefer that he stay," Kateriel said firmly. She didn't know these men, and even though she intended to join up with the Grey Warden order eventually, she did not intend to let them just come along and start ordering her around.

Stroud studied her for a moment, and decided insisting her friend leave was not going to be a good way to begin. It was a small enough issue so he let it go.

"So be it," he said, "please let us sit down. We have a lot to discuss." They sat down on the benches that were placed outside her aravel. "First of all I want to congratulate and applaud you on slaying the archdemon and defeating the darkspawn hordes, for overcoming all your immense obstacles, and for all your accomplishments. You have done your people proud, both the Dalish and the Wardens."

He waited a moment in which she nodded and said, "thank you."

She wasn't sure how to act or what to say, so saying as little as possible and letting him lead the conversation until she got a feel for him seemed to be the best option. Stroud was a Commander and therefore her commanding officer, but she was not ready to take his orders yet.

She didn't know about the other man, Kael. He just sat quietly and looked at her intently and curiously, though with just a hint of suspicion. He was handsome and had beautiful green eyes.

Stroud was thinking how to proceed next. Kateriel hadn't said more than a few words. She wasn't willing giving any information and he knew the Dalish were suspicious of strangers.

Finally he decided how to proceed.

"Why don't you tell us your story? We have already spoken to King Alistair, but now we'd like to hear from you," he said, "Please start with your recruitment and what happened at Ostagar. I'd like to hear your account on what happened and about the death of our comrades."

Kateriel nodded again and began to tell them about her journey from when Duncan recruited her until the coronation. Stroud was glad that he agreed to allow Zevran stay, as Zevran added extra details to the story that Kateriel left out, particularly in regards to herself and her own accomplishments.

Zevran was no fool though. He did not give information about any really crucial points if Kateriel barely touched on them, like about anything that had to do with Morrigan he noticed. But he wanted to make sure these Grey Wardens understood just what an exceptional Warden Kateriel was. When they were finished the sun was setting and Stroud was silent for a few minutes, contemplating all he'd heard.

"You realize it's against Grey Warden policy to get involved in the political issues of any of the countries," Stroud said at last, "We must remain neutral. Our fight is with the darkspawn."

Kateriel knew he was talking about the civil war, the landsmeet, and putting Alistair on the throne.

"Perhaps if Logain's treachery hadn't been against us as well as Cailan and thrown the land into chaos, it might have been different. We also needed to build and army and gain allies," she replied, "besides don't the Wardens govern the lands of Weissaupt? How is that not being politically involved?"

"That is a special circumstance," answered Stroud.

"Well I think what has happened here were special circumstances too," said Kateriel, "Believe me when I say that no one feels the loss of Alistair as a Wwarden more than I. But this country needs him now."

"Fair enough," Stroud said, not wanting to discuss it further. There was nothing to be done about it now. But it was time to ask the most important question of all. "So now tell me," he said looking into her eyes gravely, "How is it you have slain the archdemon and survived? No one else has ever done it. It is not supposed to be possible."

Kateriel was prepared for this question. She'd given a lot of thought to how she would answer it. She decided to tell the truth but not all of it. "There was an apostate in my group of companions. She was the 'Witch of the Wilds' that I mentioned. He mother is believed to be the woman of legends, Flemeth, as I have already mentioned. She had learned much old and powerful magic from her mother; some of it may have been blood magic, though I don't know anything about such things. I never saw her use blood anyway. She and I became quite close, and she confessed to me to know about what would happen to the warden that killed the archdemon. She told me she would save me if she could, though I couldn't imagine how. She disappeared right after the battle, so I never got to find out if it was her who somehow saved me. Anyway, that's all I can think of. I really don't have an answer for you."

"You think she saved you by magic?" Stroud scoffed, "People have tried to affect the taint by magic before and it had never worked. And how is it she found out about the wardens dying with the archdemon? That is known only to the Grey Wardens."

"I told you I thought she might have had something to do with it but was unsure," returned Kateriel icily, "Obviously that must not be the case if you are so sure. And as to how she found out, I don't know. I didn't tell her if that's what you're thinking. However, I believe her mother to be very old and very powerful and very possibly actually Flemeth. Someone who lives that long learns many things."

Stroud took a deep breath and let it out again, regarding Kateriel steadily. He shook his head. He didn't know what to make of it. Kateriel and Alistair either didn't know or were very cleverly covering it up. There was really not much to say at this point. The important thing was that the archdemon was gone and the Blight over.

"I believe what you say," Stroud finally said, "However I am to escort you to the headquarters at Weissaupt Fortress. We will leave in the morning."

"No, we will not," Kateriel said firmly, which caused Kael to scowl, "I am going with my people – for now. I am going to stay with them while they make preparations and move into their new land."

"You are a Grey Warden," said Stroud sternly, "your duty is to the order. In becoming a Warden you forsook all else."

"And how do you intend to make me go?" retorted Kateriel, "Force? You're surrounded by Dalish elves. I do not recommend it." She stood up and crossed her arms. "Look, I said I was going with the elves for now. Not forever. Being a Warden is part of the reason I want to go. There are still bands of darkspawn throughout Ferelden and we are traveling back towards where they came from first. There may be more darkspawn the further south we go. Wardens are needed here."

"We realize that," said Stroud, "We have brought several Grey Wardens with us to Ferelden. Kael and I came by horse so that we could speak with you as soon as possible and to assess the situation. The others will travel around and eliminate darkspawn as they find them. But Kael and I are to bring you to Weissaupt for questioning and inspection."

Zevran chuckled mockingly, "Question or interrogation? Inspection or dissection?"

Kateriel put her hand on his shoulder to silence him, still looking at Stroud. "Inspection?" asked Kateriel warily, "They are going to examine me?"

"No one is going to hurt you if that is what concerns you," Stroud replied, "But you must understand the uniqueness of your situation."

"I am not afraid of them," sneered Kateriel, "But they are going to have to wait. I am going with my people and that is final."

Stroud stood up with as exasperated look and said, "I was hoping you would be more co-operative. The King mentioned you would not be. If he knows you so well maybe he can persuade you." He looked at Kael and jerked his head in indication to leave and the two men left.

What Stroud said about Alistair made Kateriel smirk and when the men were gone she laughed out. She turned to Zevran who was grinning, "That's not going to happen. It won't make any difference anyway. Silly Wardens." Then she felt concerned and sighed, "I hope this won't bring trouble."


	5. Compromises

The sun had set when the two wardens reached the palace. They were making their way through the halls when Kael noticed they weren't heading to the King's study.

"Are we not going to see the king?" he asked.

"No," replied Stroud, "I do not wish to involve him in any more Grey Warden business. We are going to see another of Kateriel's companions."

The Wardens had briefly been to see Leliana about her quest for the Wardens before they went to see Kateriel, so he knew where her room was. Stroud knocked on the door and was relieved when Leliana opened it, and he wouldn't have to go in search of her.

"Oh, greetings again, Commander Stroud," said Leliana, "What brings you here? Is there something I can help with?"

"Actually, yes," replied Stroud, "Would you mind if we come in?"

"Not at all," Leliana said, stepping aside to let them in the room before shutting the door.

"Thank you," said Stroud, "This might seem like a strange request, but I was wondering if you could help us reason with your friend Kateriel."

"Kateriel?" Leliana repeated puzzled.

Stroud explained the situation and was torn between confusion and irritation when Leliana smiled in response.

"If Kateriel has made up her mind about something, you will not get her to change it," she said, "However, if you wish I will go and talk to her. She may be persuaded to compromise if you are also willing."

Stroud shrugged, "Perhaps. That will depend on the compromise. We shall see."

* * *

 

Kateriel and Zevran were sitting by the fire outside Kateriel's aravel when Leliana arrived.

"Ah, Leliana," said Kateriel as she got up and hugged her friend, "Have you come to say good-bye? You know I'm leaving first thing in the morning."

"Well, yes," replied Leliana, "That is one reason."

Kateriel cocked her eyebrow quizzically, "And what's the other reason?"

"I came to offer you some friendly advice," Leliana said, "I think you shouldn't be too rash with the Grey Wardens. You are part of their order now. You don't want to cause trouble for yourself right from the beginning do you?"

"They went to you and asked you to talk to me?" asked Kateriel astonished and amused, "And you are talking their side?"

"No," Leliana answered, "I'm telling you what I think is best for you. I understand you wanting to go and protect your people but…I'm just saying…instead of choosing one over the other maybe you can find a way to do both?"

Kateriel gazed at her for a moment. It struck Kateriel as odd that the Wardens would use Leliana to get to her. What was it Leliana would be doing for the Wardens anyway? Finally she asked, "Why did the Wardens ask you to assist them in an expedition? You're not a Warden."

Leliana shrugged and said, "Grey Wardens can get information when they need to. They found out that I was a bard and heard about my skills. I have some connections in the Free Marches and they want me to help them in tracking some darkspawn and some specific people. It really won't be a long quest I'm sure."

It seemed a little vague for an explanation and it irritated Kateriel that she wasn't being told anything more. She was a Warden was she not? But she decided that trying to force any more information would be pointless and she was willing to bet that Leliana really didn't have much more information than that anyway.

Kateriel nodded and sat down. "They really didn't need to involve you in this. I have already been thinking along the lines of compromise, though I have yet to come to a conclusion. Why don't you join us for a while and I will think some more about it."

They sat by the fire and talked a while. Mostly it was Zevran and Leliana that talked. Kateriel was busy thinking of a way to help the Dalish and satisfy the Wardens.

Kateriel had always lived by Andruil's Code, also known as Vir Tanadhai. When she had first began her journey it was difficult having never been amongst any other people than her own, and having been raised to distrust the other races, especially humans. Her instinct would have been to isolate herself, to lead them but only from a distance, but she thought of the wisdom of Vir Adahlen, the Way of the Forrest: together we are stronger than the one. So she began to get to know her companions and build bonds with them. She could not get them all to bond with each other, especially Alistair and Morrigan, but they all worked well together as a result of their friendship with Kateriel if nothing else.

Vir Adahlen also became something she relied on during the frustrations she faced in using the treaties and trying to build their forces to fight the blight. There had been times when she was tempted to just walk away and see what they could accomplish on their own.

Always, throughout it all, she clung to Vir Assan,the Way of the Arrow: fly straight and do not waiver. It helped her through her darkest and most difficult times. In particularly, when it came time to face the archdemon.

At times, when dealing with situations and trying to use the treaties she remembered Vir Bor'Assan, the Way of the Bow: bend but do not break. The situation she found herself in now had brought Vir Bor'Assan to her mind again.

Finally she told Leliana she had thought of a compromise to offer. She went back to the city with Leliana and Zevran, to meet the Wardens at the Gnawed Noble Tavern, where they were staying. Stroud and Kael were sitting at a table in the tavern when Kateriel and her companions arrived.

"Tsk," said Zevran, when they came through the door, "Too bad they aren't staying at the Pearl. I'm in the mood for some 'friendly' company."

"You're more than welcome to go if you want," offered Kateriel with a grin, "We can meet up later."

"No, I think not," Zevran said, "I've got the company of the two most beautiful women in Denerem. And I want to hear what you have planned for your fellow Grey Wardens."

"You may want to get 'it' out of your system now," Kateriel said to Zevran, "I don't want you seducing Dalish elves, men or women. The Dalish mate for life. They believe in monogamy. They don't do intrigues, flings, or affairs. If you slept with the wrong person it could be perilous, and I don't want any more trouble than we will already have."

"Hmmm. Maybe I will take a trip to the Pearl," said Zevran, thoughtful, "But not until after we are through here."

Stroud saw them approaching the Wardens' table and motioned for them to sit. "Greetings, sister and companions," he said, "won't you join us for a drink?"

"Yes, thank you," replied Kateriel, and they sat and ordered drinks from the barmaid. "As I told Leliana, there was no reason to have her come and speak to me. I was already considering some kind of compromise to satisfy us both."

"Such as?" asked Stroud, sceptical.

"You must give me two months with the Dalish elves, during that time I want some other Wardens to help me clear the new land of remaining darkspawn," said Kateriel, "It only seems fair considering that the Dalish are allies with the Wardens, and after all they did honour the treaty. After that time I will join you and you can take me where ever you want me to go."

"Two months?" repeated Stroud, brows raised, "That seems a long time."

"I was prepared to spend an entire year," Kateriel said, "I think two months is rather short."

"What's to stop us from taking you now?" asked Kael haughtily, "You are away from your Dalish friends now."

Zevran scowled and Leliana tensed. Kateriel regarded Kael coolly and calmly with her hands folded on the table, "I'd like to see you try."

Kael rose to his feet and leaned across the table at her, "You think you're unbeatable because you slew the archdemon? I wouldn't get too cocky. There are other Wardens as capable as you and I'll bet there's more than one who could take you down."

"Anytime you want to try it," Kateriel challenged with a razor sharp and dangerous grin.

"Enough!" Stroud interrupted, putting his hand on Kael's shoulder to get him to sit down. Turning back to Kateriel he said, "You are right in saying the Wardens are allies to the Dalish and we wouldn't want to compromise that. I agree to your terms but not a day more. Two months starting tomorrow."

Kateriel nodded in agreement and repeated, "Two months starting tomorrow. Thank you Commander." She rose to her feet and bowed low. She gave him a look of sincere relief and gratitude. "Have a pleasant night brothers. We leave in the morning." She gave both men friendly smile. Kael just continued to glare.

Kateriel, Zevran, and Leliana left the tavern. Stroud had been moved by the look of relief and gratitude Kateriel had given him. She may be reasonable after all, he thought. She even called them 'brothers'.

Kael was not completely subdued. "Who does she think she is anyway?" he growled, "Just because she slew the archdemon doesn't give her the right to disregard the chain of command and do whatever she chooses."

"But it does give her the right of respect," said Stroud, "Not only did she slay the archdemon, but she rallied our allies and led them to victory. With just two Wardens. That is not a feat to lightly discard. I think she will turn out not to be as bad as you think. Her people are important to her and I don't blame her. The Dalish have suffered much and this new land is of major importance to them. We are here to fight the darkspawn anyway. We may as well do what we can for the Dalish since they keep their oath and honoured the treaty."

Outside the tavern Kateriel, Zevran and Leliana, paused to talk. "Well that was fun," grinned Zevran, "You certainly know how to negotiate, my friend."

"I think it was an excellent compromise," said Leliana satisfied, "That Warden Kael seems to be a bit hot headed. But you matched his hot with cool, well done!"

Kateriel just shook her head. It was certainly going to be different, life with these Wardens.

"Well, I'm off to the Pearl I think," Zevran said, "I wonder if Isabella is still there. I'd invite you to come but I know you're not into brothels."

"I'll go with you part of the way," Leliana said to Zevran, "I'm going to return to the palace." She turned to Kateriel, "You will be able to get back on your own, yes?"

Kateriel nodded and hugged Leliana, "Take care of yourself! If you ever need anything let me know."

Leliana smiled, "And you as well, dear friend. I'll see you soon I'm sure."

Kateriel turned to Zevran and said teasingly, "We are leaving first thing in the morning. So don't be out _all_ night."

"Oh, yes mother," he replied and kissed her on the cheek, then he winked, "don't wait up."

Kateriel watched Zevran and Leliana walk away and then stealthily made her way back to the Dalish camp with out incident. When she got back to her aravel she climbed right into bed but sleep did not come right away. She missed her clan and wondered where they were and how they were doing. She thought about the last day she saw them. And she thought about Tamlen. She had not told Ashalle about meeting him on the road. He had been to corrupted to save and he was in agony. Kateriel shivered.

Kateriel tried to think of happier things but it was difficult. Would she ever find peace and happiness? She thought about how what happened to Tamlen could have happened to her if Duncan hadn't been there. Maybe this was her destiny. She and Wynne had discussed this before. She was gifted with the skills to fight. Why not fight the darkness for those who can live in the light? That's what Grey Wardens are about aren't they? Kateriel finally felt she could connect with the Wardens now. It gave her a sense of peace and purpose and she finally went to sleep.


	6. The People Walk

The next morning, the Dalish were up before the sun. There was an air of excitement through the camp. Everywhere, there were people packing up and getting ready. Kateriel was introduced to the Halla that would pull her aravel. She had just hooked them up when the Wardens arrived.

Kateriel greeted them warmly and they could not completely hide their surprise that she was being so friendly. Each man had a horse with him, they had their packs and gear with them, as well as a few small chests. Kateriel noticed one small chest had Duncan's crest on it.

"You're welcome to put your things in my aravel and save your horses strength," Kateriel offered.

"Thank you," said Stroud, as he dismounted from his horse and began to remove the chests, "It would be good to put these on board at least." He noticed her looking at the chests curiously and told her, "We found these chests in the Warden vault. These are all securely locked and I was hoping you could help us open them. However, it will have to wait until I return. I am leaving at present to meet up with some of the other Wardens. I will be taking Leliana with me to meet up with her new traveling companions. I am going to bring some Wardens specifically down toward the new Dalish land to assist in clearing out the darkspawn. I will meet up with you again soon." With that he mounted again, turned his horse and left.

Kateriel and Kael looked at each other. The events of the previous night made things a bit awkward. Kateriel inhaled deeply and swung her arms at her side and said, "Well. Just you and me."

"Yes," Kael said, flatly, "Mind if I take you up on your offer to store my things in your…."

"Aravel," Kateriel told him, "Sure. Be my guest. My aravel is your aravel. After all, we are in the same order right?"

"Are we?" Kael asked sceptically, "I haven't been able to figure out where you stand. With the Dalish, the Wardens, or just yourself."

Kateriel shrugged, "Maybe a little of each? But I think mostly with the Wardens, whether you believe me or not."

"I guess we'll see won't we?" was his doubtful reply.

Kateriel sighed inwardly and rolled her eyes. Then she noticed Zevran approaching. Kateriel put her hands on her hips and gave him a mock scolding look and shook her finger at him. He smiled broad and unashamed.

Kateriel laughed and said, "I hope you got _some_ sleep."

"Oh, of course," said Zevran, "But who can sleep when in the company of a beautiful woman?"

"Oh?" said Kateriel, "Was Isabella still at the Pearl?"

Zevran shrugged, "I don't know. I never made it to the Pearl."

Kateriel looked at him with surprise, "Who did you pick up on your way? And you were with Leliana…" suddenly a thought occurred to her and her mouth dropped open, "Wait! You and Leliana?"

Zevran just stood there and reveled in Kateriel's reaction with a huge grin on his face. He put in hand on her shoulder and said, "Come now, my friend. I cannot divulge such personal information!"

Kateriel laughed, "It's never bothered you before."

"Kateriel!" Mithra came running over seeming very excited, "A large number of city elves have arrived and want to come with us! And not just from Denerem! Elves have been arriving all morning from different cities and towns."

"That's not surprising," Kateriel said with a smile, "Though it is exciting. They have all heard about the new land and how the Dalish played such a big part in the battle. They want more than what they have had living in the alienages."

"Keeper Lanaya and the other Keepers have been busy assigning Dalish elves to partner with the city elves, to teach them our ways and how to fight and hunt. But the Keeper is wondering about picking up extra supplies for them before we leave Denerim."

"That's probably a good idea," Kateriel said, "I'm sure we could provide for them the same way we always have for ourselves but it wouldn't hurt to have a few extra things on hand just in case." She thought for a moment. She had plenty of money from the treasures she acquired during her travels. But the elves would be leaving very soon and she would need to hurry.

She looked over at Kael as he was almost finished unloading his horse. He happened to glace up and noticed her watching him. He raised his eyebrows at her in question.

She walked over to him slowly while thinking of what to say. "Kael, I know you don't like me very much, but I want to ask you for a favour." He narrowed his eyes at her but she continued, "All I want is a ride actually. I need to go into the city for a few last minute things."

"The shops aren't even open yet," Kael said.

"I know but I think they'll open up for me. You know, being the Hero and all," she shrugged and coloured a bit, still uncomfortable with her title.

"You want to borrow my horse, is that it?" he asked, his brow constricting.

She had never been on a horse and, to be honest, the idea was not a comfortable one. Not to mention she had no idea how to ride it. "Actually, I'll need you to come with me. I've never been on a horse before."

He couldn't help but smirk at her discomfort but he nodded in agreement. The smirk was replaced with a wary look, however, when Kateriel beamed gratefully at him. He was in danger of losing the negative image of her that he'd painted for himself.

"Ma Serannas! Thank you!" Turning to Mithra she asked her to go and find out from Lanaya, just what she thought they absolutely needed and how much.

"Ma nuvenin," Mithra answered and left quickly.

Kateriel finished preparing her aravel and soon Mithra returned with the information she requested.

Kael mounted his horse and offered a hand down to Kateriel. Kateriel put her hand into his but stood looking at him awkwardly, not being sure what to do next. He chuckled at her, "Put your foot on mine and boost yourself up, swinging your leg so you will be sitting behind me."

Kateriel quickly boosted herself up behind him and held on to Kael tight around the waist. She felt him chuckle again and loosened her grip.

The trip did not take very long. They were able to secure the supplies to the back of Kael's horse but it meant Kateriel had to ride sitting in front of him on the way back. Sitting like that with Kael's arms around her made her think of Alistair and her heart ached with the wish that Kael was Alistair instead.

They rode to Lanaya's aravel and delivered the supplies, which in turn were quickly distributed. "Ma serannas to you both," Lanaya said, "Now we will be able to leave immediately. Everyone is very anxious to be on our way!"

Lanaya explained that the route chosen would lead them to the Brecilian forest from the north. Then they would travel through the forest to the south where they were to meet up with the rest of the clans.

The sun was just rising above the tree-line when there was a trumpet sound at edge of the camp in the direction of the city. Almost everyone quickly moved in that direction. A small group of men on horseback, carrying the King's banner, were waiting at the edge of the camp. It was the King, of course, accompanied by Bann Teagan and the King's Guard. Alistair's eyes scanned the crowd but Kateriel kept to the back and out of sight.

Finally Alistair lifted his hand and his voice, "My friends! I am sure you are anxious to be on your way. I won't keep you. I just wanted to come out and express my most heartfelt gratitude to you all for your bravery, valour, and sacrifice in fighting with us to defeat the Blight! Ferelden is eternally in your debt. Ma serannas!" He gave a bow and turned and left.

It was half an hour after sunrise when the Dalish elves moved out. Zevran rode with Kateriel in the front of her aravel. Kael rode horseback beside them. Kateriel was pushing Zevran to confess to sleeping with Leliana.

"Come ooooon, Zev!" she whined, "Did you or did you not sleep together? I won't think anything of it."

"Then don't think of it," he teased. Kateriel made a pouty face and he gave in, they both knew he was going to tell her anyway, "We simply decided that spending the night in the company of a friend was better than spending it with a stranger. It was just fun and pleasure. It will be unlikely we will see each other for a long time." Kateriel just grinned and was satisfied, and made no comment.

After a few minutes, Zevran said, "This is certainly a different way to travel compared to our last journey, wouldn't you agree?"

"Indeed," she replied, and then added solemnly, more to herself, "Nothing will ever be the same." She missed Alistair. She was unable to stop herself from thinking about him. She knew she would never stop. It was easier if she kept busy but that wasn't possible all the time.

"No, it won't," Zevran agreed, "But that is life. You just have to accept it." He put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze, "Don't go getting glum about it or you'll never be happy. There are still more adventures to be had."

Kateriel looked at her friend at moment and, knowing he was right, grinned at him and said, "You're right, Zev! Plenty of trouble in the world to get into!"

Zevran let out a laugh and said, "That's the Kateriel I know. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go into the back and take a nap," he said, "I have a very physically exerting night. Wake me when we stop at midday." Kateriel laughed and Zevran went back into the aravel.

It was quiet for a few minutes then a voice beside her asked, "So when you traveled before were you always on foot?"

Kateriel jumped. She had totally forgotten about Kael. She blushed and said, "Yes."

"Back and forth, all over Ferelden on foot?" he asked and looked impressed, "Not bad. You must have had an efficient group."

"They were good, very skilled and capable. We made good time when we walked, and they took orders well," Kateriel replied.

"I think you will find the rest of the Wardens equally capable," he said, "We don't recruit just anyone after all."

"I know," she said thinking of what Duncan told her when she had told him that she didn't want to be recruited out of pity. Thinking of Duncan made her ask Kael, "Did you know Duncan?"

"Yes, a little," Kael replied, "He was a good man. Well liked and well respected. "It was a lucky thing he was nearby when your blood was poisoned by that mirror. Will you tell me about Ostagar again? How did Duncan die?"

Kateriel told him all she could remember about the battle. She unfortunately couldn't say how Duncan died as she was in the Tower.

"Mind if I asked about your joining?" she asked, "You know all about my own."

Kael obliged her with his story. He was from the Free Marches, from a town near Starkhaven. He had recently acquired a knighthood when he was asked to join the Wardens. He agreed because he wanted to do something different from just a simple knighthood, playing soldier for some lord. He had really hoped to fight the Blight but the borders had been closed. Kateriel could sense the anger and bitter resentment he felt as he talked about it.

"Well," said Kateriel, "You will still get to fight _some_ of the Blight, if it's any consolation at all."

"Oh right!" he snarled, "We're the clean up crew, here to mop up what's left over!" He flicked the reigns and rode off a little ways ahead.

Kateriel watched him go and sighed outwardly this time. So that was his real is issue, was it? He missed his chance for glory, as he saw it, and he resented her because she was there and she was the hero. Too bad for him!

The Dalish stopped briefly at midday for rest and refreshment, and then continued on. It was slow moving as many of the elves were on foot. Finally, before sundown, they stopped to make camp. They had entered into the northern part of The Brecilian Forest. Kateriel released her halla and they wandered off to find the halla keeper. Kateriel and Zevran joined the other hunters in hunting dinner, and Kael remained to feed his horse and start a fire.

While in the wood, Kateriel took the opportunity to speak to Zevran alone. "I want your help distracting Kael later in the evening. Or be look out for me if I have to wait until he's asleep," she began.

"Let me guess," Zevran said, "You want a peek inside those chests he brought."

Kateriel nodded, "Just one in particular. It belonged to Duncan, the man who recruited me. I want to check it out without the others being there. I thought we'd found all there was to find in the vault when we went through it, but those chests must have been hidden. There must be a reason."

"Sounds mysterious!" Zevran crooned, "Of course I will help you deceive that arrogant…handsome…Grey Warden."

Kateriel looked at him warily, "You're not going to try to seduce him are you?"

"Why not? You didn't say anything about sleeping with Grey Wardens!" he grinned, "Would it bother you?"

"No!" she defended, "If you think you're his type then by all means. And I'm far from thinking of being with anyone yet. Least of all some stuck up knight who sulks because he didn't get to play hero."

The hunters returned and distributed the meat amongst the people. Kateriel and Zevran brought their portion back to their aravel. Kael was waiting by the fire. He rose when they approached and offered to clean the kill form them. Kateriel agreed and thanked him. Here was her chance. Kael went into the wood a little way so as not to make a gory mess in the campsite. Zevran looked at Kateriel, nodded with smiled, and went to 'help' Kael.

Kateriel wasted no time. She stealthily made her way to into her aravel. Kael had put the chests in a compartment and covered them up with a blanket. She took careful notice of how it was arranged in case he might notice if it was disturbed. She carefully folded the blanket back to reveal the chests.

She stopped for a moment to listen. She could hear Kael and Zevran not far away. Zevran was doing his best to drive Kael to distraction and prolong his work. It sounded like Zev was making passes at Kael, and the Warden was clearly irritated and repelling Zevran's advances. Either way, he was preoccupied and Kateriel, smiling, returned her attention to the chests.

She picked up the chest with Duncan's crest on it. She gingery worked the lock until it opened and lifted the lid. It was full of Duncan's personal belongings. A miniature painting of a man and a woman, whom Kateriel thought must be his parents as she could see some of Duncan's features in each. There were a few trinkets and baubles, an ornate dagger, and an envelope addressed with a single name. It was addressed to Alistair. She stared at it for a moment while holding it in her hand.

Kateriel jumped when she heard Zevran call loudly, "Or sure go back then, your loss!"

Kateriel stuffed the envelope in her leather armour and quickly closed the chest. She carefully locked the chest and put is back. Then she carefully pulled the blanket back the way it had been. She heard Kael outside the aravel ask where she was. She quickly jumped up onto an upper bunk and lay down. Kael came in a second latter and looked at her. She had closed her eyes and she waited a moment after he came in, before opening them and raising her head. He looked at her and then at the chests, then back to her. She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Would you like me to cook?" she offered, "I was just resting a bit but I don't mind." She hopped down and slipped by him.

Zevran was stoking up the fire and he looked up at her as she came out. They're eyes met and she blinked at him to signal that she got what she wanted. Kael came out a few moments later. Kateriel assumed he's checked to make sure things were as he'd left them. If he suspected anything he didn't show it. He sat down by the fire and started sharpening his sword.

Kateriel began to prepare the meal. Suddenly she began to feel a prickle in her blood, ever so faint. She looked up at Kael to find him already looking at her. "Darkspawn," she said and he nodded in confirmation. She took the food off the fire, jumped to her feet and grabbed her weapons. Zevran rose quickly when he heard what she said. Kael was already moving in the direction the taint was coming from.

"Not close," Kael said, serious and calculating, "Over toward that direction." He indicated out toward the forest.

Kateriel turned to Zevran, "We don't want a panic in the camp. Please go alert Keeper Lanaya. We are going to check it out. Find Mithra and Deygan, and one or two others that Mithra thinks capable and come after us. But keep it quiet."

Zevran nodded and was off. Kateriel turned to Kael who gave her a nod, and they ran off in the direction their taint seemed to pull them. Quickly and quietly, they moved through the trees. Soon sense of the taint became intense and they slowly crept forward. Kael moved behind a tree and Kateriel behind a boulder. A group of darkspawn appeared, moving the direction of the Dalish camp. There was one hurlock emissary, 2 hurlock alpha's, and about a dozen hurlocks and genlocks.

The darkspawn were spread out and moving slowly while looking around. Kateriel knew they could sense her and Kael. The 'spawn were probably trying to pinpoint where they were, expecting an attack. Kateriel motioned to Kael: she indicated to herself, made a walking motion with her fingers, a slashing motion across her throat and wiggled her fingers to tell him she was going to attempt to take out the emissary. He nodded and poised himself ready.

Kateriel went into stealth mode, and disappeared into the foliage. Kael set his eyes on the closest hurlock alpha, ready to bash it with his shield.

Kateriel slipped up behind the emissary, and deftly slit its throat in one swift movement, ignoring the blood that sprayed across her face. Continuing to move, she stuck her sword through the closest genlock.

As soon as Kael saw the emissary fall, he bellowed his war cry and causing the weaker genlocks and hurlocks to fall to the ground in fright. He bashed his shield across the head of the hurlock alpha, knocking it senseless while he ran it through.

The other hurlock alpha roared and charged at him aiming its battleaxe at his head. Kael brought his shield up to block it and the two stood pushing against each other fighting for dominance. A hurlock charged at Kael from behind with a shriek but fell with a gurgle as Kateriel plunged her danger through its neck.

"I'm at your back!" she called to Kael, setting her back to his.

Kael was finally able to push the alpha off and slash it while it was off balance. It growled at him and swung its axe again. Kael deflected and plunged his sword through its side.

Kateriel meanwhile was successfully dodging the attacks of a couple gunlocks, while slicing at them with her sword and dagger. She used her weapons in a scissor type motion to take the head off one. The other she decapitated by stabbing it with her sword and slicing its neck with her dagger.

She was pulling her sword out of the genlock when she was charged by a hurlock. _Thunk_! It fell to the ground with an arrow in its head. _Thunk! Thunk!_ More 'spawn fell around them and Kateriel heard Zevran's mocking laugh behind her as he decapitated a genlock.

It wasn't long before all the darkspawn lay dead around them. The Dalish hunters came forward from the trees.

"Is that all of them?" Deygan asked looking around at the forest.

"Yes, I think so," replied Kateriel looking at Kael who nodded in agreement. They headed back to camp.

"Maybe we can have dinner now," sighed Zevran, "I'm starving." Kateriel nodded in empathy.

Lanaya was waiting for them when they got back to camp. "Thank the Creators you're all safe! Are they gone?"

"We don't sense any more right now, so as far as we can tell, yes." Kateriel replied, "How are the new elves settling in?"

"Pretty well so far, but it will be an adjustment still," said Lanaya, "But their spirits remain high at this time."

After saying good night to the others, Kateriel, Kael, and Zevran made their way back to her araval. They washed up as best they could then Kateriel finished cooking their dinner.

As they sat by the fire talking, a few city elves and Dalish elves came and joined them, Ashalle among them. Ashalle began telling humorous stories about the trouble Kateriel and Tamlen got into.

A young city elf girl sat next to Kateriel and was in awe of the Warden. Her name was Brienna and she hung on to everything Kateriel said. Kateriel was patient and answered the girls many questions, not only about her journey to defeat the Blight, but also about the Dalish.

Brienna was almost old enough to be 'coming of age' and to go through the rites into adulthood. Kateriel was explaining all that Brienna would have to learn and accomplish before that could happen, and then explained all that the rites entailed. Kateriel liked the girl, she saw spirit and strength, and so she encouraged her as much as she could.

Kael talked little to anyone and few spoke to him, being a human. Those who did speak to him were city elves that were curious about who he was and where he'd come from.

He watched Kateriel has she talked and laughed with those around her. He couldn't help but start to think she might not be so bad. She was certainly an exceptional fighter. He was looking forward to seeing how she would act amongst the other Wardens. She seemed to have been able to win the favour of her previous human companions, but he was curious nonetheless. The King and Kateriel were said to be very close friends, and rumours even circulated that they had been more.

Eventually the elves began to leave and even Zevran excused himself into the aravel to sleep. Kael and Kateriel sat for a while without talking. Kateriel sat staring and poking at the fire.

"Mind if I ask what you're so deep in thought about?" Kael asked finally.

"My clan actually," Kateriel replied, "I don't know if you are aware but my clan is not here. Except for Ashalle, that is, she is the only Sabrae clan member here."

Kael didn't hide his surprise, "I didn't realize. Where are they?"

"Near Kirkwall, I hear," replied Kateriel, "anyway I was just missing them and wondering what how they are. And I was wondering what it'd be like if they were here right now, and wishing they were."

"Not to sound insensitive but we leave family behind when we become Grey Wardens," Kael said, "If they were here you would only have to leave them anyway. You may as well get used to not being with them."

Kateriel glared at him in annoyance, "That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to miss them and no longer care about them. And I've been with out them for over a year now, I am used to not being with them. This is also an important time for the Dalish and I'd love to see how happy and excited they'd be," she let out a sad sigh, "And I'm worried about them. Did you not leave family behind when you joined the Wardens?"

"I have a mother and sister I left behind," he replied, "And yes, I think about them sometimes and hope they are alright. I understand where you're coming from, I apologize. Tell me about your clan."

It struck Kateriel as odd that he was suddenly being so friendly but she told him about her clan anyway. Then she asked him to tell her about his family and his home, which he did. Finally Kateriel excused herself and retired to the aravel.

As he lay in her bed, she took the envelope for Alistair out of her armour. She would have to wait for a private moment to look at it. She would have to find a place to hide it. She lay there thinking of him and what he might be doing. She made herself think of something else and her mind turned to her conversation with Kael about her clan.

It took some time for her to fall asleep and when she did she dreamed of her clan. But the dreams were disturbing, images of halla dying, Merrill in danger and leaving the clan, the Keeper in despair.

* * *

 

After Alistair had bid farewell to the Dalish he returned to the palace. Arl Eamon was waiting for him. It was time to get down to business. There were matters be tended to before holding court in the afternoon. They went to the king's study and Eamon brought forward the most important matter to be dealt with – Anora.

"We must consider what to do about her carefully," Eamon began, "At first I thought it best to do away with her, to demonstrate that we will not accept any who would questions your rule. But I began to consider that she has been a beloved figurehead and has governed this kingdom well for the past several years. It would be far better to get her on our side."

Alistair was silent while he thought about how to approach Anora. "I have a feeling that will impossible to do," he said finally, "However, she was my brother's wife, despite being the daughter of that traitor. Perhaps I could start by talking to her. See if there's anything she wants."

Eamon and Teagan agreed, and Alistair sent Eben to bring Anora from her room where she was being held. She arrived with her head held high and hatred in her eyes.

Alistair rose from his desk. "I will speak to Anora alone," Alistair said. Eamon looked like he wanted to protest but left with the others.

Alistair moved around to the front of his desk and leaned against it. Anora just continued to look at him, unmoving. He indicated to a chair but she just stood there.

"Have you brought me to tell me my execution date?" Anora asked icily.

Alistair sighed, "No, Anora. Despite what you think, I don't want you dead. Nor, believe it or not, do I really want to be your enemy."

"I don't believe it," she said, "How can I believe you? Your Warden friend told me she would support me in the landsmeet and then put you on the throne. I don't trust a thing you say."

"Well, for the record, at the time when Kateriel told you that, she might have very well meant it," Alistair said, "I still wasn't sure I wanted to in this position then. But things changed. It really wasn't a deliberate lie."

"How do you expect me to believe you?" Anora asked angrily, "You stole the throne out from under me!"

"Yes, my father's throne, not your father's," Alistair retorted, "I might be a bastard but I have more claim to it than you. If I had been a legitimate son, the throne would have gone to me automatically." He looked at her glaring at him for a moment then sighed in exasperation. "Anora, I don't want us to be enemies. I fully acknowledge that you were the one really ruling this kingdom under my dreamer brother's shadow," he looked at her sincerely, "I respect you for it. I'm letting you keep your Teyrna over Gwaren and I'd like to have you as an adviser." _Though I doubt I'll ever really trust you,_ he thought to himself. "You are technically family, my sister-in-law."

Anora stood silently for a few moments while she seemed to be considering his words. "You killed my father," she said.

"I executed my brother's traitor," Alistair retorted with a low growl, "the one who betrayed him and Ferelden's brave men and women and left them to die. Not to mention the Grey Wardens, my friends. I don't need to remind you of his crimes. He deserved to die."

Again Anora was silent. The hatred seemed to begin to leave her eyes, but the resentment remained. "I will consider your words," she said at last.

"Thank you," Alistair said. He called Eben in to take Anora back to her room. Eamon and Teagan came in after she'd left. Alistair told them about the conversation.

"What do you think she will do?" Teagan asked.

"Hard to say," answered Eamon, "I guess we'll wait and see."


	7. Decisions

It was late in the evening and Alistair sat by the fire in his chambers. He stared into the fire while his thoughts played through the events of the afternoon.

Anora had asked to see him before the royal court commenced, to give him her answer regarding their previous discussion. She had agreed to step aside gracefully and return to her Terynir. She promised her loyalty to Alistair, and to help advise him in any way she could. He thought it odd she had come to this decision so quickly and was making it so easy. When he mentioned the speed of her decision, she stated that she was anxious to get home again.

After that, he had held his first official royal court. There were Banns and Arls, as well as many lords and ladies from various noble families in attendance. It was tiresome trying to talk to all of them and remember who was who, and from where.

One in particular stood out to him. He had met with Teyrn Cousland. He felt so terribly about what had happened to the Cousland family and Highever, and told the Teyrn so. He offered to assist in rebuilding anyway he could, he would most certainly give financial support, all the Teyrn had to do was say the word.

Teyrn Cousland was curt and standoffish at first but he eventually seemed to sense Alistair's sincerity. The Teryn motioned to a more private corner and asked Alistair to tell him about Howe's death. Alistair was more than happy to oblige him with as much detail as he figured the man wanted. When Alistair spoke with fervour about finally running the man through with his sword, the Teryn half smiled in satisfaction.

"So, you dealt the final blow?" the Teryn asked.

Alistair nodded, "With great satisfaction. The man was a horrible snake."

The Teryn warmed up to him after that. He asked Alistair to call him Fergus, and opened up to him about his wife and son. Apparently, Fergus also had a younger brother who is missing. Alistair promised to do what he could to help find him. Fergus said he was leaving first thing in the morning, and Alistair promised to make his way to Highever as soon as he could, to see how he could help.

Alistair officially named Eamon the Arl of Denerim, at which point, Eamon passed the Arling of Redcliffe on to Teagan.

Alistair also announced his plans to improve the quality of life for the city elves by making it mandatory that elves receive equal treatment and pay as any employed human servant would. He also intended to allow elves into Ferelden's military and law enforcement. This met with murmurs of disapproval and Alistair pointed out that they had all just been saved by an elf and that the Dalish elves played a huge part in saving all their lives. The city elves were just as capable. Better to recruit them to protect Ferelden, than have them joining bandit gangs out of desperation. He would not force anyone to recruit elves into their own troops, but he would be recruiting them into his own ranks.

He made a grand speech about how humans invaded the Dales and took the elves away from their home, converting them to the Chantry's beliefs and forcing them to live in squalor, not enslaving them but they live no better than slaves would. He made sure to point out that he was not speaking against the Chantry in any way, but that these elves had accepted the Maker and were loyal Ferelden citizens. If the war against the blight showed anything it was how when all the races of Ferelden unite together they are stronger. They should accept the elves and surface dwarves as citizens and raise them up to be stronger, making all Ferelden stronger in turn.

Someone questioned what he planned to do when the elves revolted and would then have the skills to fight and do more damage than before. Alistair responded that if the elves living conditions and life style improved, if they really felt like true Fereldens, would they feel so inclined to revolt? If you treat people like criminals or animals is it any surprise when they begin to act like it?

The question was then 'but what will you do if they _do_ revolt'. Alistair responded that he would not stand for any threat to his people from within or from without.

He finished by stating that he would allow elves to hold places in the market, that there would be severe punishments for anyone who entered the alianage to cause trouble or harm, and he was appointing a place for the Hahren, the Elder, at court to represent the elves.

He didn't think this pleased many people but there were some that seemed to agree and that was a start. Eamon mentioned to Alistair later that though he agreed with what Alistair was trying to do, he wished Alistair had warned him or spoke to him about it first.

Anora was brought in to publicly swear loyalty to Alistair as King. She did it with such grace and dignity that Alistair almost felt sorry for her, almost. He promised to personally arrange transportation for her to Gwaren as soon as she wanted.

There had been a lot of discussion about how to help the various Banns and Arlings recover and rebuild. Some arguments ensued about who needed help most and who was more important.

It was aggravating listening to them bicker but they managed to get through the afternoon. Alistair was too happy when court ended.

Wynne had been there and told him how impressed she was at the way he handled things. Eamon was positive in his evaluation of the afternoon as well. Wynn said she wished Kateriel could have seen him and planned to write to her about it.

As he sat staring into his fire, his mind turned to Kateriel. He wondered where she was now and how her travels were going. He missed her terribly. He longed to heard her voice and hold her in his arms. But he tried to push her from his mind as climbed into bed and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

 

The Dalish moved on again early the next morning. Brienna had asked to ride on Kateriel's aravel with her and Kateriel gave her consent. Zevran wanted to walk, saying he needed to stretch his legs. The morning's travel was uneventful and they made good progress. They stopped again in the afternoon by a small lake. Kael and Zevran volunteered to join the hunters in hunting for food while Kateriel and Brienna joined some other elven women and girls in finding a secluded spot to bathe in the lake.

It wasn't long until the hunters returned. Kael insisted on cleaning their kill again seeing how Kateriel had just got cleaned up. After he finished he left them to find his own spot to bathe. Kateriel began cooking their meal but asked Brienne to keep an eye on it for a few minutes while she went into the aravel to do something.

Kateriel quickly slipped into the aravel and climbed up on her bunk. She pulled the letter for Alistair out of its hiding place behind a lose board, where there was a tiny bit of empty space between her top bunk and the one next to it. She quickly opened it and began to read:

_Alistair,_

_If you are reading this then I must be dead. Otherwise, I had planned to tell you this in person eventually, now that you are an adult, and then I would have destroyed this letter._

_I want you to know the truth about where you come from. You deserve to know that you were not just some bastard cast aside and unwanted. Your father cared very much for you and kept his distance for that very reason. Your mother was not a washer- woman and she did not die giving you birth. She also loved you very much but had to give you up because she wanted to provide a better life for you than she felt she could give. I know it will be difficult to believe as you were brought up to believe something else entirely._

_I knew your mother very well. She was a Grey Warden and we fought together. She was also an elf and a mage, and a very, very good friend. Her story prior to becoming a Warden is not a happy one. Sufficed to say, she hated Templars and the circle. She would not have been happy if you had become one._

_I also knew your father. Maric was one of the best men I'd ever known. He was kind, honourable, and one the best warriors I'd seen. You are so much like him even though he did not raise you himself._

_The reason for that being that your mother and he did not want you growing up at court, the life of royalty comes with its own restraints and difficulties. They wanted you to have a life free to make it what you want it. Your father didn't want to be King in the beginning and he wanted you to be able to follow a different path of your own making. He always kept an eye on you, although you didn't know it, always had Eamon send news on how you were. I think it hurt him more than he let on to not be able to be a part of your life but please keep in mind that he did it because he cared._

_Your mother gave you up because she could not raise you. You know what life as a Warden is like. It's dangerous and she would be gone on missions that would cause her to be gone sometimes for long periods of time. And of course she could not take you with her and the Wardens would not raise you. She wanted to make sure you were provided for and knew that your father would be able to make sure you were taken care of. It tore her heart to give you up, she loved you so much._

_In mentioning love, I also want you to know that your parents loved each other; it was not just some cold one-night stand. Though you are probably wondering how they came to know one another. Your father agreed to accompany a group of Grey Wardens, that your mother and I were a part of, into the deep roads on a secret mission. We needed Maric's help because we were traveling into an area of the deep roads that he had been to before. He and you mother became close. I cannot go into all the details of the journey but I will tell you that the reason you were able to be born with no taint was because your mother was miraculously cleared of the taint. We are not sure how it happened but there were powerful amulets and magic involved._

_I realize this may all seem impossible to you but I assure you it's true. Your father never looked down on other races. He told us once that your mother was not the first elf he'd loved. There was another, named Katriel, whom he loved very deeply. But that is not my story to tell._

_Your parents were good people and I know they would be so proud of who you've become. I know I am. Keep following your own path Alistair, you were born to do great things._

_Duncan_

Kateriel's mind was spinning from the information contained in the letter. She quickly hid it away again. She knew she would have to read it over again, but there was not time now. She also needed to decide on what she would do with it. Should she send it to Alistair? How would he take it? She needed time to think.

She went back outside to see how lunch was coming. Kael returned moments later. They ate lunch and packed up again. The Dalish continued to move south. After a while Kateriel began to recognize the area they were in. They were nearing the place where Kateriel and her companions encountered Lanaya's clan and helped save them from the werewolves.

"You've been very quiet this afternoon," Kael said to her.

She shrugged, "I'm just thinking about the last time I was in this part of the forest. We are nearing where Lanaya's clan had camped and were attacked by the werewolves."

"You said you broke the curse," Kael recalled, "You don't think we need to fear an attack from werewolves do you?" He seemed amused at the idea.

"No," Kateriel replied, "But I was thinking about the ruins where the werewolves had their lair. I think as we prepare to enter our new land it may be a good idea to revisit the ruins to see what we can learn about our people there. It was a curious mixture of elven and human." She turned to Brienna and Zevran, who was riding with her now, "I'm going to run ahead to talk to Keeper Lanaya. Stay with the aravel, you don't have to do anything as the Halla steer on their own." With that she jumped down and made her way to the Keepers aravel.

Kateriel told Lanaya about her idea of taking some people to explore the ruin and see what they could learn from it. Lanaya approved of the idea, though she needed to get the agreement of the other Keepers, and she told Kateriel that she felt they need to find a place to camp other than the one where her clan had stopped previously as it held too many sad memories for her people.

The clans agreed to stop for the night to the south of where Lanaya's clan had camped. They would allow a day for the people to rest and for a group to explore the ruins.

After the Dalish made camp for the night, Kateriel and the Keepers discussed and decided who should be a part of the group to investigate the ruins. Kateriel would go, of course, and she would take Zevran. They would also send two hunters for further protection. They would send one of the Keeper's Firsts and one of the storytellers. Lanaya herself would also be going. After a little more thought and discussion, they also wondered if Kael would be willing to go as, being human, he may be able to shed some light on the human side of the ruins.

When Kateriel returned to her aravel, she shared with Kael and Zevran the plans for the investigation party for the next day. She asked Kael if he would be willing to go with them and he agreed, though he didn't know if he would be able to provide much information for them.

As Kateriel sat gazing into the fire later that night she thought about Duncan's letter. Alistair was just settling into to being King, it was what he wanted now. If she revealed this information to him now what would happen? How would her react? It would just make him question, he would be torn between doing what he thought was best for Ferelden and the wishes of his parents. Giving up the throne would mean that he could be with Kateriel again. As much as she wanted that, she needed to think of what was best for him and not her own desires. She would think on it some more before she decided anything.


	8. Investigations

Kateriel and her companions were up early the next morning. The sun was just rising and the birds were singing in the treetops. The smell of dew was heavy in the air. Kateriel loved the forest. Not just because she spent more time growing up in the wood than anywhere else, but she loved nature. She loved the trees and plants, the animals and birds, even the rocks and earth. Everything had its own uniqueness in her eyes.

That morning, a breeze was whispering through the leaves of the trees and it was music to her. She looked up at a nearby oak tree and climbed up through its branches. She climbed high enough to feel the rising sun slip through the leaves and shine on her face. Then she closed her eyes and listened to breeze sigh through the leaves and slide across her skin like a caress. It was rejuvenating and revitalizing.

Down below Kael and Zevran were by the fire finishing breakfast. They had watched as Kateriel scaled the tree and disappeared in branches. Kael was puzzled as to why she was doing it, and after about 10 minutes without Kateriel coming back down he looked over at Zevran and asked, "Is this usual for her?"

Zevran, who had watched her climb but turned back to his breakfast unconcerned, shrugged and said, "She loves to be one with nature."

Kael walked over to the tree and looked up. "Kateriel? Everything ok?"

"Is everything alright?" asked a voice behind him. Keeper Lanaya and the other elves of the exploration team arrived, as well as Ashalle and Brienna.

"Fine," replied Kael trying to keep the irritation from his voice and failing, "Kateriel just climbed up that tree and hasn't come back down yet. Kateriel!" he shouted her name up to the branches.

Ashalle laughed, "I guess some things don't change. She was always up in the trees. It got so that if I wanted to find her, I'd look to the trees first. Keeper Marathari used to sometimes call her 'song bird' because of how much she loved to sing and sit in the treetops."

Kael was not amused. This was strange behaviour. 'Must be an elf thing' he thought. There was a tap on his shoulder and he jumped and turned quickly around. Kateriel had dropped down behind him without a sound. His irritation grew as she laughed at him. "If you're done fooling around, don't you think we should get started?" he growled.

"Yes" Kateriel smiled cheekily and moved passed him to grab her weapons. He has no sense of humour at all, she thought still chuckling. Brienna walked over to her and asked, "Kateriel, can I go with you? I'll try not to get in the way."

Kateriel smiled at her young friend, "I'd like that Brienna, but you should really be training with you mentor. If you want to be a Dalish warrior you need to practice as much as possible."

Brienna looked disappointed, "I don't like my 'mentor'" she said the word mockingly, "He's rude and arrogant. He looks down on us because we were from the city. He acts like he knows everything and he can't be much older than me. Can't I learn from you? You're probably the best warrior here!"

Kateriel's face coloured a little at her praise, "I don't think so. There are many skilled warriors here. And I won't be with the Dalish that long. You need to train with someone who can continue and complete your training." Kateriel did not want this young girl to become too attached to her.

But Brienna looked hurt and Kateriel caved, "Tell you what, train with your mentor as much as you can, and on the side I will show you some things as well. Besides, if you give up then he wins. You will need to show him that you are a warrior like him."

Brienna's face brightened and she nodded, "Deal!" and she ran off.

Zevran chuckled at Kateriel as he came up beside her. "You always have such a hard time saying no, don't you?" he paused, still smiling, "Except to me. Which is grossly unfair, my friend, to us both."

Kateriel laughed, nudging him with her elbow, "Come on! Let's get going."

The party moved out, heading in a slightly northeast direction. Aside from Lanaya, four other elves were chosen to make up the party. There were two hunters, sister and brother, Gitta and Eljin. Both had black hair and keen violet eyes, and they wore serious and watchful expressions as they walked. Gitta was an archer and Eljin a warrior equipped with a sword and shield.

Then there was Cairstal, an elderly storyteller who was reputed for also being an exceptional artist. Though her hair was stark white, her deep brown eyes still sparked with energy and she walked with grace.

Lastly there was Dairmar, a young First to one of the clans Keepers. His blazing red hair and slim, tall build made Kateriel think of a torch. The Keepers and their apprentices, called Firsts, were magic users and Kateriel was curious what kind of magic Diarmar used.

Zevran and Kateriel walked side by side quietly discussing the direction they were taking and how long they thought it would be before they found the paths leading to the ruins.

Kael opted to walk rear guard. He couldn't help feeling a little curious to see a ruin that was a combination of elven and human. He would not admit to himself that part of his initial anger to Kateriel's bold attitude when speaking with Stroud, was because she is an elf and he was appalled that she should talk back and refuse orders. Of course this was because he had only ever known city elves that had been servants in the noble homes he knew.

Being among the Dalish changed his views considerably. These were fierce, proud people that were very skilled in many things. He scowled to himself. Proud or not, it did not excuse her refusal to heed Stroud's orders and being the Hero did not make her better than the rest of the wardens.

They walked for about three quarters of an hour when they came to a stream. Kateriel frowned, she had forgotten about the steam. However, she noticed right across on the other side was the remnants of an old camp. She remembered finding it once before, and facing a demon that had been trapping people there until their deaths. They were not far from the trail that would lead to the ruins; they just needed to cross the water. She judged that it was just wide enough that they couldn't simply jump across.

"Maker's breath," she cursed quietly, though Lanaya and Eljin who were nearby heard her and gave her a strange look, "Sorry, bad habit I picked up from traveling with humans." She made a mental note to quit that habit immediately. "Alright, we need to find a way to cross. Eljin, go right a little way and see if you find way. Gitta, if you would go left and do the same." The two hunters nodded and slipped quietly off into the wood.

After a several minutes, Gitta returned saying the water grew calmer and split off a little ways down and they could probably jump across. They waited another few minutes until Eljin returned, saying he had not found anything, and then headed in the direction Gitta had gone. It didn't take long for them to find the spot where they could cross with a running jump. They found one of the trails Kateriel recognized not far from where they crossed and continued on.

Soon they came to the clearing where the barrier had been that had prevented Kateriel and her companions from finding the ruins the first time they were there. Here they took a quick rest before moving on. As they moved further on down the path they were attacked by a pack of wolves. Gitta, who was an archer, and the two mages surrounded Cairstal to protect her while the warriors positioned themselves around them in effort to prevent the wolves from getting to the others. Lanaya used nature and creation magic, while Dairmar used nature and cold magic. The fight didn't last long.

"Well," Zevran said looking at Kateriel, "at least it was just wolves this time and not _were_ wolves." Kateriel nodded grimly.

The group soon came to the crumbling courtyard of the ruins. Kateriel took in the expressions of her fellow Dalish. Each one seemed curious, though Cairstal, Dairmar and Lanaya seemed also very excited. She wasn't surprised as they were the keepers of elven lore. They entered cautiously at first but then as they began to explore, the excitement caused them to relax more.

"Real elven architecture!" said Dairmar in awe, running his hand up a pillar.

"I do see signs of human influence here and there," Lanaya said, "Elves and humans, did they live here together?"

Cairstal hadn't said much. She did however get out some vellum and drawing tools and began furiously sketching everything she saw, her eyes wide with amazement. They slowly moved from one room to another. The Lanaya and Dairmar had brought many spare sacks in their packs, and were quickly filling them with all kinds of artifacts and books and such.

Thankfully, the temple still seemed void of the walking skeletons and spirits that Kateriel and her companions fought and defeated the last time they were there. When they came to the burial chamber Kateriel explained to Lanaya about the ritual and the pool with the earthen jar that opened the door to the chamber further in. The place still felt as though a heavy sadness hung over it. They spent quite some time in that spot, even resting there to eat before moving on.

They eventually came to the room where Kateriel had once found the spirit of an elven Arcane Warrior that trapped inside a phylactery. She told the story to the others.

"A elven Arcane Warrior…" Lanaya pondered, she turned to Kael who had not spoken a word the whole time, "Do you have any insights to offer on the human aspects of this place?"

"No," he replied flatly, "as I thought would be the case. I haven't any idea who these people were or why they were here."

"Well at least you're here for protection so it's not a total loss," quipped Kateriel, which earned her a glower from the human.

Kateriel just rolled her eyes and shook her head. This human was impossible. But what did she expect? Did she think he'd be like Alistair? The thought made her heart ache as she was reminded how much she missed him. No, Kael was not like Alistair, and she found herself closing off to him more and more. If he was going to be so difficult then she wouldn't bother trying.

Finally, after many hours, they reached the room where Kateriel's companions had encountered the Lady of the Forest spirit, and where the Keeper Zathrian had finally died. It was the final room before ascending the stairs to the large chamber near the entrance of the ruins. The elves explored the graves and anti-chambers before declaring themselves ready to leave.

As they were climbing the stairs Kateriel halted them. She her blood began to buzz signalling that darkspawn nearby. Kael pushed through the others to get to her. "They are ahead of us," he said, "Is there another way out?"

"Not that I am aware of," she replied in a low voice, "Everyone back to the last room." They retreated back down the stairs. "If we could only sneak up and see where they are and how many, but they can sense us."

"Then I will go," offered Zevran, "I will slip up the stairs and see what we are dealing with."

Kateriel nodded, "Good idea Zev, but be careful."

"My dear, have you forgotten whom you're talking to?" he replied with a smile. Quickly and silently he slipped back up the stairs.

The rest waited anxiously, afraid to hear the call to run, or the shriek of a darkspawn. But neither came. After a few minutes Zevran returned. "I have good news and bad news," he began, "The bad news is there are many darkspawn, roughly 70 or so, including three Hurlock Alphas. The good news is that they seem to have headed further into the other rooms and, hopefully, lower levels. We may be able to slip out the door if we are quiet."

And if they don't sense us, Kateriel thought but didn't say it out loud so that the others wouldn't be any more nervous. She turned and looked at Kael and Lanaya, "What do you think?"

"This could be our best chance," said Kael.

Lanaya nodded, "I agree. We can't risk looking for another exit only to find none and end up cornered somewhere."

"All right," said Kateriel, "Make sure you have your sacks secured to your packs, so you'll have your hands free to fight. Quick and quietly as you can, let's go."

They made their way up the stairs. When they reached the door at the top, Kateriel slowly opened it and peeked out. The chamber was empty as far as she could see. She opened the door and motioned the others through.

They had reached the center of the room when hell broke loose. Shrieks that had cloaked themselves in the shadows attacked from all around them. Kateriel scolded herself for not thinking of the Shrieks and their stealth ability. Once again they formed two circles, inner and outer. Just as it seemed that they had defeated the shrieks, more darkspawn burst through the back chambers.

"Move!" shouted Kateriel. They started making their way toward the exit but did not get far. A fierce roar irrupted from entranceway. An Ogre burst through, cracking the frame as it came. It picked up a massive chunk of debris and hurled it at them.

"Look out!" she cried. They all flung themselves in different directions as the debris crashed down among them. They were separated now, Kateriel and Zevran were at the top of the room closest to the Ogre, Lanaya and Gitta were off near the door they had come through, Kael was on the other side of the room from them, and Cairstal, Eljin, and Diarmar were near the bottom of the room near the door where the darkspawn were coming through.

Kateriel quickly glanced at Kael, whose eyes were on the Ogre, but she and Zevran were closer to it. "Help the others!" she shouted to him. Lanaya, Gitta and Daimar were long ranged fighters, leaving Eljin the only warrior there to attack the 'spawn short range, they needed another warrior and Kael was closer.

She and Zevran turned to fight the Ogre. She dodged, as its big fist came down at her. Then something brushed passed her bellowing a war cry. Kael had ignored her. He flew at the Ogre, bashing at its head with his shield.

Alarmed Kateriel turned quickly to the others. Darkpawn were coming through into the room and they were soon going to be overwhelmed. Kateriel turned and ran to help but could not get to Eljin before he took a slice to his side from a Hurlock Alpha, and another from a genlock to his leg. Kateriel screamed at the Alpha, taking it by surprise and relieved it of its head. Gitta stopped firing arrows to grab her brother and drag him behind the others. She gave him a healing potion and returned to rapidly firing arrows into any darkspawn in her sight.

Lanaya and Dairmar's magic was most helpful as they would kill several creatures at once with cones of ice and chain lightning. Not to mention when they turned creatures to stone or ice, it was nothing for Kateriel to break them with a strike.

But the darkspawn were many and she was starting to get overwhelmed. Fortunately Kael and Zevran had disposed of the Ogre and were now able to help. This also freed Lanaya an extra moment to cast a healing spell on Eljin to further his healing. He was able to get up and move, though was weak from blood loss.

The long rage fighters were also now able to take the higher ground and became even more effective. Finally, the last darkspawn fell and the battle was over. Lanaya was checking Eljin to make sure he was healed enough before starting to heal the others.

Kateriel looked over at Kael who was standing over the body of the Ogre with a smug and satisfied look on his face. Kateriel walked over to him and as he turned to her, she drove her fist into his face. He stumbled and fell but got up quickly, his face red with fury.

"What the hell?" he shouted at her.

"I told you to help them!" she shouted at him, standing toe to toe with him, "Eljin could have been killed before I could get to him, he almost was!"

"I don't take orders from you!" he shouted back, "You are _not_ my commanding officer, and being the 'Hero' doesn't mean I take your orders!"

"This isn't the time for this!" interrupted Lanaya, "We should get out of here in case there are more of those things nearby."

Without another word, Kael glowered at Kateriel then turned and stormed out the door. Kateriel closed her eyes and took a deep steadying breath and nodded. "Are you ok to try to walk back to camp?" she asked Eljin.

He nodded but put his arm around Gitta for support. Gitta mumbled curses about _shemlen_ as they passed by. The rest made their way out with Kateriel and Zevran bringing up the rear. Zevran looked at her sympathetically, "Just when I thought you two were starting to get along. You know, we could possibly lose him in the forest somewhere…"

Kateriel shook her head and smiled briefly, but her frown returned, as she was still angry and contemplated how to best deal with her fellow Warden.

* * *

 

Back in Denerim, Alistair was busy pouring over books that recorded his family history and lineage. He had finally told Eamon about the taint and the unlikely success of an heir. They had agreed to keep it a secret and though Eamon attempted to persuade Alistair to try producing and heir of his own, Alistair refused to agree. He didn't think Eamon had given up the argument yet but did agree to help explore other avenues.

He and Teagan had already been at it for a few hours. He heard Teagan sigh across the room. "Why don't we take a break, your majesty?"

"Please, I asked you to call me by name when we are in private company," Alistair replied, "But yes maybe we should for now. When we come back to it we will have fresh eyes."

"Eamon has demonstrated his compliance to your rule by opening up positions in the city guard, and in his Arling's guard, for elves," Teagan told him, "He invited interested persons to attend the recruit assessment training with those who have come to join your guard. Why don't we go down to see how it goes? That way you can hand pick those you think are capable. Also make sure they are given fair evaluations."

"Sounds like a good idea to me," agreed Alistair.

They headed down to the training grounds. There were many elves, male and female, gathered at the far end. Some look nervous, even a little frightened. He couldn't blame them as many human soldiers lurking around to watch had disgusted expressions on their faces.

Eben climbed up on a platform where the elves were grouped. Alistair had asked Eben to oversee the initial recruitment, and also to make sure that the commanding officers in charge of the guard and military forces were on board with this change, and that all soldiers and guards would be treated fairly on equal ground. If not, then they would put people in those positions that were. From what he had heard, a few command positions had already been changed.

On the other hand, it was to be made clear to the elven would-be soldiers that this was not an excuse to get their hands on a weapon and learn some skills to use it. This was a serious commitment and responsibility, just as it was for human soldiers.

Alistair had had a long and thorough discussion with Eben about elves and their place in the world. He needed to be sure of what Eben's personal feelings were. He was pleased to find that, though Eben was from a wealthy family, they were not always such. His father had once been a simple, yet skilled, fisherman who had worked hard and with good fortune, managed to make his way up to captain of a ship, and eventually was able able to buy two or three ships of his own. Eben's father was a wise merchant, which brought them wealth. Since they had been poor, Eben's friends were also of the poor, which included a few elves. He never agreed with the racial hatred humans had for the elves, and even when they became rich his parents never mistreated their servants, whether human, elf, or dwarf.

Eben cleared his throat and said in a loud voice, "Welcome! Let's get straight down to business. You are here to try your hand at becoming soldiers or guards in the service of Denerim and the King. This is not playtime and it is not going to be fun or easy. This is going to be painful and challenging like nothing you've ever faced. If you have any doubts now, this is the time to leave."

After a few minutes of the elves looking at one another, three of them left. Eben wasted no time in sorting the elves into groups and setting them about their training. Alistair observed from a distance for some time, and then began moving from group to group to get a closer look and offering some pointers of his own. Some elves showed natural skill and some were going to need a lot of work. He stayed for a few hours before returning into the castle.

At the end of the day, just before the evening meal, Eben returned, having been done with the day's training, but he was not alone. Alistair was in his study, which was where he seemed to spend most of his time, with Teagan again pouring over more books. Eben came in with a elf in tow, who immediately bowed on one knee before him. Eben explained that this elf asked to speak to the King about a matter of some importance, but refused to say what except that it could possibly threaten the King's reign.

Alistair studied the elf a moment, then motioned for him to rise. The elf's expression was nervous though earnest. "Who are you?" Alistair asked.

"My name is Finndal, your majesty," the elf replied, "and I was a servant to Rendon Howe."

Alistair raised his eyebrows at this and looked to the other men, before returning his eyes to Finndal. "And you say you have important information?"

"Yes, your majesty," he replied, "though my life may be in danger if the wrong people find out that I know what I know, and that I passed it on to you. But it's a risk I'm willing to take for you, your grace, for the ways you are trying to help my people."

"Have no fear, Finndal," said Alistair, looking around to the other men in the room, Teagan and Eben, "Your identity as the giver of whatever information you have will not leave this room. You have my word."

Finndal nodded, "I was serving at the Arl of Denerim's estate when he had Queen Anora..uh.. .ex-queen, I mean…" Alistair put a hand up in gesture of it being all right, and Finndal continued, "Tell me, do you know, your majesty, exactly why Howe imprisoned her?"

Alistair shrugged, "We thought it was to control her or some insane plot of Howe's."

"One day, I was cleaning the curtains in the Arl's chambers when he and his closest men came in. I overheard them talking and was terrified of being discovered so I remained very still," Finndal explained, "It turns out he suspected the queen to have been pregnant and had given birth to a child."

"What?" Alistair said in disbelief. He looked around at the others who looked as surprised as he.

"According to Howe, she had been about a month or so along, when King Cailan died at Ostagar. She was able to hide it for the first three or four months, due to being so tall and curvy, she didn't show much. And the gold waistband she wore around her waist was made to look thicker that it actually was, no one suspected a thing. Except for Howe. He felt Anora was a threat to Loghain's rule and in turn a threat to his own power. So he had her watched. After she had tried to reason with her father and had questioned him about the truth regarding his abandonment of Cailan, which Loghain all but admitted to, she left suddenly left Denerim and went back to Gwaren, where she stayed hidden away for the next 6 months or so. It was just before you arrived in Denerim with Arl Eamon, that he had gone to Gwaren and captured her. Captured being a loosely expressive word, as she opened the gates and let him in so as to ensure the safety of her people. He suspected she had given birth to the child by then and was hiding it somewhere. Of course she denied it and allowed them to search the castle. She obtained his word not to harm her people by reminding him that they were also her father's people and he would not accept their mistreatment. She agreed to leave with him peacefully once every one of his men were out of Gwaren. He had not yet got around to torturing the information out of her regarding her babe and its whereabouts, when you arrived to save her. I believe he would have."

The room was silent when Finddal had finished speaking, they hardly breathed. It made sense. With civil war and Howe's wickedness, Anora would have felt her babe, the king's heir, to be in danger. She couldn't even know how her father would react. This was indeed vital and dangerous information. _If_ it was true…..

Alistair looked at Teagan, "Would you mind finding Eamon and bringing him here?" Teagan nodded and quickly left the room.

Alistair turned back to Finndal, "Don't worry, I must include Eamon in this but he can be trusted. You are training to become a guard? Or a soldier?" Finndal nodded. Turning to Eben, Alistair said, "I cannot show him special treatment or it might arouse suspicions, but I want you to keep an eye on his training, give him extra help in secret if he needs it. Then I want him assigned to my personal guard." Eben nodded to show he understood and Finndal looked thrilled.

Eben and Finndal left Alistair was to his thoughts as he waited for Teagan to return with Eamon. Cailan's heir? Could it be possible?


	9. Challenges

The journey back to the camp was long and tense. When they had gotten a ways from the ruins, they stopped again so Lanaya could heal Eljin some more. He would still need a few days to fully heal. Kateriel refused to let Kael walk rear guard, telling him when he protested that she no longer felt she could trust him to watch her back.

Kateriel scolded herself as they walked. What was she thinking? She didn't know him. Why had she been so open to him in the first place? He wasn't Alistair, nor was he like Leliana or Morrigan. Even when she had first met her former human companions, it was a little while before she opened up to them and learned to trust them.

She thought back to when her journey had first begun. She would stay slightly away from the others at camp, though not completely away like Morrigan. She would be close enough to the fire to be warm, hear the conversations but did not attempt join in. And she would watch. She would observe them closely in all they did. Eventually, she began to talk to them one to one, in order to discern what kind of people they were and to know what to expect from them. She was good at reading people and would be able to tell if they were hiding something or lying.

She was especially concerned with Alistair, since he was her fellow Grey Warden and it seemed, unless one of them died, they would be working together indefinitely. Not to mention that she could see that he was hurting from the loss of Duncan and the other Wardens. She sympathized with him, knowing what it was lose the people you care about. Still, at first, it was a short conversation and then back to her spot to sit and watch in quiet. But as they traveled and fought together she grew to like her companions more and more, eventually becoming close with each of them, wanting to help them with each of their problems and gaining their trust. It had always been her nature to be compassionate and empathetic.

Yet, she had also always been stand-offish with people she didn't know, even amongst her own people, it was a protective mechanism. This was because she had always been a little different and people did not always understand her, which had led to hurt feelings and struggles with making friends, though it had got easier as she got older. Tamlen had been her truest friend. He had understood and accepted her like no one else ever had. Until Alistair.

So, why had she not been more guarded with Kael? Maybe, it was because since leaving her clan and experiencing the rest of the world she had grown as a person. She was much more confident and many of her own views had changed. Maybe, it was because she was with her people and Zevran, so she didn't feel the need to be more guarded. She thought about what it was going to be like once she left her people to go with the Wardens. She could see herself becoming a little more withdrawn again, but it wouldn't be so bad as long as Zevran was with her.

Regardless, Kael's arrogance was unacceptable. She wasn't trying to order him around, she was just used to leading. She saw what needed to be done and tried to set things in motion for maximum results. It had nothing to do with who was in charge. He didn't even act like they were on the same team. She couldn't trust him and that disappointed her more than she understood. Would the other Wardens treat her the same? No, she wouldn't believe that. Not when she thought of Duncan and Riordan.

When they reached the camp the group went to Lanaya's aravel, except Gitta and Eljin who went to rest, and Kael who had made a beeline for Kateriel's aravel. "Well, aside from the darkspawn I think it was a successful venture, well worth it," Lanaya said.

The others agreed and they began sorting out the artifacts and discussing what they saw. Soon the other Keepers and elders came to see what they'd discovered. Kateriel and Zevran decided to leave the others to it and returned to her aravel.

Kael was leaning against the aravel but pushed off and began to march towards them when he saw them approaching. Kateriel tensed, ready for anything. He didn't stop until he was an inch apart from her and looking down from above her. She stared back up at him, he was trying to use his size to intimidate her, it wouldn't work, and she had to suppress a smirk that was trying to form on her lips.

"Let me make this very clear to you," he growled, "You are not my commander and I am not one of your followers, like that one," he indicated to Zevran causing Zevran to scowl and Kateriel to bristle visibly, "And I am as capable as you are to take down any beast that gets in our way."

Kateriel fought to kept her voice steady through her anger, "Firstly, Zevran is my friend and companion, I trust that I don't have to give him orders when he's fighting as he is very capable on his own. However, if I see that he is needed somewhere or to do something specific, then I will tell him and I fully expect that he will do the same for me. That is what companions and comrades-in-arms do, what I was intending by having you go to the others as you were closer to help them, while Zev and I were closer to the Ogre. Secondly, I am not competing with you or anyone else for 'biggest kill', or who is the better fighter! I don't need to prove anything to you or you to me, but if you really want that arrogant chip knocked off your shoulder then maybe we better settle the matter now!"

Kael stared down at her, pausing to consider the situation a moment. He'd seen her fight and she was exceptional. But his pride would not let him back down now. "Fine idea," he replied taking a few steps back and drawing his sword and shield.

Kateriel sighed, drew her weapons and focused. She'd sparred with Alistair many times, and fought enough warriors who used a shield, but she prepared herself for anything. She'd seen Kael fight and he was very skilled, but she reminded herself again that she really didn't know him yet.

They circled around a bit before Kael took a testing swing, which Kateriel easily avoided. She darted to the left and took a swing that Kael blocked with his shield. They were testing each other and they both knew it. Kael swung at her again and she parried it with her dagger. He lunged at her to bash her with his shield. She avoided it, rolled behind him and kicked the back off his leg, making him fall on that knee. He stood quickly and roared at her swinging his shield again. This went on for some time, the two of them parrying and dodging each other's attacks. The commotion attracted the attention of some of the elves and soon there was a crowd of spectators.

Kael and Kateriel were slowly wearing down, both breathing heavily. He charged at her again, expecting her to use her agility and dodge, he was planning on catching her off guard with a sword swipe right after a shield thrust. But she surprised him but using the leverage from his shield thrust to launch herself in the air, and kick him in the head, knocking him to the ground. She was instantly on him, pinning his arm down with her legs and putting her dagger to his throat. The elves watching cheered.

Kael and Kateriel sat glaring at each other, panting for breath. She didn't release him right away, staying with her blade against his throat. She had won but how would he take it? Would he attack her once she let him up? "Yield?" she panted.

He continued to glare but something in his eyes changed, and he finally said, "Yes, though you are still not my commander. We will work together, as a team. Agreed?" Kateriel nodded and released him. He stood and crossed his arms and bowed. She returned the gesture.

"Well now that that's over, how about dinner? Hmm?" asked Zevran building up the fire. The crowd dispersed while Kateriel and Kael sat down at the fire with Zevran. Zevran broke the silence by mentioning packing up in the morning to continue the journey south and asking how much longer it would be until they reached the place where the rest of the clans were to meet them.

Kateriel was reminded again how glad she was to have Zevran there and replied it would be a few more days. Kael asked what would happen from that point. The conversation continued through the meal and for a while after until they decided to call it a night. Kateriel could tell that Kael was nursing his wounded prided, as his parts in the conversations were short and a tad brusque and she hoped he'd get over it soon.

The next few days were spent traveling southward and were pretty uneventful. Bandits would have to be pretty strong and gutsy to attack clans of Dalish elves traveling together in the forest. Finally they reached the place for the Arlathvhen, the meeting of the clans. There were a couple of clan already there and there was word of others arriving soon. There were messages and rumors of clans making their way down from outside of Ferelden. There excited talks about the biggest Arlathvhen in centuries and the accumulation of all the information each clan had regarding their ancestry. They agreed to wait no more than two weeks to hold the Arlathvhen and make plans to head to their new land. They must also wait for word from the king on how to best proceed with the takeover.

In the meantime, there were scouting parties searching for other ruins in the forest and the Dalish continued to train and educate their new brethren. Brienna had spent time sparing and hunting with Kateriel for several days, but then came less and less. She was spending more time with others her age and Kateriel was glad to see it. Brienna had mentioned on one occasion that her mentor had become impressed with her skills and was giving her extra attention. Kateriel smiled to herself wondering if there was more to it.

A messenger arrived from Denerim one day with letters for Lanaya and the Keepers from the king, and one for Kateriel from Wynne. The letter told Kateriel about Wynne's efforts for fair treatment of mages and support for the Circle Tower, and the support she was receiving from Alistair. Wynne told her that he was making quite a stir of things with the changes he was trying to put in motion. She told Kateriel all about the recruitment and training of the elves for the guard and military, and the money he was putting into the alienage. Not many people knew about the funding, as it was negotiated between him and Shianni, who was the new Hahren. It wasn't too large a sum, so as not to raise an outcry from nobles needing help in their Banns or from the human poor, but enough to make things healthier and liveable. Wynne said Alistair was preparing to travel to Highever, then to the Circle Tower, before heading down to Gwaren. He would be meeting with the Dalish Keepers around the time of the Arlathvhen. She concluded her letter by saying that she was very proud of the king that Alistair was turning out to be, and hoped all was well with Kateriel and her people.

Kateriel's feelings were in turmoil again when she finished reading her letter. She was so proud of Alistair, but she felt strangely saddened as well. Maybe it was because she wished she could see it, be there at his side, working with him. Maybe she was feeling a little stupidly selfish and bothered that he was doing so well with out her. Maybe she just missed him so much that she'd like to dig her heart out with her dagger.

She thought of Duncan's letter. What would happen if she gave it to him now? He was doing so well and the changes he was trying to make were important, he was doing so much good. Maybe it would be better to just leave it be. If Alistair stepped down from being king, things would go back to the way they had always been. It should be his choice, she decided, but she would not risk sending the letter. It would have to wait until she could give it to him herself.

* * *

 

Alistair was seated at the high table in the great hall of Highever castle. He'd traveled to Highever, as he'd promised Fergus Cousland. The Teyrn had greeted him warmly and given Alistair the tour of the castle, or what remained of it and was being rebuilt. He was talking with his host about Fergus' parents and the ongoing search for his brother. They skirted around the topic of Fergus' wife and son. The Teyrn told Alistair about the damages done to the people of Highever, the towns and villages under Howe's rule as well. Once again Alistair promised to help in any way he could. Fergus assured the king that they would not need much, as the people of Highever were strong and would recover.

They sat in the large study after supper, and after a few glasses of wine were telling amusing stories of their past. They were very similar in their sense of humour and Alistair realized that he was finding a real friend in Fergus Cousland.

There came a pause after a bit of laughter, when they sat in a comfortable, companionable silence. It was broken by Fergus' curiosity. "I hear you and our 'Hero of Ferelden' were very close," he said, "I only briefly got a chance to speak to her the night of the coronation ball when I danced with her. Some of these amusing tales you tell of your travels shed an interesting light on her person. Tell me a little more about what she's really like, if you don't mind. I'll soon be her Teyrn after all. "

Alistair was happy to oblige, Kateriel was one of his favourite topics. "When I first met her I didn't know what to make of her. She was strong and fierce in battle, and seemed to be fearless. She was estranged and aloof, cold and quiet, but not nasty or hostile, as I've heard the Dalish can be. She was sad and resigned about leaving her people and the death of a close friend. She would sit at camp and not say a word, but would watch everyone with those deep green eyes; it used to drive me crazy because you couldn't tell what she was thinking. She was designated the leader of our mismatched group of companions and once she became accustomed to the idea, she started talking to each of us more. She would ask questions and listen to us and seem genuinely interested. As we got to know her, we found that she was warm and kind hearted, she loves to laugh, sing and dance. Each of us grew to like her and she became more than a leader, she was a friend, daughter, sister, and …" He stopped and felt his face heat when he realized what he'd almost said, and he hoped it didn't show through the flush already created on his skin by the wine.

Fergus studied Alistair's face and saw the pain in his eyes. He'd heard the rumours of the true relationship between the two Wardens. And being a noble, he imagined he knew exactly what the situation was and the cause of his new friend's pain. An elf and the king? Impossible. Unthinkable. At least to other nobles, it didn't matter as far as Fergus was concerned. A person's nobility and worth was found within that person, not outward appearance or origin of birth.

Fergus had had enough trouble with people's disapproval when he'd married a woman from Antiva. But at least Alistair's love was still alive. He decided not to ask Alistair about the truth tonight. Then Fergus opened up to Alistair about him wife and son, their death and his pain. Before the end of the evening Fergus pledged his loyalty and support to Alistair, and his friendship.

Alistair remained in Highever one day more. The Teyrn asked to accompany Alistair as he traveled in order to search for any news of his brother. Fergus left Highever in the hands of a trusted knight, Ser Gilmore, who was loyal to the Cousland family, and had fought Howe's men when they attacked the castle, barely surviving. Gilmore had given Fergus' brother time to escape but didn't know where he'd gone after that.

Alistair traveled south, stopping to visit various Bannorns along the way. There was trouble in some Bannorns with bandits and desperate people. Some Banns were angry and some were glad to see the new king. Alistair was glad that the people would see that he had the support of one of the two Teyrnirs. They would deal with the other one soon enough. Delicately, that was the plan. The fear was that Anora would use the child, if it existed, against Alistair. The fact that she had yet to come forward with it could mean that she was afraid for the life of the child as well. Alistair did not want more civil war. He and his advisors were already discussing what would be the best plan of action if it turned out that there was indeed an heir to Cailan's throne.

As far as Alistair was concerned, he really hoped it was true. However, he was torn between stepping down and returning to the Wardens, or remaining to rule and preventing Anora from reigning again. She would undo everything he was trying to accomplish and he didn't trust her. The most obvious choice would be to adopt the child himself. That thought scared him; he knew nothing of raising a child. He also doubted the child's mother would accept the idea. He would have to put more thought into it when he had time. He need to focus on other things at hand as well, the Circle Tower, the Banns, and the Dalish elves new land. He wondered if he'd see Kateriel when it was time to meet up with the Dalish.


	10. Like Two Ships.....

The night had been filled with thunderstorms and the rain had continued into the morning. Centuries on the road and living in the wilderness gave the elves the ability to sense changes in the weather, so they had erected shelters and covered supplies and firewood against the rain.

Kateriel and her companions were keeping dry inside her aravel. Kateriel was lounging on a top bunk at the back while chatting with Zevran who was relaxing in the bunk below her. Kael sat by one of the aravel's small windows, glaring out at the drenched world beyond.

Kateriel's gaze fell on Kael and she studied him for a moment. His serious, brooding expression reminded her suddenly of Sten, and the thought made her smile. She once had to put Sten in his place with a one-on-one battle as well. Kateriel lay on her back and looked up at the ceiling above her. She wondered what Sten was doing now, where he was, and if he was all right. That made her smile again; it was Sten, so of course he was all right. But she missed her giant friend. She grinned thinking of the ways he'd begun to make jokes and tease her and some of the others companions.

Her thoughts turned back to Kael. There had been moments during their time together when he would stop brooding and just talk to her. She really enjoyed those moments; she thought she rather liked him when they could just talk. And then he would return to being resentful and broody. However, it had been a couple of days since their personal battle and she realized that the pleasant moments had become more frequent and he seemed to be brooding less. And maybe it was wishful thinking….

She turned on her side again, bending her arm up and propping her head against her hand, she looked at Kael with a smile, "I almost think you could actually stop the rain with that look."

Kael just turned his glare toward her for a few seconds before returning it out the window. Kateriel sighed. She leaned over the edge of the bed and brought up the subject of Sten to Zevran. Soon they were laughing together over some of their memories.

"I don't think you were there when Sten had finally found a way to get Morrigan to stop trying to seduce him," Kateriel said.

"No, I never found out," said Zevran, and eager look in his eye, "I wondered what had finally made her desist her attempts. What was it?"

"I can't remember his exact words but he told her he was finally interested and that she'd need a helmet, something to bite down on," she giggled when his eyes widened, "and a hot poker or something in case he tried to 'nuzzle'." They both broke out in a fit of laughter. When Kateriel caught her breath, she gasped, "Morrigan changed her mind after that."

"Now why had I not asked about this sooner?" Zevran scolded himself, "I could have had such fun!"

"I'm glad you didn't," Kateriel said, "I prefer you alive." Kateriel's mind wandered now to wondering where Morrigan might be and the fate of the child that was supposedly growing inside her. She didn't like to think about it much. Agreeing to Morrigan's proposal bothered her more and more. Kateriel had agreed to it to ensure the lives of both Alistair and herself, but mostly for Alistair. She had no idea what the consequences might be. But there was no way to change it so she put it out of her head.

Kateriel turned and looked at Kael again. It was on the tip of her tongue to say something to try to be friendly but she stopped herself. _No_ , she thought, _I've tried enough. I'm not begging for someone's friendship._

It was only raining lightly now and she decided she needed some air and to stretch her legs. She put on her cloak and opened the door. She had just stepped out the door, and paused as she saw people walking toward them. Two humans leading horses were being lead and flanked by four armed elves. Mithra was one of the lead elves and she lifted her hand in greeting. She was about to speak when Kael, who had come to stand behind Kateriel, brushed passed her.

"Jacqueline! Darrel!" he called to the humans. Kateriel took note of the smile on his lips. The human female gave Kael a small smile, while the human male, who looked to be about the same age as Kael, grinned broadly and called out "Kael!" in response.

For some reason Kael's enthusiastic greeting for his fellow human Wardens irritated her and she decided to ignore all of them and focus her attention on Mithra. "Aneth ara, lethallan," Kateriel said to her stepping forward.

"Aneth ara," Mithra replied, "These humans say they are Grey Wardens and asked to see you… and _him_ " she said gesturing slightly with her head toward Kael, "It appears they spoke the truth."

"Yes," said Kateriel, casting her gaze briefly over the two humans. She looked back at Mithra and the other elves, her expression one of understanding and humour. With a little smirk she said, "Ma serrannas, ma falons." The other elves nodded, smirked, or smiled in return and left.

Kateriel turned her attention to the Wardens. The man, Darrel, had watched as the elves turned to leave then looked at Kael with his eyebrows raised. Kael rolled his eyes and shook his head, causing Darrel to grin. Kateriel narrowed her eyes at them and crossed her arms, leaning on one leg. Her eyes grazed over the man quickly to take him in. He was shorter and stockier than Kael, with long light brown hair that was pulled back, dark brown eyes and his skin had a dark tanned color. He had a scar on his chin, wore heavy armour, and he carried a two handed broadsword.

She was aware that the woman, Jacqueline, was watching her. In fact, she hadn't taken her eyes off Kateriel since after greeting Kael. Kateriel finally focus her attention on this woman, meeting her eyes steadily. She broke their eye contact to study the woman entirely. Jacqueline was tall, even taller than Darrel and Kael, with a pretty face complete with a slim nose that came to an aristocratic point, large hazel eyes and long lashes, and dark brown hair kept pulled back and tightly braided. Kateriel guessed her age to be around 40 and she had a strong and confident way about her. She wore an impressive set of Grey Warden chain mail and carried a sword and shield. When Kateriel met Jacqueline's eyes again the woman wore a smirk on her lips, clearly noticing Kateriel sizing her up.

Darrel in the mean time had moved over to Kael to grasp his hand in greeting again. "I see you're still in one piece!" he laughed. He then turned his attention to Kateriel. "Soooo…" he said, "This must be Kateriel?"

Kael nodded, his expression becoming serious again, "Yes, this is Kateriel. Our slayer of the archdemon," he said with no reverence but also no sarcasm, which suited Kateriel just fine and she took it as an improvement on his attitude.

Looking at Kateriel and gesturing to Darrel, Kael said, "Kateriel, this Darrel…" Darrel greeted her with the Grey Warden bow and Kateriel returned the gesture. Kael turned and gestured to the woman next, "and this is Jacqueline, Senior Grey Warden under Commander Stroud." The two women bowed to each other but still said nothing.

"It is an honour to meet you, Kateriel," said Darrel stepping up to her and extending his hand. He watched her intently; clearly curious as to how she would respond.

Kateriel's mouth curled into her trademark slightly crooked smile, though just a small one due to the awkwardness she felt. She took his hand and when she felt him give a slight squeeze, she squeezed back, "Like-wise, Darrel." He grinned at her.

Turning to Jacqueline, Kateriel became serious again and asked, "Where is Commander Stroud?"

Jacqueline spoke for the first time since their arrival. Her tone was stern, with an Orlesian accent, "Stroud is in Redcliffe. He has sent us to bring you and Kael there."

"No," was Kateriel's reply, equally stern. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

Kael scoffed and shook his head, "Not this again," he groaned.

Jacqueline raised an eyebrow at Kateriel, her tone now taking on an icier edge, "Excuse me? 'No'?" her nostrils flared a bit, but she kept her voice level, "All your accomplishments and victories are highly commendable and worthy of great respect and honour, but you are not above following the rules of the Order and the commands of Wardens above you in rank. Or is it because you are Dalish and that you 'will never submit'? If that is the case, I'll remind you that you are no longer a part of any family or race, not since your joining."

Kateriel's eyes widened slightly at Jacqueline's use of the Dalish code, she was shocked that the woman knew anything about it. Then her eyes narrowed into a glare as Kateriel's temper sparked. "I do not need you to remind me of _anything_ ," Kateriel said her voice becoming low and menacing, "I fully accept being a Grey Wardens, but it is because _I choose_ to do so. And though I may be a Warden, I will also _always_ be Dalish! Neither my accomplishments, nor my race, have anything to do with my refusal to go to Redcliffe. Stroud and I made an agreement that I could remain with my people for two months. Now he's going back on his word? I expected better of him."

"Stroud said you might resist leaving, he did inform me of your agreement. Your leaving isn't permanent," Jacqueline replied, examining her gauntlet, "We will be meeting up with the Dalish again. Stroud sent word to the Wardens to meet at Redcliffe where we will decide on how to proceed in regards to some of the issues at hand in Ferelden. All Wardens currently in Ferelden are required to be there. That includes you."

Kael immediately turned and began to saddle his horse; clearly he intended to go regardless of Kateriel's choice. Kateriel chose to ignore him. Zevran, who had been standing in the door of the aravel, now stood next to Kateriel. Jacqueline spared him a glance before returning her gaze to Kateriel.

"You just show up here with barely an introduction and begin ordering me around. You want to play the race game? Is it because I'm _Dalish_ that you humans keep showing up and start giving me orders like some kind of servant who's going to jump to your every demand?" Kateriel growled, still infuriated by the situation and the woman's attitude.

"I am a Senior Warden," Jacqueline replied, her voice icy, "That puts you under my command. What will it be? I'd hate for this to become unpleasant."

"It's already unpleasant," Kateriel scoffed, "and is that a threat? You are in a Dalish encampment. I wouldn't advise picking a fight. Not that I think I'd need anyone's help to deal with you." This last statement caused Zevran to smile, Kateriel could see from the corner of her eye.

To Kateriel's surprise, Kael came up beside her and spoke gently. "Come on Kateriel, it's a command for all Wardens. You're one of us now. We'll be able to travel quickly by horseback so it will probably not be too long before you'll be back."

Kateriel blinked at him in disbelief for a moment. After the way he'd acted towards her, their fight, and all his brooding, he suddenly acts as though they friends, as if he could persuade her? She looked over his now familiar face and into his deep green eyes that, at this moment, seemed to have lost all severity and were filled with sincerity. Maybe he was beginning to like her after all, or at least respect her. His soften toned disarmed her with its unusualness, and she found herself wanting to trust him.

"The Arlathvhen is just over a week away and I want to be here for it," she said, her face and tones softening a bit, "Do you think we can make it back by then?"

He shook his head, "I don't know."

Kateriel sighed. She looked at Zevran, who looked at her and raised his eyebrows. She looked at Jacqueline who returned her gaze with a face of expressionless stone. Kateriel stared off to the side a moment trying to think. Finally she looked back at Jacqueline, "I'll go, but I have some conditions."

Jacqueline narrowed her eyes, "Such as?"

"First, Zevran," she said gesturing at him, "is coming with me. Secondly, I need to be back for the Arlathvhen, and thirdly, I get the time away added on to my time with my people."

"I can agree to your first request," Jacqueline said hesitantly, looking Zevran over, "but you'll have to clear the others with Stroud."

Kateriel nodded, "Fine. Now I have to speak to Keeper Lanaya." She looked at Kael and Zevran, "I'm going to give up my aravel, I've been thinking about this for a while. So you might want to make sure you have all your stuff." They nodded to her and turned to get their things. Kateriel placed a hand on Zevran's arm and lead him a little away, "Is this alright with you? I'm not going to assume to just drag you everywhere I go."

"I have chosen to travel with you, my friend," Zevran replied, "I will let you know when that changes and I do not foresee it happening anytime soon." He looked at her more intently, "Are _you_ alright with this?"

Kateriel sighed and shook her head slightly, "I don't know but I can't keep fighting them if I'm to be one of them." He placed his hand on her shoulder and with a look of understanding, gave it a squeeze. She smiled and left to find Lanaya.

The rain had stopped sometime during the Wardens' conversation and Lanaya was sitting outside her aravel. Kateriel explained what was happening and that she didn't plan on being gone for long.

"This is actually very convenient," Lanaya said, "I've been wondering about getting up to visit Arl Wolfe, as his lands will border ours. I wanted to begin a peaceful relationship by addressing any concerns he or his people might have. If you are going that way perhaps you could stop by there and represent our people?"

Kateriel agreed that she would try. She told Lanaya to express her deepest appreciation to everyone for the aravel, but to please take it for people who need it more. Lanaya reluctantly agreed and they said their farewells.

Kateriel was making her way back to join the Wardens, when she caught sight of two young elves behind an aravel. It was Brienna and a young man whom Kateriel was not acquainted with. Brienna had her back against the aravel and the young man was leaning over her, braced with one arm against the aravel, and their heads very close together. Kateriel's surprise caused her to stop walking. Brienna noticed Kateriel and her face went deep red. The young man looked up, quickly pushed off the aravel, and took a step back from Brienna. Kateriel just smiled and began to walk over.

"So…" she began, looking at Brienna, "This is why I've seen less and less of you."

Brienna fidgeted and looked at her hands, "Yes. Kateriel this is Cavan," she said nervously, then mumbled, "…. my mentor."

Kateriel managed to resist laughing but she could not hide her grin. It looks as though Brienna managed to impress her mentor after all. "Aneth ara, Cavan," she said to him, "It's nice to meet you."

"And it's an honour to meet you," he said, meeting her eyes despite his embarrassment.

"Well, I should go," Kateriel said, "I'm leaving for a few days and I need to pack. Take care you two and," she finally laughed as she turned to go, "find a better place to hide!"

Kateriel returned to her aravel and packed up her things. The others were ready to go. She noticed that Jacqueline's horse was bearing the chests that Kael had brought. She hadn't thought about that fact that they were going by horse, which meant that she and Zevran would have to ride with a Warden. Just as she was wondering who she'd be riding with, Kael brought his horse up next to her and offered her his hand. She inwardly shrugged; it didn't matter to her either way. She took his hand and swung lithely up behind him. Zevran hopped up behind Darrel with a wink at Kateriel. She had to suppress a laugh as it occurred to her that Kael might be uncomfortable riding with Zevran after the elf had hit on to him. Kael turned his head to speak to her, "All set?"

Kateriel nodded and said yes, and Jacqueline led them out of the camp. They traveled for a while in silence, and then Darrel and Zevran began to chat amiably. Darrel told them he was from Rivain originally. The two of them began to share stories about Rivain and Antiva, and even some of the other places they'd traveled.

Kateriel listened intently; she'd never traveled out of Ferelden. She asked Kael if he'd ever been to Antiva and Rivain. He replied that he'd been to Antiva once or twice but not to Rivain. He began to join in, telling some of his own travel stories along with the other two men. Kateriel couldn't help be feel a little envious and began to look forward to traveling to Weisshaupt, and seeing some other places.

Jacquline didn't engage in their conversation and only spoke with short answers if asked a question. Kael and Darrel referred to her as 'Jack' in casual conversation, but since she was introduced to Kateriel as 'Jacqueline', Kateriel decided she would address her as such until given permission to do otherwise.

They had reached the Southron Hills, and began to make their way through the hills and valleys. About half way through, they were passing through a rocky valley when Jacqueline stopped, raising her fist to signal the others to do so also. Then one by one each of the Wardens began to feel it.

"What is it?" whispered Zevran in Darrel's ear.

"Darkspawn," he replied grimly.

"Dismount," ordered Jacqueline, jumping down from her horse and leading it over to Darrel, who dismounted and took her horse's reins, "Darrel take the horses back a little ways and keep them safe," he nodded and led the horses away. Jacqueline turned to the others, "The rest of you find cover and wait for my signal."

There were plenty of boulders and outcroppings to hide behind in the valley. Kateriel and Zevran took cover on one side while Jacqueline and Kael hid on the other. Hiding behind a large boulder, Kateriel looked over at Jacqueline. The human woman was looking back at her, and it seemed to Kateriel that there was a question in her eyes. Kateriel was sure she knew what it was, and gave a little nod to Jacqueline. It meant, _Yes, I will follow your lead._

They waited for the 'spawn to appear. How well their enemy would sense them depended on the level of intelligence of the creatures. If it were just hurlocks and genlocks often they would confuse the Warden taint with their own, making it easy to attack or ambush the 'spawn because the creatures wouldn't be able to pinpoint the Wardens exact location. However, if there was an emissary or a smart alpha in the group, it was another story.

Finally, a genlock appeared followed by another, soon and more darkspawn followed; genlocks, hurlocks, bolters, and finally a genlock emissary and a hurlock alpha. The last two stopped together, looking around, they could sense the Wardens were there. The alpha snarled something and all the creatures stopped and looked around.

Kateriel looked over at Jacqueline, who was watching the two 'spawn leaders. Jacqueline looked at Kateriel and motioned for her took take out the emissary. Kateriel nodded and was glad that Jacqueline seemed to think the same way she did: take out the magic users first.

Kateriel used her stealth to move along the rocks until she got up behind the emissary. The hurlock alpha had begun to makes it way among the rocks on the other side, looking for the Wardens. That meant Jacqueline and Kael would take care of him. Kateriel sprang forward and stuck her blades deep into the vital spots of the emissary. The creature shrieked and writhed in pain, turning with its last bit of strength and firing a lightning bolt at Kateriel as she sprang back, before it fell dead to the ground. Kateriel dodged the bolt but gritted her teeth in pain as she was singed by one of the bolt's little 'fingers'.

Her attack on the emissary got the attention of the hurlock alpha giving Kael the opportunity to ambush the creature, smashing its head with his shield and driving his sword in its side. Jacqueline decided to leave the alpha to Kael and attacked the remaining 'spawn, leaping off a rock and bearing down on the closest hurlock bolter with her shield, smashing its head which split and caved. She was on to the next 'spawn before the creature even hit the ground.

Zevran was in the center of the valley with her, slicing off the head of a genlock, spinning and piercing another in the throat. Kateriel and Kael were soon with them. Arrows began to kill or incapacitate some of the creatures, as Darrel fired a bow from the distance. Kateriel drove her sword and dagger into the chest and stomach of a hurlock, ignoring the blood that splattered across her face. As the creature fell dead at her feet she looked around, that was the last one. Jacqueline signalled to Darrel to come back with the horses. After checking the darkspawn for any goods, the Wardens mounted their horses again and rode off.

They continued on through the Southron Hills until they were near the main highway. It was near dark when they set up camp. They built a fire and had their meal. Zevran gladly took the lead in telling Darrel, and Jacqueline who didn't ask but was clearly listening, all about their journey to defeat the Blight. Kateriel had to tell most of what had occurred before she met Zevran and, as usual, he filled in parts Kateriel left out, things he had learned from hearing the tale from their other previous companions.

Zevran gave her a scolding look and shook his head, "I don't know why you continue to downplay and simplify your tale, my dear."

Kateriel shrugged and said, "I'm sure I didn't do anything any other Grey Warden would have done." And she lay back on her bedroll and look up at the stars. Her comment made Darrel grin and Kael scowl. Jacqueline just looked at her thoughtfully.

Darrel and Zevran continued to talk and after a while Kateriel lifted her head again. She could see Kael and Jacqueline a little ways away, talking quietly to each other. Their eyes flicked her way, and Kateriel inwardly shrugged and then lay back down. Let them talk about her, she didn't care.

Darrel was a friendly, talkative fellow, and he began to ask Kateriel about the Dalish and her own clan. She answered his questions politely and as thoroughly as she thought necessary, but not opening up personally, not talking about Tamlen and how much she missed her clan. Opening up like that too early to Kael hadn't won her any friendly points, so she wasn't about to do it again with anyone else.

After a while, Kael and Jacqueline joined them again at the fire. Darrel smiled at Kael and said, "Considering how hostile the Dalish can be towards humans, I half expect you to be dead, or at least maimed, by the time we got to you! What with your 'friendly' personality and all..."

"Shut up, Darrel" Kael shot back with a smirk.

"We should get some rest," Jacqueline informed them, "Kael and Darrel are on first watc. I will take second watch with Kateriel."

"And what about me?" asked Zevran with a hint of annoyance at being disregarded.

"You can rest," she replied flatly, "or you can take first watch with the other two men if you like." She turned and moved to her bedroll.

Kateriel pondered the different motives Jacqueline might have for setting their watch together while she fell asleep. All too soon she was awakened by Kael to begin her watch. The fire burned low and Kateriel could see Jacqueline sitting on the other side of it.

She stretched and began to walk about along the edge of their camp. She stopped and stared up at the stars. It brought to mind her previous travels and her previous companions. Alistair's face filled her mind and her heart filled suddenly with longing for him so strong it ached painfully, so much that it was hard to breathe. She began to think about what it would be like right now if he was there with her, with these Wardens. She only then fully realized how unsure and awkward she was feeling with this new situation, these new people, this new life. She knew how much stronger and secure she'd feel if he was at her side. But he wasn't, she reminded herself, and she needed to rely on her own strength, as she had before. Her mind traveled to Alistair's letter from Duncan. Maric had loved not one elf but two and had to give up both of them. Her lips curled a little at the edges. Like father like son, she thought.

"It is a fair night," Jacqueline said, coming up beside her. Kateriel just nodded in agreement. "It is a tragedy what happened at Ostagar," Jacqueline continued, "I knew most of the Wardens that were there, especially Duncan. So he recruited you, tell me, what did you think of him?"

Kateriel took a moment to consider her answer, wondering if she was being baited. As usual, she decided honesty to be the best route. Still staring up at the sky she replied, "I didn't know him very well really. But he seemed to be a good man, brave and honorable, very kind but firm. He was very patient with me as we traveled, very understanding of the painfulness surrounding my recruitment and having to leave my clan. I respected him…. I liked him. I wish I could have known him more."

Jacqueline studied Kateriel's face as she spoke. "He was well liked," Jacqueline said, "I think you will find other Wardens as equally honourable. Kael speaks highly of you."

Kateriel's eyes shot to Jacqueline's face and her brow creased in confusion, "He does?"

"He says you have a quick and fiery temper," Jacqueline said, a little smile of amusement on her face, "but only when provoked. He speaks highly of your skills and after what I saw today, I agree. You seem surprised he would speak positively regarding you. Should he not?"

Again Kateriel felt like she was being tested, perhaps to see if Kateriel would complain about Kael, if she would squeal on him for his behaviour and attitude. She suspected he had told Jacqueline about their 'little duel' and the woman was testing her to see what she'd say about it.

Still she wondered at Kael saying anything about it at all, given his pride. Maybe he and Jacqueline were close. Kateriel wondered what exactly he had told Jacqueline about it. "We haven't always agreed. But he seems like a good man and he's a brave and skilled warrior. We're really just still getting to know one another. He is beginning to earn my respect and trust."

"I noticed in the battle today you are an exceptional rogue. I also noticed you have duelist skills. That's not common among the Dalish is it?"

Kateriel's mouth quirked up a bit in one corner. "No, you're right, it's not. I picked up many skills in my travels and learned a lot from my companions. I even picked up on skills as a bard, but found it didn't suite my taste." After a moment's pause she asked, "What about you? Your prowess in battle is impressive, to say the least. Where did you learn your skills?"

Jacqueline's face grew serious again, "I was a Chevalier, or 'Dame' as women Chevaliers are referred to."

When she didn't say anymore, Kateriel decided to try her luck and ask, "How did you come to join the Wardens?"

Jacqueline was silent and Kateriel began to think she wouldn't get an answer. Then Jacqueline spoke, her voice low, "I was…volunteered. It was not conscription. The Wardens were looking for possible recruits," she turned to look at Kateriel, her eyes dark, "Let's just say the manipulative politics of Orlais can be like walking a razors edge. It was not my choice," Jacqueline sighed but then her voice turned hard as stone, "but I will not dishonour myself by being anything other than one of the finest, fiercest Wardens that ever lived. I will not do anything half way simply because I cannot change my situation."

Kateriel held Jacqueline's gaze while she spoke and Kateriel saw the fiery light of resolve, pride, and strength in Jacqueline's eyes and she found a new respect for the Senior Warden. She could relate to the human's story in a way. She wondered if that was Jacqueline's intention, sharing her story in order to encourage Kateriel.

Kateriel smiled and nodded, "I agree."

Jacqueline quirked an eyebrow at her, "Do you?"

Kateriel's tried to convey her sincerity, "Yes, I do. Despite what it may seem, I have fully accepted being a Warden. But it doesn't change who I am, it just becomes part of me. Being a proud Dalish hunter is also part of that. And I can honour not only myself but my people by being one of the greatest Wardens ever," then she added in jest with a grin, "and I think I'm off to a pretty good start. You know…killing the Archdemon…saving Ferelden…."

Jacqueline blinked at Kateriel for a second and then, slowly, and smile formed on her lips, "I guess no one could deny you that."

And with that they walked back to the fire and waited out the rest of the night.

* * *

 

Alistair found himself in the First Enchanter's study in the Circle Tower. They had traveled to many of the northern most bannorns, and he made a special trip to the Circle to see how the mages were recovering. Wynne was there, having traveled to the Tower a few days ahead of him. He shuddered as he remembered the last time he was there. It had been horrible; the stuff night terrors are made of.

He was in the study with Eben and Fergus, waiting for Knight Commander Greagoir and First Enchanter Irving. Alistair was looking at the books on the shelves when the door opened and both men and Wynne entered, each bowing to him.

"Your majesty," said Irving, "It is an honour to see you again. And this time, in much more pleasant circumstances."

Alistair smiled, "Agreed. How is the circle recovering?"

"We lost many mages in the catastrophe that happened here," replied Irving, "and in the battle at Denerim. But we were proud to do our part."

"The templars are also recovering," added Greagoir, "We've had new recruitment, despite what happened. We will be tightening our guard and cracking down on restrictions. We will not let such a disaster happen again." The anger and force that laced his voice was unmistakable.

Alistair studied the man a moment. He remembered that Greagoir could be a reasonable man, or at least that was the impression he'd gotten the last time he was there. "I understand your desire to prevent the horror of what happened here, but I'd caution you not to go to heavy with your hand against the mages. Part of the reason that they rebelled was because of their lack of freedoms. I trained to be a templar once upon a time and I can remember some templars can be a bit extreme, and some abuse their power. It's a good idea to be watchful of the mages, but I'd keep a close eye on your knights too."

Greagoir huffed, "So are you going to advocate for mages rights too, as you have with the elves? I heard that about that speech you made to Grand Cleric Elemena at court the morning you left Denerim. Freedom for the elves is one thing; freedom for mages is something else entirely."

Alistair couldn't help but smile at the mention of what had happened at court –

" _Do you question the wisdom of the Chantry and its laws, your majesty?" Grand Cleric Elemena challenged, "You seem to disagree with what happened at the Dales. Where does your faith lie?"_

" _I have seen the ancient ruined temple that housed the Urn with the ashes of Andraste. I witnessed the powers that protected those ashes," Alistair replied with reverent seriousness, "I have witnessed the miracle that those ashes wrought, restoring my faith in Andraste and the Maker. However, does that make every decision the Chantry makes right? I'm all for spreading the Chant of light and converting non-believers, but not by force. The Qunari capture and conquer people and places, and force them to convert to the Qun, resistance results in brainwash or death. I believe we are better than that. I don't believe Andraste would want people forced into conversion. The ancient Tevinters feared the ancient elves and enslaved and destroyed them. I believe the Chantry is better than that, which is why I don't agree with what happened to the Dales. There was fault on both sides in that war, as far as I'm concerned. But there can be peace if we are willing to make it."_

_Alistair looked around as he finished speaking. Some people nodded their heads and some shook them._

" _How do you know so much about the Qunari, majesty?" the Grand Cleric asked._

" _I traveled with one," he replied, a small smile played on his lips, "It was…. educational."_

"You know how dangerous mages can be," continued Greagoir, "They must be kept under control."

"I agree that tight vigilance is imperative," returned Alistair, "but tightening your grip could make it worse. Magic is dangerous, not necessarily the mages. Mages are people, with emotions and souls. Would it really be so bad if we were, for example, let them see their families? Especially the children we take from their parents to bring here? Maybe they wouldn't grow up to be so bitter. Is it so bad for them to have people to care about and to care about them? To have more contact, _monitored_ , contact with the outside world?"

"This is the way the system has always worked," Greagoir said, "You make interesting points, your majesty, but after what happened here, leniency is far from consideration. Now if you'll excuse me I have recruits to evaluate."

Irving turned to Alistair after Greagoir left, "I can't fault him for his attitude at this time. The wound is still too fresh. I appreciate your words, your majesty. Please feel free to look around the tower. Wynne can be your guide. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"No, First Enchanter," replied Alistair, "Thank you."

"Then I will take my leave," said Irving, "I have students to teach." The elderly mage turned and left the room.

Alistair turned to Wynne, "What's your view on the circle's recovery?"

"We are almost back to normal," replied Wynne with a sigh, "Irving is right, the wound is still fresh. And it will take time to heal. I appreciate your stopping by."

"I felt it was necessary," Alistair said, "I have little control over what happens here but I can try to be persuasive."

Wynne chuckled, "That you can, and I think you're developing a real talent for it."

Alistair said his goodbyes and he and his companions traveled back across the lake. The rest of his party was waiting on the shore. They packed up again and moved on. They were traveling by horseback, as it was unseemly for the king to go by foot, and Alistair was not yet comfortable riding in the royal carriage. For some reason he found it embarrassing. Besides, he wanted to be a little more discreet while traveling around. They traveled southward along the road. He spent a couple of days visiting the southern bannorns.

On the second night he found himself on the top of a tower of a castle belonging to the Bann of a town situated north of the highway. Looking out he could see the dark mass that was the Southron Hills. Somewhere to the southeast was the Dalish encampment, and somewhere out there, was Kateriel.

He longed to see her, to hear her voice. He could close his eyes and hear her laughter in his head. He loved to make her laugh, to see her smile. His heart ached painfully. He missed her so much. He both looked forward to and dreaded meeting with the Dalish. He hoped to see her even though it would probably be torture. He felt guilty for not writing to her. He just wasn't sure what to say. Would it ever get easier?


	11. Blue Memories and Grey Altercations

The Grey Warden party woke and prepared to leave before the sun rose. A hasty breakfast was prepared before the fire was extinguished. Kael's attention was drawn to the fact that Kateriel kept her eyes on the horizon.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

Kateriel frowned, squinted, and drew a slow deep breath through her nose. "I there's a storm coming," She replied as she exhaled and Kael turned his eyes to the horizon as well.

"The sky is clear," Darrel said doubtfully, "What makes you think that?"

"The Dalish can often tell these things," Kael replied before Kateriel could, and she turned her eyes and looked at him. Her face didn't show it but he could read the hint of surprise in her eyes.

He found himself drawn to her eyes whenever she looked at him. He saw passion in the vibrant green and gold, and deep emotion that would fluctuate between being easy to read and impossible. Not unlike how he saw the elf herself. She was enigmatic to him, at sometimes friendly and ridiculously humorous, other times frustrating, haughty and quick tempered, then still another times quiet and mysterious. But no matter what he found, she was always good, or attempted to be, and perhaps that was why he found himself liking her more and more. There was nothing deceitful or manipulative in her, she was truthful and open about herself, no masks. Yet, she was still unpredictable and a complete puzzle, and he'd never known anyone like her.

"Then we need to make haste and get as far along as we can before it hits," Jacqueline said, "Even so we will not stop unless it's severe."

"Can you tell how bad it will be?" Darrel asked Kateriel.

"Not really," she shrugged, "I don't think it will be too bad. But I'm not as gifted at this as the elders are."

"That's reassuring," mumbled Darrel.

They mounted their horses and continued their journey toward Redcliffe. They'd gone at a steady gallop for a couple of hours, then they slowed to let the horses rest a bit.

"Anyone else feel that something is wrong with the land we are passing through now?" asked Darrel, his voice low, "The vegetation is sparse and growing less as we go, and I hear no birds or any other signs of living things."

Kateriel and Zevran looked grimly at each other before Kateriel replied, "We are nearing Lothering." When she saw the question in Darrel's eyes she continued, "The darkspawn traveled fast in this direction from Ostagar, razing everything as they went. But they hit Lothering hardest and seemed to remain there the longest, as if staying there while awaiting preparations. The land is blighted unlike any other in Ferelden."

They agreed to pass through Lothering as fast as possible. As they passed through the town, Kateriel's heart felt stabs of pain and longing, as memories of her companions flooded her mind. She missed them, even Alistair and Morrigan's nearly constant arguing. Most buildings were destroyed but she could tell where everything was. Kateriel couldn't help but wonder how many people were able to escape, to survive. Her sorrow for the village and its people was nearly overwhelming. She hated that she'd been helpless to save them, that she had failed to protect them from the darkspawn. She was relieved when they reached the other side and left the desolate village behind.

The clouds began to form on the horizon and spread slowly across the sky, bringing the rumbling thunder with them. The wind picked up and blew hard, and with it came the rain. They stopped to pull their cloaks out of their packs. Kateriel had dismounted to don her cloak, and give Kael room to put his on as well. He shifted when she remounted making room for her to sit in front of him. She raised her eyebrow in question at him. He shrugged and said they'd be moving more slowly while the storm lasted, and he thought he'd begin to instruct her on riding a horse. He told her it was a skill that was important to have.

She assented with a nod and hopped up in front of him. Once the rain died down to a steady downfall, he placed her hands on the reigns and instructed her on the different directions for steering and telling the horse to speed up or slow down. His hands were over hers and he marvelled at how small they were compared to his, and how well they seemed to fit inside his own. His arms were around her, and again he marvelled at how small she was, yet, he could feel the well-toned muscles in her back and arms.

His mind wandered to the rumours he'd heard about King Alistair and Kateriel, that they were more than comrades, companions or friends. He'd heard they were lovers. He found himself wondering, _was she attracted to humans?_ What difference did it make? He wasn't attracted to her. She was 'cute' with her unique, small features and bright eyes, but he was attracted to women who were beautiful and _tall_ , with curves and long legs.

He'd let go of the reins during his contemplations and let her try guiding the horse. She'd managed a few turns and turned her head to beam up at him, her eyes shining with pleasure. Warmth spread through his chest and he couldn't stop the small smile that formed on his lips, and he gave her a nod of approval. She turned back and faced the road before them and he shook his head at himself.

The rain finally came to a stop, and Jacqueline ordered a full gallop again. They kept the pace until after midday when they stopped briefly to rest by a small lake.

"If we keep this pace we should be able to reach Redcliffe before sundown tomorrow," Jacqueline said.

They continued on, following the river that flowed from Lake Calenhad to the smaller lakes. When they arrived at Lake Calenhad and the small village near its shores, they found merchants and restocked their supplies before moving on. The party did not stop again until nightfall.

Kateriel volunteered for first watch, as did Kael. Zevran stayed up with them for a while, then retired to his bedroll stating that he might as well take advantage of not having to take watch. Kateriel and Kael sat in silence at the fire for a while. Kateriel's mind was still on Lothering, or what remained of it, and the memories there. Kael watched her for a few minutes, seeing the darkness in her eyes and wondering what it meant.

Finally, his curiosity overcame him. "Your thoughts are dark tonight," he observed.

She looked up at him quickly, surprised that he would guess her thoughts. She shrugged not meeting his gaze, "I was thinking about Lothering, what happened there was…tragic. I remember how frightened the people were. Most were innocent, poor people who were helpless, not knowing what to do, and unable to fight or protect themselves…..and there was nothing we could do to save them," her eyes were distant in memory, her voice low and heavy "We were just two Wardens, collecting a motley crew of companions, attempting to find a way to defeat the blight without much hope of success. Being back there today, seeing the destruction, imagining the horror and death of those people when the darkspawn arrived…." She closed her eyes tight and shivered.

He'd seen the torment in her eyes and he felt for her. He got up and moved to sit beside her; cautiously he placed a hand on her shoulder. Kateriel gave a little jolt in surprise but didn't pull away.

Kael kept his hand on her shoulder and said gently, "You were in a difficult position. You can't save everyone, even though you want to. You succeeded in your task, and it was no small feat. Think of all the lives you did save. Don't burden yourself with unwarranted guilt and don't fret about the past, you cannot change it."

Kateriel gazed into Kael's eyes, and found herself admiring their deep, dark emerald green, and being moved by the amount of care and sincerity she saw there. Her eye roved over his face and she couldn't help noticing how handsome he was. But it was nothing more than friendly admiration. Heart belonged to Alistair, and the pain in her heart from losing him tainted all pleasant emotions, such as happiness and pleasure, and fuelled negative emotions such as sadness and anger.

She appreciated his words, however, and gave him a little smile in response. She nodded, "Thank you, I'll try." She stood up and began to walk away saying that she was going to walk around a bit. Kael followed her with his eyes for a few seconds before turning back to stare at the fire.

Kateriel walked over to her pack and removed an item from it before walking farther away to gaze up at the stars. After a moment, she looked down at the item in her hand. A single red rose, one of the few things that had survived from Lothering. Alistair had seen it and picked, admiring its beauty, not wanting it to be destroyed by the blight. She smiled as it brought back a fond memory:

_After the battle for Redcliffe he gave it to her._

_In the beginning, Alistair had confused and amazed her by being civil and even friendly with her when they met. He was not in any way like she had been raised to believe shemlen to be. He became even friendlier after they had recovered from their wounds at Flemeth's hut and, especially, after she had told Morrigan to back off and let him grieve when the witch had belittled him for it. During their travels on the road they began to talk more, and found they could tease and joke with one another._

_But then he began to speak in soft tones and give her complements, which confused and alarmed her. Even amongst her people men as handsome as Alistair were usually attracted to women who were more beautiful than she, more ladylike, more feminine. She also knew that shemlen sometimes used elves for their own pleasure. What did he really want with her? She decided that she was probably imagining things and he was just being kind._

_She was wary of his attentions, but couldn't help but like it as well. She was growing very fond of him; his sense of humour, his bravery, his kindness to others, and just how_ good _he seemed to be in general. She had convinced herself her feelings were friendly and that was all. And then he gave her that rose….._

_They had just saved Connor from the demon that had a hold on him. Arl Eamon was still ill and they were planning on heading to Denerim next to talk to Genetivi about the Urn of Sacred Ashes. The companions were gathering whatever supplies they needed in Redcilffe village before they headed out. Kateriel was finished and waiting by the lakeshore for the others to join her. It was early morning and the sun was warming the air and dancing on the water surface. Kateriel stood on a dock and gazed over the water. She heard footsteps on the wood boards and she turned to find Alistair had arrived. He looked around as if to see if they were alone, and satisfied that they were, gave her a shy smile._

_He held up something he'd been holding in his hand, "Here, look at this, do you know what this is?"_

_Kateriel gave him a confused look, "Is this a trick question? It's a rose."_

_He said he saw it in Lothering, and he felt he had to pick it when he saw it because it amazed him to see something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness. He gave her the rose saying it reminded him of her._

" _I wanted to tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this… darkness" he said. He was standing close to her, looking down with soft eyes full of sincerity and tenderness. She struggled to breathe normally and her cheeks flushed. She felt confused, yet pleased, finding it hard to think clearly. She smiled shyly, kicking herself severely inside for not being able to maintain composure, and thanked him and told him it was sweet._

_Luckily, Alistair's own awkwardness provided the humour she needed to regain the upper hand. "I'm glad you like it," he said, "Now if we could just move past this awkward stage and get right to the steamy bits I'd appreciate it."_

_At which, she grinned and, with a sly look, said, "Alright, let's find a private spot and lose this armour."_

_Alistair laughed nervously and blushed deep red, and said, "Bluff called! Damn, she saw right through me!"_

_She felt suddenly very bold; "You're cute when you blush like that."_

_He started to back away, and said, "I'm… going to stand over there until the blushing stops. Just to be safe….you know how it is." He quickly turned and moved a little ways away, and pretended to look through his pack._

_Kateriel chuckled to herself, but was touched by his thoughtfulness and his gift. It made her feel strangely warm inside. She felt light-hearted and happy, even more than she'd ever felt when she started taking a romantic interest in Tamlen. Yet she was also a little nervous and unsure. She no longer feared him being insincere or manipulative. Alistair was truthful and honest, not the type of person to use or lead someone on. But she feared what it could mean. Was she reading too much into it? Was it a good idea to become romantically involved with a fellow Warden? And he was a shemlen! Was she out of her mind? But he wasn't like other humans; there was something unique about him._

Kateriel clasped the rose to her chest as pain knifed through her heart so strong she nearly fell to her knees. She missed and longed for him terribly! She gasped out in anguish and took some deep breaths to push down the pain.

She walked around the camp several times before returning the rose to her pack and rejoining Kael at the fire. The rest of their watch passed easily as they discussed the upcoming Warden meeting, and Kateriel told Kael about Redcliffe, as he'd never been there, and about Arl Teagan. They took turns walking the perimeter of the camp. Finally they awoke the others and retired to their bedrolls.

But sleep brought her no comfort. The longing she felt for Alistair brought more memories back in her dreams:

_Alistair had come to her and spoke of how much he cared for and desired her. "Being near you makes me crazy," he'd said, his voice full of feeling, "and I can't imagine being with out you…not ever. I don't know how to say this another way… I want to spend the night with you, here…in the camp. Maybe this is too fast…I…don't know, but…I know what I feel."_

_Kateriel had lost the ability to think straight, and to breathe let alone talk, so she just stared at him, with her cheeks flushed and mouth slightly open._

" _I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place but…when will it be perfect?" he smiled, "If things were we wouldn't even have met. We sort of…stumbled into each other. And despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you, in between all the fighting and everything else."_

' _Falling?' Kateriel thought, as in love? She'd realized that she'd fallen in love with him shortly after the first time he'd kissed her. She knew he cared very much for her but she was afraid to hope he'd love her back. And now her heart trembled, as it sounded possible after all._

" _I really don't want to wait anymore. I…I've never done this before, you know that," he straightened and changed his posture, taking a more confident stance and looked at her with intense sincerity, "I want it to be with you. While we have the chance, in case…."he broke off, unable to voice what he feared and what they both knew could happen in the battles to come, and his face took on a pained expression._

_She was finally moved to respond. They had kissed many, many times, their kisses growing more passionate, hands caressing, bodies pressing, and Kateriel's desire for him had grown as her love for him was realized. But again she had been uncertain if he felt as much as she and Dalish elves mate for life, they become bonded to the one they love when their bodies join and become one, this was not something she would enter into lightly. Now that she found that he not only desired her, but that she was special to him, she could not say no. And he was right, any day could be their last, she wanted to share this special experience with him._

" _It's alright," she said, stepping forward and placing her hands on his chest, "You need not explain further. I understand and...I feel the same way." She slid her hands up, and he took his cue to bend down, wrapping one arm around her waist while burying his other hand in her hair, just blow her ear. She stood up on her toes to meet him, and their lips meet gently, while she wrapped one arm about his shoulder and ran the other through his hair. Their kiss became deeper, more passionate, more needy._

_Kateriel finally broke it off, both of them panting for breath, and she took him by the hand and led him to her tent. They entered and she turned to face him. She looked into his eyes, finding them filled with tenderness and desire. She moved passed him and secured the flap, taking a moment before slowly turning to face him again._

_They were both nervous and she smiled shyly at him. He smiled back and reached up to gently stroke her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned her face into his touch. He stepped forward and bent to kiss her. Her hand reached up to caress his face, running her fingers across his check, along his jaw and behind his ear until it rested at the back of his head. She parted her lips to deepen the kiss, while pressing his head with her hand so that his lips pressed harder against her, encouraging him. He gave a little groan and he buried his hand in her hair again, and wrapped his other arm around her drawing, tight against him._

_Again their kiss grew passionate, and Alistair broke off to kiss a trail across her cheek to her ear. Kateriel had already been panting deeply but with his mouth at her ear, she began to breath harder. Alistair picked up on the signal, that she seemed to like what he was doing, so he continued his attentions to that area. He licked along the top of her ear and gave a little bite to the tip._

_She gave a little cry and it startled him, afraid he'd hurt her, "I'm sorry," he breathed, "was that wrong? Did I hurt you?"_

_Kateriel blushed now with embarrassment. Of course he won't know, she thought, he's a human. She laughed lightly, and said shyly "No, no, it's alright. Elves…ears… become sensitive…sensual… 'parts' when they become…aroused…"_

_As understanding dawned in him, a little smirk crooked his lips, he seemed pleased to obtain this little bit of knowledge. He did not return his lips to her ear, but kissed her lips again. However, his hand reached up and his fingers traced her ear, causing Kateriel to shiver and gasp. He seemed just as affected by her reaction as he was soon gasping for breath as well._

_She reached around and began unclasping his armour; pieces of it soon littered the floor. Finally, his torso was stripped of his armour, leaving the tunic he wore underneath it. Her hands wasted no time finding their way underneath, delighting in the feel of his skin that she had dreamed of touching and tasting. They broke their kiss to remove his tunic, and Kateriel immediately placed her lips on his chest, drawing a little gasp from Alistair. She kissed and licked her way across his chest from nipple to nipple, savouring the taste and smell of his skin, while her hand stroked the ripples of his toned abdomen._

_Finally Alistair lifted her chin and brought her mouth back to his, kissing her passionately. He began to undo the straps to her armour. There was less to remove of her gear, and soon she was in the very fine sleeveless shirt that she wore under her leather armour. Alistair gently lifted this over her head, and tossed it aside, leaving her in her breast band. He brought his hands to touch the skin at her sides as her kissed her again. His hands slowly explored her torso, across her stomach and over her back, leaving her breasts for last. He trailed his finger across her breast over top of the breast band, which he hadn't removed. He gently cupped her breast with one hand, and she moaned into his mouth as he brushed his thumb over her hardened nipple, still underneath her band. She gave a little growl in frustration and he smiled a little against her mouth. His other hand had slowly made its way down her side and trailed across her stomach along the rim of the bottom half of her armour._

_This distracted her, then both of his hands suddenly moved to her hips and undid the clasps on this piece, and it quickly joined the rest of the armour on the floor, leaving only her knee protectors and boots. Alistair began kissing and nipping his way down her neck, along her collarbone, down the middle of her chest causing her breath to hitch, and down her stomach causing her to gasp and moan. He continued to kiss her stomach as he removed her knee protectors, then moved down to kiss her thighs as he undid and removed her boots and socks. She was standing, panting in her small clothes, when he stood and kissed her lips again._

_She crashed her mouth on his, her desire for him running hot. Her hands wasted no time moving to his lower armour, undoing clasps, letting the pieces fall as she moved to another. She bent and kissed and licked at his stomach, as he had done to her, while she removed the remaining pieces from his legs. He sat down while she removed his boots and socks. When she was done, she lifted her head and they looked at each other, both breathing heavy and in nothing but their small clothes._

_He moved up onto his knees so he was kneeling, just as she was, and she put her arms around his shoulders. Then, giving him a look that was filled with her desire, she began to lean back, to lie down on her bedroll, the motion pulling on his shoulders to signal for him to follow. She released his shoulders in order to brace herself as she lay back, pausing while leaning on one elbow to see if he was going to follow._

_And follow he did, with a look of deep desire and determination, he began to crawl over her, and she lay back. Soon he was lying on top of her, bracing himself on his elbows so his whole weight wasn't on her, and she gloried in the feeling of their skin touching. He looked down, and gazed intensely into her eyes. His mouth met hers fervently, and soon they were gasping for breath again. Alistair kissed along her cheek and down her neck. He nipped, licked, and kissed along her collarbone as his hand moved up her side to her breast band. He kissed his way back up her neck to her ear, and his hand slid under her and undid the tie to her band, removing it and tossing it aside. He licked along the shell of her ear, tracing its shape as his hand finally moved to her breast. Her breasts were small and round, yet large enough to fill his hand. She moaned and gasped as he gently cupped and kneaded her breast, while exploring her ear with his tongue. He closed his lips around the tip of her ear while he rolled her hardened nipple between his fingers. She cried out and her body jolted but he continued, swirling his tongue around the tip of her ear and tormenting her nipple. He didn't give her time to catch her breath as he switched sides, moving to the opposite ear and breast._

_After making her a quivering, whimpering mess, he moved his mouth back to hers. She kissed him desperately. She slid her hands down his stomach and slowly trailed her fingers along the rim of his small clothes, causing him to groan. She moved her hands to his hips and tugged the ties free, quickly removing his garment. She moved one hand to cup his backside while the other moved back along his stomach, then lower to his erection and Alistair moaned. Kateriel marvelled at how something could feel so hard and yet still soft, and she was a little concerned by how large he was. She began to stroke him and he shivered and moaned again._

_He quickly brought his hand down to stop hers, "I'm sorry," he gasped, "But I won't last long if you keep that up. This is my first time after all." He moved her hand up and placed a kiss on her palm. Bending down and kissing her again, he moved his own hands to her hips; he untied and removed her remaining piece of undergarment. He kissed his way down her neck to her breast. Finally, he covered the nipple of one with his mouth. Kateriel gasped and moaned as he sucked her breast into his mouth and swirled his tongue around her nipple. He soon moved to do the same to the other breast, and as he did he slid his hand between her thighs._

_Kateriel cried out as he slid his fingers between her folds, finding her hot and wet, drawing her moisture up through her folds as she moaned and whimpered. Slowly, he slid his fingers further down and slid one inside her. Kateriel gasped and grasped his shoulders. She continued to moan as he moved his finger, working the skin lose, and soon he added a second. He continued this for a few minutes while continuing to lick, nip and suck her breasts._

_Finally, he moved up and kissed her mouth, their kiss now frenzied and frantic. He broke away and looked intently into her eyes. He moved to position himself at her entrance._

" _Are you ready?" he asked, his voice deep and raspy._

_She nodded, and breathed back, "Yes."_

_He kissed her lips tenderly and pulled back to look her in the eyes again. "I love you," he whispered._

_Kateriel's heart felt like it would burst and her eyes became moist as she replied, "And I love you." He gave her a quick smile before focusing his attention back to his task._

_Slowly, he entered her, little by little. Finally, he reached her gate. His face was strained with concentration and he looked back into her face. She nodded to show she was ready and he had her consent. With one quick thrust he was through, with Kateriel only grunted as she bore the pain of it. She was glad it really wasn't much more than dull ache, which soon left as her body adjusted to his._

_Alistair watched her face, and soon she smiled at him to show she was all right. He kissed her deeply and slowly began to move, groaning in his pleasure. Kateriel gasped and moaned as the new sensation felt amazing. Alistair began to pick up speed and Kateriel lifted her hips to meet his trusts. Soon they were both panting, gasping, and moaning while trying to keep the noise low, being aware of the others not being far away._

_Alistair began thrusting harder, and soon her pleasure built up to its peak and Alistair covered her mouth with his, swallowing her cry of release. He soon followed, burying his mouth against her neck to muffle his own noise._

_After a moment he lifted his face to look into hers, her eyes shining with tears of joy. "You love me?" she asked._

_He smiled in adoration at her, "Yes. I love you. Always. And you love me?"_

_Kateriel nodded as she smiled, "I love you, always and forever."_

"Kateriel," a voice called and a hand shook her shoulder. It was Zevran. He looked concerned. She noticed her cheeks were wet and she realized she'd been crying in her sleep. "Are you alright?"

 _No,_ she thought, "yes," she said, wiping her cheeks and rubbing her eyes. She glanced around quickly to see if anyone had noticed. The others were packing up. Kael was by the fire eating his breakfast, he glanced briefly in her direction, but it was enough time for her to see the concern in his eyes. So the others had noticed her tears. She felt embarrassed and looked back at Zevran.

"Did I…say anything in my sleep?" she asked without meeting his eyes.

"Not that I heard," he replied, his voice taking on a sympathetic tone, "Was it a bad dream? Or a sweet one?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, no offense," she sighed rubber her hand over face.

Zevran sighed, "Alright. But remember I'm here if you need to talk."

Kateriel smiled at her friend, "I know. And thanks Zev. Now's just not a good time."

Their party finished pulling up camp and continued their journey. They met with no trouble and were able to make good time. They reached Redcliffe before sunset as Jacqueline predicted.

Two guards were posted at the entrance gate. One of them spoke as the Wardens approached, "Greetings travelers, you are welcome in Redciffe as long as you bring no trouble with you." His eyes scanned them and he saw Kateriel, "Warden! Welcome back! We were told to keep watch for you! The other Wardens are at the castle. Arl Teagan is hosting them as special guests. They are waiting for you."

Kateriel smiled, "Thank you. How is the village faring?"

"Quite well, m'lady, thanks to you," he replied, "We are rebuilding and recovering."

Kateriel bid the guards pleasant night and the group made their way to the castle. In the courtyard they met a familiar face. A knight approached as they stopped their horses and prepared to dismount. He walked over to Kael's horse with a smile directed at Kateriel.

"Sir Perth!" she greeted him with a smile, "Good evening!"

He smiled warmly at her in return and held his hand up to help her dismount, "Good evening, my lady. I hope your journey was untroubled."

Kael frowned at Sir Perth, glancing from the Knight's hand to his face.

"Not too much," Kateriel replied, accepting his offer of assistance even though she didn't need it, "I'm certainly glad it's over with for now. Can you direct us to the other Wardens?"

"They are in the main hall," Perth replied, "The evening meal is being prepared and I need to inform them of your arrival. The Arl is throwing a banquet to honour the Wardens, but wanted to wait until you arrived." He gestured to two servants standing by the door, "These servants will show you to your rooms where you can leave your belongings before heading to the main hall."

"Thank you Sir Perth," Kateriel said.

The Knight bowed and walked away. The servants led Kateriel and the others to their rooms. Jacqueline and Kateriel were sharing a room, and Jacqueline sent one of the servants to find Stroud. It wasn't long before he arrived.

"Good, you've all arrived," he said, "I hope your journey went well." He turned to Kateriel and said, "I'm sorry to have taken you from your people, but this does affect them so I hope you won't mind too much."

"I hope you're prepared to extend my time to make up for it," she replied.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," he replied, holding up his hands when he saw her eyes narrow angrily, "I am already delaying the journey to Weissaupt more than I should. But as I said, this directly affects your people so it'll be worth it I'm sure."

"How so?" she asked skeptical.

"We are here to decide what actions to take next," Stroud explained, "Who to send where, and so forth, such as sending groups through the Hinterlands, as far as Ostagar to eradicate darkspawn."

Kateriel turned this over in her mind for a moment. She liked the thought of Wardens heading through the new lands, eliminating darkspawn before her people made their way though. A week's time was a small price to pay to save elven lives.

"Alright," she said finally, "that's fair enough."

"Good," Stroud said, looking relieved, "Now let's go down and join the others."

They stepped out into the hall as Kael, Darrel, and Zevran joined them. The servants and guards greeted her warmly as she passed through the halls. The main hall was filled with people, mostly men. Kateriel remembered Alistair saying that there weren't many women in the Wardens. The room was full of the noise of conversation when the doors opened, but it slowly died down as heads turned and eyes followed Kateriel, as their group made their way through the room to the dais at the end of the hall.

Once they stood upon the dais, Stroud turned to address the crowd. As he opened his mouth to speak, he was cut off by a big burly man with was thick black beard who was standing to right side of the dais.

"So _this_ is the 'Hero of Ferelden'?" distain as evident in his voice as the expression on his face, "The way these 'dog worshipers' talk, you're supposed to be awe-inspiring, fierce looking, with power radiating from you to the point of being unable to look at directly! How disappointing…" he said looking her over, "just as I thought. But then what do you expect from a knife-eared elf."

There were many gasps and murmurs around the room and some of the men around him smirked. Kateriel was shocked to say the least, she was prepared for questions, scrutiny, distrust and even some racism, but this man was blatant in his hatred of elves and Fereldens. Her face became hardened and her eyes narrowed at this man. She would not let him provoke her, she would not let him see that he angered her, and she would not give in to the desire to see him without his head. She sensed Zevran tense next to her.

"Vongar!" Stroud snapped at him. The man glanced at Stroud, but his eyes returned to Kateriel and he took a step closer, a mocking smile appeared on his face. He was obviously not very threatened by Stroud. Kael stood just behind Stroud, not saying a word, but his face was slightly reddened with anger. _Who was he?_ Kateriel thought. _And why were Stroud and the others letting him get away with this?_

"Is she your pet now, Stroud?" Vongar continued his taunting, "From what I heard she likes human men. I hear that she and the new king are lovers. He was rewarded quite handsomely for it wasn't he? The throne for bedding her? And then he tosses her aside!" He roared with laughter. Kateriel kept her face calm but couldn't stop the light blush from her cheeks. "As it should be, she's just an elf after all. I wonder what you'd get Stroud?"

He turned his gaze briefly to Kael, whose face was now very red and twisted with anger. "Or is she bedding you, boy? Or both? You know what elves are like," he said turning his eyes back to Kateriel. The corner of her eye caught the movement of Zevran's arms rising to draw his weapons and she quickly reached out and grasped his arm, stopping him. She still refused to let him get to her, she would not respond. He was certainly trying hard to goad her. This thought struck her as amusing and slowly a smirk of her own crept up on her face.

Vongar studied her for a moment before continuing on, switching tactics, "And I'm afraid I find it impossible to believe that this elf, and our un-faithful ex-brother Warden, did all that people say they did. I certainly don't believe _she_ slew the Archdemon. After all, Riordan is dead and she is not. That only tells me that Riordan killed the Archdemon and died, and she threw him off the roof and claimed the victory for her own!" He glared at her accusingly. Kateriel nearly burst out laughing. "Well? What say you in your defence?"

Kateriel gave him a cool yet slightly disgusted and pitying look, "I do not have to defend myself to you. Or anyone else."

"Ah, but you do. I am a Commander and you will answer to your Commanding officers," he said.

"If there's something you want to know, then come out and ask it. Do not hurl insults and insinuation. Or is that common in the Grey Wardens? I would have thought far better of this order. Duncan certainly would never have stooped so low…"

Vongar glared at her again "Answer about Riordan!"

"I do not answer to ones such as you, rank or not, but considering the absurdity of your claims I will be more than happy to point out your stupidity. I admit to having some strength, but to be able to hurl a man five city blocks away is a feat beyond even my 'legendary' power. I was not even the one to find him. Soldiers and survivors did. They bear witness. However, I will, as I have always, happily state that without his brave sacrifice things could have gone much differently in the battle. He courageously leapt onto the back of the Archdemon and managed to cripple it, so it could not fly, stranding it on top of Fort Dracon. Unfortunately, he was thrown from the Archdemon's back after wounding it, and fell to his death," Kateriel explained with such obvious admiration for Riordan and his deeds that many heads nodded in approval. "Perhaps he should be the one named 'Hero of Ferelden' and I would gladly give him the title, for **I** _never_ sought it!" The room was silent and Vongar continued to hold her gaze. It was impossible for any in the room to miss the sincerity and passionate truth in her eyes.

"And what of Duncan? And the other Wardens?" he asked, "How is it that the two most junior members of the Ferelden Wardens manage to escape while the rest died?"

"Perhaps now would be a good time for you to tell your story, Kateriel," Stroud said, "From the beginning."

Kateriel groaned inwardly, she was getting tired of having to repeat her story over and over. But she complied and began to tell her story again. Vongar interrupted her at the part where she and Alistair had been saved by Flemeth.

"You expect us to believe that you were magically saved by 'witches of the wild'?" he bellowed incredulously, "And Flemeth at that! Oh, stuff of legends this is indeed! Most likely you two cowardly deserted, or were out rutting in the woods while others fought for their lives!"

It took every ounce of Kateriel's strength not to kill the man for his words. No one could accuse her of cowardice, and his implications of promiscuousness were starting to grate on her restraint. What made it worse was he was including Alistair in his slander and that was intolerable to her.

"Oh, yes indeed," she snapped, letting some of her anger slip and bristling, "Because it's commonly known that we Dalish hold such immense love for humans that I was eager to throw myself on a man that I'd only know for less than a day! You know nothing of me, or my people. You speak out of utter ignorance. It's apparent to me that you are nothing but prepared to disbelieve my story, so I'll not waste my time any further. I didn't desire to be a Grey Warden, and after Ostagar all the Wardens were dead except Alistair. I could have returned to my people and fled the blight with them, and no one could have stopped me. But I didn't! I stayed and fought because I am a Warden and that's what we do. And because I simply could not flee when I could fight. We _had_ to try. And I do _not_ have to explain myself to you or anyone else! And if you, or anyone else, are simply sulking because you missed your chance for glory – Too. Damn. Bad." She took a step closer to him so she was looking right up into his face and said quietly, "And if it's a fight you want from me, you simply need to draw your weapon and I'll be glad to put you on your ass."

After a moment of staring into her eyes, which were daring him to challenge her, he threw back his head and laughed. Many faces around the room broke into smiles. "Good!" he said, placing a heavy hand on her shoulder, "I can see you are no coward and do not lack self control. You would not raise your weapon to me unless I raised mine and not simply because of my words. I am impressed. But then, I've never known Duncan to pick a poor recruit. I meant none of what I said about elves, by the way. As Wardens we accept all races without prejudice," emphasizing the last two words, while sternly looking out at the faces around them. "Please, continued your story, I will not interrupt again."

So it _was_ a test _,_ she thought, scowling in anger. She looked around the room. She saw some faces expressing amusement, others curiosity, others suspicion, and still others approval and interest. She looked back at Vongar. She would not refuse or she might risk appearing sulky.

She continued her story, and when she was finished the room was silent. Vongar looked at Stroud, sending an unsaid message to him. He looked at Kateriel and said, "That's truly a remarkable story. You are to be commended for all you managed to accomplish and for your valour and victory. Commander Stroud, Commander Boltric, and I will excuse ourselves temporarily. Meanwhile, I believe our host has prepared a meal in our honour and is waiting for us to send word that we are ready. The message will be sent and we will join you as soon it's ready."

Stroud, Vongar, and a man with gray hair and mustache, whom Kateriel assumed to be Boltric, made their way out of the room, stopping at the door to send a servant with a message to Arl Teagan. Conversation began to pick up in the room again and Kateriel turned to look at her companions. She looked at Kael, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Commander Vongar is known for provoking people, working them into a fury so that they slip up and reveal things in their anger that they are hiding," he looked apologetic, "I would have warned you but I had no way of knowing if he would do it or not. And then, it would have defeated the purpose of him doing it and it always works for him."

"And you think I have something to hide?" she snapped at him, her anger faring hotter than during Vongar's test, though she kept her voice low, "Do you think I'm lying about something? You still do not trust me?"

"No! I mean, Yes! I mean…." he stuttered, "I do trust you - " he stopped short as this realization sunk in. He gently grasped her arm and looked seriously into her eyes, "I do trust you Kateriel."

They were interrupted by other Wardens wanting to meet Kateriel and ask her questions. Zevran began adding his extra information into her answers and soon many were questioning him instead of her. She was grateful for this. She was never good at being the center of attention. A familiar face soon appeared in the crowd, and Kateriel smiled in relief to see another friendly face.

"Warden Kateriel," Teagan smiled, walking up to her and bowing, "It is a pleasure to see you again, as always."

"The pleasure is mine, Arl Teagan," she replied with a bow in return, "I trust you are well. It seems you've been hard at work; Redcliffe looks to be recovering well. I heard the people were in high favour of you taking over the Arling. Who can blame them after the way you fought to protect them from attacks of the undead, and while your brother was ill."

"It is I who am honoured by their favour," he replied, "And now I would like to honour you, and your order with a feast." He signalled toward the door, and servants began coming in to set the tables and then bring in the food.

Teagan insisted that Kateriel sit next to him at the head table. The Commanders entered and took their places with them, and the feast began. Kateriel was glad to have so much to eat, as food on the road isn't always enough to sate a Warden's appetite. It was an elegant meal and after it was over, the dishes were cleared away and the Wardens got down to discussing business. It really didn't take long to divide the groups and assign them routes to cover the most ground. It was also decided that Commander Boltric, and three or four Wardens, would meet King Alistair in Denerim in a few weeks to establish the Wardens in the Arling of Amaranthine. It was late by the time the business was concluded and all retired to be rested for an early start in the morning.


	12. Enemies In The Shadows

Kateriel stood on the docks of Lake Calenhad, watching the colours of the morning sky ripple and mix across the water. The Wardens were scattered through the village buying supplies that each wanted personally, as the Arl had supplied much of what they needed. They were to meet up at the gates to the village in about an hour's time. Kateriel found that she had nothing that she wanted or needed, and wandered in mind and body through the village, lost in memory. It was here, on a morning just like this that Alistair gave her his rose.

"I bet I can guess what you're thinking about," said Zevran, walking up and joining her, "Or rather whom." He gave her a knowing smile. Kateriel didn't respond except to give him a little smile back. He was right, but she didn't want to talk about it.

"I'm curious," he said after a moment's silence, "you told me you found a letter for Alistair in that Warden's chest. I won't ask what's in it as you didn't offer any hints, but I wonder what you plan to do with it?"

"I'm going to give it to him when the opportunity presents itself for me to give it to him in person," she replied, "The information in it could be damaging for Alistair and I won't trust any other with it."

He studied her for a moment before asking, "How are you feeling now, my friend? It's been over three weeks, nearly four since we left Denerim. Is it getting any easier yet?"

Kateriel stared out over the water before answering, taking her time to carefully assess herself in order to give him a truthful answer. "Not really, no," she said, "...I don't know. I'm really not sure what I think or feel, when I feel anything at all. I'm trying to be positive, be flexible and accepting of my life and my options. But, to be honest, it gets harder each day."

"Who says you must simply accept things the way they are?" Zevran asked, "You have every right to feel what you feel, why suppress it?"

"It won't do me, or anyone else, any good to go about moping, Zev," she replied, "I refuse to let it beat me."

"But you still needn't accept your life as it is if don't like it," he said, "You do want to be a Warden? Don't be. You want to be with your people? Do it. You want something else entirely? You can do that too. I'd like to see anyone try to stop you. And I will fight at your side. I remember someone telling me that I could do whatever I wanted to after the Crows were defeated. Why is it different for you?"

"Because it's not really like that," she said, "I have no problem being a Warden really. If Alistair hadn't become king then we would be here with the Wardens anyway."

"But Alistair is not here," Zevran pressed.

"No, he isn't!" she snapped in frustration. She looked at her friend who continued looked at her with calm concern. Then she sighed, "I'm sorry Zev. I'm just so angry!" she stopped and thought about what she just said, "yes, I guess that's it. I've been trying to bury it, and be happy and smile and laugh. But it's there, lying under the surface. I'm so angry at the world."

Zevran smiled at his friend and put his arm around her shoulder. "And you have every right to be," he said, "But don't bury it, let it out so you can move on."

Kateriel smiled at him, "Thanks Zev. We haven't really had much chance to really sit and talk. Thanks for listening and helping me out. And if I haven't already said it, I'm so glad you're still with me."

"As am I," he said, and then a mischievous smile spread out on his lips, "And I know a great way to work out your anger, find some relief."

Kateriel burst out laughing, giving him a shove, "I'll bet!"

They were interrupted by the sound of someone approaching. A small group, made up of four Wardens, walked over to them, their faces grim. A woman in the front spoke. "Warden Kateriel," she said, "You tell a good story. Though there are soldiers here who were on Fort Dracon who back up your claim of slaying the arch-demon as they witnessed it, it doesn't explain how you are alive or what happened to the demon's soul. You may have pacified the commanders, but there are those of us who remain unconvinced. You are unsafe and you will be watched."

Kateriel returned the woman's stare coolly at first, but then cocked her head and smirked. "Are you afraid of me?" Kateriel asked smoothly, her smirk becoming an amused smile, "That's very interesting."

The woman was about to respond but another voice spoke from behind the group. "Is there a problem here?" a strong and deep feminine voice asked. They turned around to face Jacqueline, who looked around at all of them. The other Wardens moved aside as she made her way to stand next to Kateriel.

Kateriel smiled while tucking up her bottom lip, giving her head a little shake, "Nope, no problem. Just getting to know one another." She smiled at the other Wardens, then back at Jacqueline.

Jacqueline didn't look convinced, but she just turned to the other Wardens and said firmly, "It's almost time to leave. You should head toward the gate."

The Wardens said nothing, but cast a glance at Kateriel, who smiled sweetly at them, and then they turned and left. Jacqueline watched them go for a moment before turning her attention to Kateriel.

"Are you ready?" she asked, "We should also head to the gate to meet up with the others. I'm sure you are anxious to get back to the Dalish."

"Yes, I'm ready," Kateriel replied, "the sooner the better."

They made their way through the village, up the cliff, and to the front gate where the other Wardens were gathered. They sought for and found Stroud. He was waiting for them with Kael, Darrel, and a small human male not much bigger than Kateriel or Zevran. This small man was wearing mage robes and carrying an ornate staff. He looked young, though it was hard to tell because of his small features. He had a round cheerful face, with bright lively blue eyes, and a mass of short brown curly hair covered his head. The man turned with a big smile when he saw them approaching. He grasped Kateriel's hand without even giving her time to lift it.

"Hello, Kateriel!" he chirped, "It's an honour to meet you. My name is Philip, though most just call me Pip. Not Pipsqueak though, if anyone does I'll blast them and they know it. So please just call me Pip. I'm very excited to be traveling with you and getting to meet your people! I've never meet any Dalish before until just now, meeting you I mean. I've always wanted to meet the Dalish. I've heard all kinds of different stories about them. I've only known city elves, or elves that were in the circle."

He had said it all very fast and in one breath, so when he stopped talking it took Kateriel a moment to stop staring in amazement and blink before responding. And all she could think to say was, "Uh...nice to meet you, Pip." but she smiled back at him.

Jacqueline rolled her eyes and sighed. "Pip is an excellent mage and an exceptional healer. He'll be coming with us this time." Pip smiled at her compliment but Stroud spoke before Pip could.

"Here is the horse that the Arl sent for you, Kateriel," Stroud said, indicating to a cream coloured horse, then he pointed to a black one, "and one for Zevran. We are ready to leave as soon as you are."

Kateriel loaded her pack on the horse and then mounted. She hoped she would be able to remember the things Kael taught her and not make a complete fool of herself. She looked to Stroud and said, "I'm ready, let's go."

They took it slow at first so that Kateriel could get used to controlling her horse. Zevran, luckily, already knew how to handle one. Between Kael at her one side, and Zevran on her other giving tips and directions, she picked it up pretty well.

Kateriel kept her promise to Keeper Lanaya and traveled down to see Arl Wulff. The Arl was not much improved from when Kateriel saw him last, but it was understandable as the loss of one's children is not something you easily recover from. However, he did not wish to have his people suffer any more then they had, so he was cooperative in working out details with Kateriel in effort to keep peace. He gave Kateriel a map indicating the lands held by the humans so the elves would clearly know. He would speak to his people about living peacefully with the elves. Kateriel thanked him for his time and their party set out again late in the afternoon, not long before it was dusk and they had to stop and make camp.

* * *

"Are you absolutely certain you must leave today, your Majesty?" Bann Ceorlic asked, yet again, as Alistair mounted his horse.

"I'm afraid so," Alistair replied, "As I've said already, I need to get to a few more places before I head down to meet with the Dalish. As much as I've enjoyed your hospitality the past two days, I regretfully must move on. Farewell." And with that last word he and his company moved out of the courtyard and through the gates.

As the Bann watched them go, a very large man dressed in chain-mail and bearing the Bann's heraldry stepped up behind him, looking at him questioningly. With his eyes still on the gate, Ceolric said, "Call the others together. I couldn't keep the King here. We need to change our plans."

* * *

"I thought we'd never get out of there," Eben sighed in relief when they were out of sight of the gates.

"For a man who was so apposed of you becoming king, he was strangely greedy for your company," said Fergus, "As I said before, it's suspicious. There's something wrong here."

Alistair was silent for a moment, casting a look over his shoulder in the direction of the Bann's estate. "I agree," he said gravely, "I agreed to stay the extra day in order to gain his favour, but to push for more was just odd." Alistair rolled his shoulders as if he could shrug off the creepy feeling that nested on his neck.

"Not to sound cowardly, but I suggest we pick up our pace for a while," Eben said, "The further we are from here the better I'll feel."

Alistair nodded in agreement and urged his horse into a gallop. The others followed suit. After about half an hour they slowed again. They'd spent the last few days still traveling and visiting various Banns. Ceorlic was the last one. They were heading now to visit the Arling of South Reach. Alistair was looking forward to meeting with Arl Bryland, as the Arl was known to have been suspicious of Loghain's treachery from the beginning and was a supporter of the Wardens and of Alistair.

The Arl was there to greet them as they entered the castle courtyard. "Welcome, Your Majesty!" he said with a bow, "Welcome to South Reach and to my home. I hope you were not hindered in your travels."

"Thank you, Arl Bryland," Alistair said with a smile, "I am honoured to be here. And no, we had no trouble getting here."

"Glad to hear it," Bryland said, then he gestured toward the main doors, "Let's go inside. You are just in time for the midday meal."

He led them into the main hall where they were greeted by the Arl's daughter Habren. She curtsied deeply and said, "Welcome, Your Majesty. What an honour it is to have you in our home."

"Thank you, lady Habren," Alistair replied, smiling and inclining his head slightly, "The honour is mine."

They sat down to eat and during the meal Alistair was constantly distracted by the rudeness of Habren to the servants. The only saving grace was that she was equally rude to the human servants as she was to the elven ones. It didn't help that she was sitting next Alistair, and between her rudeness to the servants and her enthusiastic gushing over Alistair, he was beginning to think he preferred Ceorlic's company. He was immensely grateful when the meal was over and the Arl asked them to join him in his study. Only Alistair, Fergus and Eben were invited of course, the rest of their guard left to find accommodations in the barracks and Habren was 'dismissed' to find her own amusement.

Once in the study, the Arl closed the door and his face became quite serious. "I understand you have just come from Bann Ceorlic's?" He paused as they nodded, "I'm pleased you came out safely." Again he paused, to take in their questioning looks but continued before they could ask. "I have heard rumours, you see. It is no secret that there are those who supported Loghain, who would prefer Anora, and who disapprove of your 'United Ferelden' policies. It is wise for a ruler to stay in favour, and in connection with, the 'common' folk under his rule. They feel safe to talk to their ruler, to share information. The common people are connected in closer ways then nobility. Family and friends talk, information gets passed."

"What is your point, Bryland?" Fergus interrupted, "What is it that you've heard?"

"Rumors about someone recruiting. A gathering of your opponents," he said.

"And you believe it's Ceorlic doing?" Alistair asked.

"I believe he is involved," Bryland said, "if not the ring leader. You have to know he's not the only one who opposes you. I have yet to find any detail about what their plans are, but there have been people going through the towns asking about where people's loyalties lay."

"What about Anora?" Fergus asked, "Do you suspect her involvement?"

"Oddly, no one has heard much from her," Bryland said.

"That's what some of the Banns had said when the topic of Anora came up," Fergus said thoughtfully, stroking his chin.

"And what about you?" Alistair asked, studying the man before him, "Where do you stand?"

"With you, my King," Bryland said with a bow, "I knew your father. He was a good man. And I knew your brother. He was also a good man, if he was a bit naive. I support your ideals and will stand by your side. I will keep you informed of any new information I hear."

Alistair stood and placed his hand on the Arl's shoulder. "Thank you, Bryland," Alistair said with warmth, "It's good to know I have good people at my side."

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about the visit to Ceorlic, and the rumours that had surfaced. They concluded when it was time for the evening meal and Alistair's company stayed the night at the Arl's castle.

They did not rush to leave the next morning, taking their time to have breakfast and discuss their travel plans. They considered if it would be wisest to head back to Denerim, but decided to stick to the original plan, as the business that was still left to complete was too important. They were to meet with the elves and then travel to Gwaren to confront Anora about the 'heir' rumour. They left South Reach all the more wary, as they traveled down through the Brecilian forest to meet with the Dalish elves. The Arlathvhen was to be held the next day, and Alistair wanted to have the matter of the land settled so the Dalish could really celebrate.

Alistair couldn't shake the eerie feeling he had no matter how hard he tried. It didn't help that they had to pass Bann Ceorlic's borders again as they moved south. They party moved on through the day, not stopping for the midday meal, opting to eat while they traveled. Alistair was enjoying the coolness of the shade of the forest trees. Traveling the paths through the forest made him think of Kateriel, and he began to feel both excitement and anxiety at the thought that he would see her again very soon. He'd missed her very much. They were nearing the Brecilian Passage, where Lanaya had told him the Dalish would camp. He slowed the party down a little bit more, knowing that they would soon meet up with Dalish scouts.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before three Dalish elves emerged from the shadows of the trees, their bows armed and ready. Alistair recognized the blonde elf at the head of the group.

"Hold!" she called out, then she studied each of them until her eyes lit with recognition of Alistair, "We have been watching for you, King Alistair. Dismount and follow us. And remember our arrows are trained on you. Any threatening moves and you will die, king or not."

Alistair just smiled as he dismounted from his horse, "I remember, Mithra. Lead on."

Mithra and her companions lead them through less obvious paths to the Dalish encampment; she did not stop until they reached Lanaya. The Keeper smiled graciously at them as they approached.

"King Alistair, welcome," Lanaya said, giving a slight bow out of courtesy making sure not to bow low or it would indicate submission, "We have been awaiting your arrival."

Alistair did not hesitate to bow to Lanaya, and smiled back, "Thank you, Keeper Lanaya. It's a pleasure to see you again. This is Teryn Fergus Cousland," he indicated to Fergus. Eben and the guard stood slightly apart keeping watch about them. "I hope all is well with you and your people."

"Yes, all is well here," she replied, "We've had many clans join us and all are eager to begin our journey to our promised land."

"Excellent. I had all the paperwork drawn up before I left Denerim," Alistair explained, "It's pretty straight forward. I, the King, declare the Hinterlands to the Dalish, and so forth." He pulled a packet from his horses pack. As he did he glanced around for any sign of Kateriel. Turning back, he pulled some papers from the packet and handed them to Lanaya.

"Why don't you sit here by my fire," Lanaya said, indicating to the benches around the fire, "You are in time for the evening meal. I will need to call the other Keepers to join us and we can complete our business while we eat."

Alistair nodded. "Thank you," he said, and he walked toward the benches, looking around again before sitting.

Lanaya noticed and smiled. "Kateriel is not here, King Alistair. She was called by the Wardens and had to leave." She watched as his eyebrows lifted in surprise. "I do expect her back any time however." Alistair gave her a nod and thanked her, and she left to gather the Keepers.

It felt so strange to discover Kateriel wasn't here, to think she was out and about on Warden business. It reinforced the reality that their lives were so very different now, heading in totally different directions. It was sobering to be sure.

It wasn't long before the Keepers had gathered and were introduced to Alistair and Fergus. Each Keeper read over the contract signing the Hinterlands over to the Dalish. It was pretty straightforward, as Alistair had said. There was some discussion regarding neighbouring land holds, and how to keep peace between the people. Finally satisfied, the Keepers were ready to sign, and nominated Lanaya to be the Keeper to sign in representation for the Dalish. She signed the paper, and Alistair signed next, making it official.

It was growing dark, and they had just risen from their seats and Lanaya was about to show them where they could set up camp for the night, when the sound of halla horns rang out through the forest. Mithra came running up in alarm.

"Invaders!" she shouted, "There are many! We didn't even try to approach them. Their weapons are drawn and they bear torches. They are headed this way!"

Lanaya wasted no time taking charge. Looking around she pointed to Mithra and two of the Keepers,"Quickly! Send any hunters and warriors you see here!" To the other Keeprs she said, "Gather all non-fighters and children, and appoint leaders to lead them away in to the woods, quickly and quietly. Return here and we will defend the camp!"

Armed elves of all kinds were already gathering around them and the Keeper began organizing them. Meanwhile, Alistair and Fergus ran to their horses to grab their weapons, which they had left as a show of non-hostility.

"King Alistair, you should go while there's time," Lanaya said.

"No way!" he replied, "I'll not stand for this. You are our allies. And perhaps if they see me, they will stop and I can deal with them without a fight."

Suddenly there were shouts and the sound of fighting and breaking brush. Men and women ran at them through the trees, shouting as they came. One large man in front spotted Alistair and with a wicked grin bellowed, "Death to the Knife-ears! And the Elf Loving King!"

Alistair glowered and prepared for an attack as the hoard approached. Alistair, Fergus and Alistair's guard joined the elves fighting in the front line. The Keepers and Firsts stood behind with the archers, as was the usual strategy.

"Focus ice and cold spells on those torches!" Lanaya shouted.

Alistair smiled as he realized the mistake the attackers had made in their ignorance of elves. Elves have better eyesight than humans, which allows them to see better in dim light, and the sun had set, darkening the world. The attackers finally reached them.

The large man, who had shouted out for Alistair's death, charged at him. Eben moved in and met the man instead. Alistair was taken aback for a moment, before clashing with another enemy. It felt so good to be in a battle again! It was alarming to him that he felt that way, but Alistair couldn't help it. It had been weeks since he'd been in a battle, after months and months of almost constant fighting.

Alistair bashed his opponent, sending the man stumbling back and Alistair thrust his sword through the man's stomach. Another enemy charged him, this time a woman rouge. He recalled his training with Kateriel and Zevran, watching the woman carefully, pulling his shield close. He would make no shield attacks and no large swings with his sword. The woman feigned to strike to the right and then shifted left, trying to throw off his guard but Alistair wasn't fooled. He blocked her jab with his shield, quickly thrusting out with his sword. His attacked missed the agile woman and she managed to land a strike under a plate on his arm. He ignored the pain and braced himself for and another attack. She feigned to strike again and when he began to lift his shield she dropped to take a kick at his knee. Alistair hopped back and quickly brought his shield down on her leg, breaking it and pinning in. He wasted no time driving his sword through her chest.

The battle raged on. After a while, Alistair was faced with the large man who had charged him at the start. Alistair worried about what had happened to Eben, he didn't see him anywhere. The man wielded a great two handed battle-axe. He charged with a roar at Alistair. Alistair responded with a battle cry of his own, which threw the man off for a moment. Alistair took quick advantage and bashed the man with his shield. The man stumbled a step backward and Alistair swung his sword, bringing it across the space between the man's arm and shoulder plates. The man grunted but shoved Alistair back. Then he swung his axe in a large arc that Alistair managed to deflect with his shield, but not without being shoved backward again.

The large man was powerfully built and was able to bring his axe swinging immediately in reverse. Alistair had to leap back to get out of the way, but not with out the axe catching his shoulder. The axe broke through his shoulder plate and bit into his shoulder. He gave a little cry of pain, but brought his shield swinging up toward the man's head. It crashed into the man's helmet, denting it inward, blood gushing out from underneath it. The man cried out and stumbled back, hunched over in pain, one hand on his head. Alistair move in on him, raising his sword, expecting to land the killing blow, but the man straightened and swung his axe again. It crashed into the side of Alistair's chest. Alistair could feel the metal of his breastplate cave, biting into his chest. Alistair roared in pain and anger, and brought his sword down hard, this time right on the man's neck, taking his head off.

He wasted no time downing a healing potion and engaging another enemy. There still many of them. That's when he heard new shouts emerge from behind the enemy ranks and from the enemies themselves. New fighters arrived, attacking the enemy from behind. He soon noticed the heraldry of South Reach. The battle continued for only about a half hour more, until finally the attackers were either dead or had fled.

Fergus soon found Alistair, as did Alistair's guard, minus two and Eben. They were approached by Arl Bryland. He bowed to Alistair with a smile of relief. "You Majesty! Thank the Maker you live."

"Arl Bryland," Alistair said, clapping him firmly on the shoulder, "I cannot express my gratitude for your loyalty. How did you know?"

"Word came to me that an unknown host had been seen following you after you left the boarders of my land," Bryland replied, "I gathered as many of my men as I could in a hurry and left as soon as possible. Once we reached the Passage, we simply had to follow the sound of battle."

Alistair smiled gratefully, "Again, you have my thanks. I'll not forget this."

Alistair left Fergus and Bryland to examine the dead enemies and went to search for Eben, soon finding him with the wounded. The healers had done their work but he'd lost a lot of blood and was weakened. But he smiled when Alistair crouched down beside him.

"You look terrible," Alistair said returning his smile.

"That big man..." Eben said with a tired voice, "I weakened him...for you. Did you get him?"

"Yes," said Alistair, "took his ugly head off."

Eben huffed, "I lost track of him after he knocked me into a couple other guys. I think he was bent on finding you."

"Well he did, too bad for him," Alistair shrugged, then he looked at Eben with concern, "Are you going to be alright?"

"The healer said I would," Eben replied, wincing as he shifted, "I just need some rest."

"You do that," Alistair said, patting the man's leg.

Keeper Lanaya was with the wounded so he didn't have to go far to find her. He hoped the damage wasn't great. She told him they'd lost some of their warriors but those who were sent into the forest to hide were all safe. Thankfully the darkness had given the elves an advantage and most survived, including all the Keepers.

"We are grateful that you stood by us and defended us," Lanaya said, "It will not soon be forgotten. However, I urge you and your friends to make camp outside of our camp for now. There is much anger and grieving over the loss of our warriors, and I think it best we keep our people apart."

Alistair frowned but agreed. They didn't need any more trouble. He returned to Fergus and Bryland and explained it to them. They also agreed and moved to set up camp a little ways from the Dalish, but not too far in case of more trouble.

Fergus and Bryland reported that they were able to identify many of the men who attacked them. Many were from Bann Ceorlic's lands, including the large man that Alistair killed. Others were from various Bannorn's and Arlings, and some from Gwaren.

"I suspect the only nobility involved in this are those whose ranking officers were here, such as Cerolic's great big general," Bryland said, "However, it's still hard to know. What we need is an infiltrator, someone to break in and find evidence. I realize it means probably dealing with some shady customers, but in times like these it's necessary for nobility to employ people with certain skills. It's times like these, when things are delicate, that assassins make the most money. Too bad they can never be trusted."

Alistair knew one he thought he could trust. Zevran and he had butted heads over Kateriel in the beginning and couldn't stand each other. But after Kateriel had made it clear whom she preferred, and they'd spent time fighting together, he and Zevran had developed a friendship. He wondered if Zevran would be willing to help him now. Though he hated to pull Zevran from Kateriel, he really needed his assassin friend's help.

As he lay in his tent he wondered where Kateriel was and how she would feel when she found out this happened. He was disappointed she wasn't there.

In the morning, Lanaya came and told him that as soon as the Dalish dead were buried, the Dalish were preparing to move on, having decided to hold their celebration once they reached their lands.

Alistair took council Bryland, Fergus and Eben, and it was decided that they should move on as soon as they were able. Bryland agreed to take the dead of the king's guard to his Arling and contact their families. Alistair was grateful as he mourned the loss of his guards, they were good men.

They pulled up camp, and prepared to head for Gwaren. Alistair stopped to say goodbye and good luck to the Keepers. He gave Lanaya two letters to give to his friends when they got there.


	13. Moving Forward

In the days that it took to get back to the Dalish camp, Stroud's Warden party met with no trouble save one darkspawn encounter. It was not a large group, and had only one alpha and one emissary. The emissary was very powerful, and Jacqueline went down with a bad burn to her shoulder. The emissary stood over her as she clutched her shoulder and was on one knee, trying to push herself back up as quickly as she could, while trying to protect herself with her shield. The emissary was about to blast her again until a pair of blades appeared from behind its head, crossing, then slicing forward, effectively removing the creatures head. The body fell and Kateriel was standing there, looking at the creature with disgust. Jacqueline nodded her thanks. The alpha was taken down by Pip, who turned out to indeed be a very gifted mage. The rest of the party had taken care of the other darkspawn.

As they rode, Pip had talked a mile a minute about his victory in detail. "And it tried to slash me with its sword, but I was quick and managed to dodge it. My Petrify spell had missed, so it was a good thing I had enough energy to try it again, and then smash it to pieces with a stone fist!" he burst out laughing, "I love doing that."

Kateriel listened with an amused smile, but she heard Zevran burst out in laughter on the other side of her. She thought she could guess why he was laughing, but looked at him quizzically anyway.

"I was just imagining what it would be like," he said, gleefully, "if Morrigan was still in our party." His eyes flicked to Pip, and then back to Kateriel.

Kateriel's face went from confusion, to eyes widening in realization of the implications, and finally she threw her head back in a burst of laughter. Pip would drive Morrigan insane!

"Who's Morrigan?" Pip asked, oblivious, "And why would it be funny?"

Kateriel looked at Zevran with apprehension for a moment, thinking carefully of how to explain without lying or hurting Pip's feelings. Looking back at Pip she said, "Morrigan was an apostate who was part of my group of companions. She didn't have the best social skills, that's all. It was hard for her to adjust to our previous companions, and it's kind of amusing to imagine her having to start all over."

"She was an apostate? Wow! Where'd she learn her magic?" he asked, but went on before Kateriel could answer, "I was raised in the circle, as you know, and would have been the youngest senior enchanter if I hadn't joined the Wardens." He looked at her expectantly, and Kateriel realized he was waiting for her to answer now. She used the topic of Pip's time in the circle to change the subject instead. Pip was more than happy to oblige her.

Now, it was early morning on the last day of their journey back and Kateriel was feeling anxious. She knew that Alistair had planned to meet with the Dalish before they traveled to the Hinterlands. She was torn between longing to see him and dreading it too. It would probably already be very different. Him, with his royal guard and responsibilities, and her with her fellow Wardens and duty.

They finally arrived at the Dalish camp just before midday. She was not prepared to find a burial ceremony in progress. The scouts insisted the humans wait outside the camp, so Kateriel and Zevran proceeded on their own in search of Keeper Lanaya. They had to wait until the ceremony was completed to speak to her, and find out exactly what had happened. Kateriel was dismayed and outraged. She was also proud to hear that Alistair had fought alongside the Dalish. Lanaya said that their people greatly respected and honoured Alistair and his men for what they did, but regardless had been asked to depart so the Dalish could mourn their dead and prepare to move on. Kateriel understood, but found she was very disappointed that Alistair had already left. She briefly considered riding out after him, as it had only been hours since he left, but decided that it was probably best this way.

Lanaya produced two letters with the King's seal, one for Kateriel and one for Zevran. She left them to read their letters, and Kateriel and Zevran both looked at each other questioningly. They walked to a quiet, more secluded spot on the outskirts of the camp, before each of them broke the seals and read their letters.

_Kateriel, my treasured friend,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. I hope that you are finding you place among the Wardens with out trouble and are happy. I hope that you are safe._

_I miss you. I know it doesn't help to hear me say it but it's true and I want you to know it. I wouldn't want it to seem like I've just moved on without a thought of you._

_Anyway, I'm writing because I hope you won't mind me to asking for Zevran's help. I need someone that understands the darker side to politics, who can maneuver through and manipulate the undercurrent. I need someone specializes in scandal, intrigue, and espionage. Most importantly, I need someone I can trust. I would have preferred Leliana (don't tell him that) but I have no idea where she is._

_Don't worry. I will find who is responsible for the attack, for the death of your kin, and I will make them pay._

_Please be careful out there. I hope we will meet again soon._

_Highest Regards,_

_Alistair_

Kateriel finished reading and looked up at Zevran. He was looking off into the distance, but she could see in his eyes the battle waging inside him. After a moment he spoke.

"He's even offered to pay me handsomely," Zevran said, still looking off at nothing specific, "Not that it's necessary. What say you?" he turned and looked at her soberly, "It is hard to choose between friends. You are dearer to me than he, and I do not wish to leave you. But considering what he is facing and the tragedy that has taken place here, I would also like to help Alistair if I can."

Kateriel looked at her friend. She, too, was torn. She didn't want Zevran to leave, yet Alistair needed the help of someone he could trust. And she was also torn between going to Alistair herself to help him hunt down his enemies, and her duty to the Wardens and her people. But it was obvious where she was needed, and where Zevran was needed.

She sighed heavily. "Go help Alistair, Zev," she said, her voice heavy, "It's where your talents can be put to better use. He is _our_ friend and I have faith in you to help him." She paused a moment, and when she spoke again her voice was a little strained but she did not draw tears, "I'll miss you." She pulled him into a tight hug.

He squeezed her tight and then relaxed, a grin spreading across his face as he whispered, "Do I get a kiss goodbye?"

Kateriel smiled and acted on impulse before she could really think about it. As they pulled back from their hug, she grabbed his head and pressed her lips against his. She felt him tense in surprise at first, but then he relaxed and groaned as he slid a hand behind her head and wrapped an arm around her back, pressing her against him. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip and she opened to him. She moved her lips with his and their tongues danced, but she was not stirred by their kissing, there was no feeling or passion in it for her. She did not push him away, not wanting him to think she was repulsed, instead she pressed gently on his chest.

She smirked at him and quirked and eyebrow. "Satisfied?" she said saucily.

"Very," he smiled, "Would like me to pass it on to Alistair for you?"

Kateriel burst out laughing at the thought, "I'd love to see you try!"

Zevran chuckled. "I'll miss you too, Kate," he said, "But I'd best hurry to catch up to the king. He said he'd wait near Gwaren for me to catch up. Take care of yourself and be careful out there."

"You too, Zev," she said smiling sadly, "And thanks again for everything. Take care of Alistair too."

Zevran nodded before turning and jogging away. Kateriel watched him go, the last of her companions. And as he disappeared from her sight, a heavy sadness fell upon her heart; she almost thought it would stop beating. But it did beat, and it began to pump a low burn of fire, born of frustration and anger through her veins. _So this was her life? The pattern of her fate? To have everyone close to her be torn from her in one way or another. Her parents, Tamlen, her people, her friends, and her lover. It was a cycle she seemed doomed to repeat, to suffer the pain of loss over and over. Well, she would break it._ A hard shell began to form around her heart, and the fire in her veins was put out as ice flowed through. _The best way to stop it was to let no one else in. Not even her people, whom she'd have to leave soon anyway._

She went back to find Lanaya, and being told that the Keeper went out to speak to the Wardens, Kateriel made her way back to Stroud and the others. Lanaya and Stroud were standing together talking when Kateriel arrived, and were slightly take aback by her hard and stoic expression. Kateriel ignored their puzzled and concerned gazes as she stopped before them. Stroud explain that Lanaya had told him the route the elves would be taking, so that the Wardens could go out before them and clear the land of remaining darkspawn as they went. Kateriel said nothing but nodded to show she understood. Lanaya informed them that the elves were ready to leave, and as soon as the Wardens headed out, the elves would soon follow. Kateriel again said nothing, moving to her horse and mounting. Stroud led them out along the paths, and back to the road leading through the passage.

* * *

 

Outside the city of Gwaren, Alistair and his companions waited just inside the treeline, along the side of the road. He wasn't really sure Zevran would be willing to leave Kateriel to help him. He knew Zevran had always been attracted to Kateriel and now with Alistair out of the picture Zevran had her all to himself. He struggled with the jealousy he knew he had no right to feel.

Along the road, they had strategized on how to deal with their situation, the main focal points being Anora and Ceorlic. Zevran began to be an important part of their strategy. _If_ he came, and Alistair began to believe the rogue had chosen to stay with Kateriel. He turned to tell the others that they would need to move along with the strategy they had planned for if Zevran didn't show up, when he felt a knife slide through the space between his top and bottom armour pieces, the point pressing against his skin. The person holding the knife also grabbed the collar of his back piece, pulling him back against the knife, so that if Alistair shifted the knife would cut him. His odd stance and wide eyes alarmed the others and they jump up, drawing their swords.

"This was so easy, I'm surprised you haven't been assassinated already," drawled a voice Alistair recognized, "Tsk, tsk. You'd better tighten your security. But I guess that is why I am here."

"Zevran!" Alistair barked in annoyance, remaining stock-still against the blade.

Zevran released Alistair, who turned around to glare at him. Zevran met his glare with a charming smile. "Miss me?" he asked with a voice full of amusement.

"Not funny," Alistair growled, but then he sighed, letting his anger slide in his relief to see his friend, "I am glad to see you though. I wasn't sure you'd come." He signalled for the others to relax.

"It was a tough decision, I won't lie," Zevran said, seriously, "I worry for our friend. She still struggles with her broken heart. She also struggles to find her place among strangers who have had mixed reactions to her."

Alistair became concerned, "Are the Wardens giving her a hard time?"

"Some applaud her, and some view her survival as suspicious, sometimes bordering on hostile," Zevran told him, he shrugged "But what can you do about it? Nothing, you're not there."

"Ouch, low blow Zev," Alistair said defensively, "Did you come just to rub this in my face?"

"Not at all," Zevran replied, "Just wanted to remind you the cost of your crown."

"I well aware of it!" Alistair snapped, "This isn't easy or fun for me either. And I miss her...Maker, I _miss_ her!" The last he said with a sorrow from deep in his heart, "She deserves so much better, so much more than the life she's been given. But I can't change the world, though I'm trying to do what I can."

Zevran patted Alistair's shoulder, seeming satisfied to know that Alistair was still suffering from having to give up Kateriel. He nodded at his friend. "Now to the task at hand. Hmm?"

Alistair drew a deep breath and nodded back. "Uuuh...Right..." he began, gathering his thoughts and motioning for Fergus and Eben to join them. He explained to Zevran about the rumours of Cailan's heir, and about the Gwaren soldiers found in the party that attacked Alistair and the elves.

"We're hoping Anora doesn't know we are here yet. What we need is for you, in all your sneakiness, to slip up to the castle and spy things out. If there is an heir, then Anora is keeping it very secret. I need you to find it. Also, I need you to find evidence of her part in the attack. If she wasn't involved, someone was. Either way we need to find the evidence. I know this is a lot for one person, but I'm confident in your skills."

"Stop now, you're making me blush," Zevran said coyly, then more seriously, "I will find out what I can. I'll go as soon as it's dark."

Alistair nodded. "We'll make camp here," he said, as they moved further into the wood, "Meet us here when you're done."

By the time they set up camp and had supper, the sun had set and the shadows were deepening. Zevran prepared to leave and Alistair walked with him a little way.

"Zevran, I appreciate your help, really," he told his friend.

"I am happy to help," Zevran grinned mischievously, "I am looking forward to using some of the skills I've not used for some time. And by the way, I got a sensuous kiss from our Warden friend before I left her," he paused to savour the flash of jealousy in Alistair's eyes, "She asked me to pass it on for her."

Alistair jumped back in alarm, looking at Zevran in horror and disbelief, his face blushing deeply. "What! No! She – She wouldn't...would she? No!" he shook his head scowling at his friend who was laughing heartily.

"Oh, Alistair," Zevran said, "You've impressed us all by growing as a person since becoming king. You are more confident and self-assured, more wise and mature. But you are still the Alistair we knew in so many ways."

"Yeah, yeah," Alistair relied grumpily, "Isn't it time for you to go?"

"This it is, your majesty," Zevran said, and he slipped off into the shadows.

Alistair returned to the camp. Fergus looked at him when he sat down at the fire. "Your friend is an interesting fellow," Fergus said, "Are you sure you can trust him?"

"You can never trust an assassin," Eben sad darkly, walking over to join them.

"Zevran is no ordinary assassin," Alistair said. The other men looked at him expecting an explanation, but how does one explain Zevran? Alistair just shrugged, "He just isn't."

After a while, Alistair turned in for some sleep, giving instructions to be woken if Zevran returned. Alistair awoke on his own before the sun rose, its light was beginning to lighten the sky. They had just added more wood to the fire to begin cooking breakfast when Zevran reappeared. He was bleeding from a deep cut on his arm, but did not seemed bothered by it.

"A guard fired an arrow at me," he explained, as he cleaned his wound and bandaged it, "It grazed my arm. Not to worry. He only thought he saw something and shot into the shadows just to make sure. No alarm was raised."

"Well?" asked Alistair anxiously, "What did you find out?"

"I've got good news and bad news," Zevran answered. He ignored Alistair's exasperated look and continued before Alistair could scold, "The bad news is that Anora was not aware of any attack on you or the Dalish." He produced a couple of letters and handed them to Alistair. "I guess that could be good news too," he quipped, then continued. "I found them in a side table in the Gwaren barracks. Those soldiers acted on their own."

Alistair read the letters quickly, nodding to show he agreed. He handed them to Fergus who shook his head as he read them. The same went for Eben. They didn't recognize the names in the letters.

Alistair turned his attention back to Zevran. "What about the baby?"

Zevran smiled, raising his eyebrows. "A baby there is," he paused again, taking in their reactions. They leaned in anxiously and he continued, "The boy is kept in a wing of the castle that has been sequestered off from almost all staff. Tight patrols guard the outside, but very few are allowed in. The nursery itself had been made in a hidden room."

They all sat back finally, to absorb all the information and all it could mean. Alistair had mixed emotions. An heir! What a relief it would be. But was it true? And how was this going to affect things? This could cause serious problems. There are many who would demand he step down, now that there was an heir, and let Anora rule until the child was grown. There were also many others that would refuse to acknowledge the child, even if it was Cailan's, on the fact that it was Anora's, they would not see Anora rule again, not trusting her because they believed her to be like her father and didn't acquit her of being involved with his actions. Without proof, it would only be by her word that it was Cailan's. The child's life might even be in danger, which was probably why she was hiding it. There was a chance it wasn't Cailan's at all.

Eben echoed this last thought. "How do we even know it's Cailan's?" he said, "It's no secret that they struggled to conceive. She could have gone and gotten pregnant by another man."

"No," said Fergus, "I've known Anora my whole life. I don't believe that is something she'd do."

"Royalty have affairs all the time," Eben scoffed. He looked pointedly at Alistair, about to say something but stopped when he saw Alistair scowl.

"That may true of some but not all," Fergus argued, "I would never have cheated on my wife. And I know Anora better than any of you. She may know how to play the game and isn't above low handed tricks sometimes, but it's rare. And to sleep around or have an affair is not something she'd do."

Alistair was silent as he pondered what he was hearing. Fergus had grown up at court; he would know Anora's character better than he or Eben. There was really only one way to find out.

"We won't know anything until we see the child," he said finally, "We must confront Anora. Let's eat, pack up, and head for the castle."

They made their way through the city. Gwaren was surrounded by great stone walls and a huge iron gate, all made by dwarves long ago. There were a couple of spots in the walls where it was clear there had been breaches from darkspawn attacks but these had been repaired and the city was still rebuilding. They paused and spoke to some of the people in the market square. They were told of how most of the city survived the darkspawn by taking ship. There was anger and bitterness toward Loghain for ignoring his people, doing nothing to help them, so busy was he with his civil war. When the majority of the darkspawn horde moved on to the north, the people returned. Being led by a man named Gregor, they fought the remaining darkspawn and reclaimed the city. They were able to quickly repair the breaches in the walls before the darkspawn attacked again. Thankfully the 'spawn were focused elsewhere so the people were able to defend their home after that. Anora had returned at that time, and they accepted her back when she asked them for forgiveness and told them she agreed that her father had lost his way. She had stayed and helped the city rebuild until Howe came and took her away.

Alistair asked about the man 'Gregor', where he was and how to get in touch with him. He was told that Gregor goes into hiding whenever nobles are around, not even letting Anora give him commendation. No one could tell anything about Gregor's history or background, as he was a stranger who had come in on a ship shortly before the darkspawn attacked.

The group made their way to the castle and were admitted with no trouble. They were escorted to the main hall to wait for Anora, Alistair's guard waiting outside the doors. They didn't wait long before she entered the hall, walking with as much dignity and grace as ever. The men rose as she approached them. She looked at Alistair and curtsied low.

"Your Majesty, it is an honour to have you in Gwaren," she said. Looking to Fergus she inclined her head in his direction, "Teyrn Cousland, it is a pleasure to see you again."

"The pleasure is mine, Teyrna," Fergus replied.

"Uh...Thank you, Teyrna," Alistair said, uncomfortable with the situation, "It is...interesting...to be here. I've never been to Gwaren before."

"I'm sorry we are not at our best then," Anora said, "As I'm sure you saw, we are still recovering from the darkspawn attacks."

"Yes, we spoke to some of the people on the way through," he said, "It's good to see that so many survived."

"Yes," she agreed, "My father abandoned our people to the blight that he refused to acknowledge. His people now despise his memory. It is a sad way for his legacy to end. I hope to redeem our name so that my children might still be proud of it."

"Yeah, funny you should mention that," Alistair said, "That's kind of what has brought us here."

She looked at him with confusion, "What do you mean?"

"We know about the baby, Anora," Alistair said. He watched her carefully and had to give her credit, she didn't bat an eye.

"Baby?" she shook her head, looking at Alistair questioningly, "I know nothing of any baby."

Alistair sighed, "Anora, please. I mean neither you, nor the child any harm. Quite the opposite actually."

She looked between Fergus and Alistair, regarding them as though they'd lost their wits. "I don't know of what child you speak," she insisted, "there's obviously been some mistake."

"I know about Howe and the real reason for your abduction," Alistair said, "And a person I trust has seen you and the child, in your secluded wing and the hidden nursery."

Anora suddenly became alarmed and called for Erlina, ordering the elf to go check on the child. She angrily turned back to Alistair. "So what do you want?" she said hotly, "I can't offer you money or power, you already have it." Then she became desperate. "His life is in danger now that you know. There are people who would hurt him or try to use him once word gets out. And how do I know you won't hurt him? He's a threat to your throne."

"Calm down, Anora," Alistair said, holding up a hand, "There are only a few that know we are here and none are anything to worry about. And I have no intention of hurting him. I'm very happy in fact. _If_ the child is indeed Cailan's."

Anora became indignant. "I beg your pardon!" she snapped, "I have only ever been intimate with _one_ man. How dare you suggest such a thing? If I was going to get pregnant by another man in order to claim it was Cailan's in an effort to reclaim the throne, why would I be hiding it?"

She had a good point. At that moment, Erlina came in carrying a bundle in her arms, followed by Ser Cauthrien. Alistair had wondered where Cauthrien had gone to after Loghain's death. She obviously returned to Gwaren and was now protecting Anora and her child.

Erlina passed the bundle to Anora, who after glaring warningly at Alistair, stepped close to him so he could see. A babe it was, and it was obviously Cailan's, it looked so much like him. Alistair looked in awe at the little guy and then he looked in to Anora's pleading eyes.

"Please, Alistair," she said, forgetting formality, "Please, promise me you won't hurt him."

"Anora," Alistair said gently, "I have no intention of hurting him. In fact, I want to adopt him as my heir."

"What?" she asked, becoming alarmed again, "You cannot take him from me! And what of your own children?"

"I don't want to take him from you," Alistair said, "I asked you to be one of my councillors remember? I want you to come back to Denerim with me to raise him."

"Why can I not raise him here?" she asked.

"Because if he's my heir then I want to have a hand in raising him," Alistair said firmly, "I want to see him raised with certain ideals and morals, which, by the way, will not be undermined."

"And how can I be certain you won't get rid of us when your own children are born?" she asked.

He looked around the room and then back at Anora, "Can we have a minute in private?" She studied him for a moment, and then nodded before dismissing Erlina, and a scowling Cauthrien. Fergus and Zevran left too.

Alistair sighed and looked at Anora with all the sincerity he could muster. "I can't have children, Anora," he explained, "It's the Warden taint in my blood. It nearly impossible for me to reproduce and if it were to happen, even more unlikely that the child would be born with no taint. A tainted baby would die almost immediately." Understanding spread across her face and he nodded. "Now you know my secret, which I trust you to not use against me. In making..."

"Ryain," she told him.

"Right," Alistair continued, "In making Ryain my heir and you coming back to Denerim, he should be safe. For the most part, I mean. Royalty are never really safe are they?"

"But what of Gwaren?" Anora frowned, "I can't leave them again while they are still healing from the blight."

"What of this 'Gregor'?" Alistair asked, "Or do you not have a seneschal?"

"The seneschal was killed in the battle," Anora explained, "And I don't know where to find this 'Gregor'. He hides from me."

"Maybe we can track him down," Alistair suggested, "The people respect him and if he's trust worthy, he could be your knew seneschal. Plus, you have Cauthrien here to keep an eye on things."

"How do you plan to find this man?" she asked, "He hides from nobility."

Alistair smiled slyly, "I have my ways."

He opened the doors and found Zevran. He quickly explained and once Zevran was gone, he turned back to Anora. "Now we sit back and wait."


	14. No Submission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dalish translations: emma len = my child
> 
> emm'asha = my girl
> 
> mamae = mother
> 
> solas = pride
> 
> arla = home
> 
> Serannas = grateful, thankful
> 
> revas = freedom
> 
> nehn = joy

Alistair, Anora, Fergus and Erlina, were waiting in the main hall for Zevran to return. Alistair held Ryain in his arms and gazed down at the baby with tenderness. Ryain looked a fair bit like Alistair, or so he thought with family resemblances being what they were, and he wondered if this is what it'd be like to have a child of his own. He suddenly felt guilty about feeling differently toward Ryain than he did for Goldanna's children. This just felt different; this was his father's blood line, the one that tied him to the throne and for some reason...it just felt different. Maybe it was because Ryain was an adoptable heir, there was no way he could adopt one of Goldanna's children as heir to the throne because they were commoners. And Ryain was the future of the Theirin line.

Anora watched Alistair as he gazed adoringly down at her son. It touched her to see his already growing attachment and it began to relieve her concerns. She still didn't think of Alistair as being overly smart or wise, but he had a good heart, more so then Cailan ever did. Cailan was always more self concerned than anything else. She began to warm to the idea of having Alistair for a brother. She was glad she would be returning to Denerim as one of his advisers, she felt compelled to act sisterly and make sure people didn't stomp all over him, or use or manipulate him.

Finally, Eben and Cauthrien entered the hall, followed by Zevran. Everyone rose to their feet, looking expectantly.

"Did you find him?" Alistair asked his friend.

"Yes, but he is preparing to leave aboard a ship in about an hour," Zevran explained, "So, you'd best hurry if you want to catch him."

They left the baby with Erlina and Cauthrien, and hurried down to the docks. Zevran led them to the ship that 'Gregor' would sail on. Once on deck, the captain made an appearance. He was a gray haired man, with a broad build and weathered face. He bowed to Alistair and Anora, but looked annoyed.

"Your Majesty. My Lady," he said, "We are preparing to leave port. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yes," replied Alistair, "We are looking for Gregor. We were told he was on board here and we must speak to him."

"You must have been misinformed," the captain replied gruffly, "There's no Gregor here."

"Lying to the King is a criminal offense, you know," Zevran said, eyeing the man carefully. The captain glared at him in response.

"Look," Alistair said, "We mean him no harm. We just want to talk to him. I know he avoids nobility for whatever reason, but this is really important. If he's some kind of criminal, we have no knowledge of his crime, and after everything he did for these people I'm sure will have earned him a pardon."

"We just want to talk to him," repeated Anora, "And if he doesn't like what we have to say then he is free to leave, no questions asked. At the very least, I'd like to express my gratitude for what he's done for Gwaren."

The captain studied them hard for a moment before finally giving in. He nodded and then turned to the door that led below decks. He called for Gregor.

Soon a man appeared. He had shaggy, dark blonde hair and an untrimmed full beard. It was hard to see much of his face, but his eyes looked just like...

"Fergus!" the man exclaimed, looking astonished and paling as he looked at the Teyrn.

"Aidan!" Fergus cried in recognition. He ran forward and embraced his brother tightly. "I thought you dead!" his voice breaking with emotion.

His brother broke their embrace and backed away. He looked remorsefully at Fergus. "I might as well be!" he said, his voice hoarse with emotion, "I wish I was! I failed, Fergus! I left mother and father to die! They told me to run and I did, I was supposed to find you and I couldn't!"

"Aidan," Fergus said gently, hating the pain in his little brother's eyes, "You did nothing wrong. If you had of stayed you could be dead. Thank the Maker, you did what you were told for once!" he smiled teasingly in attempt to lighten his brother's mood.

"Then I would have died defending my home!" Aidan cried wretchedly, "Just like mother and father. Just like Ser Gilmore."

"Gilmore is alive, Aidan," Fergus exclaimed, "And Highever has been reclaimed. Come home now with me, brother, and we will rebuild."

Aidan looked at Fergus with anguish, shaking his head. "I can't," he said weakly, "You didn't see it, Fergus. The castle on fire, the dead bodies of our soldiers and servants, father lying bleeding on the floor with mother hovering over him..." Fergus' face paled while his brother continued, "...and Oriana and Oren, lying in pools of blood on the floor of your room..." Aidan stopped, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut against the images in his memory. "I cannot go back there. I don't deserve to."

"I disagree, brother," Fergus said, "Mother and father told you to go, and you did right to obey. I might have been dead and you would have been responsible for carrying on the Cousland name. What you've done here is more than praiseworthy and honourable, and is every indication to me that you would have taken back what was ours." He placed his hand on his brother's shoulder, "You did good, Aidan. Mother and father would have been proud...and so am I."

Aidan looked at the sincerity in his brother's eyes and tears of relief and hope of redemption filled his own. "Fergus," he said, hugging his brother again, "I'm so sorry about Oriana and Oren..."

"I know," said Fergus, his own grief scratching his voice, "I know you would have saved them if you could. It's not your fault. Come home with me."

His brother pulled him to arms length. "I don't think I can," he said, shaking his head, "Not yet."

"Then stay here for now," Anora interjected gently, "To the people of Gwaren, you are their hero. I need to go to Denerim. I need someone who knows how to govern to stay and help rebuild. Please, say you will."

Aidan looked at her for a moment, then to his brother, then to the city. Finally, he looked back at Anora and nodded. "I accept your offer, my lady," he said, then looked at Fergus, "I'm so glad you're alive and well. I will come home one day, when I am able." Fergus nodded to show he understood.

They went back to the castle to prepare for Anora and Ryain's departure, and to settle Aidan into his role. Anora asked Cauthrien to remain behind to assist Aidan. Alistair assumed he was imagining it, but he thought he saw a flicker of relief in Cauthrien's eyes. They stayed one more night and then left for Denerim early the next morning.

* * *

 

A deep morning fog hung heavily amongst the trees and above the ground, as the Grey Wardens made their way through a sparse forest on the rugged terrain between the Hinterlands and the Southron Hills. They had traveled for two days, keeping just ahead of the Dalish, and had passed through the southern part of the Southron Hills, nearing the borders of the new Dalish land, not far from Ostagar. They had passed a farm the previous day, and paid a farmer to board their horses, choosing to go the rest of the way on foot. So far, there had been no trouble aside from the occasional wild animals.

Kateriel continued to be quiet and withdrawn. The others noticed but said nothing, glancing only questioningly at each other from time to time. All attempts at conversation failed. She would answer questions curtly, ending conversation before it could start. She wasn't rude or hostile, just closed.

Kael was beginning to feel annoyed more than concerned. He thought they were becoming friendly, and now she pushed everyone away completely, including him. It didn't escape him that this change happened after Zevran had left. He never had seen any indication that the two elves were lovers; he doubted that Zevran would have left if they were. So what was it? Was she still sulking because her old companions had left her? Well, it was time she stopped or she would have no friends again anytime soon. He had half a mind to tell her so.

As Kateriel was familiar with the area so she was leading them, with Stroud and Darrel bringing up the rear. Kael sped up his pace and fell into step with her. She kept her eyes focus forward, not giving him an opening. He took one anyway.

"Hey," he said. She nodded in response. "You've been very quiet the last couple days. I'm worried about you. Are you alright?"

"Fine," she said flatly, "Don't worry about me."

"Why not?" he asked, his voice laced with irritation, "You're not acting like yourself."

"You don't know me," she said, her voice cold.

"I don't need to know you really well to notice the difference between the way you were when your friend was here and the way you are now that he's gone," he said, "If you didn't want him to leave why didn't you get him to stay? Or is that the problem? Did he want to leave and refuse to stay?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," she snarled, "My business is not yours, so leave me alone."

"Fine!" he snapped. He slowed his steps until she was several feet ahead. Jacqueline stepped up beside him.

"That went well," she said in a low voice, "I think it's best if we leave her alone. She's obviously going through something."

He scowled at Kateriel's back. "She can take as much time as she needs," he growled, "I no longer care."

Kateriel ignored the slightly guilty feeling she felt for pushing Kael away, she knew he was trying to be kind. But she didn't want it. That guilty feeling only showed her how far she'd let him in already. They marched on, breaking at midday to rest and eat. The sun had long since burned the fog away. Kateriel waited apart from the others. Stroud walked slowly over and stood beside her.

"I thought you'd be in higher spirits," he said, "This is an exciting time for your people."

"Yes, it is," she replied lowly, "But, it is not something I can enjoy with them. My fate leads me elsewhere." She turned and looked at him coldly, "I will not stay with them for the time we agreed to. I will see them to Ostagar. Then, after we meet again with the other Wardens, we can leave for Weisshaupt."

His brow knit as he looked at her with concern. "Are you certain?" he asked gravely, "This is a once in a life time occasion."

"I'm certain," she said forcefully, waving an arm dismissively, "Now I will go and see how far away they are, they can't be very far." She turned to head back when she froze, that prickly buzzing firing up her blood.

"Darkspawn!" Stroud exclaimed unnecessarily, as everyone was already on their feet preparing for the fight.

They turned to face the direction of the pull and could already see a group of 'spawn heading their way. A group of hurlocks and two ogres. Kateriel leered hungrily at the ogres. Deep in her subconscious she was thinking that they had the best chance of killing her, so she flew in their direction, ignoring Stroud's shouts. Two ogres side by side were very dangerous, yet she hurled herself at them with reckless abandon. She dodged their great arms, jabbing at their limbs. She ducked and leaped to the side of one, then used its leg and body to climb to its shoulders, where she buried her knees and grasped one of its horns. She then drew her blade across its neck, and as it feel she leaped from its shoulders toward the other ogre. But she was hit in mid-air, right in the forehead, and sent flying over the ground. _Damn! You forgot to look for an emissary! First rule! Stupid!_ she thought, before she blacked out.

When she awoke, she was staring at the roof of an aravel. Then Keeper Lanaya's face appeared and smiled down at her. Kateriel reached up and touched her forehead, at the corner of her right eyebrow to be exact, closest to her nose, which was where the pain was. She groaned and winced, then tried to sit up, but her head spun and she lay back again.

"Easy," said Lanaya, "You have quite an injury; we were concerned for a little while there."

"What happened?" Kateriel breathed.

"According to your Commander, you ran heedlessly into a battle with darkspawn and got taken out by a very powerful magic user," Lanaya explained, "Luckily, the Warden called 'Pip' is a fairly good healer, though he's still developing his healing magic, so they brought you to me to finish the process. You caught a lightning bolt right to the head."

Kateriel groaned again. "Are the others alright?" she asked, trying to get up again, and failing.

Lanaya handed her a potent healing potion. "Here, drink this," she told Kateriel, "That should finish the healing and you should be fine." She watched as Kateriel drank down the potion. "The other Wardens went on ahead. You can catch up with them if you want, but it is night now and you are welcome to stay here. I can send word to them that you have recovered."

Kateriel thought about the lecture that was in store for her when she got back to the Wardens, and decided to save her already aching head and spend the night where she was. She would face the music in the morning. Lanaya took the liberty of having a bath prepared for Kateriel, which Kateriel was all too happy to climb into. She sighed as she soaked in the hot water that was scented lightly with lavender. When she dried off and climbed back into bed she fell into a dead and dreamless sleep.

She rose the next morning feeling much better and stayed to have breakfast with Lanaya. Then the Dalish prepared to move on again. After saying goodbye to Lanaya, she went in search of Ashalle. Ashalle greeted her warmly, then looked at her with concern before embracing her tightly. "What has happened, _emma len_? Your light has gone dim."

Kateriel pulled back reluctantly, it felt so good to be held by the woman who raised her. Kateriel looked away and they began to walk together. "I don't know what you mean," she replied.

"The light in your eyes," Ashalle said insistently, "The evidence of your bright and lively spirit. Your light has always been brighter than most. But I have been concerned for some time, as I had noticed how much it had dimmed when I met you at the coronation. It's been growing weaker as time has gone by. Now I can see almost nothing at all." She put her hand on Kateriel's shoulder, but Kateriel would not look anywhere but at the path in front of them. "Tell me what happened, _emma len_. Was Zevran your lover and now he has left you?" she asked, her voice laced with anger, "It didn't seem like you two...but..."

Kateriel smirked and shook her head, "No Ashalle, Zevran was not my lover."

Ashalle studied her for a moment more. "Kateriel, I have loved you and raised you as a daughter. Don't shut me out. Do you care so little for me?"

Kateriel looked at her in surprise and alarm and stopped walking. She felt horrible for the hurt she saw in Ashalle's eyes. "Ashalle, I'm sorry. You have always been a _mamae_ to me. I love you dearly," she took the older woman's hand, "I just... I will have to leave again soon. I said goodbye once already..."

Ashalle looked at her sadly. " _Emm'asha"_ she said gently, "We will always be together in heart. But your pain began before we met again. Tell me what happened." Again she paused to study Kateriel, before leaning in to ask in a low voice, "Was it the king? Are the rumours true?"

Kateriel looked into Ashalle's warm and loving eyes, and knew there would be no condemnation there. Slowly, she nodded and she watched as understanding and sympathy bloomed in Ashalle's eyes. Kateriel looked around them as they began walking again, and told Ashalle all about Alistair and their love for each other.

"I have to admit, I suspected as much, watching the two of you at the coronation ball," Ashalle said sadly, "But I had hoped it wasn't true. Not so much because he's a shemlen, I'm mean, he's a very good and noble man, but because you were heading in different directions and I hoped it wasn't the cause of your trouble. But you seemed to be handling it fairly well until now. What's happened since returning with the Wardens that has all but extinguished your light?"

"I'm tired, Ashalle," Kateriel admitted, her voice heavy, "Tired of losing everything I care about. And I've cheated death more times then I think I should have. I wonder sometimes...if I should be dead."

This time it was Ashalle's turn to stop. She turned Kateriel's shoulders to look the younger woman in the face. "None of that!" she said sternly, "I knew your parents and I loved them dearly, but more so your father then your mother," Kateriel eyes widened slightly with understanding, Ashalle had been in love with her father, that's why Ashalle had never married and had children of her own. She said nothing and Ashalle continued, "Your mother was a good woman but she couldn't handle it when your father died. I know that if their places had been reversed that your father wouldn't have left you. He would have treasured you, as you are, but also knowing that a part of your mother lives on in you. He would be so proud of you; you are so much like him, strong and brave, kind and compassionate. He would not have given in to his pain, because he was a true Dalish, he would _not have submitted_. You were born to do great things. That has meant, and will mean, tough choices, pain, and heart break. But never forget who you are and where you come from. Do not let fate take all of life's pleasure from you. I have eyes and ears, and I heard and saw in that _shemlen_ city how you blessed the lives of so many. Your companions also told me of how you helped them. Continue to spread your light into this world. Show them what we Dalish are capable of, how great is our value, _and do not submit!_ "

Kateriel stared into her surrogate mother's stern and wise face, and then threw her arms around Ashalle's neck and hugged her tight. Kateriel had still never heard very much about her parents, except for what Ashalle had told her before she left with Duncan, and a few little bits and pieces before that, and to hear Ashalle speak of her father like that meant so very much to her. All of what Ashalle had said had struck her to the core. Ashalle was right. Kateriel was Dalish, and she would not submit. She would not let fate, or the taint, destroy her life.

"Thank you Ashalle," she said gratefully. She kissed Ashalle's cheek as she pulled away. "You are right. Will you do one thing more for me, _mamae_?"

"Of course, _emm'asha,"_ Ashalle replied.

"Before I leave with the Wardens, will you tell me more about what my parents were like?" Kateriel asked with a smile.

Ashalle reached up and laid a hand on Kateriel's cheek. "There's some of your light coming back," she replied, "Of course I will. I hope it'll brighten your light even more."

Kateriel thanked her and took her leave to go and catch up to the other Wardens. She thought about what Ashalle had said as she walked. She would not submit. She promised herself once before that she would beat this, and by the Creaters, _she would!_

Kateriel found the Wardens about a half hour away. She held her head up and steeled her spine, knowing that Stroud would not be pleased. She was right. He stepped out to meet her as she approached.

"Kateriel," he said, stern.

"Commander Stroud," she replied, deciding to play the respect card.

"Oh, so you remember now that I'm your commander?" he growled, "Maybe you'll remember that next time I give you an order to wait! Are you always so careless? I cannot imagine how you managed to survive the blight, as well as managing to keep your companions alive, if you charge into every battle so heedlessly!"

"No," she replied seriously, "I know better, and I have a policy to always look for magic users first. It was foolish and reckless, and I apologize."

"Recklessness puts everyone at risk," Stroud lectured, "It will not be tolerated. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Commander," she said, not taking her eyes from his.

"I expect you all to be able to act on your own, with out always needing orders, to be where you're needed, and to do what you can," he explained, "but when orders are given, they need to be followed. I expect that you, having lead others, understand this."

"I do," Kateriel agreed with a nod.

"Good," he said. Then he seemed to relax a little, "It's good to see you recovered. Now let's move out."

They traveled on again toward the border. This time Kateriel did not walk so far ahead, and she chatted with Pip while they walked. She thanked the young mage for his healing, and he was all too eager to explain that he was quite proficient in many branches of magic, but was still working on his healing skills. He complimented her on the battle regardless of its failure. He was impressed by the way she took on both ogres, and was sure she'd have taken them both if it hadn't been for the emissary. Kateriel smiled and leaned in close to quietly inform him that she'd taken two ogres out by herself before. He grinned at her with wide eyes.

"I knew it!" he said in an excited whisper, as if they were sharing a secret. Then in a normal voice he informed her, "Kael took down the emissary after it hit you. He seemed really angry. Roared at it like he would rip out its throat with his teeth!"

Kateriel looked behind her at Kael, who was looking at her, but then looked away. Judging by the scowl on his face, she assumed he was still upset with her. She sighed and turned forward again.

They marched on until they reached the border. It was just about midday. They stopped to rest and eat, and wait for the Dalish to catch up. After they'd eaten she approached Stroud and asked him if she could once again change her request. She wanted to stay just a few days, not staying a few weeks or leaving right away. He agreed.

Soon the Dalish arrived and there was great excitement as they crowded around. The Keepers joined together at the front of the crowd. Keeper Lanaya addressed them.

"We stand upon the borders of our new land!" she declared, "Too long have we waited for this moment. Let us not waste time with speech. May the Creators bless our new home and all of us as we dwell here, as we thank them for giving us a home at last. _El uth arla!"_

There was an eruption of cheers as the elves surged forward. There were shouts of ' _Arla_ ', ' _Solas_ ', ' _Serannas_ ', ' _Revas_ ', ' _Nehn_ ', and the like. Once they'd walked for a while, the Dalish allowed the Wardens to move ahead toward Ostagar to watch for darkspawn. Finally, they reached the ruined city. Thankfully the ground had frozen shortly after the battle of Ostagar, and coupled with the magic that still remained on the place from the magisters, the ruins had not become blighted. The elves were eager to explore their new land, but caution was needed. After the Wardens had checked through and declared it free darkspawn, the elves went in groups accompanied by hunters and Keepers to explore, while camp was made in the area outside the tower of Ishal. Preparations began as well for the celebration that would finally take place.


	15. Journies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Kateriel

While the Dalish settled and explored the ruined city, the Wardens crossed the bridge to make camp apart from the elves. They would wait there until the other Warden parties arrived. Kateriel found it oddly amusing that they made camp where the bonfire had been that Duncan used to wait by. She stood quietly a moment and looked around her while memories of both the first and second time she'd been there flooded her mind. It was the first time she'd been there with out Alistair being there with her, and it left her with an empty feeling and a restless longing.

Jacqueline walked up beside her. "So this is where they died..." she said, it was a statement rather than a question, her tone dark and thoughtful, "...the other Wardens."

"Well, actually it was out there," Kateriel replied, pointing toward the bridge, "Down in the valley below." Nearby she noticed Kael was listening and looking as she pointed. She glanced around, and saw that all the Wardens were listening and now gazing in the direction of the bridge. Kateriel sighed heavily, "I hadn't even met them all, I didn't even get a chance to know them." She shook her head as she crouched down and began to set up her tent.

Jacqueline watched her for a moment. "I can't imagine how hard things were for you. For Alistair too," she said in a low and serious tone, "You have my respect, Kateriel. I'm proud to call you sister."

Kateriel stopped what she was doing and looked up at the woman beside her. A small smile formed on her lips and she nodded at Jacqueline, "Thank you, Jac-"

"Jack is fine," Jacqueline interrupted with a friendly smirk.

Kateriel stood, reached out and grasped Jack's forearm firmly, the human returning the gesture. "Thank you, Jack," Kateriel said, realizing the significance of being given permission to use the nickname, "My friends sometimes call me Kate. I'd like to include you as one of them."

Jacqueline smiled and nodded, then moved to set up her tent. Kateriel focused her attention once more on finishing with her own tent, and then volunteered to collect firewood while the others tore down the constructs made by the darkspawn. These things were blighted and would have to be torn down all over the ruins and burned. The Wardens would do this to prevent any of the elves from getting poisoned.

She wandered away until she stood at the stairs to the old temple ruins. She stood and gazed at the area, deep in memory. She heard a noise behind her and whirled around, her hand on her weapon. Her eyes widened in surprise when she found that Kael had followed her. They stared at each other for a moment. His face wore a dark expression and she became apprehensive of the conversation she assumed they were about to have. So be it, she did owe him an apology after all, for being cold to him before. She relaxed her posture and waited for him to speak.

"I thought you were gathering firewood," he said flatly, taking slow steps forward but not in her direction.

"I am," was her reply, narrowing her eyes "Did you think I was up to something else? Is that why you followed me?"

"I believe we passed some wood on the way over here," he said, "Why come all the way up here?"

"These ruins hold memories for me," she sighed. Looking up at the temple, she pointed, "Up there was where my Joining was held." She turned back to look at him. He gazed at the temple for a moment before returning his eyes to meet hers. His face was still hardened, but his eyes had softened a little. Kateriel sighed, "Look Kael, I'm sorry for pushing you away and being cold to you when you expressed your concern for me. You were trying to be a friend, and I was unkind. I apologize."

"And what about the Ogres?" he asked gruffly, "You told me off about glory hogging. What were you trying to prove?"

"Nothing," she said shaking her head, "It wasn't about showing off."

"Then what was it?" he asked stepping close to her now.

She looked up at him with an anxious expression, but would not answer him. His face contorted in anger. "Fine!" he said, jerking an arm up in frustration and turning on his heel to walk away.

"Wait! Kael!" she stepped forward and grasped his arm, causing him to half turn and look at her. "I'm sorry! I don't want to talk about it, but it doesn't matter now because I'm over it, I've moved on. I just want to let it go and put it behind me. Can you please do the same? I promise it won't happen again."

He looked at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes. He turned the rest of the way to face her, and moved to stand close and look down at her. His expression softened, but remained serious, as he raised his eyebrows and said, "I'm going to hold you to that."

She felt herself blush slightly, and she looked away though a smirk formed on her lips. "Yeah...well...come on," she said shoving his shoulder, "let's go get that fire wood."

They headed back down towards their camp and picked up some wood on the way. Once they delivered their first load, they headed out for more, this time Jacqueline and Darrel went with them. They were going to need a lot of fire wood, as they were going to build one for cooking and warmth, and another, much larger, one for burning the darkspawn constructs. One of the Keepers had come across the bridge and spoken to Stroud. It was agreed upon that the Wardens would clear the darkspawn constructs from all over the ruins and burn it all on the side where the Wardens had made their camp.

As they were collecting wood, Kateriel moved up beside Jacqueline and asked in a low voice, "I thought you said Pip was exceptional at healing. How come I had to be taken to Lanaya when I was injured?"

Jacqueline smiled and shook her head, "He is a really good healer, but unfortunately we realized he hasn't had a lot of experience yet with healing magically inflicted wounds. Apparently, there's a slight trick to it which he has yet to master. Otherwise, I stand by what I said." Kateriel smiled in return and nodded.

Two other groups of Wardens arrived as they were heading back to camp with their wood. It was agreed upon that the first area to focus on clearing would be the area where elves were encamped so that they could proceed with their celebration. Most of the Wardens, led by Kateriel, went and began to clear the Dalish site. A crude wagon was constructed with the aid of the elves, to make it easier to cart the rubbish across the bridge. A couple of hours and a few cart loads later, the area was cleared. The enormous fire built for burning the constructs roared as it destroyed the evidence of the darkspawn invasion. _A destructive force to destroy a destructive force,_ Kateriel mused as she watched the flames leap into the air.

Evening arrived, and the Dalish began their celebration. Kateriel was asked to join them, but the elves requested that the other Wardens remain were they were camped. Lanaya apologized on behalf of the elves, insisting no insult was intended in their request. The Dalish were extremely grateful to the Wardens for their help in clearing their new home from darkspawn, but this was a special and sacred time for the elves, and they could not bear to share this moment with humans regardless of their gratitude.

Stroud reassured that it was understandable and no insult was taken. After Lanaya left, several of the Wardens laughed that they could enjoy themselves on their own. They also had reason to celebrate. The Blight was over, and despite the fact that only two Wardens, one of which was no longer with them, were involved in its ending and the rest had nothing to do with it, it was still a victory for the Grey Wardens. They would also remember and honour their fallen brethren. One of the Wardens had been a bard and could play the flute, the lute and the drum. One or two others could play an instrument as well. Some Wardens had liquor with them, though admittedly not enough for all, and others went to hunt for their meal.

Kateriel went to join the elves. There was a large clearing where tables had been constructed and the area had been decorated. A large fire blazed and the hunters had been busy hunting or their feast. Kateriel had been asked to sit with the Keepers at the head table and speeches were made. Kateriel was thanked and honoured, much to her embarrassment. She was forced to give a speech which was very short indeed.

After a few more speeches from Keepers, Elders, and Storytellers, everyone settled to eat and enjoy their feast. The Elves had made and stored many casks of elven wine, a wagon full to be precise, and bottles of Dalish liquors made from honeys, fruits, and other herbs and plants mostly found growing wild in the woods, all of it saved for this celebration. There were even pastries and sweets for desert, unique once again to the Dalish. Kateriel was enjoying her food and drink very much. And her Warden appetite made it so she could enjoy herself on a larger scale than most of her people. There was an uncomfortable moment when the Keepers asked her why she would not simply stay with her people, marry and have children to strengthen their people and carry on for her family. She had to explain to them, without giving away Warden secrets, that something happened to Wardens during the Joining that altered them a little physically. She could not say what it was but it prevented them from producing offspring. Besides, she swore an oath and she would not have it said that the Dalish do not keep their word.

When the meal was finished, the music and dancing began. There were also games and lots of antics and laughter. Kateriel danced and sang, two things she loved to do very much, and after a few hours decided it was time to go and check on her fellow Wardens. The elves were in such tremendously good moods, that Kateriel asked if she could take a couple casks of wine and some bottles of liquor across the bridge. She talked Brienna and Eljin into helping her as she was feeling a little tipsy. Brienna carried the bottles while Eljin and Kateriel rolled barrels of wine over the bridge.

When they arrived at the Warden camp, they were well received, as were their gifts. They also arrived bursting with laughter as the three elves had had plenty to drink and a tipsy trip across the bridge. Brienna and Eljin returned to the Dalish camp, while Kateriel remained to be toasted by the Wardens. Kateriel found that another group of Wardens had arrived while she was gone.

Kateriel stayed for a while to sing and dance with the Wardens before heading back again across the bridge. It was after midnight by the time she got back to the Dalish, and after about two hours more, the party began to die down. Kateriel said good night before heading once more back across to the Wardens camp. She stumbled down the slope to the foot of the bridge when she saw movement in the shadows. She tensed but a voice called out to reassure her. To her surprise it was Kael. He had been waiting for her for a little while, he told her, wanting to make sure she got back across without falling off.

She laughed but had to admit she was not all that steady on her feet at the moment. They hadn't walked that far when she tripped on some rubble and he caught her before she fell. He smiled at her and kept his arm around her as they walked. She couldn't help but enjoy the warmth of him, it was comforting and she had been feeling very alone lately. The party was still going in the Wardens camp, but after about an hour it started to die down too. It was a clear night with a bright moon and Kateriel opted to sleep outside of her tent. Kael asked if she wouldn't mind if he put his bedroll near hers and joined her. She agreed and the two of them gazed up at the stars and talked quietly until she finally drifted off to sleep.

_The room was dimly lit and it reeked beyond description. Darkspawn were coming through side tunnels adding chaos to the battle, but the main focus was on the Brood Mother. They were all getting tired, fighting tentacles and darkspawn while dodging acidic vomit being spewed by the Brood Mother._

_Kateriel was hacking away at a tentacle when she heard Wynne cry out and turned to see the mage fall to the floor having slipped on some of the vomit. Kateriel saw the Brood Mother turn its ugly head toward Wynne. Kateriel threw herself toward the mage, shielding the elder woman with her own body as the Brood Mother spewed acid vomit down upon them. Kateriel screamed as it splashed down her back and arm, eating away at her skin. The tentacle that Kateriel had abandoned wrapped itself around her neck and lifted her in the air, squeezing her so she could not breathe as it turned Kateriel to face it. Alistair was screaming below her and hacking at the tentacle. The Brood Mother opened its mouth to spew into Kateriel's face but Kateriel was able to summon one more burst of strength, driving her sword into the creature's mouth, effectively stopping its functions as its brain stopped. It was the last thing she saw before blacking out._

_When she opened her eyes again, she was lying on her bedroll staring up at the ceiling of the deep roads. She heard and felt movement next to her. Alistair was sitting beside her, but he was looking toward the tunnel nearby, obviously keeping watch for darkspawn while watching her. She squeezed his hand and he jolted, turning his head sharply toward her. She smiled at him._

" _Katereiel!" he exclaimed, bending down to kiss her quickly. "Thank the Maker! You had me worried there! Don't move, I need to get Wynne!" And he moved away quickly to wake the sleeping mage. It didn't take long for them to return._

_Wynne smiled down at Kateriel with relief in her eyes. "I'm relieved to see you awake, my dear," she said, as she looked Kateriel over and examined her eyes. After a moment, she smiled with satisfaction. "You seem to be alright now. It's a lucky thing your neck wasn't broken. Alistair managed to cut the tentacle off you before the thing's body seized up. I was able to heal most of the burns on your back and arm; however, there will be some scaring in a few spots." Wynne looked at Kateriel with a sympathetic and grateful expression. She grasped Kateriel's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you so much my friend, for protecting me. I can't thank you enough."_

" _You healed me," Kateriel said with a smile, "That's good enough."_

" _Get some more rest," Wynne said, patting Kateriel's hand, "We still don't know how far we have to go."_

_Kateriel nodded in agreement and Wynne returned to her tent. Alistair sat down beside her again. He lifted her hand to his lips, then reached out and stroked her cheek._

" _I was so scared was going to lose you when that thing got a hold of you," he said, his voice raspy with emotion._

" _I'm all right, thanks to you," she said, taking his hand and kissing it._

" _I'd do anything for you," he said, "You know that right?"_

" _Then promise my something, emma lath," Kateriel said closing her eyes tight for a moment, "Promise me that when we come for our calling that you will end me before they get their hands on me, so that they cannot turn me into one of those... things."_

_Alistair looked at her with pain at the thought evident on his face. He leaned down and kissed her lips, soft but with deep feeling. "I promise," he said. He placed his hand on her cheek and brushed his thumb along her brow, "Get some rest."_

"Kateriel, wake up."

Kateriel felt a hand on her shoulder. She reached up and placed her hand on top of it. "Alistair," she whispered with a smile, turning her head toward the owner of the hand. She opened her eyes slowly and sleepily, and then they flew open in alarm.

"No, it's just me," Kael said with a little grin and Kateriel felt her face blush deeply. "It's time to get up for breakfast. There's a lot to do and plans to be made, before we leave tomorrow."

Kateriel just nodded in understanding. Slowly rising from her bedroll, she rubbed her face with her hand and thought about the dream. _Another promise broken._ She was expecting a headache but found she felt alright. She assumed it must be the taint. She washed and ate breakfast, before heading over to the Dalish camp. After talking to some of the elves and laughing at some for their antics the night before, she went back to the Warden camp to hear the plans for the day.

The large fire was started again and the Wardens spent most of the day searching the ruins, including the tower of Ishal and the battlefield, for darkspawn constructs and other blighted things and brought it all back for burning.

Kateriel took a break in the afternoon to have lunch with Ashalle and listen to her tell about her parents. Ashalle had been close friends with her mother, even though her mother was from another clan, and they both were in love with Kateriel's father. But her father fell in love with her mother, who was a gifted hunter and exceptional archer. Ashalle accepted it, caring too much for both of them to lose them as part of her life. Her mother loved to dance and was an excellent cook. Her father loved to sing and had an exceptional voice. He, of course, was a magic user, being a Keeper, and was very powerful. Ashalle said her father had a great sense of humour and could always make them laugh.

After a while, and thanking Ashalle immensely, Kateriel went back to work with the other Wardens. They worked for the rest of the day, finishing before the evening meal. The remaining two groups of Wardens had arrived early that morning and now the Wardens gathered to make plans for the next day. Some Wardens were going to make their way to Gwaren to catch a ship to back to the different areas where they needed to go. Stroud said he had originally planned to do the same but had changed his mind and decided to go by land. He had sent Darrel and some other Wardens to collect their horses from the farm they had left them at. Other Wardens would make their way out of Ferelden on foot with the exception of Boltric's group, who were headed to Denerim to meet with Alistair. Stroud insisted Kateriel attach a Grey Warden crest to her armour somewhere, so that as they traveled she would be recognized as a Warden. He explained that other countries were even more prejudice towards elves than in Ferelden, but as a Grey Wardens she would have a measure of respect.

Just before dusk, Lanaya came to Kateriel and asked her to walk with her. As they slowly wandered around that section of Ostagar, Lanaya spoke to Kateriel about reserving a section of land for Kateriel to build a home on, should she ever need to return to her people. Kateriel insisted it was not necessary, but Lanaya said the Dalish were insistent. They had wandered up to the old temple and Kateriel looked around at the familiar place. She asked Lanaya if it would be possible, since they were so insistent, that the old temple be reserved for her. Lanaya agreed. Next, Lanaya asked Kateriel if the offer was still available to request help from the Dwarves in rebuilding the ruins and teaching the Dalish a little about stone work. Kateriel said she would stop at Orzammar on their way north and make the request. She would send word back to Lanaya.

The Wardens left right after breakfast the next morning. Kateriel had bid a tearful goodbye to Ashalle, and then bid farewell to all the rest of the Dalish. Stroud's company made their way north. Kateriel kept her promise and stopped at Orzammar to request aid for the Dalish. King Bhelen promised to send trustworthy, skilled, and _diplomatic_ dwarves as soon as possible.

Finally the Wardens reached the border. Kateriel paused for a moment, letting all the others pass her. She turned and gazed over the land behind her. All her life had been spent in Ferelden; her clan had never left it since before she was born. Until the Blight.

Jacqueline stopped just in front of her. "Are you alright, Kateriel?" she asked.

Kateriel heaved a heavy sigh and turned forward again. "Yeah," she said with a little smile, "It's just that I've never been outside Ferelden before." She looked to the road ahead, then at the faces around her, then back at Jacqueline. Her smile sharpened into her crooked roguish smile and her eyebrow quirked. "Let's do this!" she said as she urged her horse forward.

They made their way through the Orlesian Empire, passing though the Heartlands and then Val Royeaux. Kateriel was amazed at size and grandeur of the Orlesian capital. It made her long for the quiet natural beauty of the forests. She could not admire a culture where people wore masks to hide their faces, or so much paint to change their appearances. The whole city reeked of deception and death. She was glad when they moved on, continuing their journey, making their way through Nevarra, and reaching the southern part of the Anderfels. Kateriel was loving the excitement and adventure of traveling and seeing these new lands, but after nearly two months of travel she was glad when they finally reached Weisshaupt.

Weisshaupt Fortress was an impressive and massive fortress, standing bold and proud and solid, flying the banners of the Grey Warden. Yet it felt haunted and sad to Kateriel as it housed only a quarter of the amount of Wardens it originally housed, and the eyrie stables that used to house griffons now sat silent and empty.

Kateriel was led through the halls, drawing much attention from the Wardens that they passed. They were led to quarters where they could get cleaned up and food was brought to them. It wasn't long before Jacqueline and Stroud came for her and she was led back through the halls to an antechamber and ordered to wait. Jacqueline was left to wait with her, while Stroud went to meet with the First Warden and the other leaders.

Kateriel walked around the room looking at the artefacts and tapestries, before going to the window and opening it wide. She breathed in the fresh air and looked out over the grounds and the land beyond. Weissaupt Fortress was built on a high jagged butte called to Broke Tooth, and Kateriel could see for miles around from the window. The fresh air calmed and strengthened her spirit. She would face her inquisitioners without fear or doubt. She would remember who she was, where she came from, and what she'd done.

Jacqueline stepped up beside her. "Nervous?" she asked.

"I would lie if I said no," Kateriel said, "But I have nothing to hide. I will not be intimidated. I faced a massive horde of darkspawn and the archdemon, I will not fear my fellow Wardens."

Jacqueline studied Kateriel a moment and nodded in approval, and Kateriel thought she caught a glimpse of admiration in the woman's eyes. They sat by the window and talked, Jacqueline attempting to explain the hierarchy of the order, how it functions, and more of its history, until finally Stroud returned.

"It is time," he said, and looking at Kateriel asked, "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," she replied straightening her back, squaring her shoulders, and lifting her chin.

Stroud nodded and instructed her to follow him, Jacqueline following behind. Kateriel could not dismiss the feeling of being under guard, despite who was doing the guarding and their effort to make it not seem so. Stroud led them to a set of heavy steel doors intricately crafted with the Grey Warden crest and motto. Two Wardens were standing guard there and opened the doors as Stroud, Kateriel and Jacqueline approached.

The doors opened to an enormous hall, decorated with Grey Warden banners and flags, and tapestries depicting past Blights and Warden legends. The hall was filled people, mostly human but Kateriel spotted a few dwarves and, to her relief, elves scattered among them. Most of the people wore Warden armour or uniforms, but some were dressed in civilian clothing. At the far end of the hall was a raised dais with three thrones, the one in the center being the largest. Two men and a woman sat upon them, one man in the middle, the woman to his right and the other man to his left. These people rose from their seats as Stroud led Kateriel into the room.

Stroud led them through the middle of the room, the crowd standing on either side, until he stopped before the dais. He stepped to the right side, allowing Kateriel to step up next to him. Jacqueline stopped on the other side of Kateriel, but just a step behind her. Kateriel held her head up and her eyes straight ahead, taking in the people standing in the middle of the dais.

Stroud extended his arm partway, with his palm up, and indicated to each person on the dais as he addressed them. "First Warden Rafferty," indicating to the man in the center, "High Constable Jeska" the woman on the right, and then finally the man on the left, "Chamberlain Treyvar; it is my honour to introduce Warden Kateriel, vanquisher of the fifth blight." Kateriel did the only thing she could think of, knowing that these were the highest ranking Grey Wardens. She crossed her arms over her chest and bowed. To her relief, the three on the dais returned the gesture. Stroud and Jacqueline moved off to either side of the dais and Kateriel stood alone in front of all assembled.

"Welcome, Warden Kateriel," Rafferty said, "We have received many reports about you and your victory over the Blight. Indeed, your heroic tale is spreading all over Thedas. It is already becoming hard to know what is fact, and what is exaggerated. Commander Vongar sent us his report of your tale, as did Commander Stroud. We have even been in contact with _King_ Alistair, who was gracious enough to send us a recounting of his own, before he left Denerim several weeks ago to do...whatever he was doing."

Kateriel's eyes narrowed slightly, she did not miss the tone change in Rafferty's voice when speaking of Alistair. The disapproval of Alistair leaving the Wardens to become king was clearly felt all the way to the highest ranking leaders. Kateriel could not care less what they thought, but they had better be very careful what they said about Alistair in her presence. Thankfully, Rafferty moved on without dwelling on that topic, perhaps Vongar had already relayed Kateriel's reaction to this line of questioning in Redcliffe.

"I know you've had a long journey," Rafferty continued, "But we would request, for the record," he indicated to the side of the dais where Kateriel saw a scribe she hadn't noticed before, "that you tell us your story, beginning with your recruitment." He sat down and the other two followed suit. Kateriel could not suppress a sigh as she acquiesced, telling her story from the beginning.

"I believe you've missed something," Jeska said when Kateriel had finished, a hard edge in her voice, "How is it that you come here, within your own power, walking and breathing, instead of in a coffin to be buried with honour, like the rest of those who slew the archdemons? Stroud sent us a report telling of how you feign ignorance of how this happened, except for a mild theory of some apostate's magic."

"If you have that information, then you have my answer," Kateriel said coldly, not liking the implications or tone of the High Constable.

"I want to hear it from your own lips!" Jeska snapped.

"I don't know why I'm alive," Kateriel said steadily, her eyes flashing at Jeska in warning, "I'm not even suggesting that my friend's magic saved me. I only state that she told me she thought she could save me. By what means, I don't know. If she is the reason I'm alive, I don't know that either. She disappeared as soon as the archdemon was killed. I don't have an answer for you as to how I'm alive, but I am."

"Yes, you are," Jeska said, "And for all we know the soul of the archdemon could be held within you and any moment it could take control of you. Vongar tells us that he tried to verbally provoke you, and from what we hear he was quite harsh. Yet, there was no evidence to suggest a demon within you." She rose to feet and looked at Rafferty, who nodded at her in agreement or permission to something. "However," she continued, "we would like to conduct some tests of our own. We know you must be tired from your journey, as the First Warden already said, but fatigue will make these 'examinations' more ...successful." A nod from Jeska brought two large Wardens to stand behind Kateriel and she visibly tensed, and one hand moved to the hilt of her weapons.

"Peace, Kateriel" Rafferty said, rising to stand and raising his hand to emphasize his words, and Kateriel glared at him, "We do not want to hurt you, though I cannot promise the tests will be completely painless. It will not be torture, that I can promise. We just need to be sure you are clear of the archdemon. But even before we know for sure, I want to commend you on behalf of all Grey Wardens, for your great and valiant deeds. Surviving Ostagar, uniting the people of Ferelden, defeating the darkspawn hoard, and slaying the archdemon. Even if the archdemon were to be found in you, you still managed the near impossible, being that you were just two Wardens. You are a credit to this order and you are to be honoured among us!" He lifted his hands with these last words and a roaring cheer rose from the crowd. Even Jeska applauded before gesturing for Kateriel to follow her.

She was led to a secluded courtyard where her trials began immediately. First were physical trials involving battles with numerous skilled opponents, including mages. During these she was wounded severely but not permanently damaged, with a healer on hand to make sure no one died. Kateriel was more than gratified to have given as much damage as she got.

She was allowed to rest during the next trial, in fact she was put into a magically induced sleep. Mages were sent into the fade to confront her while she slept. They searched for the archdemon's spirit, hoping to find and confront it. One mage was able to forcefully and painfully produce memories of the final battle to see if there was evidence of the archdemon entering Kateriel's body. But they found nothing.

The trial of the fade put Kateriel in a comma like state for two days. When she awoke, she was resting in her quarters, lying comfortably in her bed. Her head hurt tremendously, and she felt a stab of pain as she turned her head to the figure sitting next to her bed. Kael was there, scowling at the floor in front of him. His head snapped toward her when she lifted her hand to her head.

"Kateriel! Thank the maker!" he exclaimed.

Kateriel winced at his loudness and made a shushing noise. She rested her hand over her eyes and Kael jumped up to draw the curtains closed. Kateriel breathed a little sigh of relief. When she tried to speak, she only squeaked.

"Here," Kael said softly. He poured a glass of water from a pitcher that had been placed next to the bed. He gently placed his hand behind her head and lifted it, causing her to wince again but enabling her to drink from the cup he held to her mouth. He laid her head back down and told her he was going to fetch a healer.

He wasn't gone long before he returned with a mage in tow. The mage worked healing magic all over Kateriel, focusing mainly on her head. She was instructed to stay in bed for the rest of the day. Her head felt a hundred times better so she was able to sit up, and Kael fussed over arranging her pillows so she was comfortable, making her laugh at him.

"I was just really worried about you," he said with an awkward grin, "They didn't tell anybody what they were going to do. Then they told everyone afterwards and declared you safe and free of the archdemon's influence." He frowned and looked away from her, "I'm still not happy they put you through that. Was it really even necessarily?"

Kateriel studied him closely for a moment. Then a grateful smile touched her lips to mirror the gratitude in her heart, and her eyes softened as she reached out and took his hand. He turned to look back at her. "You believed me didn't you?" she asked, "You knew there was nothing wrong with me."

"Of course I believed you," he said, looking at her seriously, "There's not an ounce of evil in you, aside from the taint in your blood."

"Thank you, Kael," she said, "I can't say what that means."

"I'm not the only one either," he confessed, "Jack, Darrel, and Pip believed you too. I think Stroud did as well, but I can't speak for him. But there was nothing we could do."

Kateriel waved a hand dismissively. "It's alright," she said, "I really can't blame them for wanting to make sure. I mean, no one has ever survived before, this is a unique circumstance. And I'm alright."

"Hardly a good introduction to the order though," Kael scoffed, then asked, "Can I get you anything?"

"Well, I am really hungry," she said with a smile.

He laughed and left to get her some food, saying he'd be right back. While he was gone Jacqueline came in for a visit and stayed when Kael returned. Jacqueline informed her that a celebration was planned to formally clear her and honour her. There was some excitement in the fact that it was the first time they'd ever been able to honour a Warden who was still alive after defeating the archdemon.

The celebration took place the following night to ensure Kateriel was recovered enough to enjoy it. During the ceremony Kateriel was given the title of Commander of the Grey, in acknowledgment of the skill, valour, bravery, wisdom, and leadership demonstrated by her in uniting the people of Ferelden and leading them to defeat the Blight. She was presented with new armour and blades symbolizing her rank. These were presented by the First Warden and the High Constable, who said they hoped that she would not hold the trial against them as they were only trying to do what they felt was necessary to ensure the safety of all. Kateriel was gracious enough to ensure them of her understanding.

Over the next few days, Kateriel spent time getting to know some of the other Wardens, sparing and training, and also spending a lot of time in the Fortress' extensive library. She found a few books written in elven, much to her surprise, old books which she secretly 'borrowed' to take back to her people. The books weren't serving any purpose collecting dust in that library and it irritated her that the Wardens would not think to return the book to the elves.

The main objective of her time spent in the Library was to look through the recruit records to see if she could determine who Alistair's mother was, and if she was still alive. The records were not very helpful, as there was more than one possibility, so she looked for information on the expedition to the deep roads that Duncan had mentioned in his letter. Kateriel could find no information on it and was beginning to get frustrated when she found a restricted area. This area was locked. She was sure her Commander status would give her access if she asked, but she would have to explain why she was wanting access and what she was looking for, so she decided to just come back at night and pick the lock.

And so it was there in the middle of the night, while she was looking through notes, scrolls, and books, that she was confronted by an elven mage.

"What is it you're looking for?" the mage asked suspiciously.

"That is my business," Kateriel responded coldly.

"Oh?" the mage said, "Is that what you'll tell the Chamberlain?"

"You are not the Chamberlain," Kateriel said, "I do not have to answer to you." She studied the mage carefully.

The mage sighed. "I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot here," she said, "I might be able to help you if you let me."

Kateriel looked at the mage for a moment. "I don't think so," Kateriel said, "It's personal."

"I know you're looking for someone, I saw you looking through the recruitment records earlier," the mage persisted.

"You've been watching me?" Kateriel growled, "Why?"

"It's personal," the mage said with a smile, and then she sighed again, "Look, Duncan was a very close friend of mine. You were his last recruit. Obviously, he made an excellent choice. Judging by your story, you didn't really get to spend much time under his command." She smiled knowingly, "I don't really know you well, but I have a feeling you two would have gotten along really well."

"Yes, I didn't have much time with him," Kateriel said sadly, "But I liked him very much. I was grieved when he died. But not as much as Alistair, who was very attached to Duncan."

The mage's eyes flashed at the mention of Alistair's name. "Ah yes, the new king," the mage said, her voice full of disappointment, "That would never have happened if Duncan had of survived."

"What makes you say that?" Kateriel asked, becoming a touch defensive.

"Because I know Duncan," the mage replied with heat in her voice, "And Grey Warden's aren't supposed to hold titles and get involved in the politics of the countries."

"And yet they do," Kateriel said heatedly, "Look at the First Warden, who is more of a political figure than anything else, everyone knows it. And the Wardens govern the land around Weissaupt do they not? And no one seems to care that we are about to take on the governance of the Arling of Amaranthine." Kateriel looked at the mage for a moment thoughtfully. She was an elf and a mage, and she had been very close to Duncan. What if this was _her_. "Unless," Kateriel said slowly, "You know of another reason why Duncan would not allow Alistair to take the crown."

The mage seemed to stiffen and then relax. "What are you really after, Kateriel?" the mage asked narrowing her eyes at her.

"I heard," Kateriel said choosing her words carefully, "that a Grey Warden was once cured of the taint. An elf...who was a mage. It was during a secret mission to the deep roads years ago. I was hoping to find that information."

"Why?" the mage asked, "Do you hope to cure yourself of the taint? Or Alistair perhaps?"

"Perhaps," Kateriel said, "Who wouldn't want to be cured of the taint before their calling? Or in order to have children?" She put a little emphasis on the last word.

"I can tell you that you will find nothing," the mage said firmly, "That was a unique circumstance. No one knows how it was accomplished. They were never able to figure it out."

"How do you know?" Kateriel said, equally as firm, "You're her aren't you?"

The mage was silent a moment, seeming to struggle with a decision. "...Yes" she finally said, "Now I've told you my secret, you must tell me yours. What else do you know?"

"I know...that Alistair is your son," Kateriel said finally, watching the mage closely.

The mage closed her eyes for a moment and opened them again slowly. Kateriel could see pain in her eyes now. "How did you come to discover all this?" the mage asked.

"A letter," Kateriel said, "For Alistair from Duncan. Though, he did not give your name. Duncan thought Alistair should know...that he wasn't just some product of a noble's lust and a foolish woman. He wanted Alistair to know that his parents loved one another and that they loved him, and wanted what was best for him."

"Which was not the crown!" the mage snapped, "And yet he is king! That was the last thing Maric wanted! And I did not want Alistair to have to suffer the stigmas that comes with having elven blood. You know what it's like, the prejudice and the racism we face. What will happen when people find out? Especially, now that he is king?"

"No one else knows. No one else will," Kateriel promised with steel in her voice, "And I for one am proud of my elven blood regardless of the hatred of the humans. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Alistair would have been far better off knowing he had parents who loved him then sleeping with the dogs, believing he was cared for by no one."

"Don't you try to judge me, Dalish elf!" snapped the mage, "You have no idea what I've suffered. I am far from being ashamed of my elven blood! Is it wrong for me to want my son to grow up not having to face those racist people in the world, who would mock him for it or worse? Especially as a child? You can think what you want, but I love my son and just wanted him to have a simple and happy life. He wasn't even supposed to find out that Maric was his father. It all came out to protect Eamon. Thankfully, the only ones who knew who his real mother was, was Duncan, Maric and me."

"I...guess I can see your point," Kateriel said. And she could. It wouldn't have been easy for Alistair to grow up in a human society that knew he had elven blood in his veins. But Kateriel knew Alistair would not mind knowing now and would be overjoyed to know he had a mother who was alive. "I know Alistair would love to meet you. He would be so happy to know he had family who loved him...and were still alive."

"No!" the mage said, "Not now. I had considered it after Alistair became a Warden. But he was in Ferelden and I was tying up loose ends here. Then the Blight happened, and after that he became King. What good would it do now? Please, tell him I'm dead or you couldn't find me. I've left the Wardens anyway. I came here on a visit, and because I knew you would be brought here. I wanted to see you."

"I won't lie to him," Kateriel said in disgust, "But I'll leave it you to go to him or not. I'll tell him ….something." Her heart broke for Alistair; he would not understand his mother not wanting to see him.

The mage studied Kateriel a moment. "You love him, don't you?" she asked, "Even here the rumours about you being lovers are spread. Is it true?"

Kateriel was silent a moment before answering, bracing herself against the pain that the topic always brought up. "Yes, it's true," Kateriel said quietly.

"Then why did you make him king?" the mage asked, shaking her head, "Does he not love you in return?"

"Yes, he does," Kateriel sighed, "But Ferelden needs him. And...I guess I thought he deserved the right to the heritage that was denied him. I thought he deserved better than what he had grown up believing. I didn't know about your wishes until after the coronation." Kateriel hung her head as feelings of deep regret washed over her. "I'm sorry," she said in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

"But not just because of my wishes, I think," she said gently, putting her hand on Kateriel's shoulder.

"Yes," was Kateriel's reply, her voice rough. She wished Alistair hadn't become king, then they would be together.

"And this was another reason why we didn't want Alistair to have the throne," the mage said bitterly, "So that he could love whomever he wanted. He would have the freedom to choose. The crown is a heavy chain." The mage paused in thought, "Maybe someday, I will go to him, but not now. He has other things to worry about, and I am also entering into a new challenge and chapter in my life."

"Will you not tell me your name?" Kateriel asked.

"Fiona," the mage replied, "And before I go, I want to tell you about something you should watch out for."

Fiona told Kateriel about a powerful darkspawn emissary that could talk and had tried to end the Blights by tainting all of Thedas. This creature was dangerous and they had not been able to track it down. This darkspawn called itself 'the Architect' and was very intelligent, and not to be trusted. Fiona said her goodbyes and left Kateriel in the library.

Kateriel made her way back to her room, her mind working furiously to sort out all that had just happened, and all she had just been told. She lay in her bed and dreamed about what it would have been like if Alistair had not been made king and was there with her, and had met his mother. She regretted her choice to make Alistair king more than ever. She thought it would be the best thing for him, but now she felt she was wrong.

She shook her head and pushed the regret away. It was done, and there was no way to undo it. Finally, after tossing and turning, she fell into a fitful sleep.

The next day would be her last day in Weissaupt. She would be returning to Ferelden to take over Command of the Arling of Amaranthine from Boltric. She made her way into the breakfast hall and was greeted by a familiar and unexpected voice.

"Kateriel!" the voice cried, and Kateriel found herself wrapped in the arms of a familiar red-head.

"Leliana!" Kateriel laughed in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"I arrived late in the night with the Wardens I was traveling with," Leliana explained, "Apparently, I am no longer needed. However, they have asked me to accompany you back to Ferelden. How could I say no?"

Kateriel was thrilled to be reunited with her friend and to know they would finally be traveling together, at least for a while. They spent the rest of the morning catching up. Apparently, the mission of the Wardens that Leliana had been with was not very successful. They had not been able to find what they were looking for, but at least they knew it was not there. Leliana said she wasn't even sure what it was exactly they had been looking for, as it had been classified information.

In the afternoon, Kateriel went to train with the others and Leliana joined them. Kateriel introduce Leliana to Jacqueline, Darrel and Kael. The five of them spent the evening together chatting and preparing for the journey. Stroud's group would be accompanying Kateriel as far as the Ferelden border, and then they apparently had a new mission to attend to elsewhere. Leliana told Kateriel she would also see her to Ferelden, but would need to then return to Val Royeaux. Leliana had apparently been summoned to see the Divine herself.

Kateriel was feeling too anxious to sleep. She was looking forward to heading back to Ferelden. She went to the window for some fresh air even though it was raining. She heard a noise below and saw Kael in the training yard, attacking a training dummy furiously. She found it very strange that he was training in the pouring rain. Kateriel made her way out to the training yard. She called out to him, but he didn't hear her in the rain and with the sound of his practice sword beating on the dummy. He had taken his shirt off and Kateriel couldn't help but admire his form. Cautiously, she walked up behind him, ignoring the rain, and tapped him on the shoulder. He jumped and spun around with a scowl on his face. His expression seemed to soften slightly and then harden again.

"What do you want?" he growled.

"Oh, that's a nice way to greet someone who was so concerned about you that they are standing in the rain getting drenched," Kateriel said with light sarcasm.

"No one asked you to," he grumbled, turning away and attacking the dummy again.

Kateriel watched him for a moment, and then walked over to the lean-to where the training equipment was stored and grabbed a sword. If he was going to ignore her in order to train, then she would just make him focus on her by making him train with her. She walked over to him and blocked one of his swings with her sword.

"What the hell?" he yelled at her, "What is it you want Kateriel?"

"I want to know what's wrong," Kateriel replied, looking at him with concern.

"None of your business!" he retorted, "Now leave me alone." And he knocked back her sword. Kateriel countered, swinging her sword at him, making him block. "Fine!" he roared, "Have it your way!"

He lunged at her and Kateriel quickly dodged. They battled vigorously until they were both panting and out of breath. They stopped momentarily; Kael planted his sword in the mud and stood watching Kateriel as she rested for a moment. She reached up and covered her face to wipe the rain out of her eyes and Kael lunged forward. He pinned her against the support beam of the lean-to.

"What the hell, Kael?" Kateriel snapped angrily, trying to shove him off.

His face was close her hers, and they were both breathing heavy, he looked from her eyes to her lips, and before she could register his intent, he covered her lips with his. Kateriel froze in surprise. Then he reached up and stroked her face with his hand and she softened. It felt good, but it didn't last long before it didn't feel right. She really liked Kael and he was _very_ attractive. But she was still in love with Alistair, and she couldn't do this, not yet.

She broke the kiss by turning her head. "Kael stop," she breathed, "I can't..."

"Why not?" he asked, "I care for you, Kateriel. Do you not feel anything for me?"

"I care about you," Kateriel said, "But as my friend."

Kael looked at her and backed off. "I think we could be more," he said gently, "But I've run out of time to try. I asked Stroud to let me go with you to Ferelden but he refused. He says he needs me on his team and you have enough Wardens to help you."

"It's probably for the best," Kateriel said, looking at him sadly, "I like you a lot but... I just can't bring myself to care for anyone that way right now. I've got too much to focus on."

"It's because of him isn't it?" Kael growled, "The King. You were in love with him weren't you?"

"It doesn't matter even if I was," Kateriel said, "I'm not in a position to start a romantic relationship, and it will be a very long time before I'll be able to. If ever," she said this last part almost under her breath as she turned to leave. "I'm sorry. Good night."

They were on the road the next morning right after breakfast. Kael was cold and distant, and Kateriel was saddened but decided to leave him be. It was probably for the better. She was enjoying traveling with Leliana again. This time when they stopped in Val Royueax, Leliana took them out to some fancy places. Leliana was in her glory, which made it more fun and Kateriel enjoyed it, but was once again glad to leave the busy city behind. All too soon they were back at the Ferelden border. Kateriel was heartbroken to say goodbye to her friends, but most of all Leliana and Kael. Kael had been with her since she left Denerim six months ago and now they were parting, and on poor terms. He looked at her with a mixture of pain, anger, and sadness as he said at simple good bye. She watched as they all turned their horses and left.

Finally she turned her own horse and headed for Highever, where she would stay the night and sell her horse, choosing to head to Amaranthine on foot.


	16. A Deadly Welcome

Kateriel reached Highever before sundown and took her time making her way through the busy town. After a while, she noticed she was drawing a lot of attention. She supposed someone had noticed her Grey Warden armour. She had decided to wear the Warden armour for her arrival in Highever and Amaranthine, and carry her preferred armour in her pack. People began to stare and whisper, though she did not feel threatened. When she approached a merchant about buying her horse, he eagerly asked if she was not Kateriel the 'Hero of Ferelden'. She reluctantly admitted to being she, and the merchant was suddenly shaking her hand and saying he would be honoured to buy her horse. He even tried to give her too much, and Kateriel did her best to graciously talk him down.

Kateriel made her way to the local Inn, returning smiles and nods to people as she passed, and even shaking a few hands. Word seemed to have spread very quickly of her presence in the town. The Inn keeper was offering to let her stay for free, when a red-haired knight came into the Inn and approached her.

"Warden Commander Kateriel," he said with a bow, "I am Ser Gilmore. The Teyrn has heard of your arrival in Highever, and wishes to extend an invitation for you to be his guest for the night at Highever Castle."

This was a surprise to Kateriel, and she could only stare for a moment with wide eyes at Ser Gilmore before recovering and accepting the invitation. She followed the knight out of the Inn, and through the city, to the castle. Kateriel was led through the castle to the great hall. The Teryn was waiting for them by an immense fireplace on the dais at the head of the hall. He smiled broadly and stepped toward them, as they walked through the hall.

"Commander Kateriel," he said with a bow, "It is a pleasure to see you again, my lady."

"The pleasure is mine, Teyrn Cousland," Kateriel said, returning the bow, "I am honoured by your invitation to be a guest in your home." She looked at him quizzically before asking, "I must ask, how did you and your knight know that I have obtained the rank of Warden Commander?"

"When the Grey Wardens appointed you the rank and put you in charge of the Arling of Amaranthine, they sent word to the Grey Wardens already stationed here. Commander Boltric had been ordered to return to Weissaupt after you are settled in your new duties. As Amaranthine is an Arling under my Teyrnir, he thought important that I be made aware, which I agree with and appreciate."

 _Right, remember that. This man rules over the Arling officially, so you are answerable to him as the one in command of the governing the Arling._ "Of course, my lord," Kateriel said, though inside she cringed at the words. _Remember, you are no longer with the Dalish. You are stuck in a hierarchy, two actually, with people above and below you._ But deep, deep down she knew she rebelled at the thought. No one would ever control or lord over her, not when it came right down to it. She would answer to the people she needed to only because she chose to.

"Please, call me Fergus in when we are in non-formal company," he said warmly, "I'd like for us to be on friendly terms. I've heard so much about you from the king. I'd like to know you better myself."

"You've spent time with Alistair? I mean, King Alistair," she corrected herself quickly.

"It's all right," Fergus laughed, "I know you two were very close. We traveled together for a little bit and have since become good friends."

Kateriel mentally kicked herself. "That's right! You were there to fight with my people!" she exclaimed, her face turning red, "I can't believe I let that slip my mind! I am so grateful to you for helping them." She bowed low, glad for a moment to hide her embarrassment.

Fergus just laughed again. "Be at ease, Commander," he said, "I am not offended."

"Call me Kateriel, my lord – I mean, Fergus," she said with an awkward smile, "If it pleases you."

"It does," Fergus said with a kind smile, "Now hopefully we can put this awkwardness behind us."

During the evening meal, and while sitting by the fireplace afterwards, Fergus told Kateriel about all that had been going on in Ferelden, particularly what had happened with Alistair, over the last few months.

The new prince had been brought to the palace with his mother and officially adopted by Alistair. There were very mixed reactions to this new turn of events, and there had been uprisings and trouble among the Bannorn. Many were pushing the King to marry Anora. Fergus said that he heard a rumour that Anora was pushing for it as well, and she was trying to win Alistair's affection, he wasn't sure that it was true. Either way, Fergus was sure that Alistair remained unconvinced that Anora felt any true affection for him, except maybe that of a sister. She was kind and seemed to genuinely like Alistair, but not in a romantic sense.

Fergus also informed her that there had been bands of darkspawn roving the area, attacking villages and farmsteads, in particularly around Amaranthine. Kateriel was surprised to hear that the darkspawn had not all retreated underground. Fergus charged her with ridding the land of the creatures before they cause too much more damage.

Kateriel tried to appear unaffected at hearing about Alistair and Anora, except being concerned for a close friend. Inside, her heart panged to think of Alistair marrying another. She knew it could, or would, happen eventually but it did not make it any easier. Then there was the concern regarding the darkspawn problem. Why were they still around and why so far north? She retired that night to a fine and comfortable bed, but sleep was elusive for hours before she finally fell asleep.

Kateriel broke her fast with Fergus the next morning. She found herself really liking the Teyrn. He had a great sense of humour and she could see why he and Alistair would get along so well. He had a friendliness about him that made people feel at ease. After they had finished eating, they stood before the fire in the great hall talking. A guard came in leading a young woman in reddish armour. He informed them that the woman was there to see Kateriel.

"Warden Commander," she said, bowing in Grey Warden fashion, "I am Mhairi. I have been sent to accompany you to Amaranthine."

Kateriel's gaze rolled over the woman, taking her in. Kateriel didn't feel she needed an escort, but she wasn't going to make it an issue. "Alright, Mhairi," Kateriel said with a nod, "Allow me to gather my things. I'll meet you in the courtyard." She turned and thanked the Teyrn for his hospitality before going to her room to grab her gear.

She met Mhairi in the courtyard, and the two left Highever together on foot. Over the week it took to travel to Amaranthine, Mhairi filled Kateriel in on the things that had been happening at the Arling, and about the darkspawn attacks. Mhairi informed Kateriel that she was a knight from Denerim and a Warden recruit, still waiting to undergo her Joining. The young woman was very eager and Kateriel could only hope that Mhairi survived to get her wish. The more Mhairi told her of the happenings with the darkspawn, the more uneasy Kateriel felt.

On the last day of their journey, they were almost to Vigil's Keep, the fortress that the Arling was governed from, when they saw the smoke floating up from the trees. Something was wrong, and the two women began to run. As they made their way up the road, and got closer to the Keep, Kateriel's blood began that old familiar buzzing.

"Darkspawn!" Kateriel said, drawing her weapons, causing Mhairi to do the same.

They reached the outer walls of the Keep. The walls were broken and on fire in places, the gates included. They could see more fires in the Keep beyond the walls. They stopped running and began to approach carefully.

"Where are the other Wardens?" Mhairi wondered in a worried tone.

They could hear people screaming, and one scream was getting louder. They readied themselves as the sound approached them. The man doing the screaming came running through the gates, followed by three genlocks. Kateriel couldn't help the smirk that formed on her lips and she charged forward. She couldn't wait to sink her blade in a darkspawn again.

After killing the creatures the man, who was dressed as a guard, stood beating on a genlock even though it was dead. He was clearly terrified. When he finally calmed down, he turned to look at Kateriel.

"You! You're the Hero of Ferelden aren't you?" he said in a shaky voice, "Thank the Maker!"

Kateriel took in the man before her; he was shaking visibly. She wondered if he'd managed to go through the whole Blight with out ever seeing a darkspawn. He should count himself lucky if that were the case.

"Take a deep breath, you're doing fine," Kateriel said, and waited until he did so before continuing, "Do you know where the other Wardens are?"

"There was someone behind me not long ago," he said, "A mage, I think but I don't know if he was a Warden. I'm new here. All I know is that people were screaming and dying! You need to help them!"

"I will," she said firmly "Now get yourself to safety." He didn't argue and ran off, thanking her.

"We need to hurry Commander," Mhairi said.

"Tell me something I don't know," Kateriel said bristling, "Lets' move!"

More darkspawn attacked them as they approached, seeming to be drawn to Kateriel's taint. Once they passed the gate, they met more 'spawn, including an ogre. Kateriel took out a shriek, stabbing it through the chest then drawing her blade across its throat. She turned to face the ogre; as she did she noticed a soldier fending off two darkspawn in a yard nearby. She got in close to the ogre, stabbing and slicing it with her blades in a flurry of quick strokes. It managed to catch her off guard, swinging its massive arm and knocking her backward. She managed to keep her feet and was able to dodge as it lunged at her. She stepped in close to it, ignoring its stench, and drove her dagger into its neck. She quickly pulled her blade out as it fell backward to the ground.

Kateriel wiped at the blood on her face with her arm, before checking to see that Mhairi was alright and the 'spawn around them were dead. She hurried to help the soldier who was valiantly fighting off his attackers. After they finished off the two attacking 'spawn, Kateriel commended him for being able to hold off two at once. He thanked her and said he'd wait by the gate, and that she could send survivors to him to look after. Kateriel made a mental note to discover this man's rank and see that he received a promotion.

Kateriel and Mhairi quickly made their way around the outer courtyard, saving a couple more people before heading for the inner-courtyard gate. Kateriel thought it was odd that the doors were closed, as it was clear that the darkspawn had made their way into the Keep. She approached with caution.

As she neared the gate, the door blew apart with tremendous force, sending her flying and landing painfully on her back. A piece of the gate debris struck her head, opening a small gash. She ignored the pain and blood and got up quickly. The emissary that had caused the explosion was busy casting protective wards, and Kateriel wasted no time heading straight for it. After they had destroyed the darkspawn in the inner-courtyard, and retrieved medical supplies for the wounded soldiers, they made their way through the gates to the Keep's bailey. The bailey was empty and the gate into the Keep itself was closed.

"I don't understand how this could have happened," Mhairi said dismally, "How could they not have sensed the darkspawn coming?"

"That's a very good question," Kateriel answered firmly, "But the answers will have to wait. What matters now is that we defeat them. I just got here and already things are a mess. I will not stand for this. Let's go."

They were immediately set upon by shrieks as they moved further into the bailey. After they were defeated, Mhairi explained that the lever to open the gate was on a raised walkway to the left. However, the way was blocked by debris. They decided to try the door on the upper right side of the Keep and make their way around; since Mhairi had told her that there were outer walkways they could take to reach the other side.

As she burst through the door, she found a mage effectively roasting a hurlock with a fire spell. The creature groaned and fell dead on the floor, joining the bodies of not only more darkspawn but also several templars. The mage waved his hands as if to cool them as he turned toward the door. He gave a little jump of surprise at seeing Kateriel and Mhairi. He noticed the women staring at the bodies lying at his feet.

The mage claimed that the darkspawn had killed the templars, not that he was upset by their deaths. Kateriel moved closer to examine the bodies. It didn't appear that the templars had been killed by magic, although it wasn't always easy to tell.

"Alright, let's say I believe you," Kateriel said coolly, "Not that I care what happened to them anyway, except if you are a murderer. Then it becomes my problem. Who are you and what are you doing here?"

"You may call me Anders, my dear lady," the mage said, clearly trying to be charming, causing Kateriel to roll her eyes, "I am a mage and sadly, a wanted apostate." He paused for her reaction and was surprised to see none. "We had stopped here on the way back to the tower." He turned and waved a hand at the dead templars. "And now they're dead," he sighed with mock regret, "Such a shame."

"I don't care that you're an apostate," Kateriel said flatly, "What matters is why you are wanted. Are you a blood mage? A murderer? Are you dangerous?"

"According to the Chantry, I am dangerous simply because I have magic," he answered, anger lacing his voice.

"That's not an answer!" Kateriel snapped, losing her patience, "And unless you want to be locked back up, I suggest you convince me quickly that you aren't some psychopath. I do not have time to stand around talking!"

"Alright!" he said, quickly raising his hands, "Pretty and terrifying... I like that..." he continued quickly as Kateriel growled in frustration, "I am wanted simply because I want my freedom and managed to escape the tower. I won't deny ever killing someone but I don't _want_ to kill anyone. I just want to be free."

He stepped forward and Kateriel saw the sincerity in his eyes. "I can help you with the darkspawn," he offered, "If you don't want my help, please let me go. They'll send more templars sooner or later and I'd like to be long gone by then.

Kateriel took a moment to consider. When had she ever turned away help? She thought back to how she had met her former companions. A witch of the wilds, lay-sister claiming that her visions had told her to help, a qunari who admitted to murdering a family, an assassin that tried to kill her, and a drunken dwarf. Her lips quirked into her crooked grin.

"We do need help," she said, "but I expect you to take my orders. It's pretty simple. Kill darkspawn and save anyone still alive. Can you heal?"

"Yes, my lady," the mage said with a relieved smile. He held a hand over the gash in her forehead. His hand glowed blue and the wound healed. He smiled with satisfaction, "Lead the way."

They made their way to the other side of the bailey, freeing survivors on the way, and opened the gate. As the darkpawn poured out into the bailey, a voice drew Kateriel's attention to the opposite side. A blonde dwarf was calling on the darkspawn and when the creatures reached the middle of the bailey there was a tremendous explosion. The dwarf ran, cackling, back inside the Keep. The explosion killed most of the darkspawn, leaving only a few left.

"That was Dworkin, Commander," Mhairi told her with a sigh, "I'll tell you about him later."

Kateriel just shook her head as she made her way toward the remaining darkspawn. The creatures were dealt with and the group made their way into the Keep. Kateriel tried not to look at the poor people that the 'spawn had hung from the rafters. Room by room, and hall by hall, they fought their way through the Keep.

Upon entering one room, Kateriel was met by a familiar sight. A red-haired dwarf was swinging a battle-axe and cursing at the darkspawn as he fought them. He must have caught a glimpse of Kateriel from the corner of his eyes, because he suddenly paused to wave at her with a grin on his face. Kateriel couldn't help the laughter that burst from her as she charged forward and engaged the darkspawn. Once the creatures were dead, Kateriel faced her friend with a smile.

"Hah! I knew the sound of screaming darkspawn would lead me to you," he grinned, "What took you so long to get here? If you'd been any longer there wouldn't have been any 'spawn left for you!"

"It's good to see you, Oghren!" Kateriel laughed, and clapped his shoulder, "But...what are you doing here?"

"I came here thinking I'd try my hand at being a Grey Warden," Oghren replied, "I've been waiting for you to show up!"

"He's been here for a week," Mhairi snarled in disgust, "I can't believe the Wardens didn't kick him out."

Kateriel rounded on her, her face indignant. "Who are you to judge who should be a Warden or not?" she snapped, "Wardens come from all races and all backgrounds. What's more, do you even know who this dwarf is?" Mhairi, having gone pale from receiving Kateriel's anger, just shook her head. "This dwarf helped defeat the Blight! He was one of my most trusted companions. He is a fearless and deadly warrior and a damn good person! Not to mention my friend. I'd reserve judgment for people wiser than you."

"She's just mad because I told her I liked her rack," Oghren laughed, "I only meant it as a compliment! Who's the mage?" he asked Mhairi, "Your boyfriend?"

"A dwarf that smells like a brewery!" quipped Anders, "Surprise, surprise..."

"A mage _and_ a comedian," scoffed Oghren, "thought those died young."

Kateriel shook her head and smiled at her friend again. "It _is_ good to see you again," she said, "But we should move on."

"I'm right behind you" Oghren growled, grinning maliciously.

As they moved through another couple of hallways, they came upon a wounded man. Mhairi recognized him and ran to him. She explained that his name was Roland, and he was also a knight recruited from Denerim. Kateriel gazed sadly down on the knight. The taint in his blood was visible through his skin, as it turned his blood black. He was too far gone to be saved.

"Anders, can you help him?" Mhairi asked the mage.

"If his looking like that means what I think it means, then I'm afraid not," Anders replied, "I'm sorry."

Mhairi looked confused for a moment, but then turning and looking at her friend again, slowly came to understand. Tears welled up in her eyes but they did not fall.

Roland turned his face to Kateriel. "Commander?"

Kateriel knelt down beside Roland. "I'm so sorry, Roland," she said, her voice full of regret, "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner."

"We only had a moment's notice," he struggled to explain, "The seneschal ordered a counter attack but we were over whelmed, there were too many. There is one...a darkspawn who talks! He is powerful!" He cried out in pain. "There's something in my blood! It hurts!"

Kateriel's blood ran cold. She thought of the stories Fiona had told her about the Architect. She decided not to say anything about it to the others. "Roland," Kateriel said with sympathy, "Where did the talking darkspawn go?"

Roland indicated the direction it went in, saying it went after the seneschal, and then he breathed his last breath. Mhairi swore to avenge him and Kateriel tried to process what she had heard.

"There's no time to lose!" Kateriel said urgently. She led them through the passageways, slaying more darkspawn as they went, and out onto the roof. She could hear voices around the corner on the roof top and she ran toward the sound.

As they rounded the bend she saw a large hurlock _speaking_ to a soldier, before knocking him off the roof. Kateriel was too stunned to pay attention to what was being said. She saw another darkpawn holding a man down on his knees with a sword to his throat, and all that mattered to Kateriel was that she needed to save him. The creature turned when it saw her and she registered only that it said that it wanted to capture her. Kateriel roared in defiance as she charged at the creature, daring it to try. The other darkspawn released the man it was holding, and attacked but it died quickly. The talking hurlock was indeed very powerful, but eventually it did go down.

The man who was being held captive approached Kateriel. "Commander! It is a relief to see you at last!" he said, "I owe you my life..." he was cut off by the sound of a trumpet signal. They moved over to the edge of the roof to see what they noise meant. There were soldiers on the road, carrying the King's banner.

 _Alistair!_ Kateriel's heart leaped and began to beat fiercely. Too many mixed emotions flooded through her as she practically ran through the Keep to get back outside. She didn't care or realize that the others had followed her out. She stopped in the outer-court and waited for the soldiers to come through.

And then she saw him. Alistair, adorned in fine gold and silver armour. Kateriel felt a mixture of pain and pride. It took all her strength not to fling herself into his arms. As he and his troops approached, she knelt down on one knee, in respect for his position but also to hide her face while she attempted to get a hold of herself and smooth out her features. The seneschal and Mhairi also quickly bowed before their king.

Finally, Alistair stopped before her. He looked around at the damaged Keep and sighed deeply. "It looks like I came too late," he said regretfully. He looked down at Kateriel, kneeling before him. It just felt so wrong! He had ached to see her for months and now that he was finally seeing her for the first time, she was kneeling before him in the mud. He wanted to hold her close, make sure she was alright and comfort her. He didn't know what to say, his emotions in turmoil. So he did what he usually did, he made a joke. "And I had so looked forward to killing a few darkspawn. It's been too long."

The tone in which he said the last words made Kateriel finally look up at him. He smiled warmly at her and reached out his hand to help her stand. She hesitated only a second before she took it. Once she was standing, he drew her into a brief hug. More than just their armour made it awkward, but they were both smiling when they broke away.

"I'd say welcome home but...," he paused to look over the Keep, "I don't know what to say. We were coming here to officially welcome the Grey Wardens, when we met a villager on the road that told us the Keep had been attacked by darkspawn. We tried to get here as soon as we could. What happened?"

The senechal stepped in to explain what had happened, and told him that all the other Wardens were either dead or missing, and that the darkspawn where either dead or had fled. Alistair did not hide his concern at this news. He knew that the darkspawn sometimes took people who were tainted and kept them for food or mindless servants. He turned his attention back to Kateriel.

"Well, at least the Hero of Ferelden is still alive," he said with affection in his voice, which sent a shiver up Kateriel's spine, "I'm so very glad to see that. Are you all right?"

 _Hold steady, Kate._ "I'm fine, your majesty," she replied, trying to sound friendly but formal. She needed him to be formal as well, or she might not stay composed. "This is a tragedy. All the Wardens are dead, at least as far as we know, and all the work they've been doing is undone. It is a major setback. And there's something very wrong going on here."

"That's a bit of an understatement, isn't it?" he said gravely, then he sighed with regret, "You've got a lot of work on your hands. I'm sorry I can't stay to help. Really. But there's been a lot of trouble in the Bannorn and I really must deal with it. So I'm afraid you're on your own."

 _I've been on my own for the last few months,_ Kateriel thought bitterly. But her thoughts were interrupted by Oghren.

"No, she's not!" he growled, "She's got me now! I came here to join the Wardens. Where's the giant cup? I'll gargle and spit!"

Kateriel smiled at her friend gratefully and put her hand on his shoulder. "You aren't allowed to spit," she told him with laughter in her voice.

"Not allowed to spit?" Oghren grinned wickedly, "I'll remember to tell that to the next lucky lady who-"

"Well, that means I've still got two recruits anyway," Kateriel interrupted quickly.

"What about him?" Alistair asked, indicating to Anders.

"Your majesty," a woman said before Kateriel or Anders could say a word, "This man is the dangerous criminal I told you about." Kateriel had not noticed the woman before but now saw that the woman wore templar armour. There were three other templars standing behind her as well. "We came to take him back to the tower."

"Oh, please," sighed Anders, "I'll just escape again anyway."

"Never!" the woman declared, "I'll see you tranquil or executed for your crimes murderer!"

"Murderer?!" exclaimed Anders angrily, "I was defending myself! When the templars decide to kill a mage for wanting their freedom, how is that not murder?"

"I'm afraid I can't step in here," Alistair said with bitter regret, then he turned to Kateriel with a curious look on his face, "Unless _you_ have something to say, Commander?"

Kateriel suddenly understood what his look meant and she nodded. "I do," she said firmly, "I hereby conscript this mage into the Grey Wardens."

"What!" the woman shrieked, "No, I will not allow this."

"You have no say in this matter," Alistair said firmly, drawing himself to his full height, "The Grey Wardens still have the right of conscription. I will allow it."

He fixed the woman with a hard stare that told her she had lost and it would be unwise to fight him on it. She bowed stiffly and mumbled, "As you say, your majesty."

Kateriel was so impressed and proud of Alistair. He had gained a commanding presence and confidence. It made him even more attractive and Kateriel has to resist the urge to kiss him. But it was quickly replaced by regret as she remembered she was in no position to act on those feelings.

"A Grey Warden?" Anders seemed to ponder the idea, "Yes, I guess that would work."

"Then...if you have everything under control" Alistair said with regret once more, "I will need to take my leave."

"I believe the estate is secure," the seneschal said, then he seemed to recall something. Turning to Kateriel he explained, "Oh, I didn't introduce myself, I am seneschal Varel. I am most grateful for your timely rescue, Commander. I will aid you in ruling Amaranthine. As Commander of the Grey you are the equivalent of our Arlessa."

"Dandy," Kateriel sighed sarcastically, not at all pleased with the idea.

Alistair laughed. "You'll do fine," he said. He stepped closer to her and almost wished he hadn't as her scent drifted up to him, and it made his heart ache with longing. He fought to focus. "The security of Ferelden is relying now on the Grey Wardens, even weakened as the order is now. You need to stop these darkspawn attacks, before the situation grows out of control. It won't be easy but I have every faith in you." He looked at her tenderly for a moment before hardening his features. "Good luck, Commander! May the Maker, and the Creators, watch over you." He paused a moment to take in her face. Kateriel could feel her face blush as his eyes roved over it. "Be safe" said finally in a rough voice before he turned around and lead his troops away.

Kateriel watched them go. It was not the reunion she had hoped for. _And what exactly_ _ **were**_ _you hoping for?_ What a mess everything was! She was so not prepared for this. The Wardens were dead, the Keep was a mess, she just managed to piss off the templars, and she, a Dalish elf with no concept or interest in human politics, was in charge of ruling the Arling. She had not really grasped the import of her position before, thinking of the Wardens governing Amaranthine collectively. She realized now that she simply had not wanted to acknowledge that it would really be her who would be in the position of Arlessa. She was broken from her thoughts by Varel's voice.

"Commander, before we do anything else, we should see to the Joining," he informed her.

"The Joining?" Kateriel asked in surprise, "Is this really the time? And I thought we needed a special darkspawn blood mix for that? I don't know the recipe."

"Commander Boltric had prepared the mixture before the attack," Varel explained, "We were going to hold the Joining this evening after you arrived. He had the blood mix, and the instructions for the Joining, locked in a safe in the Arl's study and it was kept safe. Would it not be best to have more Grey Wardens present as soon as possible?"

Kateriel considered it a moment before nodding in agreement. "Then go ahead and prepare," Kateriel said reluctantly, "I am going to do another sweep around the grounds and in the Keep." She turned to Oghren, "Accompany me, my friend."

"Need someone to hold your hand in case a 'spawn jumps out at you?" he laughed.

"If I did," Kateriel replied with a smirk, "I'd chose Anders. He's prettier."

Oghren laughed again and they began to walk through the Keep. "Oghren, I'm worried for you," Kateriel said gently, "I know you're strong but strength doesn't mean you'll survive the Joining. We aren't supposed to tell recruits that the Joining could kill them, but you're my friend and I don't want to lose you. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Oghren was silent for a moment. "Yes, I'm sure," he said in a low voice, "Thanks for the warning though. I didn't want to return to Orzammar, and life in the army was too sodding dull. I fought darkspawn in the Blight and it was intense. I loved it! But more than that, it meant something. This is a risk I'm willing to take."

Kateriel said nothing but nodded in understanding. She began to wonder if she had been caught up fighting in the Blight without having been made a Grey Warden, if she could have just gone back to a quiet life among the Dalish. After seeing all the things she'd seen and meeting the people she had, she wasn't so sure. It reinforced her certainty that she was who and where she was meant to be.

After checking through the Keep and on the survivors and wounded, they made their way into the main hall. Varel was there waiting, Mhairi and Anders with him. Varel wasted no time beginning the ceremony, speaking the words that were always spoken at the Joining, and finally calling Oghren forward first.

Kateriel held her breath while she watched, fearful for her friend. Oghren's eyes turned white turned white but he didn't fall, suddenly he belched and Kateriel burst out laughing in relief. Varel grunted in slight annoyance between Oghren's manners and Kateriel's amusement. "Maker help us all," he mumbled. Looking at Kateriel as she grinned at him and shrugged, he couldn't resist a slight smile as he shook his head.

Next, he called forth Anders. The mage drank, his eyes turned white and he collapsed on the ground. Varel check him and announced that the man was alive. _Two more Wardens,_ Kateriel thought, _that is good._ Finally, he called Mhairi forward. The young woman was solemn as she stepped forward.

"I have awaited this moment," she said eagerly. She drank from the cup, but she began to cough and clutch her throat. Her face contorted in pain as she fell to her knees, and then to the floor where she lay motionless. Varel checked her and sighed heavily.

"I am sorry, Mhairi," Varel said sadly, "May the Maker watch over you now."

Kateriel had never been to a Joining aside from her own. She felt terrible for Mhairi. The young woman had been so eager. Kateriel thought about the short time she'd had spent with Mhairi, she'd barely begun to know her. Yet, Kateriel thought Mhairi to be a kind person, brave and skilled. The world was now deprived a good woman.

Anders and Oghren began to stir and awaken. Kateriel gave them a few moments to collect themselves, especially since Anders appeared pretty shaken, then they went out to the inner-courtyard and built a pyre for Mhairi, and set her body upon it. They held a small ceremony and set the pyre alight. Kateriel watched with a heavy heart as the body of the first recruit under her command was taken by the flames. It was a human tradition that she didn't fully understand or hold with, but it was theirs and she would respect it. After the flames had died down a bit, Kateriel called Oghren and Anders to her. There was still more to do before they could rest for the night.


	17. Taking Care Of Business

They entered the great hall through a side door so as to avoid the people waiting out in the halls. Varel informed Kateriel that there were a few more things that she needed to know about immediately. He called for the guard to open the main doors and allow entry to the people waiting.

A man and woman entered, arguing as they came forward. The man was insisting the Commander be informed of an entry to the deep roads. This piqued Kateriel's curiosity. However, so did the woman's argument when Kateriel heard her say something about trade routes needing to be opened or people would starve. The two were so intent on their argument, or perhaps it was because she was an elf and they dismissed her without thinking and forgetting who the Commander was, that they walked right by her and stood before Varel looking around. Kateriel crossed her arms and did her best to look highly annoyed, which she was.

Varel, who was watching, also looked annoyed. "Garevel. Woolsey." he addressed them, then indicated behind them, "I'd like you meet Kateriel Mahariel, Commander of the Grey." Both turned around and looked at Kateriel with surprise. The woman's face went slightly red and the man's mouth fell open a little before Varel spoke again.

"The Commander's had a long day," he growled, "Let's get to it shall we?" The man moved to stand on one side of Varel and the woman on the other. "Commander, this is Mistress Woolsey," he said, indicating to the woman, "She was sent here by the First Warden to act as the Arling's treasurer."

"Well met, Mistress Woolsey," Kateriel said with a nod, "Did you come all the way from Weissaupt?"

"No, Commander," she replied, "I was not dwelling so far north. I was working for another Grey Warden outpost when I received my orders to come here. The First Warden did not want anyone local handing the arlings finances."

"Why not?" Kateriel said, narrowing her eyes, "How can he judge loyalty from such a distance?"

"Money can corrupt the noblest souls, Commander," Woolsey replied matter-of-factually.

"Then what is to keep _you_ from being corrupted by it?" Kateriel retorted.

"I have been with the Wardens for many years," Woolsey replied a little icily, "I have earned their trust. I have always had enough from my pay to satisfy my needs. I do not seek wealth or power, Commander. _You_ have my pledge of trust in this matter as well."

"Hmmm..." Kateriel hummed as she studied the woman a moment, "Fair enough. So how do we fare then, Mistress Woolsey?"

"I will be blunt, Commander. It is not good," Woolsey replied, her voice taking on its usual civility, "Merchants are being attacked somewhere along the Pilgrim's Pass, the main road between here and Denerim. It is the only reliable route that can provide enough trade to maintain an army, feed a city, and maintain civilization. Something must be done."

"Agreed," Kateriel said with a nod, "I will see to it first thing tomorrow. I'll need you to provide me with directions." Woolsey also suggested speaking to a trader named Mervais in the town of Amaranthine, as his caravan had often been attacked and he might know something helpful.

Varel introduced the man to Kateriel next. "Commander, this is Ser Garevel, the new Captain of the guard."

Kateriel smiled in recognition at the blonde man before her. "I remember meeting you in the outer-court. You were fighting valiantly against the 'spawn and then posted yourself at the gate to take care of any survivors who made it out. I must commend you. You fought bravely and took charge where it was needed. I am impressed."

"Thank you, Commander. It is a great honour to meet you," Garevel said with a bow, "Commander, I have an urgent matter to bring to your attention. Several actually. But first is the matter of the investigations that the other Wardens had been making before the attack. The Wardens were attempting to discover where the majority of the darkspawn were coming from. The most promising lead was a tale that a couple of hunters told about having found an entrance to the deep roads. The hunters said there were darkspawn everywhere. It appeared to be some kind of dwarven ruin."

"Sounds possible," Kateriel said gravely, unsettled at the thought, "Where can I find these hunters?"

"Colbert and his companion are probably with the refugees outside Amaranthine," Garevel informed her.

"Alright," Kateriel nodded, trying to take in all the information she was receiving, "Anything else?"

"Yes, Commander," Garevel grimly, "It seems as if all darkspawn are focused on massing in this area. The soldiers are split between protecting the Keep and the city. The patrols try to cover as much ground as possible but where ever they are not, the land is dangerous. What's more is that we suspect that the darkspawn attacked from _within_ the Keep itself. The cellars go very, very deep and we think the darkspawn may have found a way inside from there."

Kateriel sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Anything else, Captain?" she asked wearily.

"One more thing," Garevel replied reluctantly, "There have been reports of new and horrifying darkspawn. Ones unlike any seen before."

"Alright," Kateriel said gruffly, "Pilgrim's Pass, Amaranthine, and the cellars." She turned to face Varel with a lopsided grin. "Have you anything more to add Seneschal?

"Unfortunately, yes, Commander," Varel answered, trying to return her smile, "Nearly all the Wardens died here during the attack. But there is one Warden who was out in the field that hasn't reported in. Kristoff."

"Well, that would have been good to know earlier don't you think?" Kateriel asked in exasperated disbelief.

"We haven't heard from Kristoff in a fortnight," Varel explained, "We were going to go in search of him but then the attack happened."

"Why did you wait a fortnight?" Kateriel asked, her brows constricting.

"He was sent to chase down some leads," Varel said, "He was staying in Amaranthine and it was assumed he would report in soon. But we did begin to grow concerned."

"I would think so," Kateriel scoffed, "Anything else?"

"No, Commander," he replied.

"Very well then," Kateriel said, "There is much to do before we can all turn in. I don't think I need to ask or order you to make yourselves as useful as possible wherever you can."

Each one acknowledged and left the great hall. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She suddenly felt very weary and very heavy with the new burdens weighing on her mind. She slowly stepped up onto the dais and stood before the throne there. She couldn't help the smirk that turned into a grin as she slowly sat down. _An elf sitting on a human throne!_ Kateriel chuckled to herself. She stared out at the fire burning in its great circular stone fire pit positioned in the very center of the room. Just over a year and a half ago, if someone had told her she would be here her would have laughed in their face and possibly shot them for their insanity.

What a mess everything was in. She sighed and rested her chin on her palm; she closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind for moment. Then, knowing she needed to be out checking on things, she opened her eyes, took a deep breath, got to her feet and headed out the door. The risk of an attack from the cellars was something that needed to be dealt with immediately. Kateriel called Anders and Oghren to go with her and they left the great hall. As they made her way through the hallways, Kateriel stopped to talk to soldiers and servants. Eventually, they were at the gates to the inner-courtyard and Kateriel found herself standing next to a blond-haired soldier. The woman seemed in awe of Kateriel and after a moment of fluster, she managed to inform Kateriel of a thief that was caught before the attack and was being held in the dungeon nearby. Kateriel decided to head there first before heading to the cellars.

Kateriel asked Oghren and Anders to wait in the courtyard while she dealt with the criminal. She entered the dungeon and approached the guard. He explained that the thief had been caught sneaking around and it took four Grey Wardens to capture him. Kateriel couldn't help but feel impressed. The guard said the man refused to give his name. Kateriel sent the guard to get Varel, and then approached the cell slowly.

The man inside had black hair and pale skin, and Kateriel could not help but feel that he looked somewhat familiar. He scowled at her with hatred as she approached the door. She slowly opened it and the man stood, his expression unchanging.

"Do not make any sudden moves," Kateriel commanded, "I would speak with you."

"And what if I don't want to speak to you?" the man sneered with disdain, "Oh, great Hero of Ferelden."

"I suggest you do if you expect to leave here alive," Kateriel responded coolly, "I have little time or patience to waste on you."

"Why not just kill me then?" he growled, "Like you did my father? I am Nathaniel Howe. And this is my family's land!"

 _That's why he seems familiar._ " _Was_ your family's land," Kateriel responded, raising a brow, "And would still be if your father hadn't been a malicious psychopathic murderer and traitor."

"My father was a hero!" Nathaniel shouted, "He fought the Orlesians in the war to free Ferelden! And now we have lost everything."

Kateriel studied the angry man before her. He was not to blame for his father's crimes. But neither was she. "Your father may have been a hero once," Kateriel said with sympathy, "But his crimes of late were horrendous. I am sorry for your loss but what's done is done. If you need someone to be angry with or blame, he is the one to lay it on."

Nathaniel seemed to deflate a bit. "I came here to kill you," he said in a low, almost weary sounding voice, "But then I just wanted to collect some of my family's things. It's all I have left. The Wardens don't need it."

"You probably could have just asked," Kateriel said shaking her head.

"You really think that would have worked?" Nathaniel scoffed in disgust, "Are you really so naive?"

"You don't know me. If you'd come once I was here and pleaded your case, I probably would have granted your request," Kateriel responded sincerely, "Now, if I let you go, I want you to never come back."

Nathaniel studied her suspiciously. "I can't promise that," he snarled, "And I can't promise not to try to kill you. So if you're going to hang me, do it. Get it over with."

Kateriel took a moment to study the man before her and consider her options. "If death is what you seek then I have a better idea," Kateriel said, raising a hand to her chin, "I heard you're pretty strong and skilled."

"I didn't travel abroad drinking and bedding women," he sneered, "I have had lots of training both here and in the Free Marches. What I was doing out there though, is none of your business."

"I didn't ask. What if I give you the chance to redeem your family honour?" Kateriel asked smoothly.

"Doing what?" he spat, "Working as a guard or a servant? Maybe you could get the King to pardon me and allow me in his service?"

"I could," Kateriel chuckled, "But you should know that he was the one to deliver the killing blow in the fight against your father."

Nathaniel stood blinking in disbelief, his mouth hanging open. At that point Varel came in with the guard and asked if she'd decided what to do with him.

"I have," Kateriel said firmly, "I wish to invoke the right of conscription."

Varel looked at her incredulously and Nathaniel stepped toward them gesturing strongly. "No!" he protested, "Hang me first!"

"You have no choice," Kateriel said firmly, "I'm trying to give you a chance Nathaniel. Do you really want to die so badly? I'm going to let fate decide. There's a chance you might not survive the Joining. You may get your wish." She turned and exited the dungeon.

They escorted Nathaniel to the great hall immediately. The ceremony was conducted and the young man survived. Kateriel could only hope she'd made the right decision. Nathaniel was a very angry and bitter young man. However, she tried to sympathize with him. It must have been hard to return to your country and find it recovering from a Blight, your father branded a traitor and your family home and land given to someone else. Left on his own, Nathaniel's anger could eaten away at him until it landed him in serious trouble or got him killed. She was giving him direction and a chance to redeem his family's honour. It was entirely his choice.

Once Nathaniel revived and had a few moments to rest, Kateriel returned the belongings to him that had been taken when he was captured. As he put on his armor and readied himself, she informed him they were going to be investigating the cellars.

"Don't worry," he said caustically, "I'll keep my mouth firmly shut."

"And you're doing a fine job of it," Kateriel replied in a mockingly pleasant tone, as she rolled her eyes and turned away. She called all her new wardens to her and led them out to the inner-courtyard.

The met a woman standing guard at the door to the cellars. She introduced herself as Sergeant Maverlies. The Sergeant informed Kateriel that she suspected that there were darkspawn trapped in the cellars from cave-ins caused by Dworkin's explosions.

"Hmmm...Well, we can't kill them if we can't get to them," Kateriel said thoughtfully, "It would be better for us to get through before they do, and quickly."

"There are men ready to clear away the rubble, Commander," Maverlies informed her, "Whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready now," Kateriel said, "That's why we're here. Let's do this."

"Aye, ser" Maverlies replied.

Kateriel was about to follow the sergeant into the cellars when a dwarf, standing not far off, caught her eye. She paused for a moment and then went to speak to him. His name was Voldrik Glavonak, and he was brother to Dworkin. He was asked to come to the vigil to help with masonry and repairs to the Keep. He explained that if Kateriel wanted the Keep to stand strong and solid it would take manpower and money. Kateriel was not taking chances and agreed to supply him with both. With that taken care of she turned her attention back to the cellars.

Kateriel moved to walk next to Nathaniel as they made their way down. He barely spared her a glance. "What do you know about these cellars?" she asked him.

"I thought I was just going to keep my mouth shut," he growled.

"That was your decision, Nathaniel," Kateriel said firmly, "I'm not playing games with you. Now answer my question."

"I know they go deep. Very deep," he replied gruffly, "Vigil's Keep is very old. My mother forbade us to play down there. She said it wasn't safe."

"Why was it unsafe?" Kateriel asked.

"She never said," Nathaniel explained, "I imagine the structure might be a bit unstable considering its age."

"What about when you got older?" Kateriel inquired, "You never thought to see what was down there?"

"I have been in parts of the upper cellars," Nathaniel answered, "But I'd lost interest after seeing that they were nothing more than old crumbly pathways."

Kateriel nodded thoughtfully and thanked him for his answers. Sergeant Maverlies ordered the rubble be removed. When enough had been cleared to get through, the Wardens made their way deeper into the cellars. The first room they entered was large and full of Avvar statues, with a door on the opposite side of the room. Lying in front of the door, wounded and bleeding, was a mabari hound.

"Saber!" cried Nathaniel rushing forward and kneeling beside the dog. The dog whimpered and shook, but Nathaniel spoke soothingly to it and it calmed. Nathaniel turned and looked up at Anders, "Mage! Can you heal her?"

"I have a name," Anders responded coldly, "It's Anders, in case you missed it."

"Anders, can you heal her? Please?" Nathaniel asked again, adding extra politeness for good measure. It was apparent that Nathaniel had a soft spot for animals, which chalked up a point for him in Kateriel's mind.

Anders sighed and moved over next to the dog and as he cast his spell, Nathaniel removed a scroll that was attached to the dog's collar. It was written by a woman named Adria, who had taken refuge in the lower levels of the keep.

"Adria was like a mother to me, Commander," Nathaniel said urgently, "We must save her!"

"We will try, Nathaniel," Kateriel replied reassuringly. She looked down at the dog. It still hadn't moved. Nathaniel knelt down and stroked its fur again.

"She should be alright," Anders said, "She lost a lot of blood so she's very weak."

"She should be safe for now," Kateriel added, "We can pick her up on the way back. Who's mabari is she?"

"Adria's" Nathaniel replied as they continued moving forward.

"And who exactly is Adria?" Kateriel asked.

"She served as both my nanny and tutor," Nathaniel explained, "I wonder what made her think to hide down in the cellars. She must not have been thinking clearly."

They soon discovered that Adria wasn't the only one not thinking clearly. Others had thought to escape the darkspawn by retreating below. As they fought their way past pockets of darkspawn, they came to a room lined with prison cells. People who had retreated to the cellars for protection had shut themselves in the cells to protect them from the darkspawn. The bodies of people who didn't make in time lay upon the floor. As the Wardens entered, the dead rose to fight them. The Wardens dealt with the undead and released the caged people.

"Darkspawn _and_ undead," Kateriel grumbled shaking her head, "What could be causing the dead to rise though? It usually is caused by dark magic."

"Vigil's Keep was originally built by the Avvars long ago," Nathaniel said thoughtfully, "It is said that it served as both a fortress and holy site. Maybe that has something to do with it."

The next room they entered confirmed Nathaniel's hypothesis as they found themselves in an ancient Avvar crypt. It had two stories and was lined with stone caskets. It was dark, foreboding, and very creepy.

"Now I know why mother forbade us to play down here," Nathaniel said with a shiver, "I had no idea we lived above such a place."

"Oh, come on, it's home-y," Kateriel grinned, "Some drapes, some potted flowers, and it could be quite cozy!" Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at her, Anders looked at her like she was mad, but Oghren chuckled.

They explored the room, fighting ancient undead on the lower level. Kateriel found a finely crafted bow in a sack that leaned against a pillar. She showed it to Nathaniel who recognized it as an old family heirloom from the Exalted Marches which had last belonged to his grandfather.

"Well, it's yours now," Kateriel said handing it to him, "It looks like it needs to be repaired though."

"Thank you," he said, handling it with reverence, "I'm sure I can fix it. It's good to have a part of my family's legacy back. Something...to be proud of." He looked at Kateriel with a sort of bewildered gratefulness.

Finding the only other door in the room locked, they moved on. They made their way further through the passageways until they reached a room that had a gaping hole in one wall. Hovering in the gap was the figure of a woman. Slowly, the woman turned around revealing glazed-over eyes and rotting flesh that covered her face.

"No..." Nathaniel said sadly, stepping forward, "Adria...no..." He turned to Kateriel as she stepped up next to him. "We have to help her! There has to be a way."

Kateriel looked at him sympathetically and was about to tell him there was nothing they could do, but he read it in her face before she could speak. He turned from her and began to approach Adria's corpse. The corpse suddenly roared at him and other cadavers began to rise from the ground. Adria's ghoul attacked, followed by the others. The Wardens fought back and the corpses fell again, one by one.

Kateriel placed her hand on Nathaniel's shoulder as he stood over Adria's corpse. "I'm sorry, Nathaniel."

He shrugged off her hand and walked away from her, grumbling, "What do you care?"

Kateriel shook her head at him and sighed before turning her attention to the gaping hole in the wall. She stepped through it into another passage, one of different make and design.

"A deep road," Oghren observed, "guess that explains where the 'spawn are coming from."

Kateriel nodded, "Apparently. Now how do we block it off without damaging the Keep? We have no idea how far or where these roads go."

"You murdered a _slew_ of darkspawn!" said a new voice. Sergeant Maverlies had made her way down. "I've heard the stories about you and the Wardens but to see you in action first hand..." she stopped not seeming to know what to say.

Kateriel gave her a lopsided grin. Then looking at Oghren, she shrugged and said, "It's what we do." Oghren returned her grin before they turned their attention back to the sergeant. Maverlies called back through the passageways and Voldrik joined them. After some discussion, they determined that the only way to really stop the darkspawn would be to follow the deeproad until they could find a way to seal them off safely. Kateriel ordered the passages be cleared. As it was going to take some time and all was safe at the moment, the Wardens returned to the Keep.

Exhausted after a day from hell, Kateriel dismissed the others for the night and made her way through the Keep's hallways until she found her own quarters. It was the Arl's suite, of course, and it was large and well furnished. It had shelves with books, an elegantly carved desk, vanity, wardrobe, chairs and a couch, and a large canopied bed. There was a small room attached at one side that had a stone bath in it, as well as a mirrored wash stand and chamber pot. There were long windows on two of the walls and a door that opened out onto a balcony. There was a fireplace on the wall with the door to the washing room. The balcony over looked the Keep's courtyards and gates, and the sounding lands for miles. Kateriel stood looking around for a few moments, feeling slightly awkward. She wasn't used to such finery. She had enjoyed staying in places, such as the Denerim palace, Arl Eamon's estate, and Redcliffe, that had all been fine and rich but it was something else knowing that this was to be officially _her_ place. _Her_ quarters. It was something she needed to wrap her head around. This was going to be home for her now. 'Home' had always looked quite different.

She walked over and sat down on the foot of the bed, which was pleasantly soft. She looked around the room, taking it in once more. A small smile formed on her lips as she thought about how she would make this room hers. Plants were going to be a definite addition, anything else she would have to think on still. She didn't have much in the way of personal items, save the things she left in Alistair's care. Perhaps she should send for her things, and Thunder as well. She decided to hold off on both for the time being until everything settled down. Besides, the routes were unsafe at the moment, something to be fixed tomorrow.

She did have one travel pack with her, which she now picked up and placed on the bed. After opening it, Kateriel carefully took out and unwrapped Alistair's rose. She gazed longingly at it for a moment before going to a shelf and rearranging things until she had a spot to place it, propped up in its box. Satisfied, she proceeded to undress and get into her new bed, falling asleep almost instantly.


	18. Something Is Rotten In Amaranthine

Kateriel woke the next morning to a servant knocking on her door. She looked out of the windows to see that the sun was already above the horizon. She was amazed that she had slept so long; she was usually up before daybreak. She must have been truly exhausted. What was more...was that her sleep had been sound; she couldn't even remember dreaming. It was very strange.

She called out to the servant to enter. A young human woman came in struggling with a large steaming pot for Kateriel's bath. Kateriel hopped out of bed to help her. The woman protested at first but stopped at Kateriel's insistence. She astounded the servant even more by offering to go with her to bring up more water.

"I have no problem doing things for myself," Kateriel explained, "I'm not accustomed to being served and, as far as I'm concerned, the nobility could stand to exercise a little more self-reliance. Most of them could just use the exercise."

The servant laughed at her joke and began to talk openly to Kateriel about herself. Her name was Melonie, and she and her mother had come from the city to work at the Keep when they heard that servants were needed. Once the bath was filled, Melonie thanked Kateriel profusely for being so kind. Kateriel told her to let her know if she and her mother needed anything or if anyone gave them any trouble.

The young woman just shook her head at Kateriel in disbelief. "M'Lady, may I say..." she began but stopped, unsure.

"Yes, you may," Kateriel smile reassuringly, "What is it?"

"Well...we hear storied of the Dalish elves," Melonie said timidly, "Frightening tales of savagery. You are nothing like what I expected!"

Kateriel raised her right brow and smirked. "That would be because those stories are complete nonsense," Kateriel said matter-of-factly, "I won't deny that my people are often hostile when it comes to humans. But we are not vicious, savage, and unreasonable people. We do not burn down villages and steal babies to sacrifice to our gods."

"Forgive me, M'Lady!" Melonie pleaded in alarm, "I meant no offense..."

"None taken," she waved it off, "I understand. Our people really don't understand each other and it will never change until minds are opened and prejudices cease. The gods only know if that will ever happen."

Melonie thanked her once more for her kindness and left Kateriel to her bath. It felt so gloriously good to soak in the hot water. She began to list in her mind all the things she need to do that day. She still needed to seal the cellars, if the passage had been cleared. She needed to go to Amaranthine to familiarize herself with the city, see what help the people needed, and find out about Kristoff. Finally, she also needed to go to Pilgrim's Path to find out about the caravan attacks.

After she finished washing, she got dressed and sat down at the vanity to brush her hair. As she sat brushing, she looked at herself in the mirror and her eyes widened in shock. She leaned forward toward her reflection to look closer. She realized that she hadn't really looked at herself closely in a mirror for a long time. The tip of her right brow, where she had been struck by the lighting magic of the darkspawn emissary, had thankfully not scarred. But there was a change; the hair on the tip of her brow had gone white. How long had it been like that and why had no one told her? She stared blankly at it for a moment before chuckling and shaking her head. Oh, well. There was nothing to be done.

She made her way to the great hall for breakfast. Most people had already eaten their breakfast and had left for their duties but a few remained, such as the Wardens who were waiting for their commander while attempting to sate their new warden appetites.

"Well, look who's up," Oghren said as she sat down beside him, "What's the matter commander? Yesterday's battles tucker you out?"

"Well, seeing as I do twice as much damage while covering your drunken ass," Kateriel teased back, "I think I might have a right to sleep a little longer." Oghren chuckled and Kateriel continued on a more serious note before he could retaliate. "I don't normally sleep so late," she looked at Nathaniel and Anders, "Now we're a little later getting started today than I had wanted. Has anyone heard if the passages have been cleared yet?"

"I took the liberty of asking Varel before he left on his duties," Nathaniel informed her, "They are still working on it. Also, Varel wouldn't let the servants go up to your room any earlier. He wanted you to rest as long as possible."

"Well, I usually don't need a wakeup call," Kateriel said, "But there's nothing to be done now except get going as soon as possible. I commend you for having the foresight to ask about the cellars, Nathaniel. Thank you. If the cellars are still blocked then we will head to the city first. Once you're finished with your plates we'll head out."

"There's more," Nathaniel spoke again, "Bandits have kidnapped the daughter of Lord Bensley. He has sent you a plea for help in rescuing her."

"Does he know where she is being held?" Kateriel asked, raising a brow. She could feel her blood heat at this news. Those bandits would suffer painfully if any harm came to that innocent girl.

"The scum holding her demanded ransom be brought to an abandoned Chantry on the Forlorn Cove," Nathaniel replied speaking of the captors with contempt, "Are you intending to pay them?"

"Elgar'nan! No," Kateriel growled, "If we give them what they want then they win. We will be seen as weak and malleable. They will die for their crime and set an example for any who might wish to do the same."

"What if they kill her in the process?" Anders asked sceptically.

"We will just have to make sure that doesn't happen, won't we?" Kateriel responded, looking him straight in the eyes, "Do you doubt our capabilities? Can you cast a barrier? A shield?"

"...Well, yes but..." Anders sputtered.

"I have complete confidence in you," she said, teasingly sweet, even though she meant it. She turned back to Nathaniel, "Any other reports?"

"Just one," he replied looking uncertainly at her, "A wealthy farmer, by the name of Turnoble, has sent a request for aide. Her estate has been suffering under darkspawn attacks. She has offered to put in a good word for you with Lord Eddelbrek."

"Is that someone I should know?" Kateriel asked.

"He's one of the two most important lords in this arling," Nathaniel answered somewhat smugly, clearly enjoying the fact that he knew so much more about the arling than the new 'Arlessa', "He is the master of the Feravel Plains and the biggest farm holder in Amaranthine."

Kateriel ignored Nathaniel's attitude, her body language instead speaking of how unimpressed she was by both Nathaniel's smugness and Lord Eddelbrek's importance. "We will look into this as soon as we can," Kateriel said nonchalantly, "But simply because they need help and it's our job to protect them and eradicate the darkspawn, not to earn some lord's favour."

Nathaniel's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "But Lord Eddelbrek-"

Kateriel cut him off as she pushed herself up from her spot at the table. "We need to get moving," she ordered looking around at all of them, "Grab your gear and let's move."

Kateriel soon found herself in the courtyard, her Wardens with her. She decided to make a quick round of the area to see all that was going on if any matters needed immediate attention before heading out. Her attention was drawn to the sound of loud...whining. Kateriel smiled as she not only found smithy forge but also two familiar faces. Master Wade, the gifted smithy and armourer, his partner Herren had set up in one corner of the courtyard.

"Master Wade," Kateriel smiled, "I remember! Dragonscale armour right?"

"My one glittering moment!" Wade moaned, "The highlight of my career! And now I'm stuck here, bloody shivering, at Turner's Keep!" After some discussion, it was agreed upon that Wade would forge new weapons and armour for the soldiers of Amaranthine. Wade was only appeased after Kateriel promised find high quality materials for him to work with.

They moved into the residential area of the inner courtyard. "Saber!" a voice cried out as a familiar mabari bounded up to them, whining and yipping as it pranced around Nathaniel. An elderly elf came running up and Nathaniel's eyes widened in recognition. "Sorry about that," the elf said, "Saber's owner just passed away and she-"

"Groundskeeper Samuel!" Nathaniel exclaimed, "Is that you?"

"Who?" the groundskeeper squinted his eyes at Nathaniel, then his face lit up in recognition, "Maker's breath! If it isn't little Nate! I'd know your face anywhere!" He reached out and clasped Nathaniel's hand warmly. Nathaniel expressed his joy that Samuel was still working at the Keep, and then he asked if the groundskeeper knew how Nathaniel's brother and sister died.

"Your brother died in the war," Samuel informed him, "But Lady Delilah, your sister, she's not dead, son. She's living in Amaranthine, married to a shop keeper. Poor girl!"

Nathaniel turned to Kateriel, his joy and excitement displayed upon his face. "Did you hear?" he asked, "My sister is alive! Can we look for her in Amaranthine?"

"Of course," Kateriel said with a nod, "There's no reason why not. I hope all is well with her."

"Thank you," Nathaniel said, his voice heavy with gratitude.

Saber whined and nuzzled Nathaniel's hand. Kateriel watched the dog a moment before smiling. "I think she has imprinted on you Nathaniel."

He smiled down at the dog with affection while stroking her head. "Do you think so?"

"And why not," piped in the groundskeeper, "You're still nobility despite what you father did. You were always a good boy, Nate. It's right for a mabari to belong to you."

The groundskeeper obviously held affection for Nathaniel. That said a lot for the way that Nathaniel had treated his servants, elves included. Nathaniel was slowly rising in Kateriel's esteem and she began to hold hopes that the enmity between them would eventually end. They left Saber in the care of the groundskeeper while they were gone, then they left the Keep.

As they travelled along the road, Kateriel discussed the surrounding area with Nathaniel and it was decided that they would head to the Forlorn Cove first to rescue the bann's daughter. The abandoned Chantry was situated on an island, with only one way on or off, across a rope bridge.

"How do you plan on working this so that their hostage doesn't get killed?" Nathaniel asked.

"It's time to show me your skill," Kateriel flashed him her crooked grin, "Use some stealth to make your way around to the other side on the ruin. I'll try to get them to draw out the girl. You take out the one holding her while Anders," she looked at the mage, "casts a shield around her to protect her while she makes a break for it. Oghren and I will keep them busy so she can make her escape. Show no mercy. Give no quarter. They don't deserve it." They gave Nathaniel a head start before making their way across the bridge and approaching the ruin.

They were stopped by the bandit leader. "Another step and poor Lady Aileen dies. Where's Lord Bensley?" the man demanded, "The deal was that he'd give us the money himself."

"Do you want it or not?" Kateriel replied in disgust, watching the man shift while deciding it didn't matter who gave them the money as long as it was given, "You won't see a sovereign until I see the girl. And she'd better be unharmed."

The man studied Kateriel a moment, clearly sizing her up, trying to decide if he'd underestimated her. He turned to a man next to him, "Oarik, show her," he commanded.

Oarik walked over to a collapsed wall and bent to grab something. A squeal of fright was heard, as he pulled a young woman to her feet and led her out to where the leader was standing. The leader turned back to Kateriel. "Hand over the gold," he demanded, "Now."

Kateriel forced herself to remain calm. They had Lady Aileen out in the open, but if Kateriel could get her even closer it would be even safer. She studied the bandit leader and tried to judge just how smart or desperate he was. She hoped she was right.

"Send the girl over first," Kateriel said making an effort to appear sincere, "then you'll get your money."

The leader turned to look at Oarik and nodded. Oarik pushed Aileen roughly in Kateriel's direction. The girl paused when she reached Kateriel and Kateriel gave her a quick wave to encourage her to carry on. The girl did not hesitate to bolt for the bridge. The bandit leader's eyes flashed with panic as he saw the girl running away. Too late he realized he'd lost his leverage.

"Give me the gold!" he shouted at Kateriel.

"Fool!" Kateriel growled, smiling wickedly, "That girl was the only thing keeping you alive."

While the leader shouted for the others fight, Oarik's neck was pierced by an arrow from somewhere to side, causing instant confusion. The leader howled with rage and leaped at Kateriel. It didn't take long before all the bandits were laying dead around them. They looted the bodies and the camp. Kateriel hoped that Lady Aileen would make it home safely. There was no way to catch up with her now, though Kateriel had no doubt that the girl would keep running until she made it home.

With that task complete, the Wardens turned back to the road and made their way to the city of Amaranthine. There were many refugees encamped outside the gates, people who had lost their homes to darkspawn attacks. Kateriel was slightly annoyed that people were being kept out of the city but her thoughts were interrupted by a voice that called to her as she walked by.

"You're the Warden Commander aren't you?" the voice asked. It took Kateriel a moment of looking around before she found the owner of the voice. A man was leaning with his shoulder against the wall of a nearby house as he watched her through slitted eyes. He has a sleazy grin on his face and everything about him made Kateriel's skin crawl. "Welcome to Amaranthine. I have been watching for your arrival. I have a business proposal for you, it will be worth your while I can promise. Meet me over by that house near the gate, if you're interested." He pointed to a shack situated near the gate wall. He pushed away from the wall he was leaning on and quickly went away.

"Ooh! A business proposal," Anders said satirically, "It couldn't possibly be something shady or illegal, I'm sure." Kateriel lips quirked and she shook her head. She had no interest in whatever that man wanted. She did, however, feel that they should check out that shack very soon.

They made their way to the gates. Kateriel listened with sympathy and growing irritation to the pleas of the refugees to be allowed into the city. They needed help and the guards were keeping these people out. She needed to find out who was in charge. They pushed past the crowd and began to enter through the gates when they were stopped by a guard.

"Excuse me," he said holding up his hand to signal them to stop, "I need to check you for smuggled goods."

"Really?" Kateriel asked uncertainly and slightly annoyed, but then shrugged, "Go ahead. We have nothing to hide."

The guard looked relieved. "Thank you!" he smiled, "I'll make this quick."

"What are you doing?" another man asked with irritation as he walked up to them. It was clear by his armour that he was a higher ranking guard, "Are you accusing the Commander of the Grey of smuggling?"

"But you said to ask everyone," the first guard defended.

"You are dismissed," the other guard said to him before turning his attention to Kateriel, "I apologize, Commander. I am Constable Aidan. Smugglers and thieves have all but taken over the city. We could really use your help in this."

"Why are you keeping those people out of the city?" Kateriel asked, "It's not safe out there and those people need help. Is there not a Chantry here where they could go?"

"We are just trying to get control of this smuggling situation," Aidan explained, "And right now the streets of this city are as dangerous as it is out there."

"Really? Because I don't see any darkspawn anywhere," Kateriel said tersely, "Is there not a Bann in charge of the city? What are they doing about the crime and the refugees?"

"Bann Esmerelle is in charge of the city," the Constable said in disgust, "She pulled half the guards out of the city to protect her private estate from the darkspawn."

Kateriel stared at him is angry disbelief for a moment. "Is she aware of the crime problem?" Kateriel was finally able to ask.

Constable Aidan looked around for a moment before motioning for Kateriel to follow him over to a spot further from the crowds and other guards. "There are rumours being whispered that the Bann is in on the smuggling," he told her in a hushed voice, "I'm inclined to believe it. It is my belief, from informants that I've managed to establish, that she receives a cut from the profits. That is why she has made no move against them. I'd watch my back in dealing with her, Commander. Ever since Howe left to take over being Arl of Denerim, and of course his death, Bann Esmerelle has been controlling and manipulating many things going on in the arling. She's crafty, conniving and treacherous."

"Well, then," Kateriel glowered, "I'll have to be sure to put an end to her apparent reign. Starting with eliminating the thieves and bandits in this city."

"Thank you, Commander," Aidan said with relief and gratitude, "I'll let you know the moment I have a new lead."

The Wardens entered the city and began walking through the streets. They were in the market area when Nathaniel suddenly rushed toward a specific stall. He stopped behind a dark-haired woman dressed in simple common clothing. She was busy setting out and straightening the wares on the tables.

"Delilah?" Nathaniel asked uncertainly, "Is that really you?"

The woman turned around quickly and her face lit up with joy at the sight of him. "Nathaniel!" she cried and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, "I had feared the worst!"

They pulled away and he looked at her with sadness and regret. "I'm sorry to have worried you, but I'm alright," he said. He looked around at their surrounding and his sister's market stall. "Oh, Delilah. I know times were rough but you can better than _this_. Come back to the estate until we can find a better situation for you."

Kateriel raised her brows in surprise. Nathaniel's sister was just as shocked. " _What_?" Delilah asked angrily. She watched him for a moment as he stood looking proud and serious, before she burst out laughing. "Oh, Nathaniel," she said shaking her head, "I thought being out in the world would have opened your eyes, would have made you see the world differently. I didn't marry Albert out of desperation. I married him because I adore him, because I _love_ him! He has more nobility in him that father ever did. More than most men I've ever known who call themselves 'noble'. I was so glad to get away from father's evil. This life is so much better. I'm happier than I've ever been."

"Father's evil?" Nathaniel repeated, shaking his head, "Isn't that a little extreme? He got caught up in politics."

"You weren't here," she said sadly, "You didn't see what he did, and the extremes he went to. You want the culprit who destroyed our family? It was him, without question. I'm not sorry he's dead."

"I...had no idea," Nathaniel said sounding lost.

"You did, but you always worshiped father," she said, "right from when you were a little boy. Come, brother. I think we should sit and catch up a bit."

Nathaniel turned to Kateriel. "Do you mind?" he asked, "Could I take some time to spend with my sister?"

Kateriel consented and told him she'd be around to get him in a little while. Then she, Oghren and Anders continued on. They stopped to talk to Mervais, the merchant whose caravan was attacked and destroyed. He gave her all the details he could about the attacks in the Wending Wood. Kateriel promised to look into in as soon as she could.

The Wardens continued to explore the streets and eventually they came across an elf that Anders knew. She informed of the whereabouts of a cache belonging to the templars. Anders explained to Kateriel that the cache had his phylactery in it. Kateriel agreed that they should see if they could get it. She didn't like the idea of the Chantry being able to keep track of Warden mages. She promised Anders that they would look into it as soon as they picked Nathaniel back up.

Eventually, they found the Chantry. Standing just outside was a familiar face, one that brightened upon seeing their approach. "It's so good to see you my friend!" said Wynne warmly, embracing Kateriel tightly.

"It's good to see you too, Wynne," Kateriel smiled, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," the elder lady said, "I'm sorry I haven't been to visit you at Vigil's Keep. Things have been rather busy."

"Too busy to visit a good friend?" Kateriel pretended to pout.

"I haven't been in Amaranthine very long," Wynne chuckled, "And from what I understand, neither have you. I have also heard you've been very busy yourself. I'd offer to help but I'm afraid I'm needed elsewhere."

They discussed the rebuilding of the circle tower and the troubles with the College of Magi. Apparently, there were factions of mages who were talking about trying to break free of the Chantry circles once and for all. Kateriel offered her assistance if necessary and Wynne asked if Kateriel would locate a colleague in the Wending Wood. Kateriel promised to do what she could and they reluctantly parted ways. What was one more thing on her ever growing to-do-list?

After checking in at the Chantry, the Wardens made their way back to the market section to pick up Nathaniel. Constable Aidan caught up with them and reported some leads that he had. The Wardens spent the rest of the day in Amaranthine cleaning up the streets. They tracked down poison and missing persons, cleared out bandits and streets thugs, and chased down dangerous maleficar.

The tip about Anders' phylactery turned out to be a trap. The templars who were prevented by Alistair from taking Anders into custody had not given up. Kateriel defended Anders, refusing to give him over and stating that she trusted him. The battle was inevitable and challenging. Oghren had taken the worst injury and it was lucky that Anders was such a proficient healer. Oghren shrugged off any offer to rest. They still had smugglers to clear out.

One of the leads Aidan had given them was on a man suspected of being connected to the smugglers. They found the suspect in the market and chased him down. He eventually led them to the shack outside the gates.

"Surprise, surprise!" quipped Anders, "Now what do you suppose we'll find in there?"

"It's awful small a place for a smugglers den," Oghren observed.

"Indeed," Kateriel agreed thoughtfully. She shrugged, "I guess it's time to take care of business."

As they approached the shack, the shady man whom they first encountered while approaching the city, came out accompanied by three other thugs. "You should have taken my offer," he sneered, "I figured you'd be smarter. Now it's too late. Get them!"

The shady man was frozen solid the moment after his words left his mouth. Kateriel had to admit that Anders was quick with his magic. Oghren quickly smashed him to pieces with his great sword. Nathaniel took out two of the thugs, piercing one through the eye and the other through the neck. That left the last one to Kateriel, who blocked the man's sword thrust, spinning around to thrust her dagger deep in the man's side. She finished him off by quickly slicing his neck.

Upon searching the bodies they found a key, which unlocked a trap door in the floor of the shack. The passage underneath led deep underground. The passage was lined with crates full of goods of all kinds. They followed the passage until they came to an enormous underground cove. There were several ships anchored to docks in the water. A group of men and women stood by docks. The smugglers were arguing heatedly, apparently about how to face their new threat: the Wardens.

"What am I paying you pathetic idiots for?" shouted a big man in expensive looking leather armour, "Are you completely incompetent? I guess I'll have to deal with that knife-eared bitch myself!"

"You're welcome to try," Kateriel grinned menacingly, walking out of the passage with others right beside her. She held her sword in one hand and swung her dagger in circles with the other. Anders stood to one side of her and Oghren on the other. Nathaniel had stealthily disappeared, but Kateriel knew he was close by.

"Well, at least you know your name when you hear it," the big man snarled as he drew his weapon and began to walk toward them.

Kateriel cocked her head to one side. "I'd almost be insulted if I didn't know where it was coming from" Kateriel chuckled, "Almost."

"I'll teach you your place!" the man roared as he rushed at her, "Get them!"

The man had rogue skills and was surprisingly agile for his size. He fought excellently with dual blades and Kateriel found herself facing a challenge. Thankfully she was able to rely on her Wardens to take care of the other smugglers. Just as one was about to ambush Kateriel from behind, their head was crushed by a powerful swing from Oghren. Kateriel and the smuggler leader continued to lash out at one another, blades dancing and clashing. He landed a powerful blow to her left hand, which was holding her dagger, and sent the blade flying. He then managed a quick swipe, slicing into Kateriel's arm. She screamed in pain but managed to leap back and away. The man leered smugly and dove at her. She managed to roll to the side and disappear behind a crate. The man ran after her, roaring angrily as he did not find her behind the crate. Too late he turned his head to see a foot coming at his face. Kateriel stood upon the crate and delivered a blow to break his nose. She wasted no time plunging her sword deep into his chest.

"Elf whore!" he spat, blood accompanying his words, "Esmerelle will have your head for this!"

"I don't think so," Kateriel said coldly. Then she yanked her sword from his chest and sliced his throat.

Kateriel turned to see the last of the other smugglers fall. She looked at her companions and smiled. She was becoming rather fond of her new little troupe. "We do good work," She grinned crookedly at them, "Let's go let the good Constable know that his smuggler problem is taken care of."

"Let me take care of that arm first," Anders said, walking over and taking her arm gently. Blue light flowed from his hand and over her skin.

Kateriel felt her pain ease as she watched her skin magically close. "Thank you, Anders," she smiled with gratitude, "We're lucky to have you with us."

"That's what you killed the templars for, right?" he responded lightly, before moving to heal any wounds the others had.

"I suggest we check out where that other tunnel leads," Nathaniel said pointing to another passage on the opposite side of the cavern, "Just to be safe."

Kateriel agreed, but before leaving, they stopped to check through some of the smugglers crates and the office set up at the back of the cavern for any additional information or evidence of a conspiracy connecting Bann Esmerelle to the smugglers. They found surprisingly little and nothing about the Bann. They made their way through the second passage. To say they were surprised as to where it lead would have been an understatement. Kateriel stood blinking is the light of hallway inside the city tavern. She could feel her anger rising as she stormed down to the bar. The barkeeper and another man behind the bar looked at them in surprise, having not seen them enter.

Kateriel stormed up to the bar. "Which one of you is the owner of this establishment?" she growled, scowling at each of them. The two men looked at each other before scowling back at her.

"Who wants to know, elf?" the dwarf snarled.

"The Commander of the Grey, durgen'len," Kateriel retorted, "And if you want to live, you'd best start telling me about how this tavern is connected to the smuggler's den."

The expression of the two men changed to surprise and concern. "I am the Innkeeper, Commander," said the human, "Please, it's true the smugglers paid me to use the inn but they also threatened harm to my family. And..." he looked around to make sure the other patrons were preoccupied with their drinks and conversations before leaning over the bar and speaking in a low voice, "The smuggler's were supported by the Bann. I couldn't refuse!"

Kateriel felt her fury rise toward this Bann Esmerelle. Kateriel informed the innkeeper of the smugglers' termination, earning her his heartfelt gratitude. Before leaving, Kateriel inquired about Kristoff. The innkeeper gave her the key to Kristoff's room. A search of the room produced little information except that Kristoff had gone to the Blackmarsh to investigate 'an unspeakable evil' that he believed might be connected to the attacks he'd been investigating.

They left the tavern and made their way to the gates to report to Constable Aidan. Kateriel ordered the refugees be let into the city to find shelter at the Chantry. There were crates of goods and food in the smuggler's den that would help the refugees tremendously.

Just outside the gates, Kateriel was able to locate another lead she was to follow up on. Colbert and his friend Micah were eager to tell their story of what they had witnessed in the Knotwood Hills. He told her that they encountered darkspawn that completely ignored them. Kateriel found this information very strange and slightly alarming. He gave Kateriel a map of the chasm's location where they'd seen the 'spawn. Kateriel gave him some coin for his information.

Leaving the city in Constable Aidan's capable hands, the Wardens headed back to Vigil's Keep. The day had not gone the way Kateriel had hoped. She hadn't imagined the city to be in such a horrible state. She doubted they'd managed to eliminate all the scoundrels in the city but the rest would have to wait.


	19. Dangerous Games

On the way back to Vigil's Keep, the Wardens changed course at the crossroads and headed to the Turnoble Estate. They found that they had arrived too late to help the Turnoble family, or any of their hired hands. The estate had been over-run by darkspawn and killed all who lived there, including the livestock.

After the Wardens had killed all the darkspawn, they burned the bodies. While the others built pyres for the Turnobles and their servants, Kateriel investigated the Turnoble home for information on next of kin. She wanted to make sure the estate was passed on the right person. After lighting the pyres for the humans, Kateriel asked Nathaniel to say any words he knew to commit their souls to their Maker or guide them safe into the afterlife.

Kateriel's heart was heavy as they walked back to the Keep. _We were too late_. She grieved as she imagined what those people must have suffered. There were burned corpses on the ground and people hanging from rooftops. A passing templar must have tried to help, for they found the body of one on the ground as well. Kateriel found the number of 'spawn that they found there to be a little unsettling. Why were there so many in this area, in Amaranthine?

When they reached the inner-courtyard, the private that stood guard at the gate to the Keep stopped them. "Seneschal Varel is waiting for you in the great hall, Commander. Your vassals await."

"My vassals?" Kateriel asked blinking in confusion for a moment before she remembered what the word meant. "Now?" she sighed and brushed a hand over her face. She was exhausted and even though her wounds had been healed, she was still sore. "I suppose it is best just to get this over with. Besides, I'm _very_ interested to meet this Bann Esmerelle."

They made their way to the great hall. Upon arriving, the other Wardens went in search of food and refreshment, while Kateriel spoke to Varel. "Commander, the lords of Amaranthine have come to swear fealty to you and the Grey Wardens," he informed her. "These were Arl Rendon Howe's vassals. Now, they will be yours."

"Wonderful," said Kateriel, sounding and feeling like it was anything but, "Alright, is there anything I need to know first?"

"Rendon Howe seemed to care little for common folk, lesser nobles, and anyone who would not work to support his questionable plans," Varel explained, "He gave favours to those people who did support him, even if it meant hurting someone else. Therefore, there are some who held no love for their Arl, while the prosperity of others was hurt by his death. Tread carefully, Commander."

"I see," Kateriel said, thinking hard, "This is the part I've dreaded the most, these politics. Not knowing who you can trust and who you can't." She proceeded to tell Varel all that she had heard about Esmerelle and the goings on in the city.

Varel scowled as he listened to her. "I had heard that she pulled soldiers from the city for her personal protection," Varel growled. "She's the most poisonous snake of all. She's also the one who gained the most power and wealth from Rendon's schemes. Watch her closely, Commander."

Kateriel asked to be allowed to clean up and grab a bite to eat before the ceremony. She asked the other Wardens to clean up as well, as she wanted them to be present in the great hall. Her current armour was covered in dirt and blood and the only thing she had to change into was another set of armour, and that suited her just fine. As she dressed, she thought about the ridiculous, scheming game of politics she was now being forced to play. How did anyone ever get anything accomplished when, often, only half of what people said was true? How did shems ever grow to be great nations of power? She found herself missing her people and the quietness of wandering in the woods.

Kateriel made her way back to the great hall, where she met Varel at the door. He motioned to her to wait, and then he walked to the centre of the room. He announced her by her name and titles; she straightened her back and shoulders and walked in to stand next to him. She looked calmly around the room at all the faces watching her before she spoke.

"I realize that this is a very unusual situation, the arling being governed by the Grey Wardens," Kateriel began, proud that her voice was not shaking. Creators, how she hated being the centre of attention. "But our current cause is the same, the threat of the darkspawn. Maybe this will be how we build trust and support between us. I can assure you we will do everything we can to help and protect the people of Amaranthine."

After brief applause, the nobles began to come forward to swear fealty to Kateriel, as the Arlessa, and to the Wardens. Bann Esmerelle, being the wealthiest and most powerful of the nobility, was called to go first. As the bann stood pledging her loyalty, Kateriel studied Esmerelle carefully while keeping a stoic expression. Kateriel was sure, judging from the look in the woman's eyes that the bann did not mean a word. Next was Lord Eddelbrek. He was a tall, dark-skinned man who spoke well. There was something about him that Kateriel liked; perhaps it was simply that he had a kind and honest face. She knew appearances could be deceiving, but she hoped she was right.

Once the last noble was had sworn their oath, refreshments were served and Varel informed Kateriel that this was the time in which she should 'mingle' with her vassals and hear what else they had to say. Kateriel inwardly groaned. She decided to talk to the person she found least threatening and most interesting first, to get warmed up.

As she approached Lord Eddelbrek, he smiled and gave a little bow. "Commander, it is an honour to meet you," he said politely, "Thank the Maker that you've come to us in this most desperate time. The people of Amaranthine need the Grey Wardens."

"This again," scoffed Lord Timothy, who had been speaking to Eddelbrek before Kateriel had come over, "Not more about your precious farms."

"Many of our people do not have the luxury of city wall to protect them," Eddelbrek argued, "Darkspawn are ruining crops and killing livestock; people are starving."

"Defence of the city is more important than the farmlands," Timothy returned.

"And what will the city people eat once the silos are empty?" Eddelbrek questioned angrily, "Where do you think the food comes from? And if it's all destroyed and the famers are dead, what will _anyone_ eat?"

"You make a highly valid point, Lord Eddelbrek," Kateriel agreed, "I will carefully consider the situation and I will send the soldiers where they are needed most."

"I see Lord Eddelbrek has wasted no time in canvassing you for soldiers to defend his farms," said Bann Esmerelle snidely, as she sauntered over, "Everyone knows he's only interested in protecting his profits. Amaranthine is the jewel of the arling, Commander. The city must be protected. It was built over generations and if it falls it will be harder to rebuild than some farm hovel made of straw and _mud_ ," she said the last word with complete disdain, "The city is the centre, the heart, the source of the arling's prosperity. The arling would suffer greatly if it were lost."

"Wealth is all well and good," Eddelbrek interrupted, "But is it more important than people's lives? There are many more people living in the countryside than there are in the city."

Bann Esmerelle ignored him, keeping her focus on Kateriel. "Commander, the city is struggling," she insisted, "We need more soldiers. The ones guarding the city now are having enough trouble dealing with the crime in the streets, not to mention a serious problem with smugglers. Attacks by darkspawn from outside the city would be catastrophic."

"Oh! You haven't heard!" Kateriel said beaming at Esmerelle as she pretended to get excited to impart her 'good news', "We took care of your smuggler problem when we were in the city today! And we cleaned up the streets. We also let the refugees in; there are lots of provisions for them now from the goods we recovered from the smugglers." Kateriel watched with inward glee as Esmerelle's eyes flashed with anger though she tried to hide it. "So, I think it's best to send a small amount of soldiers to the city, since they have the walls to provide additional protection, and the rest to the farms to protect the country folk." Kateriel was about to turn away, but stopped and added, "If you are sure the city still needs more protection, then I suggest you send back the ones you pulled to protect your personal estate." Kateriel smiled at each person before saying, "Good evening."

Kateriel heard Eddelbrek chuckle and thank her as she walked away. She spoke with a few more nobles, making her way through the room. A lovely blonde lady approached her while Kateriel was passing by one corner. She introduced herself as Lady Tamera.

"Commander, I am honoured to meet you," Tamera said, sounding like she meant it, "We've all heard of your amazing and incredible deeds. But many of your deeds, the death of Rendon Howe especially, cost some people here their chance for greater advancement and power. Some of the nobles, some in this very room, seek to end your dominion over them."

"I don't doubt it," Kateriel said tersely, "I'm sure I increased that feeling even more this evening."

"I do not think you fully understand the full extent of their determination," she said gravely, "I've had...occasion to intercept some of their missives. They are...cryptic...to say the least. Each one, individually, means nothing but put them together and you begin to see a pattern. They mean to end you before you can even begin. It could happen at any time."

"A conspiracy to kill little me?" Kateriel grinned, "I'm actually rather flattered. At least, it means they're taking me seriously."

"This is no laughing matter, Commander," Tamera insisted with irritation, "They know your capabilities and are taking great lengths to end you. If given a few days, I can retrieve the messages and bring them to you. I have to be very careful. I have much to lose and little to gain, but I believe in you, Commander, and I want to help you if I can."

Kateriel put her hand on Tamera's shoulder briefly. "I apologize for jesting," Kateriel said seriously, "You are putting yourself at risk to aid me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Let me know if I can help you and if you find out anything else."

"I will, Commander," Tamera replied, "Farewell, 'til we meet again."

Kateriel returned to speak to Varel and informed him of what Tamera had told her. Varel said he believed Tamera to be trustworthy and they discussed how best to flush out the conspirators. Varel mentioned hearing rumours of someone called the 'Dark Wolfe', who could be hired to find information. He offered a few other suggestions, but Kateriel was undecided. One thing she did know was that she'd had enough of dealing with the nobility for one day and asked Varel to end the ceremony and clear the hall.

Kateriel left the hall feeling both dirty and suffocated. She desperately needed to get out of doors. She grabbed her weapons and snuck out of the Keep. She made her way stealthily through the courtyards and passed the gates. Vigil's Keep was surrounded by woods, except at its front. She breathed in the scent of the trees, the grass, and the wildflowers. When she reached the top of a hill, she proceeded to climb a tree. She reached the top branches and felt a breeze caress her skin and tease her hair. Kateriel closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of nature around her. She breathed in deeply and looked out at land around her, though it was cloaked in darkness, and gazed up at the stars. It was revitalizing and cleansing. She was strongly tempted to remain out there for the night, but didn't want to cause a fuss if it was discovered that she could not be found within the walls. After some time, she climbed down and headed back inside the Keep.

As she made her way through the halls, she passed a lounge area where she beheld Nathaniel standing by one of the windows, staring out into the night. He looked deep in thought. As Kateriel watched him, she imagined how he must feel, to be there in his home, the one he'd known all his life, and now he was no longer lord. Now it belonged to someone else, and yet he would still live there.

She quietly approached him. "Can't sleep?" she asked, soft, smiling disarmingly.

He turned his head to face her. "No," he replied taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, "I've just been thinking. Did you know I'm not the first in my family to join the Grey Wardens?"

"I did not," Kateriel raised her brows in interest, "Who was it?"

"My grandfather," he replied solemnly, "He left to join but never returned, and we never knew what happened to him. Now, knowing about the Joining, I understand. He must have died."

"Many good men and women have died in the Joining," Kateriel said sadly, "I'm sorry to hear this."

"It's alright, actually," Nathaniel said with a sad smile, "Father always said grandfather was a horrible man for abandoning his family to join a pointless cause. I grew up ashamed of my grandfather...but now I see his bravery. It will take some getting used to, but it makes me proud. My father often forgot that nobility has another meaning." He paused to pick up his bow, which was lying on the table near him. "I told you this bow belonged to my grandfather, didn't I? It's very precious to me now. Thank you for giving it to me. Master Wade repaired it, even complimented its quality. But it's invaluable to me for many reasons beyond that."

"I'm glad, Nathaniel," Kateriel smiled, "And I'm happy you were able to make such peace with your grandfather's memory."

They chatted for a while more before retiring to their rooms. Kateriel bathed and got ready for bed. The smuggler leader she had fought had used a weapon that had been enchanted with a flame rune. The wound had healed but there would be a scar due to burned skin. It really didn't bother her though. After all, what was one more scar?

Night time, when she lay in bed, was always the most difficult time for her. She'd been glad, in many ways, that she'd been so insanely busy. It gave her no time to think about Alistair. But, in the darkness and silence of her room, she missed him terribly and longed to be near him, to hear his voice. She wondered where he was and what he was doing...and who he was with.

* * *

 

Eben stood at the door to King Alistair's room. They were spending the night at the estate of a bann with whom Alistair had favour. It was no longer safe for the King to travel through the bannorn with only a small party, and even with a larger host they'd still been attacked on the road. Their attackers appeared to be nothing more than bandits, but the quality of some of the weapons found on the bodies suggested the possibility of something more going on than a simple bandit raid.

The appearance of Cailan's heir and Alistair's adoption of him, supported by Anora, had gone over well with the majority of the nobility. There were some, however, that made it clear that Maric's bastard was no longer necessary if Cailan had produced an heir. This had caused rumours of Ryain not actually being Cailan's son. These rumours didn't appear to be threatening, however, as those who opposed Alistair were in support of Anora as ruler and thus did not want to discredit Ryain's claim to the throne.

The King had been in a dismal mood since leaving Vigil's Keep, glaring off into the distance and hardly saying a word. It was unlike him to be so broody. The attempted attack had only soured his mood even more. He attempted to be pleasant and polite at dinner but shortly afterward excused himself on the pretence of feeling unwell. It was good that Arl Teagan had travelled to meet them there. He was very good at playing 'the Game' and knew how to charm the nobility. Alistair's assassin friend was also supposed to meet them. He had been sent to spy on the surrounding banns. The next day, the King was to hold court at the hosting bann's estate, where he would answer questions, attempt to win favour, and also try to solve some pressing issues. Eben was concerned for the King's current state of mind and mood.

He lifted his fist and knocked on the door. There was no response at first and he was about to knock again when he heard the King give permission to enter. Eben slowly opened the door and walked into the dimly lit room. The only light came from a candle on a table by the bed, and from the fire. The King sat in front of the fire, slouched in a large chair. Alistair stared gloomily into the flames as they danced joyfully while consuming the wood within the fireplace.

Eben walked over without saying word and sat down in a chair next to Alistair's. Alistair was also silent, not even acknowledging his friend's arrival. Eben sat looking at the fire for a few moments before turning his gaze to study the King's face. "Sire?" Eben finally spoke. He received no answer. "Alistair?" he tried again. This time Alistair finally raised his eyes to meet Eben's, though he still did not speak. "It's not hard to see that something is troubling you," Eben said, "What's wrong?"

Alistair returned his eyes to the fire. Finally, he took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "It was a hell of a day wasn't it?" he said, more as a statement than a question.

"Yes, it was," Eben agreed, "But you've been brooding since we left Amaranthine yesterday eve." He paused for a reaction but only saw a flicker of something in Alistair's eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce you to Kateriel," Alistair said, "I was...not thinking very clearly. There was so much death and chaos..." he scowled in frustration, "The people of Amaranthine are my people too; I feel I should have done more to help them."

"It seems to me they are in good hands," Eben said, trying to be positive, "I can only imagine your frustration, but it couldn't be helped. You need to be here. The assembly tomorrow is vital."

"No, you can't imagine my frustration," Alistair growled lowly, continuing to scowl at the fire which seemed to pop and hiss in return.

Eben studied his friend's face for a moment before speaking again. He'd spent a lot of time with Alistair over the past months and had come to know the King very well. And one thing he noticed was the way the King acted now, the strange emotions and moods that came over him, did so when-ever circumstances involved the Hero of Ferelden. It was obvious that Alistair cared about her very much. "This is more about Kateriel than anything else isn't it?" Again, there was no answer. "You two are very close aren't you?"

"Yes," Alistair muttered lowly, "It was terrible to leave her there like that. Just, 'O _h! There are darkspawn running amuck. Have fun with that. Try not to get killed_!'." With a frustrated growl, Alistair was on his feet. "You know, I was glad for that so-called bandit attack today. I prefer a straight up battle, one that involves swords and armour. Fighting these political battles, with intrigues and words and secrets, drives me crazy!" Alistair was pacing and thrusting his arms up in frustration as he talked, "I hate it! I still sometimes wonder what I'm doing _here_! I should be out _there_! Fighting! With her!" he said the last involuntarily, and winced inwardly. But then it occurred to him that he didn't care. It would be nice to have a friend who knew that he loved Kateriel, who understood his suffering. He trusted Eben, with more than his life. He was a good friend, and Alistair had not had many really good friends in his life. He stopped pacing and glanced sidelong at Eben before staring into the fire.

"You were in love with her weren't you?" Eben asked gently, "Are the rumours about you two being lovers true then?"

"Yes," Alistair said in resignation, as he finally turned to look at his friend, "And I love her still..."

"Why did you do it then?" Eben asked, shaking his head, "Why did you leave her to become king? You don't strike me as one who seeks wealth and power. Why would you leave her?"

"There were many reasons, good ones," Alistair sighed, "And it was as much her choice as mine. Sometimes...people need to sacrifice their own happiness for the good of others."

Eben stared and shook his head at his friend in disbelief. He was about to say that he disagreed but then he thought of all that Alistair was trying to do to help the people like the elves and mages. Alistair was trying to bring about a change to Ferelden that would surely not happen with Anora on the throne.

"I'm sure Kateriel understands about you not being able to help," he said reassuringly, "I'm sure she'll be fine."

"I want to go back," Alistair said firmly, "As soon as this assembly is done."

"I don't see why we couldn't" Eben said with a nod.

"Has Zevran shown up yet?" Alistair asked, his thoughts turning to the situation at hand.

"Not yet." Eben replied, "But I'm sure he will. You were right about his skills. He's very stealthy. It's a bit unnerving. I mean, he could be in this room right now and we might not even know it."

Alistair chuckled, "That's true. I've gotten used to being around rogues like him. Keeps you on edge."

Eben bowed and bid his king and friend good night. He nodded to the guards at the door of Alistair's room before passing on down the hall. He hoped now that Alistair had talked about his troubles he would be able to focus on the important issues that he would face tomorrow.

His thoughts were interrupted as Zevran came around the corner. The elf smiled in greeting to Eben. "Evening, Zevran," Eben said gruffly, "I trust you had a successful journey?"

"I had no trouble," Zevran replied, "Well, not much. I will check in with Arl Teagan before turning in for the night and I will give you all my full report in the morning."

"Why don't you check in with the King first?" Eben asked suspiciously, "Why are you going to see the Arl?"

"Oh, I don't want to bother the King right now," Zevran shrugged, "I'm sure he's resting."

"No, I just left him," Eben insisted, narrowing his eyes, "What are you up to, _spy_?"

Zevran tisked at him. "My dear captain," he said smoothly, "If I was up to something, why would I tell you where I was going and who I was going to see? I have affairs of my own to deal with, and I need to see the Arl for a... _personal_ matter." He grinned wolfishly at Eben before continuing on down the hall.


	20. Secrets

Morning broke upon the world bright and cheery. Kateriel was glad to see the sun rise and fill the sky with beautiful, soft yellow, orange, and pink. She planned to investigate the Wending Wood that day and she was looking forward to spending the day surrounded by forest despite the probable dangers involved. Melonie had come in and the two women talked cheerfully while Melonie filled Kateriel's bath.

Kateriel's good mood stayed with her when she entered the great hall. "Good morning, Varel," she chirped as she greeted the seneschal with a smile.

"Good morning, Commander," Varel replied returning her smile, "I'm pleased to see you in such good spirits. I need ask you about your plans for the day."

"We're going to find out what's troubling the Wending Wood and the trader's caravans," she replied happily. "Why?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to put off your plan until a bit later, Commander," he said regretfully.

"What? Why?" she asked, her brow constricting in confusion.

"There are a number of matters regarding the government of the arling that require your specific attention," he explained, feeling remorseful when the cheerfulness began to fade in her countenance, "And I think we need to spend some time instructing you on how to govern in general, to make you a more effective leader and Arlessa."

Kateriel looked longingly at the sun shining through the windows. "It can't wait?" she asked, expecting that she knew the answer but hoping against it none the less.

"I'm afraid not, Commander," Varel replied apologetically.

Kateriel sighed in resignation. "Alright," she said gloomily, "Let me get some breakfast and then I'll meet you in my study." _Wow, that's weird. When did the arl's study become 'my' study?_

Varel agreed and left Kateriel to her morning meal, which she ate with a cloud of gloominess hanging over her head. She had been deeply looking forward to being out in the woods and now she was going to be cooped up for who knew how long in the study trying to learn shemlen ways of governance. She couldn't think of a more torturous way to spend such a beautiful day.

She was glaring into her plate when a body sat down beside her and an all too cheerful voice said, "Well, don't you look like cheery this morning? You're no mage but I do believe if you glare much longer at your food you might just set it on fire."

She closed her eyes and breathed in deep, then let it out slowly. She did not want to take her disappointment out on her friend. "Anders, would you mind telling the others that we are remaining at the keep for the day?" Kateriel asked without looking at him, "I'm needed here for the time being."

"Really?" he asked, sounding far too pleased with the news and Kateriel had to clench her teeth, "We aren't going to be traipsing around in the dirty, muddy woods?"

"Don't get too excited," Kateriel growled, "We _are_ going as soon as possible. Just...not today it looks like."

Kateriel was relieved when Anders finally left to deliver the message. She didn't rush through her breakfast but it was eventually finished and she headed, with great reluctance, to her study. Varel was waiting for her by her desk. They wasted no time getting down to business. The hours passed slowly and by midday both of them were exhausted and frustrated. Varel sat in a chair before the large, ornately carved wood desk, wearily looking at Kateriel, who was sitting, her head face-down upon the desktop with her arms resting out on the desk in front of her.

"Commander, I think we should probably give it a rest for the now," Varel said, a small smile playing upon his lips. "We got everything done that was necessary and we covered a lot of ground today in your governing education."

"You're being kind, Varel," Kateriel's muffled voice rose from the desktop, "And you have an admirable amount of patience."

"Not at all, Commander," Varel chuckled, rising to his feet, "You need to give yourself credit. We went over a lot of information. However, I think it's best if we give it a rest for today."

"Bless you!" Kateriel replied, as she lifted a hand off the desk.

Varel excused himself and left the room. Kateriel sat in silence for a few minutes before finally sitting up and leaning back into her chair. She gazed wearily around the room. What a horrible morning. She only hoped that she would retain the information she had learned so as to not have to go over it all again. Somehow, she wasn't very confident. Her mind re-examined the business that had required her immediate attention. One thing was that she had received a letter of commendation from Teyrn Cousland for eliminating the smugglers from Amaranthine, and reminding her that she had his full support. As her mind dwelt on the Teyrn, she thought about how he said his brother had escaped from his castle by way of a secret passage. He told her most castles had such things for the safety of the noble families. She suddenly became very interested in the walls surrounding her.

She'd always had exceptional skills as a rogue but traveling with Zevran and Leliana had enhanced her skills even further, especially in the area of lock picking and the finding of hidden things...like secret passages. She began to explore the room, using all her senses to examine everything. A secret vault was revealed inside one of the shelves. She had to give the person who created it credit, for it had been cleverly concealed. Inside was a small chest but she did not stop to examine the contents at that moment. She hid the vault again and continued her search.

Next, she discovered that the press of a certain stone in the wall by the fireplace opened a thin space in the stonework next to it. She lit a candle and slipped into the passage where she pressed a lever to close the door behind her. Kateriel was filled with excitement and no longer regretting having stayed at the keep. She now had the entire afternoon to explore. She discovered multiple hidden passages, some old and some new. There were passages that lead to one of the common rooms, library, kitchen, garden, great hall, and some of the bedrooms. Some of the passages were created so that it was easy to spy on what was going in the room where they led. Most of these were newer passages. The previous arl was certainly sneaky and obviously very paranoid.

It made Kateriel uneasy to think that she had the ability now to invade people's privacy and she gave serious thought to sealing up the parts of the passages that gave one the ability to spy on anyone in those rooms. She also began to wonder who else knew about these passages. Considering that people wanted her dead, she decided to do her best to find out without giving the secret away. She decided that it was important that Varel be aware, if he wasn't already. Kateriel felt that must he not know or he would have told her. She trusted that man completely and she would need help keeping an eye on the passages. She also began to wonder if Nathaniel knew anything about them. Surely he must know; he would have known how to get out of the castle safely if the need called for it as it had for Aidan Cousland. The thought of Nathaniel keeping the passages a secret from her angered her. She would be sure to ask him.

She made her way through an older passage that connected her room to another passage that went from the great hall to a secret exit outside the castle walls. She paused a moment to examine a part of the wall that caught her eye. It seemed to her that there was another door in the passage but it was barely noticeable, even to her trained eye. She began to feel around the wall. If there was a door there, then it hadn't been used in a very, very long time. She began to give up when her foot hit against the wall and a slow, scraping noise was heard. Slowly part of the wall moved back and to the side. Kateriel peered inside what was revealed to be a very old and unused passage. The spider webs, cobwebs, and dust were thick and Kateriel took her time as she made her way through. She followed the passage for a while before she discovered a door the wall. The passage kept going but Kateriel paused to examine the door. It also looked as though it had not moved in decades or more. Kateriel tried to determine by the twists and turns of the passage where she was. She was sure she was at an outside wall on the north-western side. She made a mental map in her head and decided to see if she could find the door from the outside instead of opening it from within. She continued to follow the passageway, which opened to yet another except that it looked very similar to the Avvarian halls that they'd found in the cellars. Kateriel could feel her blood pulsing with excitement, but was disappointed when she discovered that the passage had caved in and was blocked off. She supposed that was the reason that the passage had ceased being used.

Kateriel made her way back to her study. She opened the hidden vault again and examined the contents of the chest. Inside were numerous letters from the nobles of Amaranthine that supported Renden Howe. Kateriel had to shake her head in disgust at all the manipulating and backstabbing that had gone on. Howe has promised many people the same things, while withholding said promised things, giving them nothing while they pledged their support. He took from the common people freely and gave to the nobility as it suited his purpose. The saddest thing of all, Kateriel thought, were the letters from Esmerelle. It appeared that she and Rendon had been lovers. He had promised her marriage, which she asked about in some of her letters saying that she was trying to be patient as he had asked but she was anxious for them to "become one in name as well as in flesh". Kateriel suspected that he never had any intention of marrying her, but they would never know. Kateriel realized that Esmerelle probably had very personal desires for vengeance, blaming Kateriel for the death of her lover. Kateriel placed the contents back into the chest, and then chest back into the vault. She left the study in search of Varel and Nathaniel.

* * *

 

Alistair had been up for a while, having not been able to sleep well anyway. He'd spent time on the training grounds and washed and had breakfast. He figured he'd given everyone else time to get up and ready. He needed to speak to Arl Teagan and Zevran. He decided to go to Teagan's room first. He stood outside the door and was about to knock when he heard the arl moan loudly as if in pain. Alistair was immediately filled with alarm.

"Teagan!" he called out and without thinking opened the door. His eyes fell on Teagan, who was on the bed in an unquestionably erotic position with a blonde elf whose hair hung down so Alistair did not see the face. It only took half a second for Alistair's brain to realize what was really going on and he'd closed his eyes and turned his head without having seen much at all.

"Maker! I'm sorry, Teagan," Alistair blurted out as he turned and began to close the door.

"Good morning to you too, your Majesty," drawled a voice that was unmistakably Zevran's.

"Maker's sodding breath!" Alistair cursed as he slammed the door with the realization of who the blonde elf was. _I'm never going to un-see that!_ Teagan was like an uncle to him, so it was as bad a walking in on your father in bed with someone. After only seconds of closing the door he heard the two in the room burst out laughing. Alistair groaned and cursed again, making his way to his own room. He decided it would be safest to just wait there for the others to join him, though it would be hard to look Teagan and Zevran in the face at the moment.

Eventually, Eben joined him, followed by Teagan and Zevran. They discussed the proceedings that were soon about to start and the security in place. Zevran explained that though he could not discover any definite danger, he still felt there was something amiss and for all to be on guard. The meeting ended with Zevran saying he was going to have another look around the castle and courtyard. Teagan asked Eben for a moment alone to speak to Alistair, and Eben agreed to wait outside the door.

"Alistair about this morning..." Teagan began.

"Don't! Please." Alistair cut in, "We are adults. You don't need to explain anything." He paused for a moment while he looked at the arl. Actually, there were a few questions. "Though I have to ask, _when_ did that start?"

"Actually, it started back when you and your friends came to Redcliffe during the blight," Teagan explained, "Zevran is very charming and we started talking, which lead to flirting. Then the first time I was at the palace in Denerim after he rejoined you to lend you his assistance, the flirting led to...more."

"I had no idea you preferred..." Alistair began, still feeling incredibly awkward with the conversation.

"Men?" Teagan finished for him with a smile, "I do have my secrets. And I'd prefer to keep this one if you don't mind. I still have to marry, a woman, and produce an heir for the family line. Eamon has no interest to trying for another after Connor. The boy is still the rightful heir as far as we're concerned but the Chantry would never allow it. That's one of the reasons we are most proud of the changes you are trying to make. Parents should at least be able to _see_ their children after they go to the circle." Alistair could hear the ire rising in Teagan's tone. "There's no reason for families to have to be cut off from their children. Poor Connor. The boy has enough to deal with."

"How serious are you two then?" Alistair asked uncertainly.

"Not very. Not right now anyway," Teagan shrugged, "maybe not ever. I like Zevran a lot and I care about him. I also know that he's a 'free spirit' and not easily tied down. For now I'm simply enjoying his company."

Alistair nodded to show his understanding then changed the subject to the assembly that was about to start. He and Teagan joined Eben in the hall, and they made their way to the courtyard.

Meanwhile, Zevran had been roaming the courtyard, looking for any signs of something amiss. Nobles had started to fill the area but Zevran was keeping to the edges anyway so they didn't bother him. The assembly about to begin, Zevran watched as Alistair and Teagan arrived on the platform that was built for the occasion. The hosting bann, one by the name of Hagden, stepped up to stand beside Alistair. Alistair made his opening greeting and as the king moved on to his motivational speech; Zevran's attention was drawn awareness of someone approaching him from behind. He pulled his daggers and turned around. A young woman wearing a cloak stood smiling at him, her hands raised to show she meant no harm.

"Easy," she said, her voice low "I just want to talk and we don't have a lot of time." She stepped up beside him and leaned in close. She turned her eyes to the platform and Zevran did the same.

"The King is in very immediate danger," she whispered, "Bann Hagden is not the supporter he claimed to be."

"And why should I believe you?" Zevran asked coldly, "Who are you?"

"I'm a friend," the woman replied lightly, "A friend of Red Jenny. Do you know of us?"

Zevran nodded. "You support the common people, even to the point of assassinating nobles who are cruel and oppressive."

"That's a very short and sweet description," she replied, "you should also know that our information comes from the common folk, like the servants in a noble's home who are afraid to seek help or talk to anyone. Now, we are running out of time. The servants have come to us asking for help regarding this bann who is not what he appears. He does not support the king but his wife does and he beats her regularly for it. He is also abusive to the servants, especially the elves, withholding wages and, occasionally, forcing females into sexual favours for him and his soldiers. Now, worst of all, he stands next to the King with a dagger hidden in his sleeve. He could strike at any moment! You must act now!"

The woman had spoken very quickly, almost in one breath. Zevran sprang into action without question, stealthily making his way to the platform. The assembly had been in heated discussion ranging from rights for the elves and mages, to Alistair's claim to the throne. He reached the platform just in time to see the bann slip the dagger from his sleeve. In one sharp motion Zevran threw his dagger which impaled into the bann's hand, forcing the man to scream and drop the dagger he was holding.

The bann's dagger landed at Alistair's feet. He turned and glared at the man in disbelief. "A hidden dagger?" Alistair asked angrily, "To stab me in the back, I suppose?"

Bann Hagden stood clutching his injured hand and glaring with hatred at Alistair. "You are nothing but a bastard who has no right to rule!" he spat vehemently, "we'll not stand for it!"

"The punishment for such treason is death!" Arl Teagan declared.

"So be it!" Hagden shrieked, "You'll never take us alive!"

The word 'us' registered in Alistair's mind as shouts irrupted through the crowd. People began fighting, Alistair's supporters against those who were not. Eben tried to coax Alistair to leave but he would not. He would not run from his enemies. He might not have his armour but he had his sword and he would face his would be assassins. He drew his sword and lunged at Hagden. Eben stayed close, as did the rest of the king's guard, doing their best to protect Alistair while he faced his foe. Hagden was not nearly as skilled or experienced as Alistair and soon he was dead on the ground. The skirmish did not last long after that. Some of the opposers lay dead on the ground, regretfully so did some of Alistair's supporters. The remainder of the traitors surrendered and were tied up. They would be shackled properly and taken to Denerim for trial.

Alistair stared down at the body of Bann Hagden with regret instead of hatred. He didn't want things to be this way. Was his being king really worth the lives of other people; did he really want it that badly? He was so absorbed in thought that he didn't hear the gasps from the people around him. When he felt a hand on his shoulder he turned and his eyes widened in shock as he beheld the battered face of the bann's wife.

She embraced him with one arm, the other clearly broken, and sobbed out "Thank you!"

Soon he found himself enveloped in the arms of the bann's two daughters as well. The daughters, one in her twenties and the other in her teens, also bore marks on their faces. Alistair realized, though it didn't occur to him before, that he'd seen these women when he first arrived but hadn't seen them since. After some questioning, it was revealed that the wife had found out the bann's plan to assassinate the king and was going to try to warn Alistair with the help of her daughters. But they were discovered and beaten, though the mother paid the highest price. They had been locked away and just released by servants who hurried to take the keys from a dead soldier. Alistair sent for a healer and the bann's wife, now declared _the_ bann of the estate, was carried by Alistair himself to her room to rest. Alistair met the others back in his room. He noticed Zevran was missing. He was informed by Teagan that Zevran was out looking for someone but didn't know who.

Zevran searched the castle and its grounds, unable to find the Friend of Red Jenny, until he was out walking along the rampart. Once again, he sensed someone behind him and he turned around and found her there, smiling at him with satisfaction.

"Nice work," she complimented him, "You got there just in time. Might I say that you have excellent aim?"

"I extend deepest gratitude on behalf of the King," Zevran said with a bow, "But...I must ask if there's anything else you know or have heard?"

"That is the reason I'm still here," the woman replied, "The little prince is safe from the harm of the King's enemies, it's true, but that would not stop them from kidnapping Ryain and using him against the King."

"Is this certain?" Zevran asked grimly.

"It is a rumour as of yet," she replied, "I cannot guarantee continued help from us but it is most likely we will try. The King has much favour with the 'little' folk, with all the changes he's trying to make and the fact that he's come from nothing himself." She bowed deep to Zevran and disappeared over the wall.

* * *

 

Back in Denerim, Anora stood on her balcony, watching the sun set. Ryain lay in her arms, sleeping peacefully. But his mother's heart was troubled. A month after they'd left Gwaren they received word that Ser Cauthrien had vanished. It was unlike her to leave the Teryn, to leave her service like that. A search had been made but no one had found a trace. They'd stopped searching but word had been spread throughout Ferelden to keep an eye out for her. Day after day, Anora kept hoping that Cauthrien would be found.

As Anora stood gazing out at the darkening sky, her mind drifted back once again to when she was thirteen and to the day her father returned home with a young woman who she found out was only a year older than Anora herself. It turned out that the young woman's name was Cauthrien and she had helped her father fight off some bandits who attacked him. He was impressed by the young woman's bravery and strength from having worked hard at her family's farm. He gave Cauthrien a position with his soldiers and gave very clear orders that none of the men were to lay a hand on her.

Anora was captivated by the strong, dark-haired woman who worked hard to train and gain favour in her father's eyes. Little did Cauthrien know that she had already found favour with Anora. Anora would find excuses to go to the training yard of visit the barracks to talk to Cauthrien. The two young women began to spend time together whenever they had could spare it. Anora didn't know if she was reading the other woman correctly or if she was just being hopeful, but she was sure that Cauthrien cared for her then same way. Eventually, as Cauthrien began to rise in the ranks of her father's regiment, she began to go where ever Loghain went. They began to see less of each other. And then, Anora began to be courted by Prince Cailan. This courtship was strongly encouraged and supported by their fathers.

From that point on, when Anora saw Cauthrien, the dark-haired woman was formal and reserved. Anora's heart was broken by Cauthrien's apparent indifference and she turned her heart and mind to her own ambitions. She accepted and encouraged Cailan's affections and attempted to return them as best she could. It wasn't very long until they were married and Anora went to live in the Denerim palace.

She heard that Cauthrien had been knighted and appointed Loghain's top lieutenant and the leader of his elite force called 'Maric's shield'. She knew Cauthrien would be immensely proud and Anora was proud of her as well, though from a distance. There were many evenings when she missed her friend and her heart mourned for dreams and desires that would never be.

When Loghain was killed, Cauthrien was once again at Anora's side, swearing to protect Anora at all costs. Anora couldn't resist the spark of hope that had begun in her heart. Cauthrien remained distant, however, taciturn despite their being in each other's company. Yet despite how hard she fought it, she could not help falling in love with Cauthrien all over again, just like when they first met.

Now Cauthrien was missing. Anora feared for the woman she loved. She prayed to Andraste, the Maker, and any other god or spirit would my lend her aid, that Cauthrien was alive and safe and would soon come back to her. Then she would no longer hide her feelings, and she would see if Cauthrien felt the same once and for all.


	21. Dark Mysteries

"Atisha!" Kateriel shouted at the elf fleeing from them. She rolled quickly to the side, dodging the limb of a sylvan that swung at her, "Garas mana!" She cursed when she saw that she had lost sight of the woman and turned her attention to the battle at hand.

Kateriel's patience was beginning to wear thin. While her spirit rejoiced and felt at home in the forest, since their arrival she'd been cut, hit, burned, and bit from fighting bandits, darkspawn, sylvan, wolves, and giant spiders. To top it all off, they had encountered a vengeful Dalish elf that seemed to be out of her mind, and they had discovered that something very strange was going on in the middle of it all; something which seemed to be centered around the darkspawn. From what they could tell, the darkspawn had killed the Dalish elves and made it look as though humans had done it. This was hard to fathom, as it was unheard of for darkspawn to plan and manipulate in this way. It left Kateriel deeply unsettled.

The elf woman, who now had also attacked them, had been massacring the human caravans in retaliation for the death of her people and demanding the return of her sister. She would not even pause to listen when Kateriel had tried to explain that the humans weren't responsible. She needed to be stopped. The elf was irrational in her anger, using her magic to make the sylvan nearby attack the Wardens. Kateriel's anger flared as she struggled to defeat the sylvan, yet she also felt concern pulling at the ragged edges of her fury. It was always regretful to slay another of The People, but the attacks on the caravans must stop...one way or another.

Kateriel decided that sylvan were now among her top most hated creatures to fight. She adored trees, but being clobbered by one was not a fun experience. Once they had finally taken down the last one, they immediately hurried in the direction the elf woman had fled. They reached the ruined Dalish camp and found the Dalish woman standing with her head bowed near the graves of her clan. Kateriel marched forward, breathing deeply in an effort to calm her anger. She stopped a few feet from the strange elf and brushed Anders off as he attempted to heal a gash on her chin.

"Halam sahlin!" Kateriel growled, scowling darkly at the strange elf, "It's over!"

"What have we come to?" the woman asked without turning, "When we start to kill our own people?"

"Ask yourself that question." Kateriel said through gritted teeth, "You attacked us, attacked _me_. I had no intention of hurting you. I wanted to _talk_!"

The woman let out a cheerless, mocking laugh. "Talk!" she scoffed, "I told you I know who you are. I mentioned your Keeper and the meeting of the clans. But your name is known to all Dalish now, as well as the rest of the Thedas. I know you are a Grey Warden and that people call you the 'Hero of Ferelden'. I know you worked with shemlen to stop the Blight and I know you lead them still. You have two in your company now," she paused to give Anders and Nathaniel a scathing look. "How do I know you aren't here to kill me? That you haven't sided with them against your own people?"

"The only other elf I've seen since entering this wood is you," Kateriel replied cooly, "One elf murdering anyone she comes across and destroying their caravans. It needs to stop. But that doesn't have to mean your death; not if you desist and surrender."

"So you _have_ taken their side!" the elf spat with hatred. She gestured to their surroundings. "Do you not see these graves? This camp? The shemlen slaughtered our people and captured my sister! I will not stop until they return her or I'm dead! Do you not care about what they've done?"

"Humans didn't do this," Kateriel explained, slow, emphasizing each word, "The darkspawn did this and made it look as though the humans did."

"Lies!" she shrieked, "Do you think me a fool? Darkspawn are not capable of such things!"

"Not long ago, I would have agreed with you," Kateriel explained, "They didn't talk either, but, only days ago, one spoke to me. Something has happened to the 'spawn, is _still_ happening, but we don't know what." She paused to take in the woman's expression of disbelief. Kateriel sheathed her weapons and took two steps towards the elf, her arms held open at her sides, palms up. " _Think_ about it, falon. Why would the shemlen just leave their weapons behind like this? And I found this locket on a darkspawn that attacked us." Kateriel held out a locket that was clearly Dalish craft. Finding it on the body of a 'spawn was just one of the many pieces to the very confusing puzzle she was trying to solve.

"That's my sister's locket!" the elf gasped, "Why would a darkspawn have it?" She shook her head and looked around at the camp again. "I admit I thought it was strange that the shemlen would leave so many weapons behind...but what else was I to think? Why would the darkspawn do this?"

"I don't know," Kateriel said darkly, "But I intend to find out and put a stop to it." Kateriel looked with sadness, at the graves. It was not the proper burial for the Dalish who were supposed to be buried in the ground and a sapling planted above them, but Kateriel assumed that the elven woman must have done this because there was not time bury so many in such an unsafe environment, all on her own. Kateriel grieved for the Dalish lives that were lost and her heart ached to imagine what this elven woman must be feeling, having lost her clan. "Ir abelas," Kateriel said gently.

"If you are going to find the darkspawn let me go with you," the elf pleaded, "My sister's body was not here with the others. They must have taken her and I _must_ find her, please!"

Kateriel considered her carefully for a moment. The woman seemed a bit unhinged. However, Kateriel could not really blame her; she herself would probably be mad with grief if she found her whole clan slaughtered. What the woman had done was terrible but she had been fooled. If there was a chance for her to find her sister, she should have that chance, or at least the right to avenge her people by slaying the darkspawn.

"Ma nuvenin," Kateriel agreed with a small smile, "What is your name?"

"I am Velanna," she replied with a relieved smile of her own, "Ma serannas! Do you know where the darkspawn are?"

"Great. Another twitchy mage, and an elf too," Oghren grumbled. Kateriel sent him a glare.

"Wait, she's coming with us?" Anders asked incredulous, "She's a murderer!"

"I've heard the same thing about you," Kateriel said tilting her head, "Unfortunate isn't it? The things we feel we need to do sometimes."

"Point taken," Anders muttered.

"Darkspawn usually live and travel in the Deep Roads," Kateriel said, brow creased in thought, "Or in caves and caverns." She turned to Velanna, "Do you know of anything like that around here?"

"There's an old silverite mine just down there," Velanna said, pointing down the hill.

Kateriel could see at set of double doors built into the hillside. "That's likely where they're hiding," she nodded. She looked around at her companions, "Let's check it out." Kateriel placed a hand on Velanna's shoulder and gestured toward the doors, "Mala vir'nan."

Velanna nodded, her face determined, as she fell in step behind Kateriel. The Wardens climbed down the hill and stood before the doors. "Be ready for anything," Kateriel gave an intrepid order, drawing her weapons before pulling one of the doors open.

The doors opened to a room made of carved stone that was built over the entrance to the mine. They slowly entered the pitch black tunnel. Kateriel turned to look at the mages who didn't need her to say a word to know what was needed. Velanna caused the tip of her staff to glow with a slightly green light and Anders produced a ball of light that floated in circles just above his head. They made their way down to the bottom of the stairs which opened into a large chamber. It was empty except for the mining scaffolds that lined the walls. They began to look around and Kateriel was filled with the dreadful sense that something wasn't right. She moved over to an area of the room where the floor tiles were patterned in a circular fashion, her companions remaining at her side. Suddenly the floor lit up and, too late, they realized that they had stepped into some kind of magical trap cast on the floor. A figure unlike any Kateriel had ever seen appeared upon one of the scaffolds. It was very tall and looked sort of like a darkspawn emissary, save for the fact that it possessed a human-like stature. All this happened in a matter of seconds and Kateriel had no time to react before her head was filled with a buzzing sound and the creature raised it hand and spoke.

"Shhh..." it said gentle, almost sweet, "Sleep..."

Kateriel was powerless to resist. Her eyes drifted closed and she was aware of nothing that happened after. Then she heard muffled sounds, her mind was heavy as she tried to think, to wake. She couldn't move. Slowly she was able to open her eyes but all was hazy and blurred. She saw the creature standing over her apologizing and saying it did not want to be her enemy. She was unable to remain awake and drifted back into blackness. When next she became aware of her senses, she felt cold stone against her cheek. Her head pulsed with pain. She fought to open her eyes, eventually succeeding. She beheld Nathaniel hovering close by, a look of deep concern on his face.

"Thank the Maker!" he said, shaky with relief, helping her to sit up, "Are you all right, Commander?"

Kateriel looked around, quickly noting that all her companions were there and that they seemed to be all right. She also took in their surroundings. They were in a cell made mostly of metal bars and their cell was in a large room that contained other cells. It seemed like some sort of prison or dungeon. She then did an internal assessment; her head hurt and she felt disoriented. Beyond that, she felt weak, drained, and her muscles were sore. "No," she replied honestly to Nathaniel's question.

Anders knelt beside her and gently took her chin in his hand, lifting her face so he could look into her eyes. He asked her what she felt and she told him. "You have no head injury or wounds on your body," he informed her, "I healed the ones you acquired in the woods before entering the mine, as you'll recall. Yet it seems that you're suffering from blood loss."

"Well, we don't know what they did to her before they brought her in here," Oghren growled.

Kateriel's eyebrows shot upward. "What do you mean?" she asked, "What's happened? How long have we been here?"

"We all woke up here together, except you," Nathaniel explained, "They only brought you here a few hours ago. It's hard to tell with no windows and not knowing how long we were asleep but I would think we've been here at least two, almost three, days."

Anders held his hands over Kateriel and they glowed blue as he slowly moved them around her head. She felt relief and her head cleared some more. She smiled at him and nodded to show it had helped. It did nothing for how drained she felt however. But it didn't matter. They had no idea how long they had before something else, something worse, might happen. They needed to get out. Now. Odds were their enemy would not expect them to attempt an escape while she was weakened.

"Long enough," Kateriel said getting to her feet, "We need to get out of here. Hopefully we can find our gear." She walked over to the door and inspected the lock. She had nothing to pick it with and turning she looked at Nathaniel for suggestions.

"I've got nothing I'm afraid," he said, "and I've searched through the dirt on the floor for anything to use but there's nothing."

They began to formulate strategies on how to break out, to overtake their jailers if any came to open the door, when they heard a door open on the other side of the room. They heard no footfalls but suddenly there was an elven woman standing at the bars.

"Seranni!" Velanna exclaimed rushing toward the woman, "Oh, thank the creators you're alright!" But her expression changed somewhat as she beheld her sister. Seranni's face was grey and sunken, her eyes were pale and slightly glazed resembling the look of darkpawn or the undead. "What have they done to you?" Velanna asked in a painful breath.

"I'm fine, really. It's not me they're after. There's no time to explain," Seranni replied quickly, "You need to get out of here!" She opened the door to their cell. "You must move swiftly, find a way out of the mine."

"Wait, what about you?" Velanna asked in alarm, taking her sister by the arm, "You're coming with us!"

Seranni shook her head and looked regretfully at her older sibling. "I can't. I'm sorry," she said sadly, "The others...they wouldn't understand if I left."

"What others?" Velanna asked in exasperation, "Seranni, please! Come with me!"

"I need to go before I'm discovered," she threw her arms around Velanna's neck, "I love you, sister." Velanna returned the embrace but at the sound of a door opening nearby, Seranni bolted from them whispering, "They're coming!" before disappearing down a dark hallway.

Three darkspawn entered from a door at the top of a short set of stairs on the opposite end of the room. Thankfully, the mages could still cast some magic without their staffs and Kateriel, Oghren, and even Nathaniel knew enough hand to hand combat to take the 'spawn down. They salvaged some gear from the bodies and entered the room that the darkspawn had come from. It appeared to be a library or study of some sort. They searched through it quickly for information or keys that they might need to aid their escape. Several notes and journal entries were discovered that had been written by the tall, talking darkspawn. They found evidence that the darkspawn had killed the elves while trying to capture them, all except Seranni and a male elf who killed himself by bashing his head into a wall. It was also discovered that the darkspawn were after the Grey Wardens for their blood, something to do with some kind of experiments.

Most importantly, they discovered from the notes that this creature was calling itself the Architect. The Architect! The powerful talking darkspawn that Fiona had warned her about. She remembered what Fiona had said about the Architect wanting to unite people and darkspawn and ending the Blights by tainting all of Thedas. This new information angered Kateriel and it explained why she felt so weak. They must have taken blood from her. These darkspawn had attacked Vigil's Keep for Grey Warden blood to fuel the Architect's experiments. She would not allow this outrage to stand.

They slowly fought their way through the halls and passages, retrieving their gear and weapons, which various darkspawn had claimed for their own, along the way. At last, they came to a large room with high, vaulted ceilings. It appeared to have been some sort of great hall, assembly room, or arena. To their left, standing on a balcony was The Architect, along with Seranni and a dwarven woman. The Architect said nothing but it flicked its wrist and two dragons flew down from the vaulted ceiling.

Kateriel shouted for the mages and Nathaniel to try to keep their backs to a wall while she and Oghren attempted to keep the dragons from reaching them. It was very difficult, as they had to keep moving to dodge the dragons' attacks. Kateriel had been struggling with being weakened from her blood loss and now she was pushing herself to her utmost limits. Finally, it happened. She didn't raise her foot high enough to side-step some rubble and she stumbled. The dragon she'd been fighting was upon her, snapping down on her shoulder. She screamed in pain, yet her mind flashed with her opportunity and with her remaining strength she plunged her sword into the dragon's neck so deep it went straight through the other side. The creature screamed, releasing her shoulder before it collapsed on top of her, pinning her from the waist down. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, she had no strength left to move and she was losing blood. She feared for the others as she heard them battling the other dragon before she passed out.

She heard voices and felt hands on her face. There was pain in her legs, the pain that replaces that tingly feeling in your extremities when they 'fall asleep' due to blood loss. She couldn't move them, something was there. Her shoulder hurt too. Then her legs suddenly felt lighter and the pain started to go. She felt warmth flooding different parts of her body and the pain eased even more. Someone was calling her name. Finally, she was able to open her eyes. Her companions were standing over her. Anders was finishing a healing spell on her shoulder; Nathaniel was at her other side looking both concerned and relieved. Oghren stood a little further back leaning on his battle-ax looking relieved and tired. His head and arm were bandaged but a little lop-sided smile appeared on his lips when his eyes met hers. Velanna stood just behind Oghren looking upset and anxious.

Kateriel turned her eyes up to look at Nathaniel. "Did we win?" she asked, her voice hoarse and a crooked grin on her lips.

Nathaniel's lips curled up at the corners and he shook his head at her. "Yes," he answered, "Well...the dragons are dead. But the Architect got away." He looked over her body sceptically. "How do you feel?"

"Like a dragon just chewed me up and spit me out," Kateriel managed a light chuckle, "Is everyone all right?"

"We are all right for the most part," Nathaniel said, the glint of worry still in his gaze, "The mages used up their strength and lyrium potions fighting the dragons which unfortunately means Anders doesn't have the strength to heal you fully. We split up the healing potions but that still means some of your wounds are open, though not as deep. Anders and I will bandage you up the best we can."

Kateriel could only nod to show her understanding. She was literally drained from having lost a great deal of blood. As they removed her cuirass and began to bandage her, Kateriel wavered on the brink of unconsciousness. Every time it seemed she was going to pass out one of them would tap her face and speak to her, asking questions to get her to think and answer. She could hear them discussing how she'd lost too much blood and wouldn't be able to walk on her own. She was scooped up by a pair of strong arms. Kateriel had to hand it to Nathaniel; he was very well built physically and she rested her head on his broad shoulder. She felt embarrassed at not being able to walk and for feeling so weak, but she couldn't even blush for lack of blood.

Nathaniel would glance down at her every few minutes, worry stamped on his features. It was touching to know that he cared about her, that much was evident. She thought back to their argument the day before:

_Kateriel had left the secret passages and went looking for Varel and Nathaniel. She found Nathaniel first. She could see the wariness in his eyes as she approached him wearing a glare so sharp in could cut steel. She ordered him to return to her study with her. She closed and locked the door behind them, making him even more uneasy._

_Kateriel clasped her hands behind her back and began pacing around him, slow and meditative. "When Fergus Cousland told me of how his brother escaped your father's men when they attacked Highever Castle, he informed me that there's almost always a secret escape route for the family in such an emergency." Nathaniel remained silent, watching her intently. She continued, "So when, exactly, were you planning on telling me about the secret passages in this keep, Nathaniel?" She kept her tone light but it was lined with ice._

_"I assume you've found the passages then?" Nathaniel asked careful._

_"Answer my questions!" Kateriel demanded her voice a razor's edge._

_"I was going to tell you," Nathaniel explained trying his best to show his sincerity, "Then I thought it would be best to show you but it's not like we've had any time since you came to do so."_

_"What about the other night when we were talking?" she asked._

_He paused for a moment before answering. "I was...really just enjoying talking to you," he said, his voice soft and sincere, "I wanted to get to know you better. It was then I decided to show you instead of tell you but it had gotten so late I thought it could wait. I was going to show you. Truly."_

_Kateriel studied him for a moment; she could see the honesty and sincerity in his eyes. She slowly nodded. "All right. I'll believe you," she told him, and his relief was evident, "Is there anything else I should know about this place?"_

_"Not that I can think of," he said with a shrug, "But if anything comes to mind, you'll be the first to know."_

_"I want to trust you, Nathaniel," Kateriel said firm, "You'll need to help me out. Do not keep anything else like this from me." She warned and he nodded. "Now, I'm told the passages are cleared out down in the cellars. Let's get the others and find out what's down there. We need to find a way to prevent more 'spawn from getting in."_

Kateriel was glad she hadn't scared him off. She liked this young archer and wanted his friendship. It would be good to think she had someone she could really rely on.

Their group made their way out of the mine with no more trouble and as they were passing through the woods, they met up with a search party from Vigil's Keep that Varel had sent out when they failed to return after two days. Kateriel and her companions were loaded into a wagon where she was made to lie down on some furs on the floor. As the wagon began to move she could no longer remain conscious and remembered no more.

* * *

 

Alistair sat on the floor playing with little Ryain and making all sorts of funny faces and noises. It was at times like these that Alistair had begun to be haunted by the knowledge that, somewhere in Thedas, a child of his own blood would soon be born. And he would never know that child. It grieved his heart and he began to wonder if it had been right to agree to Morrigan's plan. His child would be raised by her and her alone. The thought made him angry. He looked at Ryain; he could see the family resemblances and wondered what his child would be like.

Sighing, he pushed these thoughts away. He agreed to Morrigan's terms never to see or know their child and he must live with that decision. Who knew? The child might turn out to be just like its mother. He shuddered. Ryain looked up at him curiously and Alistair smiled, leaning down and placing a kiss on the boy's head.

After Zevran reported what the mysterious Red Jenny had told him about a possible plan to kidnap Ryain, they had marched back to Denerim immediately. Zevran quickly set to work to discover if such a plot existed and where it was coming from. Apparently, this Red Jenny had followed them to Denerim and was assisting Zevran, saying that Zevran was too well known now having been one of the heroes that helped defeat the Blight. She seemed to really want to help Alistair, and he wasn't going to turn her assistance away, though he did privately ask Zevran to check into her as much as he could to see if she was really trust worthy. At least she gave them her name: Sharren.

Now, he was just waiting to hear from them. Anora entered the room and sat down on chair nearby, smiling as she watched Alistair and her son. Alistair had filled Anora in on all that had happened. She was trying not to let it worry her too much. Once again, she longed for the comforting presence and protection of Cauthrien. She had recently received reports of possible sightings of her friend and was anxious for more word. As they were both waiting anxious for news, Alistair and Anora were able to find comfort in each other's company. It was not romantic and they both knew it, it simply felt like friendship, like family. She could be content with that. A small joy in a life, that, for her, had known a great deal of pain, tragedy, and loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Atisha: Peace
> 
> *Garas mana: Come back (loose translation)
> 
> *Halam sahlin: This ends now
> 
> *Falon: Friend
> 
> *Ir abelas: I'm sorry
> 
> *Ma nuvenin: as you wish
> 
> *Ma serannas: my thanks, or thank you
> 
> *Mala vir'nan: your path of vengeance


	22. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * ma vhenan'abelas = my heart's sorrow

Kateriel dreamed. She dreamed of times of contentment, pain, healing, and of Alistair. Eventually, the heavy layers of the Fade became lighter, giving her the feeling of floating up from deep water and slowly reaching the surface. Awareness came upon her before she could even open her eyes, which she struggled to do; her lids felt so very heavy.

She succeeded at last, and found that she was in her own bedroom. She was comfortable and warm, a fire was crackling in its place and the windows were closed against the cold. Noticing the windows, she saw that it was dark outside, though she did not know what time of night it was.

A movement at her side drew her attention and made her turn her head. Oghren was sitting in a chair beside her, staring off into the flames of the fire. He was sweating a little which told her that perhaps it was warmer in the room than she realized. A soft snore drew her attention to her couch just a little further away. Anders was there sound asleep.

Kateriel looked up at Oghren's face again and this time he seemed to notice the movement. He turned and grinned at her, relief and happiness lighting his eyes. "Well, it's about time you woke up, missy," he said without the slightest scolding in his voice and leaning his arm on the bed. "You had us all worried for a while there."

"I always knew you had a soft spot for me," she teased, with a drowsy smile, "Come on, Oghren; you should know me better than that. Takes more than a little dragon to kill me."

"Yeah," he chuckled. He poured her a cup of water from the pitcher on the table beside the bed. He waited for her to push herself up so that she could sit and lean against her pillows, before handing her the glass. He grew more serious as he continued. "That's just it tough. You and me, we've been through a lot together. You're one of the few real friends I've got. We had some good times fighting the Blight. You're the main reason I decided to join the Wardens. It'd be...a shame, if something happened to you now."

Kateriel reached over and placed her hand on his arm. It was rare to hear Oghren open up and be sensitive or emotional. "You're important to me too, my friend," she said, "You know though, as warriors, we always face the risk of death."

"I know," Oghren grumbled. "But next time, throw the mage to the dragons first," he grinned and gestured with his thumb in Anders' direction. Kateriel laughed and the sound made Anders snort and shift his position. Kateriel watched him for a moment before she turned to Oghren and inquired what time it was.

"It's probably close to midnight," he said before glancing at Anders, "Sparkle Fingers there has hardly left your room, except to eat and piss. I think he didn't trust anyone to tell him soon enough if you woke up or got worse."

"How long have I been out?" Kateriel asked, feeling weary and scrubbing a hand over her face.

"Nearly two days," he responded, "How're you feeling?"

"Tired and sore," she said, being honest. She still felt weak and her body ached where her wounds had been. Then her stomach growled at her. She chuckled lightly, saying "And apparently hungry."

"I'll find a servant to bring you something to eat," Oghren said as he stood and stretched, "I'll take a walk around and see if Howe is still up. He's been in and out of here too, checking in on you. But he's been keeping an eye on things around here, working with Varel to ensure everything's running the way it's 'sposed to. Not to mention tightening security, seeing as this would be the perfect time for an assassination attempt."

He stepped over to Anders, giving the mage a sharp poke in the arm before leaving the room. Anders jumped as he woke and glowered at Oghren's retreating form before turning his attention to Kateriel. His eyes widened in surprise before he smiled, stood, and walked over to her.

"Ah, Commander, I see you're awake," he said. "How do you feel?"

"Very tired, sore, and a little weak," she replied, lifting a shaky hand to emphasize her point.

"That's not surprising considering the amount of blood you lost," he explained, raising his brows in thought, "I healed all your wounds completely but because I could not do so earlier, there will be some scarring. Magic cannot replace blood, however, so you will still need to rest and regain some strength on your own. Though, I imagine you've recovered quite bit already, as it's already been a couple of days."

"I understand," Kateriel nodded. She didn't bother to inform him that this was not the first time she'd received injuries and suffered blood loss. He meant well and clearly had been concerned for her, which surprised her as she hadn't been completely sure he liked her very much. "Thank you for taking care of me," she said with gratitude.

"It was the least I could do, Commander," he replied with earnest appreciation, "You've gone out of your way to help me and stood up for me, twice. I know I said it before but, thank you. Really. You know...you're all right. As a person, I mean."

"Umm...Thanks?" Kateriel chuckled, knowing that he meant to compliment her but couldn't help teasing him a little.

"I mean it," he said returning her smile, "I didn't really know what to make of you at first. I thought, being Dalish, you might be all serious and angry with humans, like Velanna. But you've treated everyone the same, regardless of race. And you try to give everyone a fair chance, even if they were the son of a traitor or a mage. I respect and admire that."

Kateriel blushed and looked down at her hands. She was never really good at receiving compliments or praise. "Well...thank you, Anders," she said, a goofy half grin appearing on her face. She attempted to turn the conversation with light banter, "And here I was thinking you didn't like me."

"Well, I wouldn't want to seem like a kiss-ass," he grinned, "Might ruin my reputation."

A servant entered, carrying a tray with food and drink, followed closely by Nathaniel. Instantly, the look of worry disappeared from Nathaniel's features, replaced by relief.

"Thank the Maker," he said, letting out a breath, "You're all right. It's good to see you awake."

"Mmph..." was Kateriel's reply, having stuffed her mouth full of food. She was so hungry! And so tired. She just wanted to stuff her face with as much food as she could hold and then go back to sleep.

"Well, now that you've regained consciousness and seem to be on the mend," Anders said with a stretch, "I'm going to sleep in my own bed. Good night!"

Nathaniel took Anders' place in the chair next to Kateriel's bed. He leaned back and watched her for a moment before asking, "How do you feel?"

"That question is really getting old fast," Kateriel grumbled, "No offense."

Nathaniel chuckled. "Well, you seem all right," he said with a shrug, "I was just curious."

"I apologize." Kateriel said, feeling and looking a little guilty, "I shouldn't be impatient with you. Not after how you helped me get out of that mine." She stopped eating and looked at him seriously. "Thank you, Nathaniel, truly."

"Anytime, Commander," Nathaniel smiled, "After all, what are friends for?"

"If we are friends, then you must call me Kateriel," she said, giving him her crooked grin, "When in 'relaxed' company. And I hear you've been helping Varel manage the Arling. Thank you for that too. Anything I should know?"

"We are waiting for you heal before performing Velanna's Joining," he informed her, "Everything else can wait until tomorrow." He stood and began to walking the door, pausing when he reached it and turning. "For now, you should get some rest. Good night, Kateriel." He bowed slightly before exiting and closing the door behind him.

Kateriel leaned back against her pillow, munching thoughtfully on some fruit. It felt good to know that she had made friends here that seemed to care about her. Her mind drifted to thoughts of her previous companions. She still missed them.

Most of all, of course, she missed Alistair. She missed him _so_ much. She closed her eyes against the agony of her longing. She felt she'd give anything to hear his voice right at that moment, to let the sound wash over her and sooth her mind and soul. And though she was sore from her wounds, her body ached worse for his touch; to be held in is arms. Simply to be in his presence would rejuvenate her in a way that nothing else could. But he was not there, he was miles away... _Alistair...ma vhenan'abelas..._

When Kateriel opened her eyes again, it was morning. She turned her head and saw that the tray of food had been removed. She must have been very deep in sleep if the servants had come in and gone without her hearing them. As she shifted herself to sit up higher against the headboard of her bed, Melonie entered with fresh towels for her bath.

"Good morning, milady," the young woman beamed at Kateriel, "I'm so glad to see you awake. You look much better than you did; you've much more colour. When they first brought you back you were as pale as death."

"I am feeling much better," Kateriel assured her, pouring herself a glass of water and taking a long drink. "I'm ravenous though. I think I'll go down to break my fast before bathing."

"But the morning meal is finished, milady," Melonie informed her, "It's late morning now. Why don't I bring you something while I fetch your bath water? You should probably take it easy and not rush around anyway. Maybe you can go down to the midday meal, if you feel up to it. I'm sure the Teyrn will be pleased to see you."

Kateriel was about to express her dislike of being pampered or coddled and how unnecessary it was, when her mind latched on to the young woman's last sentence. Teyrn Cousland was there? At Vigil's Keep?

"Teyrn Cousland is here?" Kateriel asked, her brow constricting in confusion, "Why? How long has he been here?" And why was she just hearing about this now? She made a mental note to have a word with the others about it.

"He...he arrived yesterday, milady," Melonie said, obviously thrown off by Kateriel's apparent uneasiness, "He heard that you had been badly injured and came to see how you were recovering."

Kateriel had thought the Teryn to be a kind person but was a little surprised by such a friendly gesture, to have come all the way there to see how she was. She agreed to Melonie's offer of food and a bath. Once the young woman was gone, Kateriel swung her legs over the side of the bed, pausing to stretch out her muscles before standing. It felt good to be on her feet, even if her body was still a bit sore in places. She moved over to the window and looked out. It appeared to be a fair day and she suddenly itched to be out under the sun and in the fresh air. But it would have to wait so she settled for opening the balcony doors instead.

Melonie soon returned with a tray of food and some hot water. Some other servants had come in with her, carrying water for Kateriel's bath. Kateriel thanked them all and once she was alone again, she was torn between whether she wanted to eat or bathe first. She settled for both, soaking in the hot water while happily munching on food from the tray, which she placed on a table that she had moved beside her tub.

A while later, she was dried, dressed in her armour and making her way to the great hall. Varel's face brightened when he saw her approaching, despite the look of concern in his eyes. He dismissed the soldiers that he had been speaking to and met her with a smile.

"Commander, it is good to see you're much better," he said, "But are you sure you should be up and around yet?"

"I'm fine, Varel," Kateriel replied with an appreciative grin, "When I was injured travelling around during the Blight, we didn't have much time to stop and wait after someone was injured. We had to press on, and I must do so now. There is too much to do and too much going on for me to lie in bed. Besides, I'm fine, really."

Varel remained unconvinced but he wasn't about to argue with her. She had already proven herself to be much stronger than she appeared, and she wasn't some raw recruit who was new to battle and injury.

"All right, Commander," he said in his gruff voice, "There's much to be done around here that shouldn't be too strenuous anyway, like Velanna's Joining."

Yes, Velanna. Kateriel wondered where she was and how she was settling in among the humans. She hadn't heard of any trouble, but then she hadn't heard that the Teryn was visiting right away either. Speaking of which...

"And apparently the Teryn is here somewhere, is that correct, Varel?" she asked raising a brow at him. Why had this still not been mentioned to her?

"I was getting to that, Commander," Varel said, looking a little guilty, "The Teryn is-"

"Right here," said a voice from behind her. Kateriel turned to find Fergus Cousland approaching from a side door. Kateriel bowed in greeting and Fergus responded with a smile. "I'm pleased to see you've recovered, Warden Commander."

"Thank you, Teyrn Cousland," Kateriel said, returning his smile, "We are honoured by your visit and I, personally, am honoured that you would be so concerned as to come and check on my recovery."

Fergus laughed loudly. "Now that we've got all the formalities out of the way, let's remember that we agreed to be friends, all right?" he clapped her on the shoulder, "I came to make sure my friend would survive her injuries. At the same time, I'm also doing another friend a favour. Since I'm heading to Denerim next, I can put King Alistair's mind at ease regarding your well-being. Good thing too, for I hear they sent word of your injury to His Majesty and I'm sure he'll be worried."

Kateriel thought about Alistair receiving a letter informing him that she had been severely injured and she knew 'worried' was a mild word for what Alistair would feel. That is, if he still cared for her the same as he once did. The thought that maybe he might feel differently, that maybe he was developing feelings for someone else, such as Anora, made her heart twist painfully. She couldn't stop the wince that flashed across her face at the pain and the men standing with her looked at her with concern.

"You're sure that you're all right, Commander?" Varel asked.

"Yes," she replied, letting out a breath and smiling to reassure at both men. "I'm fine. I think I'll take a walk outside and get some fresh air."

"I'll go with you," Fergus said, and he offered her his arm.

"Thank you, but it's really not necessary-," she began but he cut in.

"You dislike my company?" he asked feigning hurt and pouting with his bottom lip.

Kateriel laughed. "It's not that at all," she explained even she knew though he didn't really mean it, "It's just that-,"

"You don't want to be fussed over," he put in for her, "I get it. My mother was the same way. She was also a strong woman. However, I'd like to walk with you for the pleasure of your company as I haven't had the chance to really talk with you yet."

"Of course," Kateriel smiled, "I would like that. But I can walk on my own, if you don't mind."

Fergus said he did not and the two walked out of the hall and made their way out of the Keep. They wandered around, checking in with people as they walked. Voldrik requested to be supplied with granite to rebuild the Keep's wall, insisting that granite would be far stronger than what they were using. Kateriel agreed, wanting the walls as strong as possible and she remembered noticing granite in the Wending Wood. She agreed to spare soldiers to protect workers in mining the granite for the Keep.

It wasn't long before the midday meal was ready and Kateriel and Fergus headed inside. Some people had already arrived and were seated for their meal. Kateriel noticed Velanna sitting by herself at the far corner of the room. As Velanna looked up from her food only to glower darkly around the room, Kateriel need no explanation as to why Velanna was alone. Kateriel sighed heavily and excused herself from Fergus' company.

Kateriel sat down across the table from Velanna, the other woman's expression changing slightly when she realized who had joined her. An elven servant brought Kateriel a plate and she smiled and thanked the elf before turning her attention back to Velanna, who watched with disgust as they walked away. Velanna looked back at Kateriel and shook her head.

"How do you do it?" she asked Kateriel with a slightly accusing tone, "How you live among these people and do so contentedly? It's disgusting the way these flat-ears run about serving the shemlen like slaves. And don't even get me started on the _shem_ themselves. Does none of this bother you?"

Kateriel took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself. She was afraid that Velanna was not going to adjust easily to her new surroundings and was not surprised to find out that she was right. Many Dalish would not be able to accept living with humans very well at first, maybe not at all.

"When I left my clan I was very apprehensive, I assure you," Kateriel explained, "But...I had been taught that, although you cannot always control what happens to you, your situation or circumstance, what you can control, always, is yourself and how you respond. My choices were to become a Grey Warden or die. It is obvious what I chose. I was taught, the same as you were, that humans were responsible for our people's downfall, that they hate us and are not to be fully trusted. However, the human Wardens, Duncan in particular, did not mistreat me or treat me any differently than they treated each other. And so I determined that I would not enter the world of humans with aggression, hatred, and negativity. Mind you, I had no intention of losing my Dalish pride or being pushed around, but I decided to like or dislike, trust or distrust, each person individually as I met them."

Kateriel paused in her story to take a long drink from her cup; as she did she studied Velanna's expression. The woman watched Kateriel intensely, clearly intrigued by the story, maybe trying to picture it in her mind.

"It wasn't easy at first," Kateriel continued, "I was rather aloof, prone to silence and watching more than speaking. But in doing so I was able to observe them interact, study their characters, and eventually I grew to understand them. They really are not _so_ different from us, not in regards to personalities. You'll become accustomed to their ways, Velanna. Besides, if you meet them with hostility, then you play into the ridiculous rumours that Dalish are violent savages."

"I do not care _what_ they think," Velanna snorted, "I will not let their prejudice or hatred determine how I act or live."

"My point is simply that not all humans are the same," Kateriel sighed in exasperation, "And hating all humans, regarding them all with prejudice, is no different from the way that many of them hate us. Believe me when I say that I have _no_ tolerance for any who hate our people, or any elves for that matter. Which is another thing; many of the city elves are good people too."

"They worship the human god and live no better than slaves," Velanna scoffed, "They have turned from the ways of or people. They are no better than the shemlen, maybe even worse."

"They are just people, Velanna," Kateriel said with a sharp edge, "People who have survived and have adapted. It might not have been the way our people have, but it's commendable none-the-less. If you want to look at them as different, do so, for they are. But they _are_ still just people, many of them good. More than anything, the most important thing I learned after leaving my clan, was that I did not enter into the _human_ world, I entered into the _world_. A world that consists of, and belongs to, several races: humans, elves, dwarves, and qunari. Some with magic, some without. If you don't adjust, you won't survive."

"A moving speech," Velanna said sarcastically, rising to her feet, "I almost lost my lunch." With that she turned stalked out of the room.

Kateriel sighed again, toying with some of the food, now cold on her plate. She turned around to view the room and noticed the soldiers at the table behind her where looking at her. They clearly had been listening to the conversation as some nodded respectfully and a few smiled in appreciation. Kateriel nodded back and returned to her meal. The elven servant came to the table again and replaced her cold food with hot. She smiled gratefully at Kateriel before walking away. Clearly, she had overheard the conversation too.

Nathaniel picked up his plate from the table he was at and sat down beside Kateriel. He hadn't heard the conversation but it clearly hadn't gone well. While the Commander had been unconscious, he had attempted to make Velanna comfortable. His every attempt had been met with suspicion and mistrust.

"I cannot imagine that you were like that when you left your clan," he said, "She seems determined to dislike everyone. Do the Dalish really hate humans so much?"

"Many do," Kateriel admitted with sadness, "The level of dislike and mistrust varies, I think, from clan to clan, or individually sometimes." Kateriel paused in her musing, thinking of her people. "I was taught to resent humans and I did. Now I just resent those who destroyed my people, in the past. I do not believe it is wise to hold it against all humans today. Just as it is severely wrong for humans to hate all elves and treat them like back-alley garbage." She said the last just a tiny bit louder, hoping the humans behind her were still listening.

Nathaniel nodded thoughtfully. "How did you get past it? Your resentment, I mean," he asked looking at the door through which Velanna had exited.

"I had good people around me," Kateriel replied with a wistful smile, "Alistair in particular. He was a great help to me."

Nathaniel explained all the ways he'd tried to help make Velanna comfortable and all the ways she had rejected his attempts.

Kateriel nodded. "I really appreciate your effort, Nathaniel," Kateriel said gratefully, "But we can only do so much, I guess. The rest is up to her. If she is determined to be resentful and bitter, then there is nothing to be done."

Shortly after the meal was finished and the hall was cleared, the Wardens gathered for Velanna's Joining. She survived and was welcomed among them; a welcome which she accepted stiffly. Kateriel watched Anders and Nathaniel attempt to interact with their new 'sister'.

Anders tried to talk to Velanna about magic. Velanna scoffed at him for being a circle mage, seemingly attempting to insult him by criticizing how the Chantry's answer to magic was locking up the mages like prisoners. She regarded the mage with bewilderment when he laughed and told her that he agreed with her completely.

Nathaniel simply attempted to converse with her. He asked her about her clan and tried to use his love of animals and nature to find common ground. And just as he said, she reacted with mistrust and refused to enter into any actual conversation.

Oghren simply ignored her and vice-versa.

The remainder of the day and evening was spent entertaining their guest, who was to leave first thing the next morning. Kateriel, feeling a little more tired than normal, retired early. She truly felt exhausted. It wasn't long after her head hit the pillows that she fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning, Kateriel was up early and in the training yard. She felt very much herself, and desired to stretch her muscles. After a while, she got the feeling that someone was watching her. She paused to look over toward the lean-to at the side of the training area. Fergus was there leaning against a post with his arms and legs crossed. He smiled at her when she looked over at him.

"Do you think it's wise to be training so hard?" he asked with a playful smirk, "You don't want to overdo it."

Kateriel flashed him her crooked grin. "This is just a warm up," she replied.

"Really?" he asked, "How about a partner then?" He walked over to the training weapons and selected a training sword and shield. Turning back to her, he said, "I admit to being lazy with my own training of late, so go easy on me."

"Will that be your excuse when I hand you your ass?" Kateriel smirked, readying herself.

"We'll soon see won't we?" he asked, before making his first move. Kateriel countered and the dance began.

After a few rounds, they decided to call it a draw and head in for the morning meal. Fergus departed soon after they had eaten and Kateriel was a little sorry to see him go. She liked the Teryn. He was easy-going and fun to be with. But now that he was gone, she turned her attention to her business for the day.

Kateriel had decided look into this 'Dark Wolf' person. Perhaps, if she could win his favour she would have access to an 'underground' source of information. She gathered her party of Wardens and headed to the city. After dropping hints and asking around she was able to locate him. A discussion led to an agreement where she paid him to discover who was involved in the conspiracy against her. She would have much rather waited for the attempt on her life to be made but the relationship with this mysterious man needed to be established.

They attended to business and had their midday meal in the tavern before heading back to the Keep. When they arrived, Kateriel was notified that the Seneschal and a gathering of nobles awaited her in the great hall. Varel had warned her that morning that this proceeding would take place and Kateriel had attempted to prepare herself for it. She needed to play judge and jury to a number of matters of court that required resolution.

The first was regarding the sentencing of a young man, named Alec, who had been caught stealing grain bound for Amaranthine that belonged to the 'crown'. The young man pleaded for mercy as his sheep had been killed by the darkspawn and his family were starving. Varel sadly informed her that the punishment for stealing from the crown was death. After a moment of thought, Kateriel decided to conscript the young man for their army, they needed soldiers after all. And as he would receive a soldier's income, he would be able to feed his family as well. Alec expressed his gratitude profusely before leaving for the barracks.

The next issue was a land dispute. Lady Liza Packton, the sovereign of Teryn's Town, claimed that the previous Arl had made promises to her, some that were on paper, such as the right to the incomes of the Southern Bridge region. While she pleaded her case, she was interrupted by a man, named Ser Derren, to whom the Southern Bridge region belonged. He claimed that she was given his lands because she was involved in Howe's conspiracies where as he spoke out against them.

Varel leaned over and informed Kateriel that, unfortunately, the papers were legal. Yet, Ser Derren was one of Kateriel's supporters and so she needed to be careful how she judged. Kateriel was silent as she considered that situation.

"Arl Howe was a traitor. His dealings were underhanded and repulsive," Kateriel said with contempt, "Unfortunately, the papers are legal and must stand." Ser Derren looked furious and Lady Liza, far too smug. However, Kateriel was not finished yet. "I believe it a despicable act to simply remove one person's land and give it to another at will. But, seeing as this is an accepted practice, this one time, I think I'll make an exception. Ser Derren, because you stood against Howe's treachery, bravely standing for what was right, I believe you deserve a reward. I hereby give you the lands and incomes of the Southern Bridge. I shall write up the papers before the end of the day."

Lady Liza's face was red with fury. "Bann Esmerelle shall hear of this!" she shouted.

"Is that supposed to be a threat?" Kateriel glowered at her, "Esmerelle has no authority over me. The person you should complain to is the Teryn. I'm sure he'd be eager to assist one of Howe's supporters."

Liza stormed out of the hall, leaving Ser Derren to express his immense gratitude and assure Kateriel of his continued support.

Next a smug, arrogant man was brought before her. Varel announced him as Ser Temmerly, 'the Ox'. Temmerly and his men were found running in the streets with blood on their clothes, right after Ser Tamra was found murdered. Kateriel was taken aback for a moment as she had not been made aware of Ser Tamra's death. She remembered the young woman who had warned Kateriel about the conspiracy, despite the risk to her own life. Varel informed her that they everyone was positive that Temmerly was guilty but there was no actual proof.

Kateriel's anger grew as she stared down this man, who clearly regarded her as no threat and barely attempted to disguise his disdain. She managed to remain controlled, barely; it took all her strength to do so. After a few moments, she had made her decision. She sentenced him to prison while they conducted a _very_ lengthy investigation. Temmerly was dragged out of the hall, shouting protests and profanity as he went.

The last issue to deal with was brought forward by Mother Leanna, who was the Revered Mother of the Chantry in Amaranthine. She felt that the chapel at Vigil's Keep had gone neglected for far too long and needed to be repaired and reopened immediately, not sparing a comment that as Kateriel was a Dalish elf, she would not value its importance. Kateriel was surprised that the woman didn't say the word 'heathen'.

Kateriel assured her, sincerely, that she had not purposefully neglected the chapel. When the Mother seemed unconvinced, Kateriel elaborated. "I want to make something very clear, and I will only say this once," Kateriel said with slow, precise words, "I believe in your Maker and in your Andraste, or, at least, I believe there is some truth to the stories. How could I walk away from the experience with Andraste's ashes, having witnessed the power in that place and in those ashes, and dismiss it as false? However, that does _not_ mean that I have converted to your Chantry. I will always believe and follow the Dalish gods, our Creators. I will see that the chapel is repaired but I leave you to see that it is staffed."

The Revered Mother seemed somewhat appeased, agreeing to send a Sister to attend to the chapel as soon as it was ready.

With the last matter resolved, Kateriel had Varel dismiss the court and clear the hall. Creators, she hated this part of her job. She felt pity for Alistair, knowing that he had a much bigger court to deal with regularly. She was sure he hated it every bit as much as she did.

* * *

 

"Come on, Anora, cheer up," Alistair grinned at his friend as they walked through the marketplace, accompanied by Alistair's personal guard. "This will be educational. Tell me, when was the last time you visited the alienage?"

"I am well aware of what the alienage is like, Alistair," Anora retorted, "I don't need to be educated. I have been there before. Though, I admit it was a long time ago. I am not prejudiced against elves and I have always treated my elven servants well."

"Yet nothing has ever been done to make life better for them. Things are changing," Alistair said with seriousness, "It's not right to know that something exists and simply ignore it, not when there's something that we can do about it."

They stopped at a new stall in the marketplace. It had been opened by the city-elves jointly. It sold elven made products such as poultices and salves, herbs and spices, clothing, and tapestries. The clothing and tapestries were slowly becoming popular because the elves, having such sharp eyesight and nimble fingers, could make very fine stitching and detailed embroidery.

Alistair had ordered a surprise for Anora, a tapestry made with Ryain's portrait. Anora was in awe of the detail that was captured by the artist. She was very impressed and ordered a few tapestries to be made for her as well, including one of her father. Alistair inwardly groaned at that and resolved that she would only hang it in her room.

They left the market and headed into the alienage. This visit was a surprise; Alistair had decided it was best to give no notice so that they could see things as they really were. Therefore, he was not surprised by the group of drunken elves that were hanging out not far from the gate, who tripped over themselves to move out of the way. Nor by the sick looking, elderly elves that were huddled together by the door of a home. Nor by the children who were running through the streets dressed in dirty rags.

Alistair, having come from poor beginnings, was very much aware that there were human slums in the city where the people were hardly better off than the elves. He had plans in motion to help those people as well. However, here in the alienage there were just that many fewer options and just that much more oppression. Alistair was pleased to see the scaffoldings along the walls of most of the buildings. Repairs were being made to improve living conditions. It was a first step.

Alistair glanced at Anora occasionally, watching her reaction to her surroundings. Anora had years of practice in schooling her features to hide reactions and appear in an appropriate way, but he was sure he could read the pity in her eyes and the tiniest bit of discomfort. The elves watched as the royal party walked through the streets. There were many mixed expressions on the faces they saw as they walked; wonder, fear, suspicion, pleasure, curiosity, and even a little resentment. By the time they reached the Vhenadahl tree, a small group of elves had followed them and more gathered in the square out of curiosity.

"Greetings, Your Majesty," Shianni called, coming out of her home and walking out to them. "What an unexpected pleasure." She stopped before them and bowed.

"Hahren Shianni, it's a pleasure to see you again," Alistair greeted her with warmth. He had always liked this fiery elf. "I see repairs have started. I trust everything is going well?"

"So far, so good, Your Majesty," Shianni replied, "Many buildings need structural reinforcement above all else so that is the main focus at the moment. Can't have buildings collapsing while we sleep, can we?"

Alistair and Anora spent the better part of the afternoon in the alienage. Alistair discussed improvements with Shianni, while Anora spoke to the people. It began with a shy elven girl, who inched her way over to Anora. The girl's eyes were full of wonder and admiration. When Anora noticed her, the girl looked afraid, but Anora smiled gently and spoke to her, asking the girl's name. Soon Anora was surrounded by several elven children and a few adults. She spoke to them and listened to their stories.

By the time, they returned to the palace, Anora was more firmly on board with the changes Alistair was trying to make. She realized that was precisely the 'education' that Alistair had wanted her to receive. But she did not mind; he had been correct. Even if she had never mistreated an elf herself, she had never done anything to help them or stop those who did abuse them. During her time as queen she had always overlooked the alienage. She realized she had been wrong to do so; the elves had been her people too. From now on, she would support Alistair in this effort for change. She knew the best way to do so would be to ensure that the transition was gradual. Anora understood the nobility far better than Alistair. Hopefully, by working together, the changes would happen with out too much opposition and trouble.

Late in the evening, Alistair stood on his balcony looking out toward the north-west. Thunder sat beside him, looking off in the same direction. When Alistair was in Denerim, Thunder often sat with him in his quarters, keeping him company. That evening was no different except that Alistair's heart was deeply troubled, and his companion seemed able to sense it. The mabari gave a little whine and Alistair laid a hand on the dog's head. He'd received a message from Amaranthine notifying him that Kateriel had been severely injured.

Oh, Maker, please let her be all right! His heart ached with fear for her, and his anger burned with the frustration of not having been there to protect her, to help her, and not being able to be with her now. He longed to go to her but he was needed in Denerim right now. It took all his strength to remain where he was, trusting that her new friends and companions would take care of her. He closed his eyes and searched the night with his soul, reaching out to hers... _Kateriel, please be strong, please survive...I'm so sorry..._


	23. Waring Parties

"Well that's...a little unsettling," Kateriel heard the voice next to her whisper, "And yet...also rather pleasing to watch isn't it?"

Kateriel turned to look at the young dwarf woman who was crouched next to her, and couldn't resist the wicked, crooked grin that formed on her lips. Kateriel was finding that she really liked this spunky rouge, who seemed rather perky for one belonging to the Legion of the Dead.

The Wardens had journeyed to Kal'Hirol to investigate the rumours of darkspawn in the area. Shortly after their arrival, they had rescued Sigrun from being captured by the darkspawn. Sigrun told them that the Legion of the Dead battalion that she was a part of had been sent to investigate darkspawn activity at Kal'Hirol. They had suspected that the darkspawn were breeding an army in the lower reaches of the city. The Legionnaires were ambushed by the darkspawn and all were killed except for Sigrun. She begged to be allowed to join them in entering the ancient dwarven city and getting revenge on the darkspawn that killed her group. Kateriel agreed to her request, deciding that they could always benefit from an extra blade or two. Plus, she didn't feel it was right to deny Sigrun the opportunity to avenge her comrades.

The journey had taken the Wardens nearly the entire day to reach Kal'Hirol, so they agreed to camp for the night before descending underground. They rose before daybreak to begin their journey. The cavern in which the exterior of the city was set was beautiful, with greenery and a flowing river. Kateriel was in awe to imagine what it must have been like before its fall. It wasn't long before they were set upon by darkspawn. After defeating the first wave, they found one of Sigrun's party members, barely alive. He spoke briefly to Sigrun about the things he'd seen and implored her not to blame herself and survive, before he breathed his last breath. Sigrun was more determined than ever to avenge her comrades.

As they had approached the main entry of Kal'Hirol, they were attacked by a new, deformed type of darkspawn. These were more like insects, or like darkspawn that had been born and only half developed. These creatures seemed to attack with unfocused ferocity, bent only on destroying and consuming. Once the creatures were dealt with, the Wardens searched for an alternative entry into Kal'Hirol, discovering a secret passage in one of the exterior walls. They fought their way slowly through the many halls, passages, rooms, and caverns. It was exhausting and difficult. Kal'Hirol appeared to be even larger than Orzammar.

As they made their way through certain areas, spirits appeared before them, speaking and apparently re-living their final moment before the city fell. It was as if the spirits were trying to tell their story, to let the living know of the horrors they faced and of the sacrifices that were made. Kateriel felt sympathy and sorrow for the fallen dwarves of Kal'Hirol, but most particularly for the casteless dwarves, who were nothing to the rest of the dwarven community, left behind to face death without another thought. Yet these brave souls, who could have tried to run to save themselves, stayed to fight with honour and bravery. It angered Kateriel the same way it had when she had visited Dust-town in Orzammar during the Blight. Maybe it was her Dalish upbringing, being taught that all the lives of her people were precious and important, she just couldn't agree with the idea that the lives of the dwarves were worth nothing, generation after generation of trash. She was determined that the rest of the dwarven people would know of the valiant courage of the dwarves who died at Kal'Hirol.

Now, they were crouched near the end of a passageway that opened into an enormous cavern, where the darkspawn were fighting each other in an effort to destroy one another. As they watched, a large Hurlock finished off his opponent, ordered the others to press the attack, and then declared he was going after someone called "the Lost". The Hurlock turned and stormed out a doorway on the other side of the room.

"Another talking darkspawn," Kateriel whispered, "It appears as though the talking ones are leading the others now. But...why are they fighting each other?"

"Who cares?" rumbled Oghren, "Let 'em kill each other off. Saves us the trouble."

"I don't deny that it's enjoyable to watch or that it helps us out considerably," Kateriel admitted, "Yet something doesn't feel right. This could end up being a bigger problem than a benefit. The talking darkspawn are bad enough, not to mention those new darkspawn creatures." She paused to shiver, "But this...evolution...is troubling to say the least."

"I agree," Sigrun chimed in, "I fought lots of 'spawn in the deeproads but I've never seen anything like the ones that have popped up around here."

"Fine, fine!" growled Oghren, "So how 'bout we get back to killing 'em then?"

"A fine idea," Kateriel smirked, looking around at everyone to see that they were ready, "Let's go."

Kateriel led the charge out into the room. The first several 'spawn fell easily, as they were preoccupied with each other. Kateriel was impressed by Sigrun's skill with dual blades and how she moved with such agility and grace that surprised the Commander of the Grey. They cleared out all the 'spawn, regardless of what side they were on.

The Grey Wardens moved on through the halls, rooms, and tunnels of the lost city. It reminded her of travelling in the deeproads during the Blight. She had hated it then. She hated it now and couldn't wait to be out in the fresh open air again. In one room, they discovered a list of the names of the casteless who had bravely defended the city as it fell, giving the other castes a chance to escape and to live. Kateriel stowed it safely in her pack before moving on. Everywhere they went, they were met with darkspawn in combat with one another, or darkspawn creatures who attacked from the shadows.

Eventually, they entered a long corridor that had water flowing along either side of it. At the end of the corridor, they could hear voices. Kateriel gave the signal to approach, slow and quiet, as they arrived at the entrance to a large, circular chamber. Water flowed from conduits in the walls into deep trenches that ran around the sides. In the centre of the room were two darkspawn and the largest, most impressive and intimidating golem Kateriel had ever seen. Kateriel had always been impressed with Shale's massive size, and even more so with Caridin, who had been even larger. This golem was red and easily three times the size of Caridin.

Kateriel recognized one of the darkspawn as the talking Hurlock that they had seen before, who had gone looking for one called "The Lost". He was being knocking around by the golem, and from the conversation going on, apparently had found who he was looking for. The other Hurlock, The Lost, was apparently in control of the golem. The Wardens watched in silence and horror as the golem picked up the other Hurlock and ripped him in half.

The Lost, with his foe now destroyed, became aware of the Wardens at the corridor entrance. "What is this?" he growled, pointing his finger at them, "I feel you but you are not darkspawn. What trickery is he planning? You will die, as all who serve the Architect will die! The Mother demands it!"

It was on the tip of Kateriel's tongue to inform The Lost that they did not serve the Architect, and to inquire who "The Mother" was, but creature attacked before she could even form the words. Kateriel mentally shrugged. It didn't matter. It didn't matter what their reasons were or what their feud was about; they were darkspawn and they were all twisted, tainted creatures that needed to be destroyed.

Kateriel quickly called out orders, sending Oghren, Sigrun, and Anders to attack the golem, while she, Nathaniel, and Velanna took on The Lost. Kateriel attacked without using stealth, opting to distract The Lost from the others. This meant she had to move quickly to avoid spells and get in close enough to stab the creature without getting clubbed by its staff. Kateriel had to credit The Lost that it was tough, as it still kept fighting after having been hit with spells, arrows sticking out of its arms and legs, and the wounds from where Kateriel had managed to pierce it, under the armpit and above the hip. Just as she was diving in to take another jab, The Lost managed to strike her on the side of her head, knocking her down in front of it. It raised its staff above its head and was about to bring it down for a hard blow, accompanied by whatever spell the staff was lit up with. Just as Kateriel was about to roll out of the way, an arrow pierced The Lost in one eye, followed quickly by an arrow in the other eye before it fell to the ground.

Kateriel grinned at Nathaniel as she got up from the ground and tilted her head toward the golem that the other Wardens were still battling. Golems were difficult to defeat when regular sized. This super-sized golem was extra tough, however it already bore signs of the Wardens' strength and skill by the chunks of missing pieces in its stone armour and the fact that it was beginning to slow and stumble. With The Lost dead, the golem seemed to lose even more strength. At last, its final moment had come, when Anders hit it with a blast of ice and Oghren struck a blow to its leg, knocking it down on its knee. Kateriel wasted no time climbing up onto its shoulders and driving both sword and dagger deep into its neck. With a final roar, the golem fell face first to the floor, Kateriel rolling off its shoulders.

Kateriel got to her feet and looked around the room at the fallen enemies and her exhausted and battered, but not severely injured, companions. Triumph filled her as she let out a whoop and pumped her fist in the air before laughing loudly; bringing her companions to chuckle or smile with her, along with a look or two that said she might be crazy.

"Yes! Way to go, Wardens!" She bellowed, pleased that her companions were finally starting to work together as a team. She walked over to Sigrun and thumped her lightly on the shoulder. "And our esteemed member of the Legion, of course," she added.

"I'll bet these two were guarding the Brood Mother, or Mothers, as we suspected there might be more than one," Sigrun said, serious even though returned Kateriel's grin, "Now we can find them and put an end to them."

They took a few moments to rest and heal their various minor wounds before pressing on. They exited through the door on the opposite side of the room from where they came in. Halfway down another long corridor, tentacles burst through the floor under their feet. Sigrun burst out laughing as she got to her feet and began to attack the tentacles, and though it surprised Kateriel she was soon chuckling along with her. It occurred to Kateriel that Sigrun reminded her of Zevran in the way that she was so jovial and upbeat.

The tentacles soon disappeared beneath the floor. "These are Brood Mother tentacles," Kateriel said, glancing at Oghren who nodded in agreement. "We've seen them before. That means they're nearby. Be ready."

They were attacked by tentacles twice more before reaching the end of the corridor and entering another oval shaped room. In the centre of the room there was a large hole in the floor, above which a large stone cube covered in spikes was suspended by chains.

"What do you suppose was the purpose for this?" asked Nathaniel.

Tentacles shot up from the floor again before anyone could answer. Kateriel leapt out of the way of a nearby tentacle, landing at the edge of the hole. Looking down, she saw the Brood Mothers, three of them sitting close together and right under the large spiked stone cube. She quickly thanked the Creators for such a convenience.

"Quickly!" Kateriel shouted, "Break the chains!"

The others complied after seeing her hacking away at a nearby chain, ignoring the tentacles. It wasn't long before the stone cube plummeted through the hole, down upon the Brood Mothers; bring them to a shrieking and messy end.

"Well, that was easier than I thought it'd be," Sigrun commented as she looked down at the mess below.

"Thank the Maker," mumbled Anders, leaning on his staff.

"Well, we did it," Sigrun sighed with a little smile as she turned to Kateriel.

"Yeah," Kateriel replied as she removed her helmet. She smiled with a little regret at the young dwarf, thinking that they might now part ways. "So...what will you do now?"

"Oh, I'll disappear into the deeproads, never to be seen again," Sigrun replied, nonchalant, though with a slight hint of resignation in her tone, "You know, Legion of the Dead stuff. The one good thing about the deeproads is you never run out of darkspawn to kill."

"Well, if you're looking to kill darkspawn, you could come with us," Kateriel suggested, "Join the Wardens."

"Join you?" Sigrun asked, doubtful, "But...that would go against my vow to die in the deeproads, forgotten and unmourned."

"Okay, but...you could join the Grey Wardens, who also fight darkspawn until they are one day called to the deeproads to seek a heroic death," Kateriel said with her crooked grin.

"Can someone do that?" Sigrun asked with piqued interest, "Be both Legion of the Dead and Grey Warden?"

Kateriel shrugged, "I don't see why not. I've never seen anything to say otherwise. Besides, they both have the same goal to fight and kill darkspawn. And being a Warden will make you more effective to do so."

Sigrun's face brightened. "It would wouldn't it? Guess I can't say no. Alright, I will join you. Let's go!"

The Wardens made their way back through Kal'Hirol, agreeing not to stop and make camp until they had reached the surface again, even though they were sure they had travelled the entire day and well into the night before they had reached the Brood Mothers. Fortunately, they found another exit, not too far from where they were.

They made a hasty camp, everyone being exhausted. Nathaniel volunteered to take first watch, and Velanna surprisingly volunteered to watch with him. Kateriel smiled to herself as she lay in her bedroll. Velanna seemed to have thought about what Kateriel had said to her about humans and adapting. On the journey to Kal'Hirol, Velanna was more accepting of Nathaniel when he tried to engage her in conversation, responding to him without _too_ much harshness. She even began to ask him questions in return. It was highly amusing when Nathaniel began to refer to Velanna as 'my lady'. Velanna thought he was mocking her at first but then seemed to not mind it as much, blushing a little at times, though Kateriel was uncertain if it was from embarrassment or pleasure.

Kateriel was pleased that Nathaniel seemed to be getting through to Velanna. It reminded her of how gently and patiently Alistair had drawn Kateriel out and encouraged her. Kateriel suddenly found herself longing for those days, despite how uncertain and confusing they had been.

 _Alistair, why did I ever let you go?_ The thought was so sudden and accompanied with such forceful emotion that it both shocked her and nearly caused her to sob. _Why_ had she let him go? Yes, she thought he should have the right to be king. She wanted the world to see him for the wonderful, brave, strong, and noble man he was. She wanted them to see him as she did. Not as some bastard castoff, some worthless reject who didn't matter. But if she hadn't made him king! He would be there with her now, their bedrolls pushed together and his arms wrapped around her, his breath in her hair... She imagined him there with her new companions, how he would interact with each of them, how different it would be. How wonderful it would be...

Was it too late? Could she go to him now, declare her undying love once more, and ask him to go with her? Would that be fair to him? Would he even agree? He seemed to be doing well as king...could she ask him to give it up now? No. She couldn't. This was her doing, her fault. She couldn't believe that she was entertaining these thoughts. She thought that she had come to terms with this, accepted it and moved on. She must do just that.

Yet...there was the letter. How would he react once he knew the truth? Would he find it easier to give up the crown? Surely, if he still loved her...maybe. She decided that the letter would be the answer. Once she was able to give it to him in person. Perhaps, if he still loved her, then he would see this as a sign that he wasn't meant to be king and give it up, return to her. He swore to love her forever. He had an heir now, and his parents hadn't wished him to be king, surely he would see that he belonged with her.

Kateriel's unsettled feelings produced a fitful, broken sleep, causing her to feel exhausted and cross when her turn for watch came. Morning couldn't come soon enough for her and she was impatient while trying to get the others moving when it came time to pull up camp and start the journey back. To make things worse, Nathaniel and Velanna seemed to have had a disagreement during their watch and snarked at each other almost constantly, resulting in Kateriel losing her temper and telling them both that if she heard another word from them she would either cut their throats to silence them or lock them both in the deep cellars together for a month.

She felt a little guilty as she heard Sigrun whisper to Anders, asking if this is the way the party always acted. Anders replied that he'd never seen the Commander like this and assured her that things were usually far more relaxed. Kateriel walked alone as she led the Wardens back to the Keep, stewing over matters of fate.

When they arrived back at the Keep in the evening, they were greeting with the sight of an angry mob that had gathered in the inner courtyard. The villagers and farmers let them through, all the while shouting at them. There were guards surrounding the main gate to the Keep, and Varel and Garevel were there as well. Both men looked relieved to see her.

"Commander, thank the Maker you've returned," Varel said, shaking his head. "Please, see if you can talk some sense into them."

"You don't coddle a rebellion, Varel," said Garevel, "You must put it down."

The crowd's noise had quieted some, probably to watch how the Commander would react. A man, who had been noticeably loud and who appeared to be the one inciting the mob the most, stepped forward.

"Our families are starving!" He shouted, "Bloody feed your people!"

Kateriel had always prided herself on her patience, but she had her limits and, unfortunately, she reached them. She made sure that provisions had been given out to the people in equal measure. She was certain that it was only barely enough for most people, but they had to make sure the provisions lasted for as long as this crisis did. The people had seemed to accept that and had been grateful, so where was this coming from all of a sudden. She knew the answer; her enemies were coaxing the common folk to rebel against the Wardens, probably even paying some of them. She couldn't blame the people when they were desperate. She did not want to hurt anyone, but neither could she let this stand.

"Do you really want to do this? Tell me, how well will your families fare if you're dead?" Kateriel called out, her voice calm, but strong and firm, "If you really care for your families, go home to them. Now."

"You're bluffing!" the man replied, though he didn't at all sound certain.

"Can you really afford to find out?" Kateriel replied, "I've killed hordes of darkspawn, not to mention the Archdemon. What do you think your chances are of succeeding here? We've been doing as much as we can to help you. I do not want to be your enemy. But if you attack this Keep, we will not hesitate to defend it. Your call."

A woman next to the man shook her head at him. "They'll kill us," she said to him, "This is madness. I'm going home." She turned and walked away, others turning and following after her. The man stood sputtering for a moment before following along.

Anger flared through Kateriel as she watched the crowd disperse. She regretted having to deal with these people so harshly, but her hand had been forced. She'd had enough. Tired though she was, she was going to hunt down the conspirators and end them.

"Varel, please prepare for another Joining," she said, her fists clenched so tight she almost broke skin. Turning to a soldier she ordered, "Ready four horses immediately."

Kateriel turned to her companions next. "Velanna, please show Sigrun around the Keep." Velanna looked like she might protest but a glare from Kateriel silenced her. "The rest of you, with me."

The Wardens rode to the city, where Kateriel sought out the Dark Wolf. She was relieved that the mysterious man had useful information, as she had been prepared to use whatever he had and search from there, even if it took all night. His information was more than useful; he was able to report where the conspirators met and that they did so every night. If they hurried, the Wardens could catch their enemies that night, and end them once and for all.

The Wardens rode to the farm where the conspirators were meeting. They dismounted and approached the buildings on foot. The conspirators were gathered in front of the buildings, and Kateriel was not surprised to find out who they were. Bann Esmerelle stood in the centre of group which consisted of Ser Timothy, Lady Packton, Lord Guy, and three Antivan Crows. Kateriel lead her Wardens straight toward the group, not bothering to attempt to sneak up on them. She was too pissed off.

Ser Timothy was the first to see them approach. "It's the Wardens!" he shouted, his voice filled more with fright than with anger.

"Now is the time!" screeched Esmerelle, "Kill them!"

Kateriel watched as two of the Antivan Crows disappeared into the shadows. "Watch for the Crows!" She called to her companions, "Take them out first if you can, and watch each other's backs!" Kateriel grinned maliciously as she melded into the shadows herself.

"Where are you, Commander, you coward?" shrieked Esmerelle, "Come out and fight! You're going to pay for killing Rendon! For destroying all our lives, our futures!"

Kateriel ignored her as she focused on finding the Antivan Crows. She managed to find one easily, sneak up behind him and slit his throat just as he was about to plunge his daggers into Anders' back. The second one was tougher, flashing in and out of Kateriel's perception. Kateriel became aware of him just as the Crow was about to slip a dagger between her ribs. She moved fast enough to avoid deep penetration, though the dagger sliced open her skin. Kateriel whirled around and blocked a second blow. The two rouges duelled fiercely, blades clashing, until Kateriel managed to knock the man's feet from under him and drive her sword through his chest.

Kateriel turned her attention to the rest of the battle. Ser Timothy had been taken out quickly by a well placed arrow to the head, fired by Nathaniel. Lady Packton had fallen after being frozen by Anders, followed by a stone fist which shattered her to pieces. Oghren had been fighting both Lord Guy and the third Antivan Crow, but the Crow had turned her attention to Nathaniel and lunged at him. Nathaniel dodged but not quite quick enough, receiving a slash across the chest. In the next moment, the Crow was blasted by a fire ball, making her screech as her skin and hair burned. It gave Nathaniel enough time to pull a dagger from his belt and plunge into the back of the Crow's head.

While this was happening, Kateriel turned to face Bann Esmerelle, who had not yet engaged in the fight but was waiting. She was waiting for Kateriel. With a furious scream she ran at Kateriel. She swung her sword at Kateriel's head. Kateriel ducked down to miss it only to pop up again, driving her fist hard under Esmerelle's chin. Esmerelle staggered back but regained her footing and lashed out at Kateriel again. This time Kateriel leapt to the side, then aimed a low kick to Esmerelle's knee which gave out with a sickening crack. The woman screamed in pain and fell to her knees. Kateriel knocked the sword from Esmerelle's hand before moving in front of her. She placed her blades on either side of the woman's head, then, sliding them together and out, removed the woman's head from her body.

Kateriel turned her head to check on her companions. Oghren was leaning casually on his battle-axe, which was buried deep inside Lord Guy's chest. Anders had just finished healing the gash in Nathaniel's chest and moved over to her to heal the wound in her side. Kateriel gazed down at the body of Esmerelle once again as she waited for the mage to finish, then she turned and led her Wardens back to their horses. They left the bodies for the wild animals and birds. Hopefully, the death of the conspirators would stand as a warning to any others who might think to rise up against them.

Later back at the Keep, as Kateriel soaked in a hot bath in her chambers; she breathed a sigh of relief. The worst of her enemies were dead; the conspirators were finished. Hopefully, they could now move forward. With such a weight off her shoulders, she felt more relaxed, and so very, very tired.

Sigrun's Joining took place as soon as they returned. The spunky dwarf survived and seemed so happy about her new situation. She was thrilled with the books that filled the shelves around the Keep, not having had much access to many books in her past.

Velanna and Nathaniel seemed to have made up and were actually getting along rather well. Velanna even smiled at him a few times which made Nathaniel's eyes light up with pleasure, and Kateriel was beginning to wonder if he was starting to take a new kind of interest in the stern elven woman.

Oghren got drunk, as usual, but this time he had company, as Anders decided to join him. The two of them were quite comedic until Anders accidently lit ends of Oghren's beard of fire. The dwarf was doused quickly and Kateriel ordered them to bed before anything else could happen.

After falling asleep in the tub twice, Kateriel dragged herself out and fell right into bed. Her brain was so tired that it was quiet and could not conjure up thoughts of Alistair and all the 'what ifs'. Kateriel was actually thankful for this as she drifted asleep.

* * *

 

The bright colours of the sunset illuminated the royal gardens, making it seem to glow in warm shades of orange and yellow. Arl Teagan was visiting Denerim and he and Alistair were playing with Ryain in the gardens. Alistair smiled as he watched Teagan with the little prince; Teagan had such a natural way with children. It brought memories to Alistair's mind of the times when Teagan would sometimes play with him as a child; even bring him to play in the gardens and give him treats. Unfortunately, it probably only fuelled the rumours that Alistair was Eamon's bastard, but he was grateful none-the-less.

When Eamon began seriously courting Isolde, he wanted his name cleared of having a bastard child and Maric agreed that the truth could be told about who the boy's real father was. It was hard for Alistair to accept at first, being young and partly believing that Eamon really could be his father. It was just over a year later that Eamon married Isolde and brought her to Redcliffe. And about year or so after that, Alistair was sent to the Chantry. Through it all, Teagan had continued to show kindness to Alistair, and he realized that it had never occurred to him to ask the kind man about his father. But, then, what would he even have asked? Would Teagan have even answered his questions?

Teagan seemed to be thinking similar thoughts as he turned to Alistair with a smile and said, "This sort of reminds me of when we used to play here together."

"I was thinking the same thing, actually," Alistair grinned back, "I want to thank you, for being so kind to me back then. Eamon was kind as well, don't get me wrong, but not like you were. You took time for me."

"Yes, well, I never fully agreed with your situation," Teagan sighed with regret, "I always thought you deserved better than stable-boy. But then, that's the lot for most bastards, I guess."

Alistair gazed thoughtfully at his 'uncle' for a moment. "Will you tell me about my father, Teagan?" he asked at last.

"What would like to know?" Teagan replied with raised brows.

"Did my father not ever ask to see me?" Alistair asked, trying to keep his voice neutral though hope and longing invaded his heart unexpected.

"Your father was always very careful about you," Teagan explained, "But...I don't think it was simply out of concern for Cailan. I truly believe that, for some reason, he thought it best for you. However, he would always ask after you in his correspondence with me and Eamon. And many of the times when I would bring you here to the gardens to play, your father would be visiting and would watch you in from the windows."

Alistair was silent for a few moments as he gazed off into the darkening sky, and tried to process what he just learned. His father would watch him! He never knew. The knowledge made him both happy and very sad.

"What about when I was sent off to the Chantry?" Alistair asked, "Did he agree to that? I suppose he must have."

"It was a good choice, Alistair," Teagan said gently, "I know you hated it, but it was a good situation. You were taken care of and well educated. It was certainly better than being a stable boy. It was actually an appropriate choice for the bastard of a royal. Many legitimate children of nobility are given to the Chantry or join willingly. Being a Templar is a seen as a great calling. Why, I'd wager you could have even been a Seeker."

The garden was now growing dark and cold and Anora came looking for Ryain to put him to bed. Alistair thanked Teagan for talking to him and telling him all he did. Alistair retired to his chambers with many thoughts swirling around in his head.

He wasn't simply cast off. His father had cared about him, at least enough to take an interest. And now here he was king, just as his father had been. He might not have asked for this chance, or wanted it at first, but here he was and he would do his best to do right by his father's name.


	24. Where Strength Can Be Found

Kateriel and the Wardens spent the next few days at the Keep or in the city, seeing to important matters of business. She would need to deal with the aftermath of the death Bann Esmerelle and her cohorts. She needed to see about and notify next of kin, find out if there were heirs to the estates and titles of the deceased. And she would need to send a report to the Teryn and to Denerim.

To keep them busy, Kateriel sent her Wardens to the estates, with permission to search for further evidence of the conspiracy. They had already acquired some evidence, notes and such, found on the bodies of the Antivan Crows and the conspirators. Also, Kateriel wanted to see how far the trouble went

And so, the first morning Kateriel was sitting at her desk going over documents, as well as letters that had arrived for her during her absence. It delighted her that most of the letters were from her friends. Of course, she decided to read them first. The first one she picked up bore the Theirin Royal seal. It made her breath stop in her lungs and her heart flutter as she held it in her hands and gazed longingly it.

Then the spell and the seal were broken and she read the words written in Alistair's careless writing:

_Dear Kateriel,_

_Yes, I am writing informally as you are my friend, and this is not exactly a business letter. Fergus Cousland arrived and told me of your recovery. Thank the Maker! And the Creators, of course. I was so worried for you. I would like to have heard about it from you. I know you're busy, as am I, but please try to send me a note from time to time? Let me know you're alive?_

_I could make it an order, you know, a command. With the punishment being serving time in Denerim, under close watch. Yes...this is starting to sound more and more like a devilishly, brilliant plan! Mwahaha!_

_Seriously though, I'd really like to hear from you. You haven't forgotten about me? Have you?_

The rest of the letter was about the changes he was making, how much he adored his nephew, how Anora seemed to be changing and how close they'd become, some of Zevran's antics, and some of the troubles he'd had as king so far. It took a while to read through it though, as she re-read the first part several times before continuing on. It was signed, "Your friend always, Alistair".

Kateriel placed the letter down on the desk, and stared out the window as her mind and emotions swirled inside her. The first part of the letter had set her heart soaring, knowing that he still cared very much about her. But then, he had spoken of how close he and Anora had grown, and how his regard for her had risen.

 _Was it too late for them? Had he moved on? Did he really only care for Kateriel as a friend?_ Kateriel stood and began to pace. _She should go to him, give him the letter, and see how he reacts. She should profess her love for him again and convince him to return with her._ Kateriel stopped in front of her desk and stared at the letter, more specifically at the Theirin seal. She began pacing again. _No. What if he was in love with Anora? He obviously loved his nephew a great deal. Could she take him away from his family? Make him question himself? Maybe it would be best if he married Anora._

The thought tore her heart in two. But what was she to do? Nothing. Not at the moment. She had to take care of things here. She needed to focus, she had obligations and responsibilities. Her duty.

Kateriel returned to her desk with reluctance, which quickly changed to eagerness as she picked up a letter from Wynne. The elder mage had all kinds of interesting things to tell of the College of Magi and the issues of the different factions. She also told Kateriel about helping Shale with some research into her past and what they had discovered, which was unfortunately not very much. The Shaperate in Orzammar was as tight as ever about sharing information when Wynne wrote to them, asking for information about Shale's dwarven family. Shale decided to make a journey to Orzammar to make her request in person. Wynne was waiting to hear from her.

Kateriel read Leliana's letter next. Leliana was traveling and helping her friend Revered Mother Dorothea. "I will tell you more when I can see you face to face, my friend. I hope it will be soon," Leliana wrote. Kateriel hoped so too.

Varel entered as Kateriel had finished reading Leliana's letter. He went over the deeds and lands that had belonged to the conspirators, along with next-of-kin and rightful heirs, which they would need to verify with the Chantry. Varel assisted her in writing letters and other business before finally stopping for lunch.

After lunch, Kateriel travelled to Amaranthine to speak with the Revered Mother and check the family histories of the deceased, in order to verify what they knew of the families and how to proceed. While at the Chantry, Kateriel was introduced to Sister Stephina, who was to take over the Chantry chapel at Vigil's Keep. As the Sister was about to make her way to the Keep, Kateriel proposed that they travel together. Stephina agreed, and shortly after she was ready, they were on their way.

The two women talked as they went, and Kateriel found Stephina to be a sweet young woman with a kind heart, though she was a bit naive. She asked many questions about the Dalish and about the things that happened during the Blight. When they arrived at Vigil's Keep, Kateriel showed the Sister around, finishing the tour at the Chapel, where they continued to talk a little while longer.

When Kateriel finally left the Chapel, she found Velanna, Nathaniel, and Sigrun standing not far away, in heated discussion. Kateriel approached and asked them if everything was alright. Velanna turned to her, eyes heated and narrow.

"No, I really don't think it is, _Commander_ ," she answered, emphasizing the title as if it was an insult. "I see the new Chantry puppet is here, and I don't understand why you're cowing to them. Prioritizing the repairs of that _place_ , ensuring it gets staffed, and being so friendly with them. You are Dalish! Where are the monuments to our gods? To the Creators?"

"Velanna," Kateriel sighed heavily, "Like it or not, this is a human village, and Amaranthine is a human city and territory, established by them. Though others, like us, and dwarves like Oghren and Sigrun, share in living here, I cannot disregard their religion. If you want, I'm sure we can find a place for a monument or two for the Creators, though I prefer to worship in the forest where I feel more connected to them."

"And what of you saying that you believe in their Maker?" Velanna asked bitter, "Is that really true or were you just saying that to appease them?"

"I do believe in the Maker," Kateriel said firmly, "But that doesn't mean I've become an Andrastian. I won't be memorizing the Chant of Light or anything like that, I haven't been converted. But I won't disregard the Maker as I've seen evidence of his existence. Where as our Creators have been nothing but silent."

"How dare-" Velanna sputtered but Kateriel cut her off.

"I know the stories say that the Creators are locked away and that's why they don't answer," Kateriel said, "But that also means that they can't help us very much, if at all. I will not ignore the evidence of a higher power. I'm not even above calling on it for help, if desperately needed. I will certainly treat it with respect. And I also doubt that if the Maker is even really with the Chantry anymore, as I believe the Chantry has strayed so far from its original course."

Nathaniel glared and opened his mouth to speak when Kateriel held up her hand to stop him. "I'm not picking sides. I am Dalish, nothing will ever change that." Kateriel paused thoughtful, thinking of all she'd seen in her travels, the different cultures and ancient places with their mysteries. "Though, the more I see of the world, the more I begin to believe that there is so much that we don't really know or understand. Forgotten truths." She shrugged and shook her head, "Either way, regardless of the gods, it's the people that matter. Especially those we have sworn to protect, which, as Grey Wardens, means everyone." Kateriel walked away without waiting for them to respond. She returned to her office where she spent the rest of the day working.

Before going to bed that night, she responded to Alistair's letter:

_Dear Alistair,_

_I'm sorry, lethallin, that I did not write to inform you of my recovery. I'm well now, so don't worry. Truly, I'm fine. I have good friends and comrades at my side right now. Though, I miss my old companions terribly at times, especially you. How could you think I've forgotten you?_

_I've just been very busy. There are some very strange things going on with the darkspawn. I can't tell you about it, at least not like this. Please don't fret about it though, we are handling it. Oghren survived the Joining, so I have him at my side. The mage, that the Templars wanted, made it as well. And believe it or not, Nathaniel Howe, Rendon Howe's youngest son is also a Warden and has become a good friend. I've also recruited another dwarf and, if you can believe it, a Dalish elf! So, as you can see, I've gathered quite the group._

_I'm pleased to hear things are going so well for you. Your nephew sounds adorable! I hope I will meet him soon._

_How's Thunder doing? Will you tell him I miss him as well? And that I will come for him as soon as I am able._

_I will try to write again very soon. Take care and keep safe._

_Your faithful friend,_

_Kateriel_

On the next day, they saw a little more action, which made Sigrun very happy. They were travelling about the arling, responding to sightings of darkspawn. Most of the time, they were able to find the 'spawn and destroy them. By the afternoon, Kateriel decided to return to the Keep on her own, leaving Nathaniel in charge of leading them from place to place, as he knew the area better than the others, and Oghren in charge when it came to fighting the darkspawn. It was a good test for their ability to work together and how far they could be trusted when she was not around.

Once she had returned to the Keep, she worked in her office until the evening, taking her supper there as well. Varel popped in to see how she was doing and reported that the other Wardens had returned and were taking their supper in the lounge area in the west wing. Kateriel thanked him and after working a little more, finally put business away and went to find her comrades.

As she walked along the torch lit hallway, she could hear conversation and laughter floating down from the lounge where she was headed. She took it as a good sign that maybe things had gone well. She paused by the door for a moment to listen but what she heard came as a surprise.

"Come on, Oghren!" Sigrun pleaded, "Tell us the truth! Were the Commander and the King really lovers or not?"

"I a'ready told ya," Oghren slurred, obviously having been drinking heavily already, "You won't get a peep ou'a me. F'you wan' th'answers to tha' ques'ion, ya have t'ask the Commander."

"He's still not drunk enough," said Anders, "Quick, open another keg!"

"We won't get an answer if he passes out first," Nathaniel put in.

Saber wagged her tail in agreement as she looked from Nathaniel to Oghren. The dog followed Nathaniel almost everywhere now, whenever he was in the Keep. Nathaniel didn't take her with him when he had to leave the Keep, as she was an old dog and he didn't want her to be killed in a fight.

"I could burn his feet until he talks," Velanna suggested.

"Try it, Mage" Oghren growled.

Sigrun sighed heavily, "If...you tell me, maybe, _just maybe_ , I'll...give you a kiss." Sigrun said, looking as if the last words tasted terrible in her mouth.

Kateriel almost burst out laughing. She silently stepped into the room. "Desperate measures, I guess, eh Sigrun?" she chuckled. She enjoyed watching their faces turn different shades of red.

"Commander! I...we..." Sigrun sputtered.

"Were plying my old friend here for information?" Kateriel finished, raising one brow in question.

"Well, it's just such a romantic idea!" the young dwarf gushed, "So very tragic! The Dalish elven hero and her trusted companion fall in love, and then suddenly he leaves her to take the crown." She stopped talking to breathe a deep sigh.

Kateriel had been slowly walking around the room while Sigrun had been speaking, examining the odd thing here and there, without really looking at anything. When the dwarf had finished, Kateriel just smiled non-committed, without saying a word.

"Come on, Commander!" Anders wheedled, "Tell us! We won't breathe a word about it to anyone. Is it true?"

Kateriel took a moment to consider the people before here. She really hadn't known them very long, save Oghren, and he knew the truth. This could be another way to test how far she could trust them. After all, even if they told people, it would just continue to be considered rumour and people always believed what they wanted to regardless.

"Which part?" Kateriel asked casually, "Which version of the rumour? That we were lovers torn apart by fate? That he was just using me to get the throne and then tossed me aside? That I used him to obtain new lands and freedoms for my people? That I'm stilling bedding him and that's why I hold this position?"

The others looked at each other with uncertainty. "Umm...Any of it?" Nathaniel suggested.

"And...how will you judge me, I wonder," Kateriel mused softly, almost to herself, "when you know the truth? Will you think more of me? Or less?"

"I think we all have pasts, Commander," Sigrun said with sincerity, "No one should judge you for yours."

Kateriel looked carefully at each person. She knew better than to think it wouldn't change their perception of her, if even in a very small way. The silence was broken by a snore from Oghren, who had fallen asleep in a chair. Kateriel walked over to the fire, stared down into it, and breathed a heavy sigh.

"Some might say it was just our circumstance, being the only two Wardens left, struggling together to stop the Blight." Kateriel said somber, "But it was more than that. Deeper than that. We fell in love amidst chaos and corruption. Superficial feeling would not have survived what we had faced, all that we had endured: the hatred and the horror, the twisted and the tainted. And we fell in love before we'd even given a thought to him being king, back when, as far as we knew, it was never a possibility. Our love was powerful; it was pure."

"How can you say that?" Velanna spat, "You are here and he is king! Obviously he chose his crown over you. But what else do you expect from a human? You're just another elf to him."

Kateriel wanted to roar at her, to be angry and to lash out. But she couldn't. She gazed at Velanna and felt nothing but pity. Velanna did not know the kind of love that Kateriel and Alistair shared, and Kateriel wondered if the other elf ever would. She could only hope so.

"You are wrong, Velanna," Kateriel said, slowly shaking her head, "You do not know him. And...it was _I_ who placed him on the throne. It was _my_ choice, _my_ doing. And _I_ convinced him that it was what was right, what was necessary for the good of Ferelden."

"But...why?" Sigrun asked, her brow constricted in confusion, "And why did he agree if he loved you so?"

"Because Alistair is a wonderful and good man," Kateriel replied wistful, "He wants to help others, his country, his people. That includes all people in Ferelden, even elves, dwarves, and mages. We were able to convince him it was what was best. There are things...sometimes, that are just...more important."

Kateriel paused as she stoked the fire. Her voice was a little husky with emotion when she continued. "And I wanted what was best for him. He is an amazing person, the best I've ever known. And he deserved the opportunity to show the world...that he is his father's son. I may be the Hero of Ferelden, but Alistair is _my_ hero. Our parting wasn't easy, for either of us. I might as well have torn out my heart and left it there, for that's exactly what I did. Doing it physically would have been less painful. But it had to be done."

She finally turned and looked at the others in the room. "So there you have it," she sighed, "Yes, we were lovers. Yes, fate parted us. No, we did not use each other. And no, I'm not still bedding him, obviously. We remain close friends." Kateriel's eyes landed on Velanna before she continued, "I will tolerate no harsh words against him."

"It's all so tragic and romantic," Sigrun said with a dreamy sigh.

"But wasn't he a Templar?" Anders scoffed in disgust.

"No, he never completed the training," Kateriel corrected, "And he didn't want to. Not that he didn't believe in the important role a Templar plays in keeping people safe from dangerous mages, but he also didn't agree with the harsh restrictions placed on people simply because they could do magic."

Anders began his usual rant about mage freedom and the injustice they faced, drawing the others into an argument, except Velanna who left the room. Kateriel didn't blame her. She was beginning to find Anders' tirades about mages and the Chantry to be rather tiresome and annoying. After everything she'd seen in her travels, and especially with what happened in the Circle Tower, Kateriel had come to believe that magic in the wrong hands could be extremely dangerous and that mages probably should be watched, for their own safety and the safety of others. The Tevinter Imperium and its history was a perfect example of how dangerous mages seeking power could be. And one thing Kateriel did not, and never would, agree with was blood magic. As far as she was concerned, any magic that required the essence of a living thing and borrowed power from demons was evil and nothing good could ever come of it and it was not to be trusted.

However, she did not agree with mages being denied the freedom to live like anyone else; to love, have a family, a home, and study their magic unharassed. It would be better if the Templars acted as a force to police the lands, ensuring that all were safe from dangerous magic, instead of locking mages up as little more than prisoners.

She had to admit though, that she didn't know much about magic, really, not even how her people tended to handle it. She was a warrior, a hunter; her focus had always been on the physical and not the spiritual or magical. There had only two magic users in her clan as she grew up so it was not something she'd had much exposure to. She had seen more magic since she left her clan than she'd seen in her entire life.

Kateriel had made her feelings and thoughts on the topic known in previous discussions and had no interest in going through it again that night. So, while the others argued, she quietly slipped out and made her way to her chambers. After she'd entered and closed the door behind her, she paused to look around her room, though not for anything in particular. She couldn't help feeling a bit pensive and a little lonely. She wandered out on to her balcony and leaned on the railing, closing her eyes as the breeze ran its soothing fingers through her hair. She opened her eyes again and watched the stars, as they hovered over the darkened land.

Melony and another servant came in to fill her bath. After she had bathed, she slipped into the simple cotton tunic and trousers she liked to sleep in. She was sitting by the fire drying her hair when there was a knock on her door. She opened it to find Sigrun on the other side, a shy smile on her face.

"Evening, Commander," she said, uncertain, her eyes going to Kateriel's wet hair and informal dress, "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind some company."

Kateriel hesitated. Hadn't she just been feeling lonely? She studied the hopeful, friendly look in the young dwarf's expression before giving her a small smile and opening the door to let her in. Sigrun had apparently also bathed and was wearing loose, casual clothes. Kateriel felt herself relax; this was obviously a very informal visit. Her curiosity was piqued when she noticed Sigrun was hiding something behind her back.

"I found this bottle of Tevinter wine in the cellars," Sigrun said, producing the hidden object for Kateriel to see. "I don't know much about spirits up here above ground, and there's very little of it that I like anyway, but I heard the guys arguing with Oghren while we were eating and apparently Tevinter wine is usually very sweet, so...long story short, I thought we could try it out. What do you say?"

Kateriel hesitated again, eyeing the bottle uncertainly. Her feelings already felt a little sore from opening up earlier about the love she and Alistair had shared. She knew Sigrun's love for a good romance story, but she wasn't sure if she could talk anymore on the subject.

Sigrun seemed to understand Kateriel's thoughts. "I won't ply you with questions, I promise," she said, "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. But...I see the pain in your eyes. You hide it well; believe me, but those who understand your pain, those who have felt the same suffering, will sometimes be able to see it."

Understanding dawned on Kateriel as she looked into the eyes of her newest friend. Sigrun had also loved at one time, and knew the anguish of losing it. She smiled with a sad acceptance as she placed her hand on Sigrun's shoulder, and then tilted her head in the direction of her couch. She picked up a plate containing a few pastries that the cooks had taken to sending up once they discovered her love for sweets, and moved to a shelf near the fireplace to retrieved two wine glasses. Sigrun smiled and followed Kateriel to the couch in front of the fireplace.

They began by talking about where they were from, their homes, friends and families growing up. This topic led to why they left their homes. Kateriel talked about her travels during the Blight, skirting the topic of Alistair as much as possible, though she was happy to tell Sigrun about her other companions and allowed Sigrun to ask all the questions she wanted about them.

Her stories included all that had happened since the end of the Blight as well, prompted by Sigrun's question about why part of Kateriel's eyebrow was white. Sigrun in turn, spoke of joining the Legion of the Dead and of her companions. They laughed heartily at the funny memories, the wine aiding their mirth.

Kateriel's heart was lighter than it had been for some time, and it wasn't just the wine. It was Sigrun. It'd been a long time since she'd had a friend she felt so close to. She hadn't known the dwarf for long but there were some people that entered into a person's life, and there was an instant connection, a kindred spirit. Kateriel studied her friend, with her bright blue eyes, short dark hair, strong yet graceful face with its many tattoos, and her fun-loving personality, and she still could not understand what would drive Sigrun to join the Legion. She knew that Dust Town was a horrible place to live, but the Legion wasn't another living, it was a death.

It was then that Sigrun's stories took a serious tone and Kateriel got the answers for those questions, even though she hadn't asked. Sigrun spoke of falling in love with a man, a dwarf named Gilinarht. They were deeply in love and were making plans to escape to the surface. They felt that being branded a surfacer and cut off from dwarven society was no worse than being considered worthless trash. At least on the surface they would have a chance to earn a living and find some peace and happiness. But they couldn't go with nothing. In desperation they joined a Carta organization ruled by a crime lord named Beraht, in order to earn some money. They worked hard, trained and gained skills, and became valued members in the ranks of the organization. Things seemed to be going well, until Gilinarht was killed on a job. Kateriel silently watched the tears and pain in her friend's eyes as she relived that moment. She reached out and grasped the dwarf's hand in sympathy.

Sigrun smiled and squeezed Kateriel's hand in gratitude before continuing her story. Sigrun had befriended a store owner named Mischa, who sympathised with the casteless and took Sigrun in. One day, Beraht's Carta stole a statue of a Paragon and forced Sigrun to hide it in Mischa's store. Eventually, it was discovered and Mischa was exiled to the surface. Sigrun had been devastated. She had wanted to follow after her friend but she didn't know how she would find Mischa once she was up there. And Beraht very threateningly informed her, once again, that she still worked for him.

Time passed and eased some of the pain of losing Gilinarht, though Sigrun thought she'd never love again. Until she fell for someone she never would have thought. Another woman. The woman's name was Rica, and Sigrun admired her greatly. She was beautiful, graceful, charming and most important of all, kind and caring. The gentle light she shone had broken through the darkness in Sigrun's heart and brightened her life again. She couldn't exactly recall when she realized her admiration had become love. But she did know that it was at that same moment that she knew her love would not be returned. Rica was interested in men, and more so catching the attention of a wealthy noble and becoming his concubine.

When Rica eventually succeeded beyond her dreams and won the attention of Prince Bhelen, Sigrun could not stand by and watch. It was then that she had decided to join the Legion of the Dead. She felt it was fitting as she felt there was nothing else left in life for her. At least she could choose an honourable death. With shining eyes she turned to Kateriel and said that she hadn't imagined she'd have a chance at life again before meeting that death, which she still fully meant to achieve, eventually.

Kateriel leaned over and embraced her friend firmly and affectionately. Then she began to tell her own tale of heartbreak. She filled in all the parts of her story that she'd left out that had included Alistair, how they fell in love, how they confessed it, how their love grew stronger...and how it still continued on, even though they were apart.

The two women fell asleep on the couch together, warm and comforted. In the morning they went down to breakfast together and despite having been up late, and a slight headache, Kateriel felt lighter and better rested than she had in a long time.

* * *

 

Alistair was in his study hearing reports from Zevran, who had been officially, though not publically for obvious reasons, declared the king's spymaster. Sharren was with them; she was Zevran's right hand and together they were building an intricate network of spies that were spreading all over Thedas. Alistair was not actually comfortable with the spy game, or anything that lead to dealing in the dark, but all his advisors informed him it was necessary for the protection of the country.

Their main focus, however, was on the immediate rumoured plot of Prince Ryain's abduction. It was no surprise to Alistair that Bann Ceorlic was their main suspect. In fact, they were certain. But there was no proof. Anora, Eben, and Eamon were with them as Alistair's council.

"Ceorlic is a slippery snake," said Sharren, "but he's sly and careful. He keeps his conspiratorial group small and close. We know it's him but there no physical way to prove it. The plan is simple; to kidnap the prince and hold him until you abdicate."

"Do you have any idea when they might try it?" Eamon asked.

Zevran shook his head. "No. And there is no guarantee that they wouldn't resort to hurting the child. They are very desperate. You staying in the palace where they can't make another assassination attempt is frustrating them."

"What do you suggest?" Alistair asked beginning to pace. Zevran and Sharren looked at each other before answering.

"Bann Ceorlic and his family have been a danger to you and yours for a very long time," Zevran replied slowly. "But they are always very careful not to get caught. I say it's time to rid Ferelden of their poison. Strike out first. Send a subtle message to those who would oppose you, even without proof that it was you. Assassinate him."

"No," Alistair said firmly, placing his hands on his desk before fixing his eyes on them with a glare, "I don't want to be a ruler who deals in underhanded plots, subterfuge, or assassinations. I would rather called him out and face him on the field."

"Alistair, you cannot," Anora reasoned, "You have no proof and therefore would make you look tyrannical and turn people against you. If he is assassinated, no one can prove that it was your order. Yet, those who know he opposes you will wonder, and they will respect you more for showing that you will not stand for it. It is the way things must be done sometimes."

Alistair turned his glare down at his desktop. Anora stepped next to him and placed a sympathetic hand on over his. He stared down at their hands and then looked up at the woman who he'd come to love as a sister. He thought of Ryain, and how much he loved the boy, as a son, and how devastated he'd be if anything happened to him.

"I will consider it," he sighed in resignation. He looked back at Zevran and Sharren, "Are there any other things we should know?"

"Just one," Sharren said, though her eyes turned to Anora, "We have received reports of what are believed to be sighting of Ser Cauthrien."

Anora's eyes widened slightly, but she otherwise managed to hide the fact that her heart had sped up at an almost painful rate. "Where?" The word was all she could manage without her voice shaking.

"Dragon's Peak," Sharren answered with a slight smile that gave Anora the impression that the spy agent saw through her, despite Anora's performance. "We are following up on the leads and will let you know the moment we find her."

"She is to be requested to come here by summons," Anora reminded them, "It is not an arrest. Be sure that she, and everyone else, is clear on that."

"Of course," Sharren assured with a bow.

With the meeting over, Anora and Eamon left, leaving Eben, Zevran, and Sharren behind. Alistair flopped down in his chair with a sigh and closed his eyes. After a moment of silence, he opened them again to find his friends staring at him with smirks or smiles on their faces.

"What?" he asked suspiciously, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You seem a little stressed, Alistair," Zevran said, "I think you need a night of fun to relax you a bit." When Alistair's brows constricted in concern, the elf chuckled.

"You haven't been able to get out to the local pubs and relax with the common folk like you could before because of the increased dangers on your life," Eben picked up the explanation, "Neither as yourself under guard with me, or undercover with Zevran."

"But there are other ways you can relax," put in Sharren, eyeing him appreciatively from head to foot. When Alistair blushed deeply and began to stammer, Sharren laughed. "No, nothing like that. Well, not exactly."

"I know you know how to play Diamond Back," Zevran took over the explaining, "But have you ever played Wicked Grace?"

"I had just learned with the other Templar recruits before joining the Wardens," Alistair answered uncertain where this was headed, "I wasn't very good." For some reason that made Sharren's smile broaden even more.

"Well, we think you need to shrug off the mantle of leadership for the night," Eben encouraged, "Put on a disguise and come with us to the barracks to play some Wicked Grace. We'll dress you as a soldier so the rest will relax and you can enjoy yourself. And we'll be right there with you in case there's trouble."

Alistair considered it for a moment. It would be good to get out and relax for a while, and just be Alistair, or Duncan, as was his alias when in disguise. "All right," he said with smile, "It's been a while and I won't be leaving the palace. Good plan."

As he rose from his desk, Sharren had one more thing to say. Alistair had come to really like Sharren. She was feisty and had a good sense of humour. But she had a habit of being flirtatious and purposely trying to make him blush, smiling more the redder he got.

"It's too bad you have to go in disguise. Last time I even managed to get Eben out of his clothes." She looked him over again with hungry eyes before purring, "Such a pity." She laughed as his ears turned red before leading them out the door.


	25. Loose Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elven translation - Fenedhis = common curse thought to mean crap (or shit probably)

" _Fenedhis_!" Kateriel cursed, as a spectral dragon swooped down over their heads. She turned and followed the flying spectre with her eyes as it flew up high and turned back towards them. Another thing to kill! She really hated this place.

The Wardens had travelled to the Blackmarsh in search of the missing Warden Kristoff. They found the unfortunate Grey Warden dead, deep in the swamp. His murderer was there as well, another talking darkspawn and disciple of The Mother, called The First. He managed to drag the Wardens into the Fade where he became trapped as well.

The Wardens had to find their way through a Fade version of the Blackmarsh, fighting demons and undead along the way. Eventually, they made it to the village where the spirits of the people who had lived there were held captive by the one who killed them, the Baroness.

The Baroness was a blood mage who ruled the Blackmarsh long ago. She had managed to slay the high dragon that lived there, and somehow managed to use it to fuel her magic. The Baroness was a violent and oppressive ruler and she began to use the young girls of the village to restore her youth. When the people finally brought her down by setting fire to her mansion, she used one last spell to trap them all in the Fade. After that she would feed off the souls of the villagers.

A spirit of Justice heard their cries and sought to help them. When the Wardens arrived, they agreed to help end the nightmare and, hopefully, find their way out. Now, with the strength he needed to help him, Justice led the Wardens into the mansion courtyard and there they waged battle with the Baroness and The First, who had run and sought help from her. They engaged in a short battle until the Baroness sacrificed The First to send them all back to the mortal world, including herself. Somehow, the spirit of Justice was also sent with them and found himself occupying the body of Kristoff.

Justice agreed to help them defeat the Baroness. When they found her in front of the burned mansion, she had turned into a huge Pride Demon. The battle was fierce but in the end, they were victorious. Justice agreed to remain with the Wardens to help fight the darkspawn and find justice for Kristoff. Anders and Velanna healed those who were wounded and they began to head home.

Sigrun and Nathaniel had been collecting pieces of dragon bone as they had travelled through the marsh, and as they walked along the path leading out, they discovered a dragon skull. They felt it only right to place all of the bones together, making the creatures whole in its resting place. Once the pieces were together, there was some kind of ripple through the Fade, and the spirit of the high dragon appeared, shrieking over their heads and above the tower nearby. And so, exhausted as they were, the Wardens climbed the tower to rid Thedas of another threat.

"Is that thing even real?" shouted Nathaniel, "How are we supposed to kill a spirit?"

"The same way you kill a demon!" Kateriel replied, "And if that doesn't work, we'll try something else. Everyone spread out until it lands!"

Kateriel shouted orders, calling attack positions, remembering them from having fought dragons before: archers and mages to the outside, warriors drawing its attention at the front, and Sigrun and Kateriel were dancing around its hindquarters, striking at its flanks and legs.

"I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be finished fighting dragons!" Kateriel shouted to Sigrun, who just laughed at her in response.

Suddenly, the spectral dragon burst, separating into several spirit orbs, positioned in a circle and attached by a spiritual current to a larger orb in the centre. Everyone stopped moving and looked at each other, wondering what was happening.

"Did we beat it?" Anders called out.

"No! Its presence is in the orbs, I can feel it," Justice said, "It must be a way for it to regenerate. Quickly, stop as many orbs as you can from reaching the centre!"

The Wardens attacked the orbs, stopping most before they could reach the centre. Then, the dragon returned in its proper form and they attacked it again. Twice more, the spectre burst forth into orbs, then back into a dragon, until finally it perished with a resounding screech.

"Please," said Velanna, as they all huffed with exhaustion, "Let's get out of this wretched place before something else happens."

There were unanimous murmurs of agreement as the Wardens headed back down the tower. Kateriel stopped momentarily to pick up a large piece of dragon bone. She knew that things could be made from dragon bone and wondered what Master Wade would think of it, he was always looking for unique materiels to work with. Besides, she thought it best to remove a piece of the remains, just to be on the safe side.

It was late afternoon when they left the marsh. Once they were clear of it, the Wardens stopped to eat and rest. Everyone, except Justice, was incredibly hungry. They wondered how long they had been gone. Kateriel studied Justice as she ate; she found it somewhat unsettling seeing a man's corpse walking around with another spirit in it. Not to mention that Kristoff's body had started to decay. It made her shiver involuntarily.

When they returned to the Keep, they were informed that they had been gone for three days. The time they spent in the Fade had apparently been different than it had been in reality. Kateriel dismissed the others to go wash and refresh themselves before meeting in the great hall. She watched as Nathaniel and Velanna walked away together talking softly, and smiled as her eyes followed them.

During the entire trip of the Blackmarsh, Velanna was noticeably different. She was friendlier, at least to Anders, Sigrun and Nathaniel. She still mostly ignored Oghren. Nathaniel was where her attention lay most of all. Kateriel was happy about this; Nathaniel had made great effort to befriend Velanna and help her to become content in her new life. If something else came out of it, then that would be great as well.

She paid a visit to Wade; to see if he would be interested in the ancient dragon bone. As she expected, the man was delighted, to say the least. He offered to make something for her from it. Kateriel requested a long sword, and Wade set to work immediately.

Kateriel informed Varel of all that had happened, including the unique recruitment of a spirit of Justice. She left to freshen up before returning to the great hall. There was no Joining ceremony for Justice so Kateriel just gave a speech to welcome him. They all remained in the great hall after the evening meal, relaxing and socializing. The excursion to the Blackmarsh had been quite exhausting for everyone.

Kateriel rarely sat on the throne, but that night, she took a few moments to sit there and gaze around the room and the people who occupied it.

Nathaniel and Velanna sat together in one corner. Velanna appeared to be showing Nathaniel a book that she had been writing in, filling it with Dalish tales for future generations. The book was something Kateriel had given her as a peace offering. They'd spent some time talking afterwards about their clans, memories of their childhood, and their favourite tales. It was good to see Velanna's enthusiasm for her new hobby. Kateriel supposed it was a way for Velanna to still feel connected to her roots while slowly adjusting to her new life.

Sigrun had her nose buried in a book that Kateriel assumed was some new romance novel she had discovered amongst the shelves.

Oghren sat, drinking and laughing with some soldiers near his usual spot beside the casks. In his hands he held a toy horse that he'd found in the marsh and was now cleaning and polishing. Before leaving for the Blackmarsh, Oghren's lover Felsi had come to Vigil's Keep, very irate with Oghren for leaving her and their baby, and joining the Wardens. Oghren tried to explain to Felsi that he still loved them but he just couldn't settle down the way Felsi wanted him to. Felsi left in a storm. Kateriel couldn't help but wonder if maybe Felsi was angrier that Oghren had simply left without saying a word to her about it. Oghren asked Kateriel for advice on what he should do. He loved his child and wanted to do right by her. Kateriel encouraged Oghren that he could still be a part of his child's life and Oghren vowed to do his best. The little horse he held in his hands was for his daughter.

Anders held Justice's attention in another corner, explaining the injustices that the mages suffered with his usual passion. Justice appeared to be in strong agreement with the mage. Kateriel only hoped that it wouldn't lead to trouble.

Varel wandered over and stood at her side. They discussed all the things that they'd accomplished in the last weeks. They had settled every major problem that they had faced when she first arrived, except for the problem and mystery of the darkspawn. However, things seemed to be at a lull for the moment and Kateriel hoped that the next day they could all just take time to relax.

* * *

 

Alistair and Anora were in the garden with Ryain, enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sunshine. Anora sat, playing with Ryain on a blanket she had spread out on the grass. Alistair was playing fetch with Thunder, who seemed to never run out of energy.

"I received a letter from Aidan Cousland," Anora said smiling, "Your sister and her children have settled in quite happily it seems."

"Greaaaaat," Alistair replied, rolling his eyes.

Anora chuckled at him before continuing. "Yes, and it seems the meeting that I arranged for Goldana and that wealthy merchant I told you of, went very well," Anora added, quite pleased with herself. "I remember that merchant's family having dispositions that would suit your sister very nicely. They wrote to say that she, and her dowry, were both acceptable and the marriage would take place soon."

Alistair looked sideways at Anora. "Do I have to go?" he asked, his voice dripping with dread.

"I'm sure we can make an excuse for you," she laughed.

"The children will be all right won't they?" he asked serious, "Do you think they'll be accepted?"

"Oh, yes," Anora assured him, "You remember I told you, he is not very young, about 6 years or so older than Goldana. Except for his daughter, he lost his family to the Blight. He may have a...rougher personality, but he is not a bad man. It is a good match. You needn't be concerned about them anymore."

"That's a relief," Alistair said, letting out a sigh that reflected his feelings.

A messenger ran into the garden then, informing them that Ser Cauthrien had been found and brought to the palace. She was waiting for them in the great hall. Anora's heart beat erratically in her chest.

Alistair looked at Anora. Cauthrien was Anora's friend and concern; it was she who had been intent on searching for the woman. "Would you be more comfortable speaking to her in a more private place?" he asked gently.

Anora fought not to show her nerves and remain composed. "Yes, I think that would be best," she agreed. She asked the messenger to have Cauthrien taken to one of the antechambers. She waited a few moments more, gathering herself together before making her way into the palace.

When she reached the door to the antechamber, she stood outside the door with her hand on the latch, taking deep breaths to calm and steady herself again. She thought back to all the times that she and Cauthrien had spent in each other's company, particularly when they were younger, before talk of Anora marrying Cailan began. There were times that Cauthrien would speak to her and look at her and her heart would burn with longing, and she was sure that Cauthrien felt the same. She was sure that she saw the same heat, desire, and affection which Anora felt. She needed to know, and now that Cauthrien was here, this was her chance to find out.

Finally, she slowly pushed the door open. Cauthrien was there, with her back to the door. Anora's heart beat against her ribs, despite how she tried to calm herself. And then, as Cauthrien turned to greet her, shock hit her like a bolt of lightning.

Ser Mairsil Cauthrien...was pregnant.

Anora stared at her in bewilderment, she couldn't help herself. Her mind had gone blank and then so many thoughts began flying through her mind all at once. Cauthrien was pregnant. She had a lover? Who was... _he_? How and why did she not know? Were they not closer than that?

Cauthrien's eyes followed Anora's gaze to her stomach, before returning them, full of worry, to Anora's face. She placed her hands on her belly and opened her mouth to speak but the words seemed to die in her mouth.

Anora finally came to herself and regained her composure. She closed the door before turning back to her friend and motioning towards the chairs for them to sit in. Cauthrien complied, somewhat awkwardly, murmuring her thanks. They sat in silence for a moment but for Anora finally spoke. There were so many questions swirling in her mind but the most important one came forward first.

She looked at her friend with confusion and concern and asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Her words held no accusation but Cauthrien flinched slightly none the less. She shook her head gently. "I wasn't sure at first," she began with hesitation, "And because...I'm still not sure who the father is."

Anora blinked at her. Anora thought she knew her friend very well. And though she knew Cauthrien had taken lovers in her past, Anora didn't believe her to be promiscuous. How could she not know who the father was? "You don't know?" she asked, her brows lifting in concern. "How is that possible?"

Cauthrien sighed. "It happened just before the Landsmeet," she began slowly, "We were all drinking heavily. I normally don't drink so much, not to the point where I can't remember what I did." Cauthrien paused. She seemed to be really anxious about what she was about to say next, glancing from her hands to Anora's face.

Cauthrien inhaled a shaky breath before continuing. "The last thing I remember was sitting with your father," she explained. "He...leaned over to me and said he was looking to _relieve_ some of his tension but would rather not touch a servant, prostitute, or even any of the soldiers under his command. He said the only one he felt would be good enough, worthy enough, was...me."

Anora's breath stopped in her throat and she felt the blood rush out of her head momentarily. She looked away from Cauthrien quickly, then stood. Cauthrien rose from her seat as well, pressing on with her story quickly.

"I don't know if anything happened," she said quickly, "I know I remember not wanting to do it, but not wanting to disappoint him either. I respected your father a great deal; he was my mentor and my hero. But I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of bedding him. I don't remember what happened after that. Your father's soldiers either died in the battle or scattered to the wind. But I did track down a servant who was there, and she said she remembered also seeing me in the company of a man and woman. She said the man had darker skin like a Rivaini and the woman had long golden hair. I knew them. He was one of your father's elite. He was a good man, and I liked him very much. They had joked with me many times about joining them for an...interlude. From the way that servant said we were acting, it may have happened."

She paused for a moment as Anora stared at her. "So, I've been tracking them down," Cauthrien continued, "But so far I haven't been successful. If I can't find him, then I might just have to wait to see who the father is when the baby is born."

She punched her palm with her other hand in frustration. "This was not usual behaviour for me, I assure you. This is one of the reasons that I don't not drink heavily." She heaved a sigh, looking ashamed; she and would not meet Anora's eyes. In a defeated voice she said, "I can't imagine what you must think of me. I wouldn't blame me if you cast me away from you forever. It's part of the reason I left."

Anora remained silent the entire time Cauthrien spoke; so many thoughts and emotions flew around inside her mind. Cauthrien might have slept with her father?! She could be carrying her father's bastard? A sibling? How could Cauthrien not know who the father was? She obviously had feelings for this man, this fellow member of Maric' Shield; it was obvious by the way Cauthrien spoke of her regard for him. She seemed almost desperate to find him. If Cauthrien was only interested in men, and especially if she was in love with one, then there was no hope for Anora.

Anora felt as though her hopes and her heart were being shattered. At first, as a result of her own pain, she thought maybe she should send Cauthrien away. But as she looked at the grief on her loved one's face, the shame and the sorrow, she simply could not. She loved this woman too much. Everyone made mistakes and Cauthrien was only human. She may only ever be able to love Cauthrien in secret and might never have her feelings returned, but she would remain her friend.

She would help her through this, just as Cauthrien had always been there for her. She'd been there for Anora through her father's death. She helped conceal Anora's pregnancy. And she was there for Ryain's birth. Anora would not turn her back on Cauthrien now; she couldn't even if she tried.

Anora stepped silently next to Cauthrien and slid a hand across her shoulders gently, until her arm was wrapped around her friend. She looked at Cauthrien with sympathy and affection, and when the other woman finally raised her eyes to meet Anora's, Cauthrien burst into tears. She turned into Anora's embrace, and Anora held her.

"Shhh, Mairsil, it's alright," Anora soothed, stroking a hand on Cauthrien's hair, "I'm going to help you. We'll track down this soldier and whoever else we need to in order to find him." She paused for a moment before speaking the next words. She was still a little bothered by the possibility of Cauthrien sleeping with her father and carrying his child. But, there was nothing to be done about that now. "And...if it turns out that the child is my father's then, I suppose I'll have a new brother or sister."

Cauthrien turned her face up to Anora's. "Are you sure?" she asked with pleading eyes, "I would never want to cause you distress or be a burden to you, my lady."

Anora's breath caught in her throat. Cauthrien's face was so close; she could feel the woman's breath across her lips. And despite Cauthrien's tear streaked face, it took all of Anora's strength not to dip her head and capture her lips.

"Call me Anora, remember?" Anora corrected gently, "We are friends, Mairsil, now and forever."


	26. No Rest For The Victorious

Kateriel stood upon a rampart, watching the sunset on another exhausting day. She was tired. Yet, she was content in the moment, when the world seemed quiet and peaceful. She had the time to breathe and clear her head as the last warm rays of the sun beamed across the land and upon her face.

The light dimmed as the sun fell behind the horizon, and her mind drifted back to the chaos of the previous days...

_It had been fairly quiet for a couple of days after Justice's Joining ceremony, as she had hoped. But she had felt uneasy for reasons she couldn't explain, something just didn't feel right. It was like the calm before the storm. And then the storm hit._

_The Wardens had barely finished breaking their morning fast when people, noble and common, began pouring in to the Keep, frantically reporting that a darkspawn horde was marching across the land, seemingly enroute to Vigil's Keep. Lord Eddelbrek had been one of the nobles to appear, and was just expressing his concern for the country folk when an elven messenger had interrupted and breathlessly informed them that another darkspawn army was about to descend upon the city of Amaranthine._

_Kateriel had to think fast, there was practically no time to prepare. The city was still under-manned and there wouldn't be enough time to get a force there. She gave an order for soldiers to go out and round up all the people they could from the surrounding lands that the horde had not yet reached and bring them into the Keep for safety. It was to be done quickly, and then the doors were to be shut tight against the enemy that was on its way._

_As for the city, only a small, efficient group would be fast enough to reach it in time. Kateriel would go, of course, and she had chosen Nathaniel, Sigrun, and Anders to go with her. She had placed her hand on Oghren's shoulder and declared him in command during her absence. They hurried to get ready and made their way swiftly to the city._

_The city was already over-run with 'spawn when they arrived. Before she could plan any strategy, a messenger from the Architect arrived to warn them that the Keep was under attack. A hard decision had once again been placed at her feet. Save the city or return to Vigil's Keep. Though a tough decision, it didn't take long to decide. They were already at the city and she would not even hear the talk of burning it down, of burning innocent people alive in their homes. She knew when she left the Keep that a horde would soon break upon its walls. But she'd had faith in the strong walls that they'd built and the soldiers and Wardens with-in it._

_The Wardens fought hard and eventually cleared the city of the darkspawn. They had no time to receive the people's thanks when it was over. Once again, she made a hard choice; she would not yet return to Vigil's Keep. If the horde was at the Keep then there would be less 'spawn to deal with at the darkspawn nest, less protecting their Mother. Kateriel prayed that those at Vigil's Keep would hold out for a while longer._

Kateriel paused in her reverie to turn and look out over the Keep. The walls and buildings were being rebuilt. A few people were out and about but all was quiet. She was beginning to find such peace and quiet almost unsettling, for whenever she seemed to take a moment to breathe something else would happen.

A pleasant and familiar laugh reached her ears and a smile broadened across her face. Sigrun and Nathaniel were down in the yard near the houses. Both were kneeling down next to Nathaniel's mabari, the dog on its back and Sigrun rubbing its tummy. Kateriel was immensely pleased and relieved to see her friend up and about, it was the first time in days, ever since the fight against the Mother. Kateriel's smile faded as she passed back into memory.

_"Well...at least it wasn't another dragon," Sigrun grinned at her as Kateriel stared down in shock and horror at the body of the Varterral they had just killed. This was a creature out of elven legend, but it had attacked them and they had to kill it. She wasn't exactly sure how she felt about it. She decided to simply push on._

_And so they did, down through the twisting staircases of the ancient ruins of the Dragonbone Wastes. That was where they met the Architect. That was where he died. Kateriel had listened to him speak of how he only wanted peace for his kind, to prevent them from continuing to attack those on the surface, to end the blights once and for all. Kateriel thought back to Fiona's warning, that the Architect had tried to stop the blights by tainting all of Thedas and it was not to be trusted. Even without Fiona's warning, Kateriel wasn't about to make deals with this creature. After all it had done, all that Kateriel had seen since arriving at Vigil's Keep, there was just no way that she would trust it. The attack on Vigil's Keep, the dead Wardens that the Architect only explained were 'unfortunate'. Capturing them and experimenting on her. Not to mention that it was the Architect that had caused the Blight by digging up the Old God. Darkspawn were dangerous enough without giving them the ability to think and strategize, not to mention that these 'liberated' darkspawn were insane and resentful of their freedom. Though she understood the creature's desire, darkspawn existed to taint the world; everything the Architect had even tried to do was tainted. No, the only way to stop the darkspawn was to destroy them. And the Architect was a darkspawn, one of the first. And it was Kateriel's duty to end him. She did._

_The Wardens pressed on, fighting through the tainted tunnels, until they reached the Mother. It was unlike any Brood Mother Kateriel had ever seen, and it was severely insane. The battle was intense and not without casualties. After what seemed like hours, Sigrun had gone down. Kateriel had not seen how it happened but she'd turned to find Nathaniel standing over her, firing arrows at the 'children' that swarmed them. Once his arrows were gone his did his best to fight them off with his daggers. Anders had been fiercely trying to provide support for both Nathaniel and Kateriel but he started to slow, his power had been almost completely drained. It wasn't until Kateriel was hacking at a tentacle that had wrapped around her foot, that she finally was provided the moment to end it. And it was thanks to Anders, who protected her while she was distracted by throwing himself in front of her, shielding her from a blast of acid spewed by the Mother. It covered Anders from head to foot and he screamed in agony. His scream made the Mother throw back her head and laugh. But that was when Kateriel had summoned all her remaining strength and launched herself at the Mother, driving her dagger straight into the creatures gaping, laughing mouth. The creature's body shook momentarily before it collapsed._

_The Wardens laid on the ground panting heavily. Then Kateriel pushed herself up and hurried over to Anders. She had one healing potion left and forced it on the mage, as he was burned terribly and only had enough power left to heal himself a little. Then she scrambled over to Nathaniel who was slowly pouring his last potion into Sigrun's mouth. The dwarf look bad, her skin was grey and her breath shallow. Once the potion was drunk she seemed a little better. Kateriel and Nathaniel quickly bandaged Sigrun and Anders' wounds, then patched up themselves as best they could. They needed to rest but it was not safe there. Nathaniel didn't have the strength to carry Sigrun in his arms so Kateriel help him drape Sigrun over his back, while Kateriel did her best to support Anders._

_The journey out of the ruins was a blank spot in Kateriel's memory. The Dragon Bone Wastes were not the safest place rest either but they could not continue on. She and Nathaniel made a hasty camp and got what rest they could, taking turns at a difficult watch. After Anders had rested some he had gotten up to heal Sigrun some more, using up his strength before he had completely healed his burns which left his arm scarred forever. But the young Dwarf remained unconscious. The journey back to Vigil's Keep was slow and strained with worry. They had thankfully reached a farm where they were given a wagon ride back to the Keep._

Kateriel smiled again as she watched her friends play with the dog. She had been terrified for her Sigrun. She thanked any and all gods for healing magic. At that moment, Anders walked out of the Keep, affectionately cooing and stroking his adopted cat, 'Ser Pounce-A-Lot'. She owed the mage one, if he hadn't protected her from the acid, they might not have won. She had made sure to acknowledge that fact and thanked him greatly.

Kateriel's eyes drifted to the gate and her mind drift back again...

_It was night again when Vigil's Keep came into view, marking the end of the second day since they'd left for the Wastes, and the wagon stopped at a distance to scout how safe the situation was. The Keep was surrounded by pockets of darkspawn, but, at the moment, there seemed to be a pause in the fighting. The Wardens didn't waste their opportunity. Kateriel carefully lead the way to the secret passage entrance outside the walls that would lead them inside the Keep. They had to move quickly. One small unit of 'spawn had found them, but the Wardens were able to fight them off. The trap door to the passage was barred from the inside so Anders had to blast part of it open. Kateriel grabbed some brush and tried to cover the door from sight, as its natural covering had been damaged._

_Once inside, the troops were happy to see them, as well as the other Wardens. Nathaniel slipped back into the passages with a thick wooden beam to block up the passage entrance, while Varel updated Kateriel on the situation. The bulk of the horde had been defeated and the battle had only ended hours before. They expected more attacks but were resting while they could as the 'spawn seemed to be taking a break as well. Varel told her of Oghren's valour as he had taken on two ogres at once. Unfortunately, though the ogres lay dead, Oghren lay in the infirmary unconscious and having lost a great deal of blood. Another person of special note was Alec "the shepherd-turned-soldier", who not only had been fighting valiantly but was now leading troops into battle._

_All the Wardens had been fighting heroically, but the stories would have to wait. Kateriel and the others were sent immediately to rest before another attack was delivered. Velanna was awakened and she healed the rest of Kateriel's company's wounds. Sigrun regained a bit of consciousness, but was soon asleep again as she was very weak._

_Another assault was made by the darkspawn before morning. The troops seemed bolstered by Kateriel's presence and she was happy to fight with them this time. She discovered that the darkspawn had found out about the loss of their Mother, as one of the talking 'spawn threw curses and promises of revenge at her. The bands of darkspawn must have pooled together for the attack and it lasted until the afternoon. Finally, the attacking 'spawn were either dead or had retreated. There were a few more losses, including Justice, who had been cut down._

It'd been a week since that battle. She'd been glad to return Kristoff's body to his wife, though she wondered what had become of Justice. Hopefully, he had found his way back to the Fade. Kateriel was sorry to lose a friend, even though she hadn't known Justice long, but she had to admit that a walking corpse never really sat well with her. It was ...unnatural. Anders seemed to take the loss of Justice the hardest. He just didn't seem himself. He was quieter, more serious, and somewhat withdrawn.

Kateriel turned her attention back outside the Keep walls, scanning the surrounding land. The darkspawn had mostly retreated to the Deep Roads, though some vengeful bands would still pop up and attack the Keep. They were easy enough to deal with as the groups were relatively small in number. There was also the random attack on a road or farmstead, so patrols circulated regularly.

Word had reached Denerim of the attack on Vigil's Keep and of the darkspawn defeat. Kateriel received a letter from Alistair, asking her to come to Denerim to make an official report on the situation in Amaranthine. She replied that she would have to decline going at that time, as there was far too much to organize and oversee with the rebuilding of the Keep and the healing of the people. She did ask that the King spare some soldiers to protect Amaranthine for the time being, especially the city. She did say to Alistair that she would come as soon she was able.

Kateriel was relieved to have an excuse not to see him at the moment. She was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally, and she knew that when she saw him again it would be time to give him his letter and then she would let him decide whether he would return to her or not; she would find out if he still loved her as he used to. She didn't know if she could handle that situation right now. It had taken all her will to decline seeing him immediately. If she did, she was afraid she might throw herself at his feet and beg him to never leave her again.

Kateriel worked to heal the Arling in every way she could, not believing it right for her to just focus on the political and the paperwork. She helped in the rebuilding of the Keep, helped with the injured, and handed out food and such to those who had lost their homes. She helped where ever she could, because she wanted to and because she was glad to be kept busy and her mind off the King.

She also sent word to Weissaupt, detailing the entire situation including everything about The Architect and the Mother. She heard no reply.

Fergus Cousland had made a brief visit to the city and to Vigil's Keep to assess the situation and offer any help he could lend. However, he regretted not being able to remain as he needed to ensure that the people of Highever were protected from the roaming darkspawn so near their home. His own lands were still healing and rebuilding as well. He promised to send food and supplies but unfortunately could not send soldiers at that time.

She turned from her vigil on the rampart and made her way down from the wall and across the courtyard. She had almost reached the entrance to the Keep when she heard her name. Anders came storming toward her, Velanna following behind looking irritated.

"I can't believe what Velanna just told me about your people!" he practically shouted, "Please tell me it's not true! Tell me your people do not send children off on their own, forcing them to leave their clan, their family, because they are mages!"

Kateriel was confused to say the least. She blinked at him, her brows pressed together. Then she turned her eyes to Velanna for explanation.

"It's true," she snipped, "Tell him."

"I...have never heard of this," Kateriel said, trying to think fast, recalling her youth and her knowledge of her people. "However, my clan hasn't had a mage born to it in many years. We had to adopt from another clan to find a First for the Keeper. And I admit, being not a magic user myself, I never paid any attention to that kind of thing, it never affected my life." She turned to Velanna in concern and confusion. "What is this that they do?"

Velanna huffed and rolled her eyes before answering. "In order to keep the rest safe, clans can't have too many mages. So when a child manifests magic and there are no other clans nearby who might need a mage, the child is sent away on their own to try and conquer their magic. It is for the safety of all."

Kateriel could only gape at Velanna in disbelief. They sent children into the wild to try to control their magic or die! She just couldn't believe it. She was shocked and horrified. Apparently Anders wasn't too happy about it either.

"You send them to their deaths!" he was literally vibrating with anger, "Your people act so proud, so perfect! You send those innocent elves out to die or fall prey to demons out of their desperation!"

"And what should we do?" Velanna spat back, "Lock them up in towers for the rest of their lives!"

"At least they'd be safe! They would eat and be warm," Anders shouted, "They would have instruction and protection. I don't agree with the circles but it's far better than sending a child away on their own with no one to instruct them, no one to protect them! You people are monsters!"

Kateriel was still in shock. She didn't agree with this practice of her people at all. Surely this was not how they would have done things long ago. Not during the Dales and not during the time of Arlathan. However, she could feel the situation was close to getting out of control.

"Easy, Anders," she said, laying a hand on his arm.

"No!" he shouted, knocking her arm away. Suddenly, his eyes flashed and lit with a blue light. A blue magical energy surrounded him like electricity. And his voice changed, became deep. Yet, it sounded somewhat familiar. "This is wrong!"

Kateriel glared in alarm, her body tensing. "Anders?" she asked.

"Not Anders at the moment, Commander," said the voice, "I am the one who will bring justice to mages like those children your people threw away."

"Justice?" she asked, her eyes wide and brows raised in amazement.

"Correct!" Justice said, "Your people should pay for those innocent lives. Do the Dalish not claim that every elven life is precious? Yet, they throw away those who have magic ability!"

Kateriel motioned for Velanna to leave, before returning her attention back to Justice. "I think you need to calm down," Kateriel said firmly, "Anders! Snap out of it!"

Anders placed his hands on his head and bowed over, shaking his head roughly. When he raised his head again, he panted heavily and looked slightly confused, but his eyes were clear and he'd stopped glowing.

Kateriel grasped his shoulder roughly. "Care to tell me what the hell _that_ was?" she asked, anger and apprehension thick in her voice.

He looked at her, uncertain and uneasy. "Justice agreed with me about the injustices that mages face in the world," he explained slowly, "We had talked about him helping me fight that injustice. When he was struck down in that battle he came to me. I...let him in. Now we can fight together."

Kateriel regarded him with disbelief, shaking her head, unable for a moment to speak. "You have Justice inside of you? Is that really a good idea? Is that safe?"

"Justice is a spirit, not a demon," Anders explained, "He does not possess me."

"What do you call that?" Kateriel asked sceptically, crossing her arms "What happened just now? It didn't look like you were in control to me."

"It's...a new arrangement," Anders said slowly, "I'm just getting used to it. You needn't worry, Commander. Spirits like Justice, Faith, and Compassion can help people. There's nothing to fear. Please trust me."

Kateriel remembered how Wynne had once explained that a spirit that had come to her and lent her its power. It remained with her still. But nothing like what she had just witnessed has ever happened to Wynne, not as far as Kateriel knew. Still, Anders was her friend, as was Justice. Though it didn't sit well deep inside of her, she decided to go along with him, them, for now...

"All right, Anders," Kateriel said with a nod but fixing him with a stern look, "However, you must remain in control. I will be watching you, make no mistake. Velanna will want an explanation; I will tell her, as well as the others. They should know; they have a right to, for the safety of all."

"Fine," Anders agreed with reluctance, "I would prefer it be only the Wardens that know, Commander, please."

"Agreed," Kateriel sighed before she turned and headed into the Keep.

She spoke to the other Wardens individually. Her conversation with Velanna was the most heated, which Kateriel expected. The discussion eventually turned to conflict as Velanna changed the subject to her sister. Velanna had brought it up continually during the last week. She was angry that Kateriel would not send out people to search for her sister. Kateriel had explained that watch was always kept for her sister during darkspawn patrols but they could not send people to search places like the Deep Roads, the mines, or the Wastes. Not when the Keep was still being attacked and there were still reports of bands of 'spawn around the countryside.

With great sympathy, sadness, and all the gentleness she could muster, Kateriel tried once again to explain to Velanna that, by this time, her sister was probably killed by the taint or turned to a darkspawn. Velanna accused her of already giving up on her sister and that, even if she was dead, her body needed to be found and given a proper elven burial. Kateriel once again promised that they would go in search of Seranni as soon as they were able. Unappeased, as usual, Velanna stormed off, and Kateriel watched her go with a heavy heart as she remembered Tamlen.

Kateriel retired to her chambers and was out on the balcony when there was a knock on the door. After being given permission, Nathaniel entered and joined her on the balcony. He expressed deep concern about Velanna. During the week she'd become more withdrawn again from everyone but especially him. Kateriel had noticed but decided it was best just to give Velanna some space.

They talked for a while over all that had happened and what they thought was yet to come. After a while, Nathaniel bid her goodnight. Kateriel fell into bed exhausted and slept fitfully; her dreams troubled by glowing mages and tainted elves.

The next morning no one could find Velanna. The explanation appeared in a note that she had left for Nathaniel; she had slipped it under his door before leaving. She said that was going in search of her sister. She told him that things would never have worked out between them as he was a human and she was a Dalish elf. The King and the Commander were living proof of that. She wished him well and that his god would watch over him.

The personal part of the note was never shared with the others; Nathaniel chose to let Kateriel read it for herself during a private conversation later in the day. He was upset, understandably so, but as they talked he confessed that their attachment had still been new and not fully developed. Even though it stung, it was not as bad as it would have been had they been deeply in love. He assured Kateriel that he would be better soon, though he would miss her and worries for her going off by herself.

Kateriel was glad to hear it. She would never wish heartbreak like her own on anyone. Her mind drifted to wondering where Alistair was and what he might be doing. She promised she would go to see him soon. Yet, she couldn't understand her hesitancy. She supposed it was because she feared he would reject her, that she would learn that he no longer loved her. As for her, she would never stop loving him anymore than she could cease to breathe or stop her heart from beating.

* * *

 

A week later in Denerim...

Alistair was in the training yard for a morning sparring session with Eben, but his mind was not focused as it was swirling with many other things.

An intruder was discovered near Ryain's room. Zevran and Sherran had discovered the plan for the kidnap attempt and had lain in wait, intercepting the villain in the hall. The infiltrator fought back and was killed. That had been nearly two weeks ago. The spy network had not discovered new plans for another attempt as of yet.

Ser Cauthrien's pregnancy had been made known to him and their inner circle, but kept relatively private otherwise. He didn't doubt that more people would know as servants tended to talk. At Anora's request, or rather, insistence, he assigned a suite to Cauthrien for the time being. He wondered at Anora's attentiveness to Cauthrien, never neglecting Ryain of course, and Anora merely claimed that Cauthrien was her dearest friend.

Alistair marvelled once more at the changes in Anora from when he first met her. When discussing it with Zevran and Sharren one night, they suggested that having a child would often soften the heart of a woman, make her more gentle and compassionate. Not to mention the heart break of losing her father, coupled with the fact that his influence in her life was not as prevalent, it made sense that she would change somewhat. It could also be that, even though she was not happy about it, the fact that she no longer carried the burden of the crown might have given her a bit of peace. With no husband or crown to be tied to, and her father no longer trying to take control, she was free to live as she pleased with the exception of raising the next ruler of Ferelden.

There had been some problems once again between the humans and the elves in the guard ranks and even in the city. Change never would come easy.

And finally, he worried about what was going on in Amaranthine. More specifically, he worried about Kateriel. He knew he didn't need to but he couldn't help it, and ... he missed her terribly. He'd received a few, very brief, reports from her about rebuilding and sporadic darkspawn attacks. The last report said that there hadn't been an attack in two days. She still did not want to leave, wanting to wait a few more days to make sure and because there was still a lot of work to be done to heal Amaranthine.

"Your highness," Eben said with slight irritation. When Alistair didn't appear to hear him, he tried again, "Alistair!"

"What?" Alistair asked blinking hard.

"You're not even trying. It's almost insulting," Eben replied, lowering his sword, "Is something wrong?"

"Hmmm. You know," Alistair said, a smile forming on his lips, "I'm tired of hiding from my enemies. Anora and Ryain should be safe here with Zevran and Sharren and all the guard. I think I need a little vacation. Let's go to Vigil's Keep."


	27. Not To Be Denied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ar lath ma = I love you
> 
> Ma vhenan'enas = liberal translation to mean My heart's home
> 
> Also a Warden Constable is the second in command under a Warden Commander

"Melonie, where is my armour?" Kateriel asked, staring into her wardrobe with confusion.

The young woman stepped beside her and peered in as well. "I don't know, m'lady," Melonie replied with honest bafflement.

" _All_ of my armour is gone, not just my best set," Kateriel said as her confusion slowly turned to irritation. As she continued to frown into the wardrobe, her irritation flashed to anger when she realized what else was missing, "And my weapons! What the sodding hell is going on!"

Kateriel sent Melonie to fetch Varel while she dressed in a light linen shirt and halla skin pants. When Varel appeared, Kateriel was surprised that Nathaniel and Sigrun had accompanied him. The three of them stood side-by-side, all wearing very serious expressions. Their eyes held different emotions however; Nathaniel's was wary but determined, Varel's was uneasy, and Sigrun's was hopeful. Suddenly, Kateriel thought she knew what this was about.

"Commander," Varel began slow, obviously choosing his words carefully, "You've been going almost non-stop in the past weeks. And though we agree with your argument that everyone has been working hard, none have worked so hard and tirelessly as you. You may not think so but it will catch up to you."

"And so," Nathaniel joined in, "Since you have refused to take some time to relax and rest, even though we have all repeatedly asked you to do so –,"

"Your friends have conspired _for_ you, for your own good," Sigrun took over, "You have been given the day off. Like it or not."

Kateriel was about to speak when Nathaniel beat her to it. "It just one day, Kateriel," he said in a gentle tone, causing the words she had been about to say to die on her lips. His tone, plus his use of her name, gave her pause.

It had been over two weeks since the battle with the darkspawn. There hadn't been an attack on the Keep or on the city in a few days. From before sunrise to after sunset, she'd been working hard every day to repair the damage to both the people and their homes. The others had told her that she needed to ease up a bit; that she didn't need to try to fix everything all at once. They were afraid she'd burn herself out. She had refused.

She looked at her friends carefully. She was not at all pleased with the situation, but the almost pleading looks they were giving her began to quench her anger. She knew they meant well, and they obviously were going to lengths to persuade her.

"You didn't have to take my weapons and armour," Kateriel said stubbornly even though she could feel herself starting to concede. "And there's a lot of work that I can do with out it, you know."

"Kateriel," Sigrun sighed half-irritated and half-pleading, placing her hand on her hips and narrowing her eyes at her friend.

"All right, fine!" Kateriel said, throwing her hands up in the air. She turned abruptly and walked away, flopping herself down on the couch with a huff.

"Thank you, Commander," Varel said clearly relieved, "If you need anything let me know."

"I need my armour and weapons," grumbled Kateriel. She heard Sigrun laugh as her three friends left her room.

Kateriel sighed heavily. What was she supposed to do know? She rolled off the couch and made her way to the balcony. It was a clear and bright day, though was sure that she could sense the chance of a storm later in the day. There was no reason that she couldn't simply walk about Vigil's Keep and see what was happening even if she couldn't help.

She looked to her bed briefly, knowing, as her friends did not, that there was a dagger in its sheath, hidden under her mattress for emergencies. But her friends had made their request and she had agreed to it, so she left it alone.

After breaking her fast, Kateriel wandered around the Keep for a while, talking to people as she passed them by. She found her way into the kitchen, a place she'd only seen once. A little known fact about her was that she enjoyed cooking and loved to bake. Of course, Dalish clans never had kitchens; they cooked everything over fires, and baked either over flames or in clay ovens that were placed over fire-pits.

Kateriel talked the cooks into letting her make something, with their help of course. Soon the entire cooking staff was in the kitchen watching Kateriel attempt to make Dalish sweet buns. While most of the baking equipment was the same, there were new and different things to use that Kateriel was less familiar with, and the cooks were more than happy to make recommendations. They talked about different recipes while the treats baked. The sweet buns were a success and the cooks made Kateriel promise to visit and bake or cook with them again. Kateriel promised she would and she was very pleased to have been able to connect with some more of her people.

Her stomach pleasantly full, she continued to meander about the Keep until she found herself in a quiet sitting room. It was cozy and small with a couch placed across from a fireplace and two chairs at either end. There was a fire going in the hearth, more to remove dampness than for warmth as it was a warm day. Between the furniture and the hearth there was a thick fur rug that reminded her strongly of the one that Ashalle used to have in her aravel.

Kateriel smiled as she lay down on the fur and ran her fingers through it. She stared into the flames of the fire and began to feel drowsy. Perhaps her friends had been right and she was more tired than she realized, she thought, as she drifted to sleep.

* * *

 

"How can no one find her?" Nathaniel asked in disbelief and annoyance, "Do you think she might have gone outside the walls?"

"Who can say?" replied Sigrun, with a shrug, "But the King is dismounting from his horse as we speak. Kateriel named you Warden Constable, you should go out to greet him with Varel."

Nathaniel nodded. "All right but keep looking," he said, turning to rush down to the inner courtyard.

Nathaniel met Varel at the Keep's entrance. "Has anyone found the Commander yet?" Varel asked, apprehensive.

Nathaniel shook his head as he and Varel exited the Keep and headed toward the lower courtyard. They met the King and his entourage on the stairs separating the courtyards. The two men bowed and welcomed Alistair to Vigil's Keep. Varel assigned servants to see to the needs of Alistair's guards, and then he and Nathaniel led the King to the great hall, inquiring on his majesty's safe journey and other such formalities. It was unsurprising that the Captain of the King's guard, a man introduced as Ser Eben Sommerled, and the King's mabari, went with them.

Oghren was drinking in the great hall, as usual, and greeted Alistair in a raucous, yet friendly way. The King and the dwarf shared some amiable jibes as Oghren poured ales for Alistair and Eben.

"I see you brought Kateriel her mutt," Oghren said jabbing a finger in Thunder's direction.

The dog merely huffed at Oghren in response and continued to sniff the air and look tense, as if he was ready to run. Alistair assumed it was due to the excitement of getting to see Kateriel again. He understood. He was eager with anticipation as well but she had yet to appear.

"So, speaking of Kateriel," Alistair began as he looked around, "I was rather expecting that the Warden Commander would be here to meet me."

He saw Nathaniel and Varel exchange glances, but it was Oghren that answered. "No one can find her," he laughed, obviously finding it amusing and earning scowls from the other two men.

"Can't find her?" Alistair repeated, his brows raised in surprise, "I know she's small but..."

"We...gave her the day off," Nathaniel explained, "And she's been hard to keep track of." He heaved a heavy sigh and grumbled, "I honestly think she's doing it on purpose."

Alistair laughed. "You're probably right!" he grinned. Then he turned and looked down at the dog. "No matter, we'll find her. Thunder...go-"

The dog was off like a shot before Alistair could finish speaking. The men had to run fast to keep up, as Thunder raced through the halls, only stopping once or twice to sniff the air and have a door opened.

* * *

 

Whatever Kateriel had been dreaming about, it soon changed to visions of playing with Thunder. He barked joyfully as they ran together through forest and across fields. But his barking increased in volume and soon her mind told her it was too loud to be a dream.

She had just opened her eyes when a great, hairy form leaped over the couch and down upon her, causing her to shriek in a very undignified and girlish way. But it took only a second for her to register that it was Thunder who was plastering her face with slobbery kisses. She threw her arms around the dog's neck and hugged him tight.

"Oh, I've missed you!" she exclaimed with joy as she buried her face in Thunder's fur. It had only suddenly occurred to Kateriel about who might have brought her beloved dog to her, when she heard a familiar laugh.

"So this is what the Hero of Ferelden does on her days off?" the voice accompanying the laugh said.

Kateriel turned her head to find Alistair standing behind the couch, grinning at her from ear to ear. She could feel her skin turning red, not from embarrassment but from the feelings that seeing him brought upon her.

There he stood, in his royal armour, looking every bit the King he should be. He was still as handsome as ever and his eyes shone with the humour that she loved so much, evidence of his fun-loving and easy-going personality.

"Alistair," Kateriel said, unable to hide the affection she felt. His expression softened even more as she met his gaze and she saw a tenderness there that she hoped she hadn't imagined. She fought hard against the desire to run and throw herself into him arms and let all the care of the past weeks fade away, as only his presence could banish it.

Her heart raced in her chest and she fought hard to slow it, for beside him stood a dark haired man in armour, as well and Nathaniel and Varel.

"Your Majesty," Kateriel said, standing quickly, composing herself and bowing, "I apologize for not being able to greet you properly." She looked down at her plain attire and brushed herself off. She hoped she didn't seem as flustered as she felt.

Wow, that was very formal, Alistair thought. He had been unsure what to expect when seeing her again. So much had happened to her, so much had changed. There were other people in her life now...did she even miss him? She still looked the same, still pretty, wild and strong. Her green eyes still held that playfulness and warmth that he adored about her. And the way she said his name sent a thrill through him, beginning and ending straight in his heart. His desire to go to her, stroke her cheek with his hand and wrap her in his arms nearly won him over.

"Think nothing of it, Commander," he said, shaking his head and still grinning, "I have seen you covered in dirt, grime, blood, and Maker only knows what else."

"Indeed," she smiled warmly, causing Alistair's heart to clench, "Yet, I feel that I should beg leave to go and dress more appropriately."

"Kateriel," Alistair said in a gentle tone, "Can we please skip the formalities now? You are my dearest friend. We did the proper greetings, now let move past them."

"As you wish," Kateriel replied with a sigh, as she relaxed a little more and her smile brightened.

"Besides, you look great," he smiled, his gaze soft, "you always do."

As they continued to stare into each other's eyes, the heat that passed between them was nearly overwhelming. Then a throat cleared and the trance was broken. Alistair turned to the one who had made the noise, the man standing next to him.

"Oh! Ah, right! Kateriel, this is the Captain of my guard, Ser Eben Sommerled," Alistair said, indicating to Eben. Kateriel and Eben exchanged bows. "He is also a very good friend and has been invaluable to me since the coronation."

"Warden Commander, it is a great honour to met The Hero of Ferelden at last," Eben said, his smile cordial, "His Majesty speaks very highly of you indeed."

"Well met, Ser Sommerled," Kateriel replied, "I'm very glad to hear Alistair has such a good and reliable friend. I trust you to watch over him for me."

"I will protect him with my life, My Lady," Eben said gravely with a bow.

"And this" Kateriel said walking over to stand near Varel and Nathaniel, and indicating to Varel, "is my seneschal, Varel. Though I believe you met him shortly after I did the last time you were here."

"Yes, I remembered," Alistair smiled.

"And of course, you would have already met these two anyway, seeing as they came in here with you," Kateriel said after realizing the fact and shaking her head at herself.

"Which means you've met Warden Nathaniel Howe," Kateriel said indicating to Nathaniel. She paused as both men nodded the affirmative. "Nathaniel is my right hand man, my newly appointed Warden Constable. He has also been a good friend and has had my back, more than once," she finished with a smile for her friend.

Alistair could not help the wave of jealousy that rolled through him at the affectionate look Kateriel gave Nathaniel Howe. He stamped it down, refusing to show it. He knew that he couldn't expect that Kateriel would never be with anyone else. And Howe was only a friend as far as he knew. Still, he couldn't seem to stop himself from what he said next.

"I'm sorry about your father. That couldn't have been easy," Alistair said, serious. Nathaniel bowed his head in response, his expression speaking that it had not. "I trust that you do not follow in his footsteps; that treachery is not a family trait?" He ignored the confused and uncertain look that Kateriel gave him.

Nathaniel's face grew grim. "No, your majesty," he replied, "I value the Commander's friendship, and I also greatly respect her. I am honoured to be a Grey Warden. I would never do what my father so shamefully did. I'd protect her and any of my fellow Wardens with my life."

"Good to hear," Alistair said, "Because if you were to ever betray her, you would pay with your life, mark my words."

"Alistair!" Kateriel scolded, looking at him with a mixture of surprise and annoyance.

"It's all right, Commander," Nathaniel said, "I understand His Majesty's scepticism. I suspect it will be some time before my father's deeds cease to cast some shadow over me." Turning back to Alistair, "I assure you, my King, that I am _not_ my father."

"I believe you," Alistair relented, his tone lighter, "Especially if Kateriel trusts you. I trust her judgement. After all, she once recruited the assassin who tried to kill her and he turned out all right." Turning to Varel, he said, "And now, I think I'd like to change into something a little more comfortable."

"I'll show you to your room, your Majesty," Varel said, then lead Alistair and Eben out of the room.

Kateriel gave Nathaniel a sympathetic look. "I apologize for that," she said, reaching out and placing a hand on his arm. "I guess Alistair is a little protective."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Nathaniel smiled, humourless, "One should be protective of their friends, should they not?" He gave Kateriel's hand a squeeze. He looked down to smile at Thunder, "And now, who is this fine mabari?"

"Ah, yes, this is Thunder," Kateriel grinned and rubbed the dog's head, "He helped me during the Blight."

"Oh, a hero then in that case!" Nathaniel said reached to scratch Thunder's ears. Thunder barked happily in response. "Why don't I take Thunder for a little walk and show him around the Keep? I'll introduce him to my mabari."

Thunder looked at Kateriel, clearly unsure whether he wanted to be parted from his master. Kateriel smiled and patted his head.

"Go on. Have a look around," Kateriel encouraged, "This will be your home now for as long as it's mine. Might as well get to know it. I'll walk you as far as the great hall and then I'll catch up with you later on."

The dog barked to agree and the three left the room together. They met Sigrun at the doors to the great hall. Sigrun was especially delighted with Thunder. She loved animals. There weren't really that many in Orzammar or the Deep Roads, certainly not anything nice and furry. It was one of the things that Sigrun had bonded with Nathaniel over, as he knew so much about animals and had such a love for them as well.

It occurred to Kateriel, as she stood watching her friends, that Sigrun seemed to have developed quite an admiration for Nathaniel, ever since the battle with the Mother when Nathaniel stood over her and protected her. Kateriel didn't know if it was anything more but she would keep her eye on them. She wasn't sure that Nathaniel was in a place to think of starting another relationship yet. The young dwarf went with Nathaniel and Thunder for their tour.

Kateriel waited by the fire in the great hall for Alistair. He didn't keep her waiting long. As she watched him walk her way, her breath caught in her chest. He had exchanged his armour for a set of fine clothes, fit for a king. A red satin shirt with gold embroidery and a pair of dark blue pants of some materiel she couldn't place. Fine, buckskin boots topped of the outfit. Kateriel hoped she didn't look as enraptured as she actually was. No matter how richly he was dressed or how regal he looked, she would always see him as simply Alistair, as he had been when she first met him at Ostagar and during the Blight. But she couldn't deny that the fine clothing, tailored to fit him perfectly, complimented his already handsome qualities. When he stopped in front of her and smiled down at her in a way that melted her bones, there was no way she could stop the colour that rose to her cheeks.

Alistair smiled down at Kateriel and felt a surge of masculine pride at the way she looked at him. The slight blush upon her cheeks made him want to kiss each one and watch them increase in colour. He wanted to feel her shiver under his hands, to hear her breath grow heavy as he continued to kiss down her neck to her collar bone...He really needed to stop his trail of thought.

He turned to Eben. "I think I'm safe in Vigil's Keep, Eben," Alistair smiled and patted his friend's shoulder. "Take the rest of the day off. Relax for a while."

"As you command, My King," he replied with a bow. Turning to Kateriel with a smile, "I leave him in your capable hands, Commander." And then strode away chuckling.

Kateriel looked at Alistair with one brow raised and Alistair just shrugged in response. "So, I know you have the day off," he grinned, "I don't want you to feel that has changed with my being here, you know, visiting dignitary or something like that. Why don't you just do whatever you were going to do and I'll join you. Do you want to go and continue to take a nap on the rug?"

Kateriel laughed. "While taking a nap with you sounds _really_ inviting," she said in a mock sultry tone, "I did have something else in mind." Creators, she couldn't believe she was flirting with him! She couldn't help herself. She supposed she needed some kind of outlet, her desire for him was increasing every second she stood in his presence.

"Whatever you want to do," he replied, his voice a tone deeper. Was she _flirting_ with him? She was! Maker, yes! I'll play, he thought. "I'm all yours." He could have sworn he saw her shiver at his words. He knew he had to reign in his longing for her.

Kateriel grinned mischievously. "Then follow me."

She led them to the kitchen where she scored some sweet rolls, cold meat, and of course, cheese, from the pantry. She wrapped the food in a large cloth and grabbed a bottle of sweet wine. The kitchen staff looked at them curiously as they left with their prise. Kateriel explained that they were having an early lunch and if they could let the seneschal know when he stopped by to check on the meal preparation.

Kateriel led them up to Alistair's room so he could grab his sword at her request, then she lead them to her own room. After grabbing her hidden dagger and strapping it to her leg, she opened the door to the hidden passage. They made their way along until they came to the place where the ancient forgotten passage lay.

"I'm going to share my private secret with you," she grinned, "I found this unused passage while exploring one day."

Kateriel pressed the trigger in the wall and the door opened. They made their way along the passage until they came to the door that she was sure opened to the outside of the Keep. "I never got the chance to open this yet to see where it leads," she explained with excitement.

It looked heavy, being made of wood, metal, and the same stone blocks as the walls. She assumed it was made to look exactly like part of the wall from the outside. She removed the heavy beam that kept it sealed.

She pulled the door open with Alistair's help, the hinges were rusted and the door was indeed heavy. She opened it only enough to slip through. There was thick ivy hanging down from the walls but they were able to brush it aside. Interestingly enough, the door pushed closed again once they were outside. She assumed there must have been some springs she hadn't noticed and that would also have added to the difficulty in opening it.

"And...now we're outside the Keep," Alistair said uncertainly, "Why are we outside the Keep? With no armour and no one knows where we are?"

"We won't go far," Kateriel assured him as she tied a knot in some ivy so they'd know where the door was, "Come on, this will be nice. We can both take a break from our lives and catch up uninterrupted."

They walked through the trees for while until they found a sunny spot next to a gurgling stream. They made themselves comfortable on a grassy bank and ate their meal while telling each other stories about what had happened in recent weeks.

Alistair was amazed to hear about the Architect, the Mother, and all that had happened to Kateriel since she had arrived at Vigil's Keep. He'd heard it in the reports she wrote but she had only briefly touched on what had actually happened. He couldn't help but feel regret, even shame, that he hadn't been there to fight at her side and to once again fight to protect the world from the darkspawn as he had once vowed. He had been sitting in luxury while Kateriel had been fighting, nearly losing her life on more than one occasion. It was hard to swallow but it couldn't be helped. His duties lay elsewhere now.

He told Kateriel about the things going on in his life. Kateriel enjoyed the amusing and adorable stories about Ryain. She was amazed to hear about the changes in Anora and about Ser Cauthrien's pregnancy. And she was thrilled to hear that Zevran was doing well and sent his warmest regards. The things he told her about attempts on his life and to kidnap Ryain angered her. She was grateful that he had Zevran there to help out with things. She also attempted to express her extreme gratitude to Alistair for his part in defending her people during the attack in the Brecilian forest. And she was very intrigued with his new friend, Sharren, but couldn't help feeling wary of her, given that the woman was Red Jenny who were known to fight against the nobility.

They spent some time simply talking about their previous travels and companions. It was good to laugh at the crazy things that happened and remember the bonds that were created by the perils they faced.

Kateriel sat next to Alistair on the grass, and being so near to Alistair was driving her senses wild. She studied him carefully. Every glimmer of his eyes, every smile, every time their hands would accidently brush when reaching for something, sent waves of longing through her. She noticed tiny new worry lines at his eyes and mouth but they did nothing to subtract from his attractiveness. Once in a while the breeze would shift and carry his scent to her and it would momentarily cloud her mind like the strongest drink.

So many times Alistair wanted to take her hand in his, as they sat there together. So many times did he want to pull her close and hold her in his arms, especially when she told him of the dangers she'd faced. He wanted to feel her body pressed up against his. He longed to taste her lips and skin. He nearly groaned when every time she drank some wine and licked her lips. As he watched her closely, he noticed a small new scar on her right jaw, and her part of her eyebrow had turned white.

"I have to ask," he grinned, finding the little oddity something he had to find out about, "why is your eyebrow white?"

Kateriel laughed as she reached up and touched her brow. "I had a run in with an emissary," she explained, "Or more specifically, the lightning bolt it shot at me." She briefly told the story of the darkspawn attack, omitting what her feelings had been at the time that had caused her to be so reckless.

If Alistair suspected she wasn't telling him everything he didn't show it. Instead he reached up and touched her brow gently. Kateriel's breath caught in her throat and her skin burned at his touch. His eyes met hers and they held the same heat, the same longing and desire...the same love that also flowed through her veins.

Suddenly, the moment was broken by a clap of thunder. Kateriel had completely forgotten about having sensed a possible storm. The clouds rolled up so fast, the sky above them was already dark by the time they gathered up their things and made a run for it. They were soaked through to their skin by the time they reached the Keep and were laughing like lunatics as they tried to find the hidden door in the wall.

Once they found it they couldn't seem to push it open. Kateriel pushed with her shoulder against the door, while Alistair placed both hands on either side of her and pushed with all his strength. Suddenly, the entire door gave way, the hinges had broken and crashed into the wall opposite it. Kateriel lay against it with Alistair on top of her, propped up with his elbows on either side of her head. Both were laughing hysterically, until the moment when they realized the position they were in, how close they were to each other, how much of their bodies were pressed together.

Alistair held very still, his mouth was next her cheek. He could feel her breath against his skin, across his ear. Instinctually, he turned his head brushing his lips across her skin and he heard her sharp intake of air that she then seemed to hold. He lifted his face slightly to look into her eyes which were glassy and heavy lidded with desire. No force in Thedas, certainly not in his own power, could stop him from capturing her lips with his, even though he knew he shouldn't, he simply could not resist. Her lips burned against his, their kiss passionate and fierce. Her lips were still as sweet as he remembered and her touch was a balm that reached down to his bones.

Kateriel's mind was spinning with the intoxication of Alistair's lips against hers, their tongues dancing frantically. It had been only been seconds after the door had fallen, heartbeats of them being so very close to one another, until he had crashed his lips upon hers. She had prayed in those moments, in those seconds, that he would, even though she wasn't sure that they should and they had only been together for a few hours. Now they were pressed against one another, arms wrapped tightly around each other like ones drowning and clinging to a lifeline. Kateriel's body burned so hot, she was surprised there wasn't steam rising off her skin. She could feel the hard proof of his desire pressed against her, and when he reached under her wet shirt and touched her skin, she gasped and broke their kiss.

"Alistair," she breathed and placed a hand in his cheek to focus his attention, "Let's take this somewhere else!"

He nodded in agreement and stood to help her up. Thankfully, the door didn't look too damaged. They pushed it back into place and replaced the heavy beam that locked it. Then Kateriel grabbed Alistair by the hand and led him to her quarters.

Once there, Alistair pulled Kateriel into his arms again. "Ar lath ma," he whispered tenderly the Dalish words that he learned from her long ago.

Kateriel gasped softly, tears wetting her eyes but not enough to fall. "I love you too, ma vhenan'enas."

Then he kissed her, trying to pour all his love and desire for her into it. He had missed her so much! She returned his kiss with enthusiasm that made him breathless and at the edge of his control. He unlaced her shirt and broke their kiss to lift it up and over her head, tossing it to the floor. He paused for a moment to look her over. There were some new scars on her body, including a particularly large one on her left shoulder. He didn't return to her lips but began kissing along her jaw, down her throat, and along her collarbone, pausing briefly to kiss the scar on her shoulder. At the same time his hands drifted down her arms, then up her sides, tracing along the bottom of her breast band to her back, where he pulled the garment loose. The whole while he murmured praises against her skin and relished every gasp and mewling sound that escaped from her throat.

Kateriel moaned as Alistair cupped her breasts, kneading the flesh and rolling her nipples between his fingers. She had just begun to wonder if her legs would support her much longer, when he scooped her up in his arms. She squeaked in surprise and then giggled as he laid her down on the bed. Her laughter turned to moans and gasps once he had descended upon her, kissing and licking her breasts. She arched against his mouth and buried her hands in his hair. Then her hands trailed down to his shoulders and arms, and she frowned. He was far too over dressed and she desired to feel more of his skin. She growled and tugged at his shirt and Alistair sat up with a chuckle to remove the offending garment.

She held her breath as she looked him over, knowing that she would never tire of the sight of him. He was still well toned, which meant that he had been keeping up his training. Sitting up, she reached out and ran her hands over his chest, up to his shoulders, then buried one hand in his hair and wrapped the other arm around his shoulder. She kissed him with all the love and longing she held for him, and pulled him down on the bed. She gasped with pleasure at the feel on his skin against hers, and she wiggled against him, eliciting a moan from him.

It wasn't long before the rest of their clothes had been removed. They explored each other with fervour, neither seemed to be able to get enough. Caressing, stroking, gasping, sighing, and loving, until they were finally joined once more. Alistair began at a slow pace but the beautiful feeling of her around him again quickly broke his control and he began to thrust hard and fast. He was worried for one moment he was being too rough, even though she used to sometimes like it, but then he realized that she met his pace, his desperate need. He grasped her under her shoulders and then moved as fast and as hard as he could, Kateriel continuing to meet his pace and intensity.

Kateriel's senses were consumed by Alistair, his scent around her, his cries of passion filling her ears and blending beautifully with her own, his body moving above her and within her. With the emotions in her heart and the pleasure building lower down in her body, she thought she might fly apart. Her climax was intense as she cried out his name, her body pulsing.

Alistair wasn't far behind her, calling her name deep and hoarse, and then collapsing on top of her. He was thankful that she had found her completion first as he hadn't been sure he could hold on much longer. He rolled off her, to the side, and pulled her into his arms.

They lay together, catching their breath and kissing each other, happy and satisfied smiles on their faces.


	28. Truths, Lies, and Heartbreak

Kateriel lay next to Alistair, soaking in his presence. She felt rejuvenated and peaceful, as she knew she would be from being held in his arms again. She was happier than she'd felt in, what seemed like, ages. If only she could keep him with her now, for always. She decided that now was the time to give him Duncan's letter. Surely, he would want to stay with her once he read it, especially after what they just shared.

"Alistair," she said, tracing his jaw with her fingers.

"That's me" he replied with a lazy, playful smile.

"I have something for you," she said, climbing over him and off the bed. She walked to where a picture hung on the wall between her wardrobe and an elaborate chest of drawers. After moving the picture aside and removing a large stone, she took a small chest from the space in the wall. The entire time she explained how she had seen Duncan's seal on the chest that Kael and Stroud had found, and how she managed to gain access to it, with Zevran's help.

"Inside the chest I found this letter," she said nearly trembling with anticipation. "It's written by Duncan, and it's for you."

Alistair was amazed as he looked at the envelope that Kateriel placed in his hand. A letter from Duncan? He realized he was holding his breath and let it out as he quickly opened the letter and began to read.

Kateriel watched, intent and silent, as he read and re-read the letter. She grew confused and concerned as Alistair's face darkened, and anger replaced the warmth he held in his eyes.

When he finished, he lowered the paper and stared off at nothing, straining to process what he'd just read. So many emotions surfaced all at once. One thought surfaced above all else, one tied to many different and warring feelings...he was never meant to be king.

First, he felt bewilderment and... relief. All his life, after he'd found out who his father was, he understood that he was never meant for the crown. And he'd always accepted it, with out resentment. He'd never wanted it. He knew, deep inside, that he was meant for a different destiny. It didn't mean he was worth less than his brother. It didn't meant he wasn't every bit as good a man as his father. It meant he was destined for a different path.

Then something deep inside him snapped, and resentment and searing anger boiled up. There he was: King Alistair. It was a joke! It was a _lie_! His entire life he'd been lied to. Either lied to, or denied the truth. First he was the bastard of a washer woman and his father was unknown. Then he was Maric's bastard through an affair with a washer woman, who had died when Alistair was born. Now, he's Maric's son with a former Grey Warden, an elven mage!

His entire life he'd also been told where to go, what to do, who to be. He was told that he was nobody, then forced into the Chantry to become a Templar, and then conscripted into the Grey Wardens. Becoming a Grey Warden was the only thing that had ever felt right, probably because it was what he wanted. Then Cailan died and everyone told him that it was his duty to become king, despite having always being assured that would never be his place. Why did he listen?

He turned his head to look hard at Kateriel. It was because she had said he should. Why did she encourage him? If she truly loved him, then why would she want the one thing that would make it impossible for them to be together? Why didn't she listen when he said he didn't want to be king? He had told her before the Landsmeet that if he became king that it would change things between them.

At the Landsmeet, she stood forward and declared him king, choosing for him; she had not given him the chance to choose for himself. Worst of all, was that in doing so, she was choosing to end things between them. It hurt deeply, but he hid it; pushed it down deep inside and refused to even fully acknowledge it. He had clung to the belief that she loved him, despite that her choice, she did it because she cared for him. He accepted it and had been determined to be the best king he could be. For _her_.

But, now, that hurt resurfaced with his anger, and he was forced to examine it. She could have let Anora remain Queen, and they could have been together. Why did she do it? To put him in a position that could change things for her people? Had she used him? Had she ever really loved him?

He knew, deep down, that he was being irrational but he was too angry to care. Angry at being lied to. Angry at his parents for staying away from him and denying him the truth; of who they were, that they had loved each other, and that they loved him. Angry at his mother, who was alive and had still not come to him. Angry at Duncan for not telling him this himself a long time ago. Angry at Arl Eamon for pushing him to take the throne, at Kateriel for making it happen, and at himself for letting it.

And how long had Kateriel known of that letter? Why was she only giving it to him now? He didn't know what Kateriel wanted from him after this revelation, but he would not back away from the throne now. He would not say he made a mistake. No longer would he let anyone manipulate him. People might not think so, but he had pride and he would not walk away now. Oh, how his enemies would gloat, if he did! And he had made a promise to Ryain, despite the fact that the child didn't even know it. The boy was his heir. It was too late to simply walk away. _Why_ hadn't she told him this sooner?

Alistair got up from the bed and walked over to the fireplace, resting his arm against the mantle and staring into the hearth despite that there was no fire there. Kateriel was silent still, watching him with growing concern. He was not reacting the way she thought he would.

Finally, he spoke. "How long have you had this letter, Kateriel?" he asked, his voice low.

Kateriel moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "Since shortly after I left Denerim, as I said," She replied with trepidation, resting her hands in her lap.

He shifted his body to stand straight but still did not turn to face her. "Why did you wait this long to give it to me?" he asked, "Why did you not send it to me in Denerim?"

"Because it contains some...damaging information," she explained, delicately hinting at the truth. "I didn't trust that it would get to you safely."

"But I have seen you since then," he turned to face her now, his voice accusational and heated with his anger, "And you did not give it to me then."

"That was a particularly crazy time," she defended, but kept her tone neutral, as she was not sure where the conversation was headed or what, exactly, he was feeling, "I didn't think of it until after you were gone. I apologize for that."

"And why tell me now?" he demanded, throwing up his hands, then moving to dress himself. "Why tell me at all? What difference does it make to you that I was never intended to take the throne? That I am half elven?"

Seeing him begin to dress, she quickly moved to do the same. She waited until they were both dressed before she answered. She stepped to move a little closer to him, hurt by the wary look he gave her, and that he took a step back.

"It makes no difference to me who your parents were, or that you're half elven," she spoke, tender, "I gave you the letter because it, and the truth it contains, is yours. I won't deny that I have cherished hope that it might make you give up the throne and join the Wardens again. And that we can be together. Because I love you."

He was silent for a moment, looking at her with all the hurt and anger he was feeling. "I wish I could believe that," he said at last, a blow dealt to her heart.

"You doubt my love for you?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper due to the pain.

" _You_ chose to make me king and end things between us, Kateriel. If you wanted me with you then why did you do it? And _I_ got to look like the bad guy breaking it off officially," his voice grew rough with emotion and began rising as he fought to contain his anger, "Don't tell me that it was because you wanted what was best for me. That is _my_ choice to make. You pushed me away, and now you think you can just jerk me back? And what was this," he pointed at the bed, his voice rising, "further _incentive_?"

Kateriel's mouth fell open at his words, her mind too shocked to respond. She was sure her heart had stopped beating. She couldn't believe what she just heard him say. She had never seen him so angry.

"It's too late for us now, Kateriel! You made your choice months ago," he nearly roared, his anger boiling up and consuming him. He ignored the pain in her eyes, except to be satisfied that she felt as hurt as he did. "I am done being controlled and manipulated by people!" He moved toward the door, every line of his body screaming fury.

"Alistair, wait!" she pleaded. She stepped toward him, but stopped when he pulled the door open and turned to her with a glare upon his face.

"I'll be returning to Denerim now," he said with a coldness that he had never before used when speaking to her, "Goodbye, Kateriel." With that, he left the room, slamming the door behind him with echoing crash.

Kateriel stood in the centre of her room, still as stone. Her head was numb with shock and her breath was laboured. What had just happened? She took a few unsteady steps backward to her bed and sat down. Her head and her emotions were spinning. In a matter of hours, she had spent time with Alistair for the first time in what seemed like ages, made love to him as they declared their love for one another, and then suddenly he was furious with her and leaving while sounding as if he never wanted to see her again.

She resisted the urge to go after him. He was too angry and she did not want to cause a scene. And the things he said...

Her thoughts were interrupted by sounds from outside. It was still storming, but she didn't care as she moved out to her balcony and looked down at the commotion. Alistair was barking orders about getting their horses ready; it was so unlike him to act that way. She had never seen him so furious. She could see that it wasn't the first time he'd made the order, as most of the horses were already saddled in the lower courtyard. He hadn't even changed into his armour, so in a rush was he to leave. As soon as his party was ready, he led them out of the gates at a gallop.

As she watched him leave, her heart screamed out to him, though she did not open her mouth. She watched until she could not see him her heart shattered. She moved away from the railing, but did not go inside. She stood in the rain, unsure if the moisture on her face was water or tears. The flashes of lightning and crashes of thunder echoed the turbulence inside of her.

"Kateriel?" called a voice from the door. She hadn't even heard Nathaniel. Of course he would want to know why the king had suddenly left in a rage.

She did not move her body but turned her head slightly in his direction. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice dead, "I'd like to be alone right now."

She didn't need to see or hear to know that he did as she asked.

* * *

 

Alistair spurred his horse onward; he had not slowed their pace at all since leaving Vigil's Keep. He ignored the rain slashing across his face; it did nothing to cool his anger. He knew that riding in the storm was reckless but he didn't care. He wanted to roar back at the thunder every time it rumbled around him.

He had never felt quite like this before; he could not remember a time when he'd been this angry, this hurt. Not even when Eamon had sent him to the Chantry when he was a child. He felt betrayed by the world, abandoned.

The hard pace that he'd set brought them to the North Road just after dark. They stayed at the inn in a village not far off the road. Alistair ordered a room to himself and demanded to be left alone. He ignored the concerned looks that Eben gave him; he was grateful that the man chose not to question him.

He did not sleep well. He tossed and turned, plagued by strange and unsettling dreams, or dreams of Kateriel, naked beneath him and calling out his name. The poor rest did nothing to aid his temper. He roused his men before dawn and they were on the road again as the sun broke over the horizon. They reached the Denerim palace in the evening.

Alistair went directly to his study, ordering servants to round up his council. He waved off his seneschal when the man tried to make his reports. He stood in front of the fire in his study, gazing into the flames that seemed to reflect what he felt inside. He did not turn as the members of his council came in one at a time. He assumed Eben must have given them a heads up on the mood that he was in, for none of them said a word.

Finally, he turned around, and was surprised by an extra body amongst his council members. Had he not brushed off his seneschal, he would have been more prepared. But the surprise was not an unwelcome one.

"Your Majesty," Wynne bowed after seeing his surprised expression, "I hope you won't mind if I join your council today."

"Of course not, Wynne," he replied, remaining grim, "You have always been my council, officially or not."

He moved to his desk, placing his hands on the surface. His gaze fixed upon Zevran, whose face was neutral, but his eyes held concern. Alistair was certain Zevran's concern was not just for him. That Alistair had returned early from a visit to see Kateriel, and in a bad temper, was not a good sign for either friend. Alistair refused to think of Kateriel at the moment.

"Zevran," Alistair said, tone as dark as his mood, "your solution to our problem with Bann Ceorlic?"

"Yes, Your Majesty?" Zevran replied, raising his brows slightly.

"Do it." Alistair said, aggression lacing his tone.

"It will be done," Zevran replied gravely, with a bow, before turning and leaving the room.

"A wise decision, Your Grace," Eamon said.

Alistair glared at the man. He fought the urge to tell Eamon where to shove his opinion, or suggest strongly that it might be time for him to retire from Alistair's council. Eamon had been one of the people in his life who thought it best to choose his life for him, first the Chantry and then the throne. But Alistair had need of Eamon yet. He had precious few whom he trusted enough to be his advisor. He was still new to the throne; he still needed guidance. But there would be limits now to how much 'advice' he would take, and he would no longer be pushed.

Alistair turned to Anora next. "Anora, there seems to be a rumour circulating that you and I are going to be married," he said, apathetic, "I was thinking that it might not be such a bad idea. Perhaps, one that we should think about."

Anora stared at him, taking a moment to consider before she answered. She'd spent the last few days trying to help Cauthrien track down the member of Maric's Shield that might her unborn child's father. Cauthrien seemed very desperate to find him. It only caused Anora to suspect, more than ever, that Cauthrien was in love with the man.

At one time she would have agreed immediately, seizing the opportunity to regain the throne. But the thought of being married to a man again, especially one that she did not love romantically, was more repelling than she would have imagined. But Alistair only said they should 'think' about it, and that sounded like a reasonable suggestion at least.

"It is something to consider," she responded with a nod of her head.

"That will be all," Alistair said, dismissing them and moving to stand before his fireplace. He was not surprised when Wynne appeared next to him.

"Alistair," she said, gentle, "are you all right?"

"No, I'm not all right," he growled, "And no, I don't want to talk about it."

"From what I understand, you've had an entire night and day to think," she urged, "Don't you think it would help to confide in someone in order to sort out those thoughts? Let out some of your anger?"

"I think I need to let out some anger in the training yard," he replied, "I _really_ need to hit something. Hard. And then I'm going to drink until I pass out."

"If you think that will help," Wynne said, sounding contrary, "Then will you talk with me tomorrow, after you've rested?"

"Fine," he bit out, then left for the training yard. He did not want to take out his anger on Wynne. He hoped that he would feel better after he let off some steam. She was probably right, as she usually was, and if he kept his anger bottled up, then he might just explode. Wynne had become a mother figure in his life and he knew she held a soft spot for him. Perhaps, talking with her would help him put things in better perspective. But not yet.

He didn't end up drinking. Beating on the training dummies in the yard felt so good that he continued until he had broken three dummies and was too tired to continue. When he went to his bed, he was physically and emotionally exhausted. He was thankful, as it made it easier to shut down all thought and fall asleep.

Alistair had no appetite for breakfast the next morning; he ate a little fruit before heading to his study. His anger had cooled somewhat and he felt his head was more clear. He was not surprised to find that Wynne was already in his study waiting for him.

He sighed when he saw her, and braced himself for their discussion. Might as well get it over with, he thought. He walked over and took a seat in front of his fire. Wynne stood beside him and waited patiently for him to begin. But, instead of speaking, he pulled the letter from his pocket and gave it to her to read. He sat and gazed into the flames, his elbows resting on his knees and his chin resting on his knuckles.

After a moment, Wynne spoke. "This is quite a revelation," she said gently, "How do you feel about this?"

Alistair scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair. "How should I feel?" he asked, frustrated, "What good does this knowledge do me now?

"Does it not make you feel good that you had parents that loved you?" the mage asked.

"You say 'loved', as if they are both dead," he said, rising to his feet, "But, according to that letter, my mother is still out there, _somewhere_. Maybe if I wasn't finding out that, once again, I had been lied to about them, I might feel better. It's hard to feel loved when they abandoned me with no knowledge of them what-so-ever."

Wynne opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. "Oh, I know that Duncan lists their reasons," he waved a dismissive hand at the letter, "According to him, they chose what they thought was best for me. Just like Eamon did. Just like...Kateriel did."

He knew the anguish in his last few words would give Wynne an idea of what had happened at Vigil's Keep. Yet, she said nothing, continuing to listen with her ever-present patience.

"None of them seemed to consider what _I_ wanted," he said, the words bitter in his mouth, "I've had enough of everyone deciding what is best for me in _my_ life."

He began pacing, "'Alistair is too stupid, so let's make his decisions for him!'" he said in a mocking tone, throwing his hand in the air. "And who is my mother? Where is she? I'm not a child now, and apparently, I was following in her footsteps. In the Wardens, no one would have cared so much that I had an elven mother. She could have come to me then. And why did Duncan wait so long to tell me? I was with him over 6 months!"

He stopped his pacing as sorrow stilled his thoughts, and the words poured out from his heart. "How could they think that anything would be better than growing up with at least one parent who _loved_ you?" his voice became rough with raw emotion, "All those nights, sleeping in the barn...alone...longing for warm arms wrapped around me...wondering what it would be like, to feel treasured above all else. Just a little boy. We could have still slept in the barn and it wouldn't have mattered, as long as we were together. If she was no longer tainted, she could have left the Wardens. If they were worried about my father's reputation, then we could have gone somewhere else."

"But how would she have provided for you?" Wynne asked, "Being an elven servant often doesn't pay well, if it pays at all. Growing up in Redcliffe, with the Arl watching out and providing for you, was far better than living in an alienage. True, she might have found work in a place like Redcliffe, that doesn't have an alienage, where she could have found lodging in a village or keep, but situations like that are very hard to come by. Not to mention that she was a mage, and if she was found out, she would likely have been forced into a Circle, and you would have lost her."

She placed a hand on his shoulder in sympathy. "I know it's hard to understand," she said, empathy in her tone, "But parents can only do what they think is best. I know that's not what you want to hear, but you were an infant, and they were responsible for your well being. They wanted you to have the freedom and life that they never had. And they loved you. Do you think that Duncan would lie to you? And you were never alone entirely. According to the letter, Maric always had his eye on you."

Alistair thought of his conversation with Teagan, about his father's visits to Redcliffe and how Maric had always inquired about how he was doing. He was able to find comfort in that knowledge. But where was his mother now?

"But my mother could have come to me after I joined the Wardens," he repeated.

"Who knows why she didn't," Wynne shook her with sorrow, "But there may be a reason. Maybe she was planning to and wasn't able to before the Blight started. And now you're king, she will probably stay away."

"Hmm...yes," he said, flat, "If she knows, I wonder how she feels that what they never wanted for me actually happened."

"And Arl Eamon also did what he thought was best for you," Wynne attempted to persuade him.

"No, Eamon did what was best for _him_ ," Alistair corrected, bitter, "He did what his wife wanted. He knew I didn't want to go to the Chantry. And he knew I didn't want to be king. Do you know, he was one of the people who most firmly stressed to me that I was in no way in line for the throne?"

"Well, I can't speak for that," Wynne said, her brow raised in such a way as to show that she didn't think much of Eamon's motives on that topic, "But when you were a child, it was up to him to make the decisions. Children cannot always see the full picture, or the pitfalls or benefits to a situation. And, if you had been someone else, he could have just sent you away, to an orphanage or the like."

"I suppose," Alistair said, his brow creased in thought, "My father also agreed to send me to the Chantry, you know. I wonder why he would if he knew my mother hated Templars so much."

"Who knows," Wynne said, "Perhaps it was the best way to make sure you got a proper education and a decent living." She moved to stand directly in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Do you feel any better?" she smiled up at him.

"A little," he sighed, "I guess it does feel good to know the truth. And to know they cared. I just wish I knew who, and where, my mother is."

His face contorted into a scowl as his thoughts pressed on. "I knew I shouldn't be king," his resentment returned in his words, "You know I was against it. Everyone knew, I _told_ them that I didn't want it!" he started to pace again, "But I needed to do it, they said, for the good of my country. I had to think of the people. Even though it meant...leaving everything I love." He stood still and his head bowed, as he felt his heart break once more.

"You mean being a Grey Warden," Wynne said softly, "And most of all Kateriel." He didn't answer but the pain in his eyes told her that she was right. "So why didn't you just refuse? You were declared king but you could have still said no."

"That's just it... _she_ declared me the king," tears began to slide down his cheeks, "I told her that it would end things between us, and she _chose_ that! She knew what it meant, so how could it not be what she wanted? I told her it wasn't what _I_ wanted. I wasn't going to force her to be with me. She broke it off; what was I going to do? Beg?"

Wynne moved next to him and placed a hand on his arm as he continued to pour out his grief. "She said she loved me and wanted the best for me, that I deserved a better life. I chose to believe her," he said, his voice a harsh whisper as his emotions flooded up from deep within him. "I embraced being king, because that is what she left me with. She took her love and left me a crown. She walked away from me. I refused to let her think that I would fall apart with out her."

"I don't believe it was a simple thing for her to do," Wynne said sincere, "I know she loved you. She wanted a better life for you..."

"But it's _my_ life! She had no right to choose it for me," he looked into Wynne's eyes, pleading for an answer, "How could she do it? If she loved me, how could she just walk away?" He could tell by the look on her face that Wynne didn't know how to answer.

"What happened when you went to see her?" Wynne asked, "What did she think of the letter, did she know what was in it?"

"Yes," he said bitterly, "She told me she loved me, and we made love together. Then she gave me the letter and told me that she wanted me to give up the throne and come back to her."

"And?" Wynne questioned, "Why don't you?"

"What? I'm supposed to drop everything now and run back to her because she's suddenly decided that it was a mistake and she wants me after all?" he nearly shouted, "Besides, it's no longer that easy. Being king is not a simple thing that you can just pick up and then put back down. It should never have happened in the first place. Now, there are other things to consider. Such as the changes that I'm trying to make, changes that people have put their hopes in. And, most important, is Ryain. I have adopted that boy, officially and emotionally. He is my blood, my _family_...I have family here," he spoke almost in awe of the thought, "It's what I always longed for. I cannot simply walk away from them."

"Giving up the crown doesn't mean you can no longer be in Ryain's life," the elder mage suggested.

"I've made promises," Alistair said, firm, "I'll not simply break them. And, once again, Kateriel told me what she wanted from me. She didn't ask what I wanted, or what I thought."

"Did you give her the chance?" asked Wynne in her wisdom.

He thought for a moment. "Well...no," he admitted, "I was so angry. And confused. I'm so tired of being told what to do with my life, of being manipulated. And for her to sleep with me..."

"I think you're letting your anger cloud you judgement, Alistair," Wynne frowned in disapproval, "You know Kateriel is not like that. And I'm sure you were just as responsible."

"Yes, but I didn't know about the letter or what was in it. She did." he replied. But his words were hollow; he knew Kateriel would never use sex to manipulate anyone. He felt bad for accusing her of it.

"Alistair," Wynne took his hands in hers and made him look in her eyes, "Do you really believe that Kateriel didn't really love you, and that she doesn't now? Do you think that she would say it if it wasn't true?"

He paused to consider the mages words. Kateriel was the most truthful person he knew. She was good, kind, considerate, and compassionate. She was amazing and wonderful, and he adored her...he loved her with every fibre of his being.

"Yes, I believe she loves me," he replied at last, "But I question how much? How strong is her love that she could choose to let me go in the first place?"

"Maybe that is something that you should ask her," Wynne said as she placed a hand on his cheek. He returned her gaze thoughtfully, but did not respond.

"Now," she said as she moved toward the door, "I would like to see the young prince again. Let's spend some time together pleasantly and take your mind off your troubles for a while. I just wish I didn't have to leave again in the morning."

"You're leaving so soon?" he asked catching up to her.

"I have to meet Leliana in Amaranthine," Wynne explained, "We are taking a ship together to Val Royeaux. I believe she was going to pay a visit to Kateriel at Vigil's Keep." The mage said no more, but was grateful to know that Leliana was going to their elven friend. She was sure Kateriel would need a close friend.

* * *

 

It had been two days since King Alistair stormed out of Vigil's Keep. The Wardens were in the great hall, sitting together in deep conversation. Kateriel was not there, nor would she be. She had gone out to help with the rebuilding of a farm-hold that was about an hour's walk from the Keep. She refused to cease work, even when everyone else had stopped for the day. Oghren and Sigrun had been there with some hired workers, and when her friends tried to persuade her to return to the Keep for the evening meal, Kateriel sent them back without her.

They didn't push her, even though they were all worried for her. The day before it had been the same and Nathaniel had to persuade her to stop and expressed their concern. Kateriel told him, in no uncertain terms that she would _not_ tolerate being pressed; that they should leave her to herself and not give themselves trouble over her.

For two days, Kateriel had been up and out of the Keep before dawn, travelled to the job of the day, and begun the work before anyone else had arrived. She worked endlessly, only stopping for sips of water. She returned after dark each day and locked herself in her quarters.

She left Varel, and sometimes Nathaniel, to deal with the nobles, stating angrily that she had no tolerance for spoiled shems and their politics.

None of them had ever seen Kateriel act in such a way. It was as if she were broken inside. Her eyes were dull and lifeless. She seemed to not really see or hear anything around her. Anders said that, except for the occasional outburst of anger, she reminded him strongly of the tranquil at the Circle. None of them had seen her eat, but the servants said they found from some half-eaten fruit in her room, but very little.

Her friends were at a loss. They were sitting by the fire discussing ideas and plans to help her, when Varel entered and approached them quickly.

"There's a person here requesting to see the Commander," Varel explained, "She claims to be Leliana, one of the Commander's companions who stopped the Blight."

"Oghren will be able to tell us if she is who she claims to be then," Nathaniel said, looking to the dwarf.

"Of course," grinned Oghren, "I never forget a great rack."

Varel left and returned shortly, accompanied by woman. Oghren beamed and waved his hand high over his head. The woman smiled as she walked over to them. She was a relatively small woman, with a slender, but toned, archer's build. She was wearing, what appeared to be a variation of hunter's mail that included a hood, which she wore up. It covered all but her face and some of her vibrant red hair.

"Hey there, sweetie," Oghren grinned, "Finally come yer senses did ya? Heh, no lady can resist Oghren 'the virile' forever."

"Oghren, as charming as ever," the woman replied, shaking her head, but smiling, "As much as I am pleased to see you, I have to admit that I came here to see Kateriel." Her eyes moved to look over the other Wardens. "I am Leliana. I fought with Kateriel's during the Blight. I would like to see her, if someone would kindly call her," her eyes turned to Varel in question, "or show me where I might find her."

It was obvious that she was whom she claimed to be or Oghren would have said otherwise. Nathaniel rose to his feet and bowed in greeting. "It is a great honour to meet you, my lady," he said, "I am Nathaniel. If you would walk with me, I will show you to the Commander's quarters."

Nathaniel led Leliana out of the great hall. If she wondered why the seneschal was not leading her, or suspected anything was amiss, she carefully hid it. As they walked, he related all that had happened about the king's visit and sudden departure, and Kateriel behaviour since. Perhaps it was because Nathaniel obviously cared and worried for Kateriel that let Leliana's eyes finally show her emotion, but there was no mistaking the deep concern he saw there.

They stopped at Kateriel's door and knocked. There was no answer, and it was no surprise that the door was locked. Leliana nodded to let Nathaniel know he could leave, and after bowing once more, he left her alone in the hall.

Leliana pulled a set of lock picks from her pocket. In no time, she had the lock picked and slipped into the room, locking the door behind her. The room was dark, no candles or lanterns were lit. The only light came from a low burning fire, in front of which sat Kateriel, glaring into the slowly dying flames. The elf did not turn to see who came in, though Leliana knew better than to think that Kateriel, with her heightened hearing, had not heard her.

As Leliana neared her, Kateriel spoke, though she still did not look to see who was there. "You'd better have a _very_ good reason for breaking into my room," she growled.

"You did not answer your door," Leliana smirked, "What else was I to do?"

Kateriel stood quickly and remained still, blinking at her friend in her surprise. "Leliana," she said in disbelief.

Leliana smiled and stepped closer as she moved to hug her friend, and ended up catching Kateriel as the elf suddenly crumbled. Kateriel clung to Leliana, unable to stop herself as she sobbed into the other woman's chest. Leliana lowered them to the couch, and held Kateriel as she cried, rubbing her back and stroking her hair occasionally.

Eventually, Kateriel calmed and was able to tell Leliana about all that had happened; about the letter, her hope that Alistair would give up the throne, his reaction and his anger...and his words. Leliana listened carefully, with out much comment until Kateriel seemed to have told her everything and had cried herself dry.

"I played the conversation over and over in my head. He accused me of making him king to end things with him. He said that I pushed him away. I didn't know he felt that way, that I had hurt him that deeply," Kateriel said in remorse, "And what makes it worse is that he was _right_ , though I didn't even truly realize it until he said it. I always said that I wanted what was best for him, and that is still true. I wanted him to have a chance to show the world what an amazing man he was. To have the luxury and privilege that his brother once had, and the glory and recognition that his father had as well. I didn't want him to give up such a chance, because of me."

"But there's more to it than that. I always felt that he deserved better...than _me_ ," she closed her eyes for a moment in her pain, "And I always knew that someday...I'd lose him. I was so terrified of the day it would happen. At least, this way, I had a reason; I got to choose how and why. It was easier to make him king, for the good of Ferelden and all of that, than having him tire of me or leave me for someone else. Someone elegant, charming, smart, and beautiful. All the things that I'm not."

"And he was right, I made that choice _for him_ as well," Kateriel rose to her feet. Her hands clenched into fists that she pressed to her forehead. "I should have let him decide...but I couldn't." She drove her fists down to her sides as her head hung in shame. "I am a coward."

Leliana said nothing, but continued to listen and watch her friend in sympathy. She could see and hear Kateriel's agony but did not wish to console or council until she had time to process all she'd heard. Kateriel heaved a heavy sigh as she leaned against the mantle and returned her eyes to Leliana before continuing.

"When he left here in his fury, at first I was upset because he didn't give me the chance to explain myself, and I was furious at him for implying that I slept with him to manipulate him," Kateriel scowled bitterly at the memory before her face softened once more, "Then I was upset because he never even gave me the chance to say sorry, to ask for his forgiveness for making him king and ending things between us. For hurting him as I did."

"But it really doesn't matter. I don't deserve his forgiveness," her voice rasped with the strain of emotion and her eyes became wet once more, "I pushed him away in my fear and self-doubt. I was selfish. I don't deserve him."

"I never knew you doubted your worthiness so," Leliana stood and pressed a hand to Kateriel's cheek, "I have always known you to be modest and I have seen you question and second guess yourself at times, but I never knew you to be so self-depreciating."

"Only when it comes to Alistair," Kateriel shook her head, "There is no man so wonderful. He is good, valiant, compassionate, strong...there is none better than he."

"And he loves you," Leliana said with a small smile.

"He did," Kateriel said, her spent tears staining her voice, "You didn't hear the coldness in his voice before he left. And he told me...it was too late for us."

"He was hurting, Kateriel," Leliana spoke, certain, "I know you both, and saw you two together. He loves you, I know it."

"He made the choice this time," Kateriel shook her head, "He returned to his palace. And I don't blame him. It is my own fault, my own doing." A sad smile played upon her lips, "Keeper Marethari once told me that I was my own worst enemy. I guess she was right. I had the most precious treasure and threw it away in my cowardice."

"So get it back," Leliana coaxed, "Fight for him. I've never known you to give up before."

"No." Kateriel sighed, "He said he was through with people trying to direct his life. He knows what I want and what I feel. It has to be his choice now. If he gives me any sign of relenting than I will ask him to return to me. If not, then I know he's made his choice."

Leliana sighed with frustration and shook her head. "I think you are both fools."

The bard took Kateriel by the hand and pulled her toward the door. "And now, enough of this moping," she scolded, "You need some food and to talk to your friends. They're worried sick for you."

They found the others in the great hall. Leliana spoke to Varel and asked him to order some food for Kateriel's supper. Meanwhile, Kateriel spoke to the other Wardens. She didn't tell them all that had happened between hers and Alistair, only that they had had terrible argument.

Nathaniel and Sigrun had been especially hurt by Kateriel censure. She apologized sincerely, promising to never shut them out again. She thought that she may eventually tell her two closest Warden companions what really happened, but not yet. Nathaniel and Sigrun seemed to have bonded even more over their hurt feelings, having been able to sympathize and comfort each other. She was thankful that they all forgave her, and she felt blessed once more for the friends in her life.

Leliana stayed another day with her before leaving for Amaranthine to catch a ship back to Val Royeaux. Kateriel was sad to see her friend go.

* * *

 

Days later, in Denerim...

Alistair sat at his desk in the evening dusk. He had been thinking a great deal in the past days. Spending time with Wynne, Anora, Eamon, Teagan, and Ryain helped to heal the hurt of not knowing his parents. He came to accept that his parents tried to do what they thought was best for him, and had tried to surround him with good people. He had grown up with Eamon and Teagan, and there had been servants and towns people who, probably because of seeing the lords being good to him, had been kind to him as well. It could have been far, far worse. Yet, he still longed to know who and where his mother was. His mother, an elf, whom his father had to let go, a fate that they hoped he would avoid.

His mind was on Kateriel as he sat at his desk. He loved her more than the world. He meant what he said about not wanting to break his promises and not wanting to lose the family he had found. But he wanted Kateriel as well, more than anything else. But his heart was still troubled with doubt, and a fear of abandonment that he refused to acknowledge. Paper sat in the desk before him but his quill remained still. A choice lay before him, a choice that he so angrily demanded be his. But he doubted and needed to be sure.

He would send her a hint. He would not directly offer to return to her. No, if she still wanted him to leave the throne and return to her, then she would explain herself and ask him to come back. This was her chance to assure him of her love and renew the old promise to always be together.

He picked up his quill and began to write:

_Dear Kateriel,_

_I apologize for the harsh words I said. I don't want misunderstandings to come between us. Perhaps, we can be as we were._

_Alistair_

When Kateriel received the letter, her heart wept, though her eyes could not. She had no more tears. He was asking to put their argument behind them. He wanted things to be, 'as we were', before he came to Vigil's Keep, before the letter, before their argument. He was choosing to remain as king and hoped that they would still be friends, as they had been for the past months.

So be it. Her heart hardened with her resolve. She'd messed up and now she would suffer the consequence. She would not begrudge him his choice. She still loved him, with a fire that burned more brightly than the stars. She always would, and she would continue to be there for him when he needed her. She could not deny him her friendship, no. She could not deny him anything.

She wrote back:

_Dear Alistair,_

_There is no need to apologize. I hope that you can forgive me. And perhaps, it is better this way. I'll always be there for you when you need me._

_Maker watch over you,_

_Kateriel_


	29. Coming Around

Kateriel stood on the docks of Amaranthine city and watched the sun dance over the water. It had been two months since she arrived at Vigil's Keep as Warden-Commander. So much had happened since then. Life was quieter since the darkspawn seemed to have retreated back underground. After Leliana's visit, Kateriel was able to focus more clearly on her duty and responsibilities.

At the moment, however, she found herself thinking of Alistair as she gazed out at water. It had been a week since she'd replied to his letter. Her love for him was ever-strong but it was lost in the gaping chasm of loss, pain and sadness that was now between them. What had she been thinking? She scolded herself again. It was over for them, there was no hope...there never was. He would always be that unreachable star that she would love from a distance. Always, she would treasure the time they had together, the best year of her life.

Her attention was drawn to a ship that had just docked nearby. She watched as sailors moved cargo off the ship and passengers disembarked. One group of passengers caught her attention as recognition dawned. She quickly made her way to the other side of the docks to meet them.

"Greetings, Wardens," she bowed, her smile reflected her pleasure at seeing Jacqueline, Darrel, and Pip. "Welcome to Amaranthine."

"Warden-Commander Kateriel," Jacqueline smiled. She returned the bow, along with the others. "It is good to see you again. I was not aware that you knew of our journey here and were coming to meet us."

"Indeed, I was not aware. This a pleasant surprise," Kateriel replied, "I was in the city on business today and had stopped by the docks. What brings you here? And where are Commander Stroud and Kael?"

"Commander Stroud received notification of the attacks on Vigil's Keep and the death of Commander Boltric and the other Wardens," Jacqueline explained grim faced, "As well as the further assaults by the darkspawn and your victory over their leaders. They sent us to help you in rebuilding the order here in Ferelden."

"The Wardens send me help now?" Kateriel snarled, not concealing her disgust, "When the fighting is over? How typical! It's like the Blight all over again."

"I understand your frustration," Jacqueline said, smirking as Kateriel scoffed, "And I don't defend anyone, but I believe there were some difficulties with sending the information. However, we are here now and willing to assist in any way we can."

Kateriel let out a heavy sigh, releasing her anger with her breath. "You are right and it's done with so it no longer matters," her crooked smile returned to her face, "I'm glad you're all here. Come, let's go to the Keep. We'll catch up as we walk."

Along the road to Vigil's Keep, Kateriel filled the other Wardens in all that had happened since her arrival, with the exception of Alistair. "So, let me get this straight," Darrel said shaking his head, "You showed up at Vigil's Keep to all other Wardens dead, and then managed to recruit a few and save the day again? You really are impressive. But I don't know if your luck is good or bad!"

"I managed to recruit some very skilled and trustworthy people," Kateriel replied, her facing heating at the praise, "They deserve as much credit." Wanting to change the subject, she asked again why Stroud and Kael didn't come with them.

"Stroud is still leading a mission in the Free Marches," Jacqueline explained, "He has other Warden's with him and...Kael requested to remain behind."

Kateriel's heart sank. She knew why he would have done so, and she regretted that things ended so badly between them. But it was his choice. She wondered what he'd told the others, and felt a little embarrassed about the situation.

"Oh, yes," chimed in Pip, "Well, you know he was very upset with you. After we left you here in Ferelden, the first place we spent the night was at a tavern. He got very drunk and was going on about how 'an elf would dare turn him down', and 'who does she think she is', and how he'd 'attracted and bedded far more beautiful women", and-"

"Pip!" shouted Jacqueline, glaring at the young mage, who upon seeing the look, quickly shut his mouth. He glanced at Kateriel, whose face had darkened and eyes held a mixture of pain and anger. Darrel cuffed Pip on the back of the head.

Once she'd glared the mage into silence, Jacqueline turned back to Kateriel, regarding the elf with sympathy. "He was drunk, Kateriel," Jacqueline said gently, "and he was hurting. I'm sure he didn't mean the things he said."

Kateriel shrugged. Sad as she was to lose Kael's friendship, she didn't have it in her to worry about a spurned, would-be lover. Her heart was too broken and barely holding together as it was.

"It does not matter, Jack," she said, as she shook her head, "He can feel as he chooses and he's not here. Probably for the best." Having him renewing his attempts to romance her right at the moment would probably not be wise, for either of them.

The conversation changed to the rebuilding efforts that had been going on in Amaranthine, and plans to rebuild the order. There were even a few new recruits who had shown up at the Keep as few days prior to volunteer themselves.

"You actually picked the perfect time to show up," Kateriel grinned at them, "We are just about to perform the Joining ritual and then tonight we are throwing a retirement celebration of our current Seneschal."

Kateriel led the way into the Keep and summoned the Ferelden Wardens to the great hall. Once all were assembled, Kateriel made the introductions. She was glad to have some Wardens on hand who had been members of the order for longer than she, and knew more about it. Once the introductions were finished, Kateriel left Varel to find Jack, Darrel, and Pip suitable quarters, and give them a tour of the Keep.

In the late afternoon hours, the Wardens all gathered once more in the great hall for the Joining. Five people had come to Vigil's Keep to join the Warden ranks, each one having been affected by either the Blight or the more recent events in Amaranthine. The ritual was performed with the usual solemnity. Once it was complete, Kateriel's heart grieved for the three that did not survive. There were now two new Wardens to add to their numbers. The pyres were built for the deceased recruits and a funeral services held.

The evening meal was held later than usual, to be included in the retirement celebration for Seneschal Varel. Varel had been injured in the final battle at Vigil's Keep and, as he was no longer a young man, decided it was time to retire. Kateriel decided to reward him for his service with the titles and property that had belonged to the late Lord Guy, who had no heir or family. Varel, his wife and two sons would move in the following day. Captain Garevel would be taking over as seneschal.

Fergus Cousland made a special trip to attend the celebration and give his own commendation. The feast was delicious and, after the meal, the hall was cleared, the music and dancing began. Throughout the courtyards, bonfires blazed and people made merry all over the Keep.

Though Kateriel held great affection for Varel, her heart could not fully join in the celebration. It gave her much pleasure to see the happiness of the people, her people now, but it seemed as an echo reverberating around the edges of the emptiness within her, never reaching or penetrating the centre. When the hall was cleared of the tables to make room for the dancing, Kateriel slipped away.

Once out in the inner-court yard, she breathed deeply of the night air. Music could be heard in different tempos from the direction of some of the bonfires. Usually, Kateriel found music could change her mood, uplift her spirit, or help her vent feelings that plagued her, but that night it just couldn't reach her soul. There was only one mourning melody playing in cascading crescendos in her heart, and nothing would alter its song.

Kateriel continued on down into the lower-courtyard and out onto the farthest rampart. It was fairly quiet there and she breathed in deeply once more. She leaned on the stone ledge and looked up into the vast sea of stars above her. The guards on-duty were farther down the ramparts, enough for her to be alone, but she knew her solitude was about to be disturbed when her heightened elven hearing picked up the sounds of footsteps approaching. The feet behind her were slow and hesitant, the owner obviously trying to decide how to approach her.

Finally, the person in question paused at her left side. "Do you mind if I join you?"

Kateriel smiled as she turned her head to look up at Fergus. "Not at all."

"I don't mean to intrude on the solitude you are evidently seeking," he said in a gentle tone, leaning on the wall alongside her. He was close enough that she could feel the heat from his body and, if they shifted at all, their shoulders would brush. "But from what I gathered from my conversations with Alistair, you enjoy music, and singing, and dancing. If so, I was curious as to what would make you slip away so quietly into the night?"

He watched her carefully as he spoke, not missing the way her eyes flickered and darkened slightly when he said the king's name. Neither she nor Alistair were very good at hiding their emotions. Honest people were like that, and honesty was a trait highly valued by the Cousland family.

Kateriel dropped her gazed down to her hands. "You talked to Alistair about me?" she asked, forcing a little smile and trying to seem casual.

"Well, I did get to know him before I had the opportunity to know you," Fergus replied, not taking his eyes off her and studying her carefully. "And naturally, I was curious. I was hoping for the chance to hear you sing."

Kateriel laughed. "I'm not that good really, I just enjoy doing it," she shook her head and smirked, "You're not missing out on anything."

"You're also infamous for your modesty, so I refuse to believe you," he nudged her shoulder teasingly. Kateriel gave him a mocking sidelong glare with a smirk before turning her thoughtful countenance back up at the stars. He became serious again as he inclined his head toward hers, "I heard about the king's visit here a few weeks ago."

Kateriel closed her eyes and sighed. "Of course you did."

"Quarrels between friends are never pleasant," he said carefully choosing his words and watching her expression, "Between lovers it's even worse."

Kateriel glanced at him sharply, her expression questioning and wary. Did Alistair tell Fergus about them? Were the two men that close, or was Fergus guessing? Should she admit it?

Fergus smiled as he imagined the questions that must be flooding her mind, the questions he could see in her eyes. "Be at ease, my friend," he said with gentle reassurance, "You have nothing to fear from me. He and I are such friends that he was very open with me, and though he has never confided anything to me regarding you, he speaks of you with a great deal of affection. And I see a change in you since I was last here. Something that I can only assume was brought on by whatever happened during his last visit." He paused a moment to study her face before asking, "It's true that you were lovers, isn't it?"

Kateriel stared down at her hands once more. "Yes," she admitted, her voice quiet and sad, "That ended when he became king of course. We are simply friends. Though, now, even that classification is a little strained." She paused before continuing, "I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind."

"Hey, I understand," Fergus said softly, reaching out and taking one of her hands in his. He leaned in closer and said in a voice rough with emotion. "I know...I know what it's like to lose the one you love."

Kateriel's eyes shot up to meet his and she was moved by the pain, mixed with sympathy, that she saw there. She looked down at their joined hands and her heart warmed unexpectedly. She placed her other hand over his, the one clasping her other. He shouldn't compare the agony of the death of his wife, not to mention their child, to her failed relationship with Alistair. She couldn't imagine what Fergus must have suffered. As she looked back up at him, she was trying to find a way to say so without seeming ungrateful.

He seemed to read her mind as he smiled as said, "Let's not compare our losses. Let's just be one broken heart understanding another."

All thought vanished from Kateriel's mind as Fergus gently but firmly pulled her away from the wall and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Kateriel was filled with shock and uncertainty at first, but then slowly relaxed into the embrace, returning it and resting her head against his chest. He sympathised with her sorrow, holding it with his own, and she was touched by it.

"And maybe...we can help each other heal and move on," Fergus said with warmth. He gently pulled away and smiled at her. "Come, let's return to the celebration. Let's chase away the darkness with lively music, laughter and a little liquid encouragement!"

Kateriel laughed and followed him as he climbed down the ladder of the rampart. She was surprised when he tucked her arm under his as they walked back to the great hall, but she didn't protest. The fact that she was an elf clearly didn't bother him, and that caused her affection for him to grow even more.

They rejoined the others in the great hall and spent the rest of the night dancing and laughing, and Fergus got his wish as Kateriel was finally pressured enough to sing an elven ballade. The celebration lasted late into the night. Kateriel enjoyed herself a great deal more in Fergus' company, but was still haunted by pangs of pain in her heart when her mind would suddenly think of Alistair, no matter how hard she tried to stop it from happening.

The next morning, breakfast was held for longer than normal to allow people to sleep in for longer. In the weeks that followed Alistair's visit to Vigil's Keep, Kateriel had not had a restful night's sleep, plagued with thoughts and tossing and turning, as well as unsettling dreams of various kinds. Even though she had been up so late, that night had not been much different except that she had slept more deeply. She was still up with the sunrise and had trained and bathed before most others had gotten up. She was pleased to find the Teryn in the hall having breakfast when she went in for hers and joined him.

Afterward, they walked the courtyards together, discussing various news and events. A particular point of interest was the sudden death of Bann Ceorlic, who was rumoured to oppose the king and had been assassinated for it.

"What are your thoughts?" Fergus asked, "Do you think he did it? Or rather, ordered it done?"

Kateriel was quiet while she considered. "I don't know, Fergus," she had to admit, "I wouldn't have thought so. But I recently misjudged his reaction to something important and so no longer feel capable of guessing his thoughts."

A heavy silence followed for a moment before Fergus spoke again. "In three days, I'll be heading back to Denerim to attend the king's court," he steadily informed her, "I think you should go with me." Kateriel's head turned sharply to him in alarm and as she opened her mouth to speak, he held up his hand. "I know! I know...but you are this arling's Arlessa, and Commander of the Grey Warden order in Ferelden. You need to make an appearance. Let the other nobles know that you are holding your position without any trouble. And to make sure they don't forget you, the elf to whom they owe their lives."

"I had hoped to avoid this," Kateriel sighed. Then she smirked playfully at him, "Did not your parents avoid court as much as possible? I think I heard that somewhere..."

Fergus laughed. "Indeed they did," he admitted, "But they did go from time to time because it cannot be avoided."

"But...what would people say if we show up in each other's company?" Kateriel said uncertain. _What would Alistair think?_

"Oh, how scandalous!" Fergus wriggled his eyebrows, "Would it bother you if people thought that we were lovers?" His look held a challenge...and a question, one that confused her in the way that she was not really sure what her answer was.

It also raised many starting questions of her own. Was he really interested in her in such a way? It was far too soon for her to think of anyone romantically, but should she really turn him down if he was? She was really fond of him but she was still so broken. She had to admit that a small part of her was curious as to what it would be like, and there was no one else in her life romantically, not anymore. Was he just teasing her? She really wasn't sure how to respond. She needed time to process this.

"Well...I don't know," she felt her face heat and looked away in embarrassment, "They...might question my ability to stand on my own if I was...if we were..." Creators, she just realized how actually inexperienced she was in these matters. After all, Alistair had been her first love. Fergus chuckled and she glanced up at him, unsure of what to make of his obvious amusement at her discomfort.

"Actually, you might be right," Fergus agreed, "For this first time, at least, I think it'd be better for us to arrive separately. And the first night, you should stay at the tavern. The second night, though I'll invite you to stay as a guest at my family's villa in the city."

Kateriel's eyes widened. "You have an estate in Denerim?"

"Not an estate really," Fergus chuckled, "Just a house with a garden, nothing overly fancy. As you've already mentioned, my folks didn't travel to the capitol often, and so they didn't feel it necessary to invest much in the Denerim Villa. They mainly kept it for appearance." He stopped walking and turned to face her, taking her hands in his. "I know this won't be easy for you...for many reasons. But it must be done and I think it'll do you some good in the long run. And I'll be right there with you, so you won't be left on your own. And because I am your Teryn, people will think it natural for us to be on friendly terms." He paused and inclined his head toward her, making sure to look straight in her eyes. "Now...promise me you'll do this? I'll not order you to do so, even though I can," he smirked followed up by a wink, "I'm asking you, Kateriel."

Kateriel sighed in resignation though she smiled and nodded her agreement. "Yes, of course I will," she said, "You are my lord but also my friend, one I've come to greatly treasure. I will attend the king's court, you have my word."

* * *

 

Alistair walked in the palace gardens enjoying the sweet scents that the lush vegetation gave as the air cooled after the sun had set. The birds of the evening sang their song and the sky was painted in various shades of indigo, pinks, and orange. Yet, even as he appreciated the beauty around him, he could not fully enjoy it. His heart continued to ache; a sorrowful pulse that pulled is mind always to Kateriel. Maker, he missed her still!

At his side was one of Thunder's pups that had grown old enough to be weaned, begin its training, and be imprinted on a new master. She had chosen Alistair the moment he had gone to the kennel to find a pup. Naming her had been a bit of a challenge. At first, he wanted to give her and elven name in honour of Kateriel, but decided against it in case someone should be offended. Then he thought to name her after one of his favourite cheeses, but the pup growled at him when he suggested it, so that idea was given up. Finally, he thought of an old legend he remembered hearing when he was a boy, of a valiant and fierce warrior of the Avvar. Her name was Sadie. The dog seemed to agree and it was settled.

Sadie's ears perked up, drawing Alistair's attention to someone approaching. It was Zevran. A few days past, two Antivan Crows had managed to slip into the castle. They were soon discovered and killed when they fought back. It was thought that they were there after Alistair, or perhaps Anora or the prince, even though all Ceorlic's conspirators had seemed to withdraw after the man's death. After some investigation, it was discovered that they had been there for Zevran. Since then, Zevran had not been around very much. He seemed to be very affected by the attack, taking it very personally. Most recently, he had been gone for two days.

"Ah, my Spymaster returns," Alistair smiled at his friend in greeting. Zevran gave his usual confident smile but it didn't reach his eyes, causing the king to become concerned. "How did your search go? Did you find out anything more?"

"Indeed I did, my friend," Zevran replied, "Though my success does not provide positive resolution. It seems the Crows have a personal vendetta against me, being the only assassin to leave the Crows and live. They seem to be taking my existence as an insult and are determined to put an end to it. I look forward to them trying." His lips curved into a wicked smile, before becoming very serious. "Unfortunately, this means they will continue to hunt me no matter where I am. Therefore...I am resigning as your Spymaster. I will not bring danger into the palace, near your family. I'm sure you understand."

Alistair gazed at his friend with grim understanding. "I do," he said, his voice mixed with the regret and gratitude that he felt, "Thank you, my friend. Though I am sorry you have to go and not just because I'm losing an excellent Spymaster."

Zevran quirked a brow and flashed his most charming smile. "Ah, you desire me after all, I knew it," he laughed when Alistair rolled his eyes. "Sharren will take over as Spymaster, with your consent of course. She is excellent at the job, possibly even better than me. And you can trust her, you have my word. She has developed a certain respect and...fondness for you." The elf paused to appreciate the slightly confused look on the king's face before continuing. "And speaking of fondness...I believe this is the perfect time for me to leave when thinking of your uncle and our...interlude."

"Teagan," Alistair said, beginning to dread the direction of the conversation. He had no issues about his uncle's relationship with his friend except that he had been afraid of Teagan being hurt. The pained look on Zevran's face caused Alistair to suspect his fears were well placed.

"I'm...sorry, Alistair, so very sorry," Zevran's tone was heavy with regret and remorse, "I have suspected for some time that his feelings for me were growing stronger than either of us intended. Such things happen. And...I shamefully admit to being selfish and allowing it to happen. My affections for him have grown quite strong as well, and it was so hard to think of stopping. But I believe his attachment is stronger than mine, as I knew to withhold my heart after a certain point. I should have ended things earlier; I will not blame you for holding hard feelings against me for it. I am merely guessing and I won't know for sure until I say goodbye, but...I'm fairly certain I'm right." Zevran paused to swallow, his eyes becoming moist and his voice rough, "I never wanted to hurt him, Alistair. I cannot express my remorse if such turns out to be the case."

Alistair couldn't help but feel anger and annoyance at his friend in thinking of him breaking Teagan's heart. But the heat of his anger was quenched by the sincerity, pain and sorrow he saw in Zevran's eyes. His friendship with Zevran had become very strong, and his own fondness, trust, and respect for the elf also served to cool his ire.

And he remembered his nervousness when telling Zevran about what happened between him and Kateriel during his visit to Vigil's Keep. The elf had been insistent on knowing, as he had also noticed Alistair's tempestuous mood on returning to the palace. Alistair had been expecting Zevran to completely side with Kateriel and be furious with him for his part in the catastrophe. But Zevran understood that love and relationships were often very complex things, a fact that Alistair had only fully come to learn in the year. His friend had been sympathetic and understanding, though Alistair could tell he was concerned for Kateriel as well.

"I know, Zev," Alistair said with a heavy sigh, and placed a hand on Zevran's shoulder. "I'll do what I can to be there for him when the time comes." As he felt nothing more needed to be said, he changed the subject. "Where will you go? What will you do?"

"I will need to keep moving," Zevran replied, his voice becoming steady once more. His smile returned, "It won't be safe for me to stay in one place for long. I will remain a few days more to settle things here before I go. Lucky my travels and employment with you have proved very profitable for me. And, thanks to the Crows, my reputation has apparently flourished. I believe I'll be able to find work of my own here and there."

"Maker help Thedas," Alistair chuckled, "If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you, my friend," Zevran replied, as they two walked back toward the palace.

* * *

 

Anora sat on her balcony watching as each star began to appear in the darkening sky. She had just finished putting Ryain to bed and was attempting to relax. But her thoughts wouldn't allow it, especially as the object to which they were drawn was sitting by her side.

Cauthrien sat quietly as she, too, gazed thoughtfully out into the twilight. She was very round and heavy, the child within her was due to be born any time now. They had not been able to locate the soldier that was possibly the child's father. Anora knew that this been a source of stress and concern for her friend.

Her friend. The word was not fitting the feelings Anora held for the other woman. Alistair had not said anything more about the idea of him and Anora marrying. And, as promised, Anora pondered the idea. There were definite benefits to such an arrangement, but the idea was dreadful to her. She did not want to be trapped in another marriage to someone she didn't love. Yet, the one who her heart beat for longed for someone else. Or so she assumed. The more she thought over the choices before her, the more desperate she began to feel.

Finally, she came to the conclusion that she had to know, she had to try. She would not lose the opportunity for happiness, not this time. She would tell Cauthrien how she felt and find out if there was any way the other woman would love her in return. Regardless of the outcome, she would remain Cauthrien's friend. Anora's love for her would keep her in her life at all cost. She had decided that no matter who the father of the baby turned out to be, Anora would adopt the child as heir to Gwaren, if Cauthrien would allow it.

Anora was just mustering up the courage to begin speaking when there was a knock at her door. After gaining permission and servant entered and informed them that a woman had arrived at the palace requesting to see Ser Cauthrien. The woman claimed to be the wife of the soldier that they had been searching for. Anora instructed the servant to show the woman up to where they were. It wasn't long before the servant reappeared, ushering the woman in. She was beautiful, with long blonde hair, lovely blue eyes, and a pleasing smile.

"Lauren," Cauthrien called out looking and sounding both pleased and relieved. She took the woman's hands in hers. "I'm so glad to see you. We've been searching for Nemesio, is he all right? I didn't know that the two of you had gotten married."

Lauren's eyes wandered down to Cauthrien's round belly and back up to meet her eyes. The woman's expression was mixed with sorrow and sympathy. "Yes, we were married just after the Landsmeet and before the final push against the darkspawn. He insisted we be married...in case..." Her words died as her face crumbled and she burst into tears. She pulled her hands from Cauthrien's and covered her face.

This reaction gave the other two ladies the answer they needed as to what had become of the soldier they sought. They looked at each other communicating the confirmation with a look. Cauthrien wrapped an arm around the sobbing woman.

"Oh, Lauren, I'm so sorry," Cauthrien said in soothing tone.

The woman calmed and breathed in deep, wiping her face. Anora handed Lauren her handkerchief which the woman took with a grateful smile. "Thank you, my lady," she said, dabbing her eyes before continuing. "Nemesio was killed in the battle. I had fled by ship with my family. He had no family here of his own. We only just returned. I know why you're looking for him," she turned her eyes to Cauthrien, sympathy filling them again though she smiled. She reached out and placed a hand on Cauthrien's belly. "It's his isn't it?"

"Well, I...wasn't sure," Cauthrien said slow, "I was hoping you could tell me about what happened that night."

"Why don't we sit down," Anora suggested, gesturing to the chairs on the balcony.

Once they were seated, Lauren began to recount the night in question, explaining that the three had gone to Nemesio's room for their interlude, though she didn't go into explicit detail about what they did there. "We didn't often invite others to join us in bed, but when we did he always made sure to...finish...in me and not someone else," she explained awkwardly, "But we were very drunk that night. He spoke of it with regret later, explaining that while attempting to pleasure you, he was looking at me and his drunken brain mixed things up and he let himself go." She looked apologetically at Cauthrien, "He was afraid this would happen."

Cauthrien nodded thoughtfully as she studied Lauren carefully. After a moment she reached out and took the woman's hand. "Would you...I mean, I was just thinking...the baby...is yours by right. Do you ... do you desire your husband's child, Lauren?"

Lauren's eyes widened in shock and her mouth dropped open with a gasp. Anora was sure her own expression mirrored the other woman's. "Oh, no!" she shook her head, "I thank you for your offer but...even though I am actually pleased that there is a piece of him still in the world, it is not my child. And I hope that I will be able to move on someday and perhaps start a family with another." She paused and looked at Cauthrien in concern, "Do you not want it?"

"Oh, I do," Cauthrien replied with a relieved smile, "But he was your husband and I thought you might like to raise his child."

Lauren stood up and bent to hug Cauthrien. "Thank you for the thought," she said, straightening again. "And for the offer. I will only ask that on occasion, I might visit and see him or her from time to time."

"Of course," Cauthrien said, smiling brightly. She became serious again as she asked, "I have to ask one more thing. Can you tell me if I might have been in the company of anyone else that night?"

Lauren looked at her questioningly. "Well, we did begin to think that you were going to leave the party with the Teryn at first," she replied, "But he left with someone else, I can't recall who. You were with us until we escorted you, somehow, back to your room."

Cauthrien sighed in relief, and Anora felt a heavy weight lift inside. "Thank you," Cauthrien said.

Lauren chuckled. "I'm glad I could help," she smiled, "I'll send word to you when we settle, but for now I must go." She lifted a hand to stop the other women from standing. "Please don't get up. I'll show myself out." She bowed to Anora, and as she straightened, she looked curiously at the Teryna. Lauren stepped through the doors to the balcony and turned toward Cauthrien again, an amused smile on her face. "You know, despite Nemesio's efforts to please you, your focus seemed fixed on me. I wondered about that until now." Cauthrien grinned sheepishly back at her and Anora was curious as to what it meant. Then Lauren turned again and left the room.

"Well," said Anora rising to her feet and moving over to her friend, smiling as she knelt in front of her, "You finally have the answers you needed."

"Yes," Cauthrien agreed, a very happy smile on her lips. "Thank the Maker. Now I can move on. I just wish I knew what that meant."

"Well...maybe I can help you," Anora began, choosing her words slow and careful. Now was the time, she knew, and her heart began to beat fast. Cauthrien looked at her curiously. "There are a few things I've been meaning to talk to you about." She paused to take in a deep breath. "The first is that, no matter who the father of the baby turned out to be, I decided that I would like to adopt it as heir to the Teyrnir of Gwaren. With your permission, of course, and you would live there as well."

Cauthrien's mouth dropped open in surprise. "Anora!" she gasped, "Are...are you sure? Such an honour! For my child to one day follow in your father's place, and your own! It's too much!"

Anora took Cauthrien's hand in hers and kissed it. "It isn't," she smiled in reassurance, "I can't think of anyone so worthy. Indeed, I can't think of anyone...I love more." She poured all of her love and feelings into those words and expression so as to emphasize their meaning.

Cauthrien stared at Anora in bewildered wonder, until she suddenly sat forward and took Anora's face in her hands, pulling the Teryna forward and bringing their lips together. After a moment of shock, Anora melted into the kiss, lifting her hands to Cauthrien's shoulders to hold and encourage her. She touched Cauthrien's lips lightly with the tip of her tongue and Cauthrien opened eagerly to her. She had unknowingly moved between her love's legs and was pressed against her as much as she could, being careful of Cauthrien's round belly.

Eventually, Cauthrien broke the kiss, pulling back just enough to look into Anora's eyes. "You love me?" she breathed, tears in her eyes. Anora smiled and nodded. A blissful smile graced Cauthrien's reddened lips; she shook her head slightly in amazement. "I love you too. I always have. I never thought you would ever...could ever..." she broke off with a sob and tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Mairsil," Anora said gently, taking Cauthrien's face in her hands and brushing the tears from her cheeks. "I have always loved you too, since we were young. I never thought you would love me either. And, even more recently, I was afraid you loved Nemesio. And I was afraid, because I'm a woman..."

Cauthrien breathed out a little laugh. "Did you hear what Lauren said when you left? About my interest in her and not Nemesio?" Cauthrien asked, "Not to mention that she looks a lot like someone else I know." She paused and winked at Anora, chuckling again when Anora's eyes widened in understanding. "I have never been interested in men. I have only bedded them on occasion to keep up appearances. It isn't easy to be a woman soldier, especially amongst highly skilled and strong ones like your father's elite. The men I took to my bed, I dominated them and, the entire relationship, I made sure the others knew it. Those relationships never lasted long, and I made certain to be the one to end it. I took women to my bed as well, often ones that many of the men desired, just to rub it in their faces. But I never could attach my heart to another. It always belonged to you, even though you had married Cailan. I always felt that I was never worthy of you anyway."

"My love," Anora took Cauthrien's chin in her fingers, holding her face so that she could hold her gazed firmly. "You, and you alone, have always been the _only_ one worthy." She emphasised the last words strongly and with warmth. "And you have also been the only one I have ever loved."

She leaned in and pressed her lips to Cauthrien's once again. Oh! How she had dreamed of those lips for so very long. They were every bit as soft and sweet as she had thought they must be. Her heart was so full of joy she thought it might burst. Mairsil Cauthrien loved her! She could finally have all she wanted and be happy. She would not marry Alistair. Nothing short of death would separate her from her love now.


	30. Undercurrents

"What am I doing here?" Kateriel sighed as she paused in the Denerim market and looked around.

The familiar sight of the city set her emotions whirling with memories that were bitter-sweet: of her time with her previous companions, and, most of al,l Alistair. She was pleased to notice some changes in the market, such as two new stalls that were set up not far from the gate to the alienage, where elves were selling their goods. She made a mental note to purchase some items from there before she left Denerim. But first, she had to attend the court.

"You are here to keep your word and perform your duty," Jacqueline reminded her before adding, under her breath, "Better question is...what am _I_ doing here."

Kateriel chuckled. "You are here because I out rank you now and you have to do as I say," she teased, then added, her tone more serious, "And I need a friend at my side."

"You could have brought Nathaniel, especially as he is Warden-Constable, or Sigrun," Jacqueline replied, "I know they are close to you."

"They are. But Nathaniel being Warden-Constable is why he needed to remain at the Keep in my absence. And he and Sigrun are inseparable these days." Kateriel smiled to herself with the thought of her two friends and their growing fondness for each other. "But you are my friend as well, Jack, and I trust and respect you. I also believe it's important to have someone with me who is more familiar with the Order."

"You seem to have done well so far," Jacqueline smiled, "Though I appreciate that you value my friendship, as I do yours. Come, let's make our way to the palace and get this over with."

"Agreed," Kateriel replied with grim determination.

They had checked into the tavern shortly after arriving in the city and had cleaned up quickly before leaving again, but they were still late. Court had already started. Kateriel was glad of it, in fact, as she hoped it would draw less attention to her arrival. When they reached the palace gates, a familiar face was there to greet them.

"Zevran!" Kateriel ran into the waiting arms of her friend, who caught her in a tight embrace. "I'm so happy to see you, Lethallin!"

"It is good to see you too, my friend, I've missed you," Zevran smiled at her, before his eyes turned to Jacqueline. "Warden Jaqueline," Zevran greeted her with a slight bow. Jacqueline returned the greeting and the bow before Zevran turned his attention back to Kateriel. He studied her closely, and Kateriel thought she knew what he was searching for. It didn't surprise her that he would know about what happened between her and Alistair. "How have you been?" was all he asked.

"I am well, Zev," Kateriel assured him, "My time at Vigil's Keep has been...challenging, but things have settled down quite a bit now."

"Glad I am to hear it. I have heard the stories and read the reports. You never cease to impress." Zevran paused and seemed to consider his words before continuing. "Kate-"

"Not now, Zev," Kateriel shook her head. She did not want to have a conversation about herself and Alistair right then when she was about to enter the court and see him. She needed to focus. However, she did need him to tell her one thing. "Just...how is he?" she asked, hesitant.

"As well as you, I imagine," Zevran answered, sympathy lacing his words, "He keeps himself busy with his work and the people around him. He is more serious and solemn than he used to be, but that might just be his weight of his crown." Zevran didn't sound like he believed that to be the reason, not entirely, but he did not comment further. "Come. Let us join the court, for that is why you came, is it not?"

Zevran led them toward the royal gardens, where court was being held that day. "You obviously knew I was coming, Zevran, yet I told no one that I was," Kateriel observed, "I guess being the Spymaster has its perks?"

"Former Spymaster, actually," Zevran chuckled, "I'll explain all that to you later. But I am still kept in the loop for the time being."

"If the King's spy network knows of my being here, does that mean Alistair does as well?" Kateriel felt her nerves setting on edge again.

"Most likely," Zevran nodded.

So much for surprise, Kateriel thought. What did it matter if Alistair knew anyway? As long as the entire court wasn't watching for her arrival, she would be fine. Her anxiety grew as she thought about seeing Alistair face to face. She began to fidget with her fingers.

Jacqueline reached over and laid her hand over Kateriel's. "Take a deep breath and steel yourself. Try not to think about him." Kateriel glanced at her uncertainly, wondering how much Jacqueline knew. Seeing as the Ferelden Wardens knew that she and Alistair had been lovers, add that to the disastrous visit from the king, she wouldn't be surprised to find that someone had filled Jacqueline in on the full situation before they left the Keep. Jacqueline smiled in acknowledgement, guessing Kateriel thoughts. "Remember that you are not alone and focus on the fact that the eyes of the court will be watching."

"Oh, that's very comforting indeed," Kateriel grumbled, producing a chuckle from Jacqueline.

Zevran led them through the palace grounds to the royal gardens. Much of the vegetation had been damaged in the attack on Denerim during the Blight, but it had recovered wonderfully and Kateriel was touched by its beauty. She thought that, if she were queen, she would spend most of her time here. The thought struck a painful blow to her heart.

_If she was queen..._

She scolded herself for her thoughts; she didn't miss the fact that the garden was also full of people. Zevran had brought them by way of a side entrance and they moved along the edge of the crowd against the wall. Here and there, people mingled, but the majority of the attention was focused on an elaborate gazebo in the centre of the gardens. They stopped walking and took in their surroundings and Kateriel was thankful that no one seemed to have noticed them yet. But it was short lived. Zevran was too well known to the court to be dismissed as a servant, and Kateriel had decided that she and Jacqueline should wear their Grey Warden armour. All it took was for one person to turn their head and then the whispering started and the heads began to turn. Kateriel did her best to ignore the eyes that she felt on her and tried to stand proud with out appearing too rigid.

Zevran smirked at her. "Well, they know you're here now." He gestured and began to move toward the centre of the garden. "No point in hiding in the back. You need to appear bold."

Kateriel didn't respond as she and Jacqueline followed Zevran's lead, she was concentrating on keeping her composure. He stopped again, just close enough that they could see what was going on in the gazebo. Kateriel's heart pulsed wildly and she forgot how to breathe. Alistair stood in the door frame of the structure, dressed in richly made clothing and looking very kingly, as he spoke with authority to two people standing before him. He seemed to be making some kind of judgement, but Kateriel wasn't listening to what was being said.

"You're late." Kateriel jumped at the familiar voice in her ear and turned toward Fergus who chuckled at her.

She let out the breath that she'd been holding and smiled back at him, attempting to appear casual. "I apologize, Teryn Cousland."

"Not at all, Commander," Fergus turned his eyes to watch where Alistair stood, Kateriel did the same. Another person had taken the place of the previous petitioners and was animatedly pleading their case. "I'm pleased that you made it. Not that I doubted that you'd keep your word."

"Thank you, my lord." Kateriel watched as Alistair questioned the man standing before him. Her eyes wandered to the other people standing in the gazebo with the king. Arl Eamon was there, as was Anora, and Kateriel fought down a surge of jealousy, for the rumours of an engagement between Anora and the king had yet to be proven one way or the other. Ser Eben Sommerled stood at one side of the gazebo, near enough to reach Alistair if he needed to, watching over the crowd for signs of trouble. There was another guard on the opposite side doing the same. Then, Kateriel noticed a woman who stood in the corner of the structure and seemed to be attempting to not draw attention to herself. She wore a dark green tunic with a hood that was drawn up to hang loosely over her head. Dark red waves of hair framed a beautiful oval face beset with blue sapphire eyes. Kateriel leaned toward Zevran and asked who she was.

"That, my dear, is Sharren," his eyes rested on the woman as he spoke, "She is the new Spy-master."

"Is she trustworthy?" Kateriel frowned as a sudden protective instinct for Alistair's safety washed over her. She had been happy to think that Zevran was watching Alistair's back, but this new stranger was a different matter entirely.

"Do you think I would hand the job over to someone who was not?" Zevran raised a brow at her. He reached out and squeezed her hand. "She is. Do not worry, Kate, she will take good care of him."

Their conversation was interrupted as Alistair's raised voice rang through the air. "That will be all for today!" He raised his hands and looked over the crowd. "Let's enjoy this fine weather and even finer company." He finished speaking and stepped back into the gazebo, moving to talk to Eamon and Anora.

The nobles started to mingle amongst themselves once more, and, little by little, people began to approach her. They asked all kinds of questions and those who seemed pleased with her tried to fill her in on some of the gossip. It was enough to make her head spin, and she was extremely glad to have Fergus there to help guide and steer the conversations when needed. After a time, the inevitable finally happened and a voice was heard from behind her, sending volts of lighting through her body, beginning and ending with her heart.

"Warden Commander Kateriel." Alistair's voice rolled over her like a wave, instantly drowning out everything else, and she turned to face him. He smiled at her, but his eyes swirled with emotions that he was trying to conceal. She was relieved to know that he was as much affected as she was, and she was sure that he could see it in her as well.

"King Alistair." She bowed low, and Jacqueline followed her lead. She could feel her cheeks burning, despite herself. Kateriel raised her eyes to meet his again, struggling to hold his gaze and not look away. Her entire being, every bone, every muscle, every cell, screamed at her to throw herself into his arms. But her pride and sensibility were chains, binding her to reason; they reminded her that she didn't belong in his arms anymore, and that many eyes were watching them.

"Welcome to my court." He clasped his hands behind him in a stately pose, his tone casual. "We haven't had the pleasure of seeing you here since my coronation. It is an honour."

"Thank you, your majesty. I am honoured to be here." Kateriel was determined to match his indifference. She already gave him the benefit of seeing her blush. "May I present Senior Warden Jacqueline." She turned and indicated to her fellow Warden, who bowed as she was introduced.

"Always a pleasure to meet a Grey Warden. You are welcome here." Alistair greeted Jacqueline before turning his attention back to Kateriel. "I trust that your presence here means that things have settled down in Amaranthine?"

"Yes, your majesty. The darkspawn appear to have retreated back to the Deep Roads completely. We've had no further sightings." His insouciance was beginning to grate on her; perhaps he truly was content to be free of her. What did she expect? Of course he needed to guard his emotions, words, and behaviours in front of the nobility, but she would have hoped that he would be friendly, at least.

She didn't know whether she wanted to burst into tears or scream at him in rage. She continued to talk, her words felt numb upon her tongue, meaningless and empty. She prayed that she would be able to excuse herself, somehow, very soon. "Rebuilding is going well and the farmlands are recovering. New recruits have joined the ranks of both Amaranthine's soldiers and the Grey Wardens, adding to our security. And trade is flowing well once more by land and by sea."

Alistair stared at Kateriel in silence for a moment; his eyes never leaving her face, and Kateriel wished with all her might that she could know what was going on inside his head. When he spoke, his voice had lowered ever so slightly and his words were strained around the edges. But she couldn't be sure if it was only wishful thinking. "I'm very glad to hear it, Commander. But then I expected nothing less from the Hero of Ferelden. After all, you did save the entire country, which we will _not_ forget."

Kateriel was about to respond when Anora walked up and stood beside Alistair. The child in her arms beamed when he saw the king, and reached out his chubby little arms for Alistair to take him. Alistair lovingly returned the little boy's smile and took the child into his arms without hesitation. Her heart was suddenly flooded with emotion, both happy and sad, as she watched the affection of both man and child. Alistair had a life here, and a family. He was happy. How could she think he would want to leave that for her? She wanted to weep in happiness for him and in sorrow and shame for herself.

"Commander, this is Prince Ryain." The pride in Alistair's voice was unmistakeable as he gently stroked the child's blonde curls.

Kateriel smiled as she bowed to the little prince, and her smile was genuine, for it did give her pleasure to see Alistair so happy, and she was touched by the affection that the child had for him. "It is an honour."

"I was just bringing Ryain to see you before he goes in for his nap." Anora smiled at Alistair before taking the child back from the king. Kateriel fought down stab of jealousy. They made a nice little family, as it should be. She had no right to begrudge Anora for her felicity.

As Anora carried Ryain toward the castle, Eamon took her place. He greeted Kateriel pleasantly before requesting Alistair's presence elsewhere. Alistair flashed her a boyish grin that was so much like his usual self that it made her heart ache. "Duty calls. It was pleasure, Commander. I hope to see you here again soon."

"Thank you, your majesty. I hope so too." She smiled back, attempting to convey her happiness for him in the expression.

Alistair turned from her and followed Eamon. As Kateriel watched him go, she was overwhelmed by the desire to sit down on the ground and weep for her own broken heart. She fought to conceal her warring emotions. Zevran must have read it in her eyes, for he came to her rescue.

"My dear Grey Wardens," he looked from Kateriel to Jacqueline and back again, "You must be exhausted after travelling from Amaranthine and coming straight to the court."

"Yes, I believe I am." Kateriel sighed. She turned to look at her companion, who nodded in acquiescence. "I think we will take our leave then." She turned to bid farewell to Fergus. Her words died on her tongue as he bowed slightly, taking her hand and pressing it to his lips.

"It is always a pleasure to see you, Commander Kateriel. Perhaps I might I call on you while you are in the city. You are staying at the Gnawed Noble Tavern?" He smiled down at her, not releasing her hand. Kateriel fought the urge to look around to see how many people were watching and what their reaction was.

"Yes, my lord. And I would be honoured," Kateriel replied, relieved when he freed her hand at last.

She was aware that his inquiries were an act. They had discussed their arrangements before he left Amaranthine; that she would stay at the tavern one night and then he would invite them to stay at his villa. But the warmth in his eyes told her that his pleasure in paying her such attention was genuine. Her feelings in regards to Fergus were confusing, and at the moment she was not in a frame of mind to pay them any attention.

"Until then, my friend," he said before he turned to Kateriel's companion. "Warden Jacqueline, always a pleasure."

Zevran escorted the Wardens out of the palace and Kateriel was thrilled when he continued on to the tavern to spend the evening with them. They laughed and drank, and Zevran explained his decision to resign as Spymaster and what his plans were. Eventually, Jacqueline retired to their room to bathe, leaving Kateriel and Zevran to themselves.

Zevran opened up to Kateriel about Arl Teagan, all his feelings and his fears. Kateriel sympathized with her friend, knowing all too well how hard it was to do what you think is best and walk away from someone. It was decided that Zevran would leave with Kateriel and Jacqueline when they returned to Amaranthine. From there he could find a ship to take him where he wanted to go.

Time passed as the two friends continued to talk, enjoying the comforte of being in each other's company, and when Kateriel retired to the room, Jacqueline was already asleep. She was glad of it. As she lay in her bed, staring into the darkness, tears slipped from her eyes.

She was such a fool! What had she been thinking? She made Alistair king so he could take his rightful place and be happy...and he _was_. And she, in her selfishness and weakness, had given him that letter in hopes that he would leave it all and return to her. She should never have given it to him, even if he deserved to know the truth. What did it do for him except open old wounds, cause pain, and raise questions about where his mother was? No wonder he had been so angry. He had wealth and comfort, family and friends, a new life of _happiness_ and _love_. And she had wanted to take him away from that, for what? For her? For the Grey Wardens? To be surrounded by death and darkness? She was ashamed of herself for her thoughtless selfishness.

She thought of little Ryain; how his face lit up upon seeing Alistair, and the love in Alistair's eyes when he looked at the boy. A sad smile pulled at her lips as light pierced the storm in her heart. She had wanted Alistair to be happy and he was. Relief began to grow as the light of that knowledge spread within her. She was happy for him, very happy, even if it was a little bitter-sweet. She felt she could finally let him go. He had moved on. She would need to do the same.

* * *

 

Alistair stood in the gazebo of the royal gardens, where he'd chosen to hold court that day. As he listened patiently to petitioners plead their cases, he tried to ignore the anxiety prickling around the edges of his mind. He had been wrestling with his nerves ever since Sharren had reported to him, the day before, that Kateriel was traveling to Denerim to attend court for the first time. He ignored the fact that he'd taken extra care with his appearance and had barely eaten as he had no appetite.

He tried to look casual as his eyes continuously scanned the crowd for her face. There had been no sign of her yet. Maybe she changed her mind? Then...he spotted her. His heart pulsed and his breath caught in his throat. She was looking at Zevran and Alistair quickly turned his eyes to the noble in front of him before she could catch him looking her way. He quickly made some decision for the petitioner, not knowing what he said, before announcing that he was done hearing petitions for the day. He turned into the gazebo and moved over to stand with Eamon and Anora.

"Are you alright, Alistair?" Anora asked, as she looked over his face with a concern she'd not shown until Cauthrien arrived at the castle.

"I'm fine," he replied, pleased to find he was able to keep his voice steady. He glanced over in the corner to where Sharren was standing. A smirk tugged at the corners of her lips but he shot her an annoyed glare. Zevran felt it was necessary to fill Sharren in on Alistair's history, including his relationship with Kateriel. Though he agreed that it had been the right idea, her amusement at his discomfort at the moment was irritating.

After a discussion regarding a few more matters of business, Anora went to find Ryain and his nanny, and Eamon excused himself to find his wife and mingle with the nobles. Sharren sauntered over and placed a hand on his arm. She still wore that annoying smirk but her eyes were sympathetic. "You will feel better once the first conversation is over. Steel yourself and remember that the people are watching, both friend and foe. Now go talk to her."

Alistair took a breath to steady himself, preparing himself mentally as he would for battle. Maker! He missed physical fighting. It was so much _easier_. He didn't know how Kateriel was feeling or how she would react to him. He found security in the knowledge that she would have to at least be civil and respectful considering who he was. He nodded at Sharren before heading toward where Kateriel stood with Fergus, Zevran and an unfamiliar Grey Warden. Nobles of different rank had been engaging Kateriel in conversation. The ones she currently spoke to caused her to have her back to him. He stopped behind her and remained silent for a moment before he worked up the nerve to speak.

"Warden Commander Kateriel." He greeted her, struggling to keep his tone casual and hoping his was succeeding. He thought he saw her freeze for the briefest second but couldn't be sure. She turned to face him and their eyes met. Hers were a storm of emotion. He couldn't be sure what to make of it; how to judge how she felt. For the first time since they met, he was unsure of what to make of her.

"King Alistair." Kateriel bowed low. When she stood straight again, he didn't miss the flush in her cheeks. He had no way of knowing what meant. Was she angry? Upset? Embarrassed? Pleased? What he did know was how he desperately he wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms and not let her go. But...he could not. And eyes were watching.

"Welcome to my court." He clasped his hands behind his back to hold himself in check and made sure to straighten his spine. He kept his tone nonchalant, fighting to hold it steady. "We haven't had the pleasure of seeing you here since my coronation. It is an honour."

Something changed in her eyes, as though she suddenly hid herself away. Her tone became indifferent, though her posture and words remained civil. She thanked him and introduced him to her fellow Warden. When he inquired about how things were in Amaranthine, she gave him a factual report. It was as if she closed herself off from him, or didn't know him, that everything that they had been to each other had never happened, or had been forgotten. Fear rose up within him and he fought to contain it. He didn't want that. He didn't want to lose her completely. _Don't_ _forget me!_ His heart screamed. _Leave me if you want to, but please don't ever forget that I loved you. I will never forget you, forget us..._ He needed to tell her somehow...that he would always think of their time together. He steadied himself as he prepared to speak.

"I'm very glad to hear it, Commander. But then I expected nothing less from the Hero of Ferelden. After all, you did save the entire country, which we will _not_ forget." He watched her carefully and hoped that faint flicker of light in her eyes meant that she understood.

Anora appeared beside him, with Ryain in her arms who immediately smiled and held his arms out for Alistair to take him. It was always a sight that melted his heart. Maker, he loved that boy. He took Ryain from Anora and remembered that Kateriel had yet to meet the lad. This was his chance to show Kateriel that, even though she had chosen to leave him, he was not alone, that there were others who wanted him in their lives, people who loved him and that he was happy. Well, mostly happy...

"Commander, this is Prince Ryain." He stroked the blonde Therrin curls on the boys head.

"It is an honour" Kateriel bowed with a smile so honest, and so much like herself, that he held his breath. She seemed genuinely pleased as she watched him and Ryain. He didn't know if he felt anger or pleasure that she seemed happy for him. But...it was good to see her smile.

Anora took Ryain in for his nap and Eamon came to call Alistair away, for which he was actually thankful. He didn't know how much longer he could hold firm. He bid farewell to Kateriel, stating that he hoped to see her there again. He followed Eamon though the crowd and engaged a few more of the nobles before he decided he'd had enough for the day. Before he returned to the palace, he gave Eben directions to close court in an hour, giving the people a little more time to socialize.

Sharren was waiting at the palace doors, a satisfied and slightly smug expression on her face. He paused to study her and determine what it meant. "You sent Anora and Eamon to me didn't you?" he concluded.

She nodded once. "I thought you could use some support and then a way out."

He gazed at her as he processed her words. Then he shocked her by suddenly embracing her. "Thank you."

Sharren was rigid for a moment before she relaxed and returned his embrace. "You're welcome, Alistair."

He continued his way into the palace and up to his chambers. There he stayed for the rest of the night, taking his supper there as well. He was standing out on his balcony, looking over the dark city, when there was a knock on the door and Anora entered.

"Alistair, are you all right?" she asked, stepping out on the balcony and standing beside him.

"Honestly Anora, sometimes, I think I am and other times...not so much." He admitted. She didn't say anything but placed her hand on his arm, both of them knowing that the gesture meant that she understood. He gazed at his "sister", studying her face. Despite the sympathy in her expression, she had never looked so happy. He knew why. Anora and Cauthrien hadn't exactly been very discreet within their inner circle of family and friends. But they hadn't really talked about it. Anora planned to leave a few days from now, accompanying Cauthrien to Gwaren before the baby was born.

He placed his hand over top of hers and smiled with the affection of a brother. "You love her, don't you?"

Anora returned his smile with all the joy in her heart. "I do."

He pulled her into his arms for a hug. "I'm glad. You deserve to be happy."

"Thank you, Alistair," she breathed, relieved.

"So, I guess this means we can't get married," he feigned being hurt and Anora laughed.

But a question niggled at his mind. And though he struggled to ask it, he had to know. He released her and turned to look back out into the night. "Anora...can I ask...about you and Cailan..."

"I loved your brother, Alistair," she assured him, guessing his concern. "Maybe not quite in the way that a wife should love her husband, but I cared deeply for him. And he knew what my preferences are. We grew up together after all. He even knew Cauthrien, though not as well as I did. We married because it was our duty and at least we liked, respected, and cared for each other." Alistair said nothing, only nodded in understanding.

Anora studied his face and shook her head. "I can't see why she doesn't consent to be your mistress, at the very least."

Alistair laughed. "Kateriel would never consent to that. Her pride would never allow it. Not that I blame her. A human mistress is just that, a mistress. It sometimes comes with some respect. That's not usually the case for an elf. An elven mistress is often seen as a whore. Besides, it's not even that. She deserves better. She deserves to have someone that she can claim as hers. With out shame, with out hiding. Someone who can proudly and willingly claim her, marry her." He gripped the railing and stopped talking. He drew in a deep breath. It didn't matter anymore. Soon she would return to Amaranthine, to her life, her duty...with out him. He needed to change the subject. He turned his head and smiled at Anora. "I'll miss you and Ryain, and even Cauthrien, while you're gone."

"We'll miss you too," she replied, letting the previous topic slide. She felt badly for him, being all too familiar with his struggle. She knew humour was the best way to cheer him up. "Did I ever tell you about the adventure your brother and I had in the West Hills, involving wine, cheese, and a giant?"

A grin spread over Alistair's face. "No, but I really want to hear it."


	31. Uncharted Territory

The next morning Kateriel woke and greeted a world that felt strange and empty. The idea of living apart from Alistair was not new; they had been apart for nearly a year, but now there was a real sense of finality about it. Deep down, she had always possessed the comfort of knowing that, even though they could not be together, their love still endured. Now...she felt like she had truly lost him, and life seemed bleak and directionless. She knew that this was false and tried to remind herself of her Warden duties and those she now had in her life.

Pushing the feeling aside, she rose, dressed, and broke her fast, grateful that Jacqueline was with her. She had originally hoped that they would be on the road back to Amaranthine that morning, but Fergus had insisted that she stay a couple of nights at least. And, seeing as they were now waiting until Zevran could go with them on the morrow, she didn't mind sticking around a bit longer.

They spent the morning browsing the market and visiting the alienage. She enjoyed visiting the city elves and getting an update from Shianni on all the improvements being made. Kateriel was so proud of what Alistair was doing, and she was relieved that he hadn't changed his view on elves because of the issues between them. But, no, he wasn't like that. He was a good man and had believed in equality for everyone even, before he met her. Kateriel made purchases from some of the elves that owned shops and stalls, and a few from some other places in the market so as not to seem unfair.

Around mid-day they returned to the tavern for the afternoon meal. Upon entering and scanning the room, a familiar form caught her eye. Fergus leaned on against the bar, a mug of ale in his hand, and he grinned when she noticed him. He pushed off the bar and walked over.

"Well, it's about time you two showed up," he grinned in his charming Cousland way. "I was beginning to think you'd left town."

"Oh? I'm sorry we kept you, my lord," Kateriel smiled in return, "Have you been waiting long?"

"Not really." He glanced at their parcels, "Been doing some shopping? Typical."

Jacqueline scoffed though she grinned, clearly having caught on to Fergus' jesting nature. She reached for Kateriel's packages. "Here, I'll put these in our room. Then we can eat. I'm starved and not going to stand around while you two flirt."

Fergus laughed, as did Kateriel, even though she could feel her cheeks burn at the implication. He watched Jacqueline as she walked away. "I like that woman," he grinned. He turned back to Kateriel, brows raised, "I haven't eaten yet either, why don't you invite me to join you?"

Kateriel laughed. "Of course. Where are my manners?" she tisked, "If you have not had your midday meal, my lord, would you care to join us?"

"Hmmm...I don't know, I wouldn't want to impose," he set his face to look offended, "You didn't really sound like you meant it."

Kateriel laughed again and slugged him lightly on the shoulder. Fergus gasped and rubbed his arm. "And now you attack me?" he feigned shock, "Well, in that case I guess I have no choice but to take you up on your offer, lest you beat me into submission."

"Have you two not found a table already?" Jacqueline stood with her hands on her hips and a look of annoyance on her face, having returned to find them still talking. She made a disgusted noise and brushed past them, plopping down into the nearest table. Kateriel and Fergus shot glances of combined guilt and amusement at each other as they followed and joined her.

During their meal Fergus invited them to join him at his estate for the rest of their stay, which the Wardens accepted. Fergus informed them that he had a few more matters to attend to and, after giving them directions, said he would meet them there. Kateriel and Jacqueline took their time gathering their things and checking out of the tavern.

As they rode through the streets, Kateriel's mind focused on the man whose estate they were headed for. Fergus was very friendly with her and playful...but he was like that with everyone. Surely he had no particular interest in her. And what if he did? Only days before, she had been grateful that Kael had not come to Amaranthine because she didn't feel ready for romantic pursuit. Did she feel differently about Fergus? She believed she did. But how so? And why? Perhaps it was the difference in the men themselves? Kael was handsome and could be caring and kind, but he had also been broody and their friendship had started off rather rocky. He'd even been a bit hostile, challenging her in physical combat because of his jealousy. Not to mention what Pip let slip about what Kael had said about her being an elf.

Fergus was handsome and kind as well, but he was also easy going and had a good sense of humour. She felt comfortable with him. He never treated her like she was different, nor beneath him, even though he was her liege lord. She had never felt that she had to [rove anything to him. And he understood her sorrow, sympathised with her.

Still...was she really ready for another relationship? Her heart was still pained at the thought of Alistair, still longed for him, pined for the loss of him. She wasn't sure what she would do if Fergus tried to pursue her.

Jacqueline apparently had been thinking similar thoughts. "The Teryn seems very fond of you, Kateriel." She kept a casual gaze on the road ahead.

"He is friendly to a lot of people." Kateriel shrugged, "He's a kind man."

"Have you not noticed that he looks differently at you? Not to mention other less subtle things..." She glanced sidelong at Kateriel and raised her brow.

Kateriel sighed but chose not to respond. She didn't want to have a debate about it. They had reached an area of Denerim that was clearly where most of the wealthy nobles had estates of one kind or another. Some properties were surrounded by privacy walls blocking anyone from seeing inside. Others were sounded by high iron fences, strong enough to keep people out but allowing them to see the grand buildings and perfectly landscaped lawns and gardens.

"We should be almost there, according to his directions." Kateriel observed as they passed a residence with an elaborate fountain in the front garden. She began to wonder if the Cousland Villa would really be as sensible as Fergus described it.

"Kateriel, I don't mean to intrude where it's not my place, but I caution you in this." Jacqueline turned and faced her fully now. "He is, after all, lord over Amaranthine. It could mean trouble to have a romantic affair and, should it not work out, leave hard feelings. Also, you are a Grey Warden. You could not marry him or bear him any children. The odds of a relationship working out in favour for either of you, is not high."

"First of all, there is no reason to assume that anything is... _anything_ more than what it is, which is just friendly." Kateriel couldn't help but feel annoyance at her friend's words, even though she knew them to be sound. "Second, Grey Wardens marry, I've heard of this."

"Married Grey Wardens are usually such before they take the joining," Jacqueline persisted, keeping her voice carefully neutral, "Any marriages that happen after are usually between Wardens, though that is not encouraged. Relationships between Wardens happen all the time, however, and it makes more sense than seeking someone who is not in the order." She paused and studied Kateriel with careful thought. "I'm only cautioning you as a friend, Kate."

Kateriel did not respond right away, she continued to glower at the road ahead. Eventually, her expression softened. She knew that Jacqueline was only looking out for her...and what was more was that she wasn't wrong in her advice."I know," was all she said.

They reached the address of the Cousland Villa and Kateriel was grateful, for it ended any further conversation on the topic. The estate was surrounded by high walls and a guard stood at a set of heavy iron gates. The guard watched them as they approached and lifted a hand to them in greeting when they stopped before him.

"Welcome, Hero of Ferelden and fellow Warden! The Teryn informed me of your arrival." He turned and unlocked the gates, swinging them open. "My lord awaits you in the manor."

"Thank you," Kateriel smiled and urged her horse forward.

She took in the pleasing sight before her. Fergus had been truthful in saying the Cousland estate in Denerim was modest, at least compared to all the large and excessively luxurious places in the neighbourhood, and considering he was the second most powerful noble in Ferelden after the king. It was a large and stately manse surrounded by beautifully lush, and clearly old and established, gardens full of all kinds of trees, shrubs, plants and flowers.

Kateriel and Jacqueline rode up to the stairs of the manor and dismounted. A stable hand came up and took charge of their horses while three servants descended the stairs. Two of the servants followed the horses to the stables while the third, an older man with an aristocratic, yet grandfatherly, air about him, approached them with a smile.

"Greetings to you, Warden Commander and Warden Jacqueline. My name is Perry, and I am the Steward." The man bowed elegantly.

The Wardens returned the bow, in traditional Warden greeting. "Well met, Perry," Kateriel replied.

He straightened and turned, lifting his arm toward the manor entry in a gesture for them to walk that direction. "The servants will take your things to the rooms which have been prepared for you. The master is waiting for you in the parlour."

Perry escorted them into the manor and through the halls. It was a lovely building. The floors were either stone or polished wood, and the walls were wood instead of stone, decorated here and there with pictures or tapestries. The furniture was well-made and very Ferelden, and there were several kinds of plants kept for decoration throughout. The parlour in which they found Fergus was comfortable looking with large, bright windows. He was sitting at a table reading parchments of some sort, but his attention was drawn when they entered the room.

"Ah! Welcome ladies!" He smiled as he rose from his chair to greet them and handed the papers to Perry, who bowed and left the room. Fergus gestured at the other chairs around the table. "Won't you join me?"

"Thank you, my lord," Kateriel replied as she and Jacqueline settled into chairs.

"None of that, now." He shook his finger at her. "In my home you will call me Fergus. That goes for both of you." He looked to Jacqueline who began to protest but he held his hand up to stop her and she conceded.

Servants brought in tea and the three of them chatted for some time, laughing and telling stories, including tales of past battles. They passed the afternoon pleasantly in the parlour until it was time for the evening meal, at which time they moved to the dining hall. The dinner was delicious but not extravagant, which was how she preferred it. She didn't believe in preparing an over-abundance of food for the sake of showing off. After they were finished, Jacqueline took leave to spend some time in the training yard.

Fergus and Kateriel took a walk through the gardens. He spoke of his family, particularly his mother, who loved nature and tending to the gardens, both there and in Highever. He had written to his brother, trying to convince him to come for a stay at the Denerim Villa, as a first step toward coming home. With Anora returning to Gwaren, she would have time to find someone to replace Aidan as Seneschal and he would be free to focus on his own healing. They returned into the house when the sun set, but once inside, Fergus took Kateriel by the hand and lead her through the halls, stating he wanted to show her something.

They entered the library and moved to one of the windows. The world outside was dark, the sky a deep indigo twilight in which stars had begun to appear. The room was lit by the fire in the hearth and a few candles on the walls and tables, not making it bright but light enough to see well and clear.

"Do you know what this is?" He indicated to a plant that grew by the window.

Kateriel gasped in recognition. She'd only seen the plant once before in her life but she would know it anywhere. A Keeper had once brought it to an Arlathvhen. It was a vine plant, on which little flowers hung down from each vine limb. The flowers were cerulean in colour and in the shape of water drops with a white spadix in the centre. It was beautiful.

"These are 'Tears of Arlathan'," Kateriel breathed with wonder as she reached out and touched a flower delicately. She turned her eyes to Fergus, who stood looking at her with gentle and amused expression, obviously pleased with her reaction. "Do you know how rare this is?"

"It grows in the most secret parts of the Dales, and is said to have come from Arlathan itself," he replied, the corner of his mouth turning up in that charming smirk that she discovered she really liked. "My father obtained it at a high price from a Dalish trader. It was a gift for my mother, whom I told you loved plants. Rare ones were especially pleasing to her and she loved this one."

He moved the curtain of the window aside and produced a small sprig of the same plant in a little pot. He turned his gaze back to hers but this time his face was full of tenderness. Kateriel's mouth opened slightly as her gaze moved from the plant in his hands, to his eyes. He held it out to her.

Kateriel was smiled in awe, as she reached out and took the plant in her hands. Her heart flooded with warmth and a sudden shyness over took her. The thoughtfulness of the gift and the way he was looking at her made her heart skip with both pleasure and alarm.

"Oh Fergus, thank you!" She smiled and she felt her cheeks grow warm, "These flowers are very special and well loved by my people."

"Your pleasure is my own," Fergus moved closer, his tone soft and low. Her heart began to beat fast. He reached out and stroked her cheek gently. "It is all the thanks I need...except for maybe this." He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

His lips were warm and gentle, and she found they felt good against hers. Yet, the unfamiliarity of his lips brought an unwelcome and unreasonable feeling of being unfaithful, and Alistair's face to her mind. She was busy processing the sensations, so that when he pulled back to examine her reaction, her eyes were glued to his lips. Taking it as a good sign he leaned in to kiss her again.

"Fergus..." she stopped him, speaking his name against his lips. He pulled back again and this time her eyes met his. "I'm...not sure this is a good idea."

He pulled back a little further; his expression sympathetic and gentle. "Kateriel..." he began but she interrupted.

"I'm not sure I'm ready." She toyed with a clasp on his vest nervously, her eyes focused intently on it. "And are you sure _you_ are? And you're the Teryn and...I'm a Grey Warden."

He placed his hand over hers at his chest and held it firmly. He gently lifted her chin with his other hand until she met his eyes. "Kateriel, I understand that you might not be ready yet." He moved his fingers to caress her cheek once more. "I'm not entirely sure...I am either. But I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone in a long time, and I am attracted to you. I thought...you felt similar. I'm not asking anything from you, I just thought that maybe we could help each other. Just being with someone else might help us both move on. We could take it nice and slow, no expectations or pressure. If it becomes something more, then so be it, we will work it out. And if not, then we remain friends, we make that promise."

"And what if one of us feels something more than the other?" Kateriel raised a brow in question, "What then? How does that end with no hard feelings?"

"We'll be totally open with each other," he replied with conviction, "If one of us starts to feel that way then we talk, and if it needs to end then we do so before it goes too far, remembering that we agreed to remain friends."

Kateriel was silent a moment to ponder these things in her mind. "I don't know, Fergus," she sighed, "What if it is too late by that time and the damage is done? I don't want to lose you, or the friendship we have."

"Neither do I," he reassured her, as he moved closer to her once again and bent his head so that their faces were only an inch apart. "It's your choice of course; I won't force this on you. But...You like me, don't you?"

"Yes, of course!" she reassured him, gazing at him with the affection she felt.

"And I'm not completely hideous, am I?" He smirked in that charming way and it softened her heart.

"Far from it," Kateriel laughed breathily and felt her face heat. In truth, she was feeling wonderfully warm from head to toe, and trembled slightly under his caress.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" his voice was low and purred in her ears but there was an edge of concern in his tone.

"Not at all, Fergus, but..." he cut her off with another kiss.

He broke away again but hovered close enough to brush her lips with his. "And does this not feel good?"

Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest and her breath grew heavy. "Yes..." she replied, and he kissed her again, pressing in a little more.

She couldn't deny that it did, it felt very nice indeed. She doubted that it would feel that way with anyone else. Except one...one that she pushed out of her mind and focused on the feeling of the lips caressing her own. She reached out and placed the plant on the window ledge before wrapping her arms around his neck. Fergus pulled her against him and held her tight. He deepened the kiss, gaining entry to her mouth, his tongue caressing hers lightly.

"I think we should stop here for now," he breathed, gently ending their kiss once more. He smiled as he reached up and ran a finger across her lip. "We don't want to move too fast, right?"

Kateriel nodded in agreement as she relaxed her arms and stepped back. She picked up her plant and smiled, touching the flowers again. She flashed him her crooked grin. "Let's head back to the parlour and have some tea."

"Sounds perfect," he replied, taking her by the hand and leading her out of the room.

He did not let go of her hand until they reached the parlour, clearly not caring if they were seen by a servant. Jacqueline was there sitting by the fire, her hair damp as she'd had her bath and was wearing casual clothing instead of her armour.

"Where have you two been?" she watched them carefully as they moved over to join her.

"Fergus had a gift for me." Kateriel showed her the 'Tears of Arlathan' and explained its significance. She did not meet her friend's scrupulous gaze at first, knowing that she her own eyes always gave away too much. When she finally did, she was surprised and pleased to see Jacqueline smiling back.

"They're very beautiful," Jacqueline said. Kateriel didn't miss the understanding in her friend's expression and tone.

The three spent a quiet and relaxing evening before heading off to their beds for the night. Kateriel lay in her bed trying to sort out her feelings about this new relationship she found herself in. When morning dawned again, it was a little brighter than the last. Though Alistair and her ache for him were ever present in her heart and in her mind, she found it slightly easier to bury and occupy herself with new and present things.

* * *

 

Alistair had slept terribly. His dreams were plagued with images of Kateriel. Kateriel naked and laying beneath him, Kateriel fighting and covered in blood, Kateriel's face white in death's pallor with empty eyes...and Kateriel in the arms of another man, a faceless one. Every time he went to sleep he'd dream something new but she was always there. At the crack of dawn, he had given up.

He trained in the yard, pushing all his frustration into his workout, until it was time for breakfast. Anora joined him in the hall first, Ryain in her arms. Alistair smiled at them as they came in. He had enjoyed his talk with his sister-in-law the night before, learning a little more about his brother and appreciating the distraction she provided. He would miss them when they left for Gwaren on the morrow. Ryain beamed when he saw his uncle and reached out for him. Alistair took Ryain on his lap and shared his oatmeal with the lad.

Soon the others of Alistair's inner circle, his council which consisted of his friends and family, came in to break their fast. Arl Teagan had arrived the previous day, wanting to be part of the dinner planned for that evening to send off Zevran. Teagan and Zevran came in together but it wasn't hard to tell there was something up between them. After watching them for a bit, Alistair thought he could see what it was. Though friendly and polite, Zevran seemed to be...withdrawn from the usual attention that he paid Teagan. The Arl was putting up a good front, though the strain was there in the glances he kept giving the elf.

Alistair filled the rest of the day with matters of business, even creating extra work for himself, anything to keep him from thinking of Kateriel. Her being in Denerim, within reach, was far too tempting. But then...maybe he shouldn't resist. Maybe he should go and talk to her, invite her to the dinner even? No, perhaps not. The wound was still too fresh it seemed, especially as it didn't seem to affect her the way it did him. That hurt more than anything. He thought that he meant something special to her.

He was immensely grateful when the day had finished and it was time for the dinner. Only the inner circle was there. There was reminiscing of tales told of the past months since Zevran had come into the King's service. Everyone remained after the meal was finished, to talk and enjoy the company at hand, since nearly half would be leaving the next day.

"I...had considered sending an invitation to the tavern for Kateriel to join us, Zev," Alistair told him when they had a moment to talk just the two them, "I hope it's all right that I decided not to. I thought it best just to leave it be with just those you've worked with and gotten close to in your time here."

"I understand, Alistair. It's quite alright and I'll be seeing her in the morning as it is." Zevran shrugged. "An invitation would not have reached her at the tavern anyhow, seeing that she is staying at with Teryn Cousland at his estate this night."

"She's staying with Fergus?" The news was like a blow to the chest. "I...didn't know they were so well acquainted."

"Of course they are. Why should they not be?" Zevran raised his brows at his friend, watching his reaction carefully. "He is, after all, her Teryn. Their familiarity is not surprising, nor is it that he extended the invitation." He paused a moment, hesitating while considering the possible reactions to his next words. "Does it bother you?"

Alistair burned internally at the question. Of course it did! Why shouldn't it? No wonder she was so impassive to being near him again. She'd already moved on to someone else! And a Teryn? Well, if you can't have the King, why not the next best thing? And Fergus was supposed to be his friend! How could Fergus court Kateriel knowing that...

But Fergus didn't know...he had only told Fergus that Kateriel had been a dear friend. There was no way of knowing what their relationship truly was. And...if Kateriel had moved on, what of it? She had a right to seek happiness. He loved her enough to wish her that, even if it crushed him.

He let out the remainder of his anger in a rush of air from his lungs. "No," he finally said defeated, as his heart settled into sad acceptance once more. "I guess not."

Zevran placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "It's going to be alright, Alistair. You're going to make it through this. And...for what it's worth, I believe you are doing a extraordinary job as King."

"That's worth a great deal more that you know, my friend," Alistair gave him a small but genuine smile. "I'm going to miss you. This place won't be the same with out you."

"Of course not," Zevran scoffed, "It's going to lose half its charm."

"Ha! Yeah, and husbands and wives will go to sleep feeling safer that their spouses are in their bed where they should be," laughed Alistair, "And parents that the virtues of their eldest sons and daughters are safe once more."

"Tsk! You make me sound like such a lecher," Zevran grinned, not even feigning insult.

Alistair chuckled again. His attention turned to where Teagan stood by the fireplace, and he sobered. He turned back to Zevran to find that the elf's gaze had followed his. Zevran's eyes were full of sadness and regret.

"You're going to talk to him tonight?" Alistair asked, sympathetic to what lay ahead for his friend that night.

Zevran nodded. "It may not be as bad as I fear...but I am not hopeful."

"So serious over here," crooned Sharren as she joined them. Turning to Alistair, she put on a little pout that made him smile. He found that she could really be adorable, and he loved her playful nature. "You're not mourning the loss of your Spymaster that badly are you? You still have me after all, and I'm _much_ more pretty to look at."

"I beg to differ, my dear girl." Zevran flicking his hair, "But I dare say you keep Ferelden from losing _all_ its appeal."

"Sorry, I'm with Sharren on this one," Alistair grinned.

Zevran made a jest about needing breasts to please some people and the banter continued back and forth, drawing in Eben and Anora. The rest of the evening was spent in pleasant laughter and conversation until the party broke and everyone retired to their beds.

Try as he might to not let it bother him, Alistair could not wonder about Kateriel staying with Fergus Cousland and what might be between them. He decided that he would accompany Zevran to the Cousland Villa in the morning and see for himself.


	32. Good Intentions

                “Come in.” The door to Kateriel’s room opened and Jacqueline entered with her pack slung over her shoulder. Kateriel was busy filling her own bag, but paused to look up as her friend came in. “Finished already? Why am I not surprised? I wish I had your efficiency, Jack.”

                “What you lack is motivation I think,” Jacqueline tilted her head, grinning.

                “You are mistaken in that assumption,” Kateriel said matter-of-factly as she closed her pack, picked up her plant, and headed for the door. The early morning had passed by beautifully with breakfast in the garden. Kateriel could not bring herself to rush while the garden plants and flowers still held the scent of their early morning perfume, and the birds sang their songs. Still, she was looking forward to being on the open road again and returning to Amaranthine. “I can’t express how eager I am to get back to Vigil’s Keep.”

                “If you say so,” Jacqueline teased. She stepped out into the hall so that Kateriel could join her and the pair made their way through the halls together.     Fergus was waiting for them at the front entrance.

                “I’ll meet you outside,” Jacqueline smirked at them before exiting through the doors. Kateriel could feel her face turn red as she placed her belongings on the floor.

                Fergus slowly stepped close to her and with out a word, took her in his arms and kissed her. She relaxed into him and allowed him to deepen their kiss before they broke away once more. He smiled at her, looking softly into her eyes.

                “You truly are remarkable, Kateriel,” He took her face in his hands and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “Lovely and strong. Thank you for being my guest and...everything.”

                “Thank you for inviting us. I’m glad I could get to know you even better,” Kateriel smiled, her heart fluttering at his words. Then, realizing how she might have sounded, she cleared her throat and pulled his hands into hers. “And thank you for my gift.”

               “You’re very welcome,” he grinned. “I’ll be here in Denerim for about a month. As you know, I am hoping my brother will come to me here once Anora returns to Gwaren. I’ll stop by Vigil’s Keep on my return to Highever, if that’s all right with you, of course. And none of that ‘the Teryn can do as he pleases’ stuff...you know what I mean.” When Kateriel laughed lightly and nodded, he pulled her in for another kiss before walking with her out the door.

 

 

 

 

                Alistair stood in the front courtyard of the Cousland villa, gazing at the manor with a serious expression. On the inside, he burned with curiosity and dread. He wanted to know if Kateriel was with Fergus in a romantic way, but was also afraid of finding out that it was so. And yet, he scolded himself that it shouldn’t bother him, that he should be happy for her, that she could move on and be happy with someone else. He should feel that way...but he didn’t. The thought of her with another, especially so soon, tore him apart inside. Thinking that she wasn’t hurting as he was, or longing for him as he was for her, crushed him.

                “Alistair,” Zevran, who was standing beside him, placed a cool hand on his arm. The former Spymaster lifted the king’s forearm, looking at the tight fist that Alistair was making. Alistair relaxed his hands and rolled his shoulders, not meeting Zevran’s gaze. “Why do we not just say farewell now and you can leave before they come out?”

                “I’m fine,” Alistair forced a casual tone and smirk, “The archdemon’s not about to come out those doors now is it? Or...is it? She did slay the beast after all. Shouldn’t that make her scarier?”

                Zevran chuckled at his joke, but before the elf could respond, the door to the manor opened and someone came out. It was Kateriel’s Grey Warden companion...what was her name? Leena? Joleen? He had been so absorbed with Kateriel at Court that the Warden’s name didn’t sink in when they were introduced. He was grateful that Zevran spoke first.

                “Bright morning to you, Warden Jacqueline!” Zevran crooned, as she stopped before them. Zevran took her hand and kissed it, gazing up at her with hooded eyes. “I am looking forward to travelling in the company of such a beautiful woman once again.”

                “Zevran,” Jacqueline rolled her eyes as she pulled her hand back. She turned to Alistair and bowed. “Greetings, your majesty.”

                “Well met, Warden Jacqueline.”

                “Commander Kateriel will be out in a shortly,” Jacqueline explained. “She’s just taking a moment to discuss some things with the Teryn in private before we leave.”

                “She needs to say goodbye to him private?” he asked sarcastic, unable to help himself.

                Jacqueline raised her brows a little. “I’m sure the Teryn and the Arlessa have business to discuss,” she shrugged slightly. “I didn’t ask and it’s none of my business.”

                “Of course,” Alistair said, his tone flat as he raised his eyes to the doors on the manor once more.

                A stable-hand brought the Warden’s horses from the stables and Jacqueline began securing her belongings to hers. Alistair didn’t miss how she kept shooting sidelong glances in his direction. Zevran busied himself with loading his things onto Kateriel’s horse; he had refused to take a horse of his own as he would be catching a ship from Amaranthine. What was taking Kateriel and Fergus so long? Alistair continued to frown at the door.

                Finally, it opened and the first thing that came out was a light laugh, one that used to send thrills up his spine. Now it made his stomach twist in a knot. Kateriel stepped out with Fergus right behind her, his hand resting on the small of her back. The intimate touch and the way the two were looking at one another set fire to Alistair’s blood. He fought to maintain his composure.

                Kateriel turned her attention from Fergus and froze as her eyes found Alistair’s. Her face went white and then red in seconds. She was flooded with the guilt of being caught doing something she shouldn’t be and unconsciously shifted away from Fergus, feeling his hand leave her back. She was instantly angry with herself after she had done so. Why should she feel as though she was doing something wrong? She had nothing to be ashamed of. She inwardly rejected the guilt and pushed it away from her heart, putting up a defensive shield powered by her anger.

                She gave Fergus an apologetic smile before descending the stairs, attempting to appear casual. She avoided Alistair’s gaze as she approached him by smiling at Zevran in greeting. When she came to a stop before him she no longer had a choice. Kateriel met his eyes as she bowed before him. His face was stoic but his eyes were stormy. It gave her a little bit satisfaction to think that he could be jealous of what he saw.

                “Alistair! Welcome!” Fergus greeted with warmth, using the king’s name as they were in friendly company. The Teryn bowed and grasped Alistair’s arm in a friendly fashion. “We didn’t expect you but I am honoured by your presence in my home.”

                “Thank you, Fergus. I’m just _full_ of surprises, you know.” He was trying to sound friendly but he could not bring himself to smile. His gaze drifted back to Kateriel, who met his eyes steadily, though he could see a slight tension in the pull of the skin around her eyes. “I came to bid safe journey and farewell to my friends.” He couldn’t seem to stop what came out next. “But perhaps, that’s already been _thoroughly_ covered.”

                Kateriel narrowed her eyes slightly. “I’m not sure what you mean, Alistair,” she cocked her head to one side, “But I appreciate your thoughtfulness in coming to say goodbye, even though we really didn’t spend any time together.”

                “Well, it appears that you’ve been otherwise occupied,” Alistair said snidely, “So I doubt you’ve missed my company too much.”

                Kateriel didn’t know whether she wanted to laugh or scream at him. He chose to leave her. Who she spent her time with was no longer his business. “Well, with you being so busy running the country, the rest of us do what we can to get by,” she replied, politely sarcastic. Moving to her horse, she began to secure her belongings.

                “Alistair,” Zevran moved in quickly to interrupt, drawing Alistair’s glare from Kateriel’s back. “It has been an honour to serve and protect you. You’re doing great things and I know you’ll continue to impress. Be sure to take care of yourself.”

                Alistair gazed down at his friend and some of his anger left him as he pulled the smaller man into an embrace. “Thank you for everything, my friend. I truly can’t say enough,” ending the embrace, he rested his hand on Zevran’s shoulder. “Maker watch over you...and try not to get yourself killed.” He grinned.

                Zevran chuckled, but then his smile faded and he became solemn. He had ended things between himself and Teagan early that morning before he left the palace. Teagan pretended that he was regretful that their time together was over but that it didn’t bother him very much. Zevran knew differently. He could see the anguish in Teagan’s eyes and the way he moved, he knew the man well. On their way from the palace to the Cousland Villa, Zevran informed Alistair how it went.

                “I know I don’t need to ask you to be there for your uncle,” Zevran said, his voice full of regret. “I only hope that he won’t hurt for long.”

                “It will take time.” Thinking of Teagan’s pain made him suddenly feel closer to his uncle than ever before. “I’m sure he’ll recover...eventually.”

                Meanwhile, Fergus moved over to the Wardens. Jacqueline bowed, “Thank you for your hospitality, Fergus.”

                “The pleasure was mine, Jacqueline,” extending his arm, they clasped forearms in a friendly gesture. Turning his attention to Kateriel, he grinned as he pulled her in for a hug. “Safe journey, Kateriel. I’ll see you soon.”

                “Thank you for everything, Fergus.” She replied before turning to mount her horse. “Take care of yourself as well. I hope your brother is ready to come to you.”

                “As do I,” Fergus said, wistful.

                Zevran and Alistair joined them, and Zevran effortlessly sprang up behind Kateriel on her horse. Alistair looked up at Kateriel and she met his gaze. So many powerful emotions flew in the space between them but none were fully known or understood as no words were used to give them form. Kateriel dragged her eyes from his and moved to go.

               “Kateriel...” Alistair said, his voice rough with strained emotion. He didn’t want things to be like this between them. He hated the pain he saw in her eyes. Even as angry and hurt as he was, it pained him to think that he’d hurt her.

               “Farewell, Alistair,” her tone was soft, she was tired of the strain and pain between them. She wanted to leave before they could say anything else to hurt each other. She hated the anger and resentment she saw in him and hoped that he would find peace, that maybe someday things would be better between them.

               “Farewell,” he replied, defeated, as Kateriel urged her horse forward.

               He watched the Wardens until they were out of sight, before turning to Fergus. He fixed the Teryn with a hard stare. “Is there something between you?”

               “Perhaps.” Fergus replied, looking concerned. “Does it bother you?” He watched as Alistair appeared to struggle inwardly. “You are my friend, Alistair. I thought since you had chosen the throne that maybe you wouldn’t care so much.”

               “ _She_ chose the throne for me,” Alistair growled. He ran a hand through his hair roughly.

              Fergus studied his friend for a moment. “Alistair...if it really bothers you...”

              “No!” Alistair barked. He didn’t want to interfere with Kateriel’s happiness. She deserved to be happy, even if she didn’t choose him, even if it crushed him heart and soul. He heaved a heavy sigh. “It’s fine. Really. In fact, I can’t think of anyone I’d want to see her with more. You’re a good man, Fergus. Just...don’t hurt her.” His last words were rough, barely more than a whisper, as he turned and left the Cousland estate.

             He met his personal guard outside the gate. Eben watched Alistair carefully as they returned to the palace. He could tell from Alistair’s hard eyes and set jaw that his friend was upset. After saying his farewells to Cauthrien, Anora and Ryain, Alistair spent the rest of his day training hard in the yard or locked in his study. When evening finally cast its shadow over the world, Eben and Sharren went to him.

            “Alistair,” Sharren said, as she perched on the side of his desk. “What’s wrong? It’s easy to tell you’re unhappy and we’re sure it isn’t about Zevran.”

            “I don’t want to talk about it,” Alistair grumbled, glowering at the papers on his desk. Eben and Sharren glanced at each other before turning their attention back to the king.

            “That’s all right,” Eben said, “You don’t have to, we already know.”

            “As your friends, we are going to help you get through this,” Sharren said, standing from his desk and standing before the fire. “You’ve tried burying yourself in work and family, and you’ve destroyed nearly every training dummy in the training yard. Might I suggest something else?”

            “Here we go,” Eben grumbled under his breath but Sharren ignored him. Alistair just looked at her with curiosity.

            “Sometimes the best way to get someone out of your head,” she explained, “Is to get someone else in your bed...or into theirs.” She wriggled her brows at him suggestively. “I’ve seen plenty of servants shoot longing-”

            “No,” interrupted Alistair sharply. “I’m not going to seduce servants to my bed. I’m not going to be one of those nobles or rulers who use people for their own pleasure.”

            “You wouldn’t have to seduce them,” Sharren said matter-of-factly, “Some would gladly join you, knowing not to expect anything more.”

            “No.”

            Sharren regarded Alistair with thoughtful approval. “Okay then,” she shrugged, “Let’s get you into your soldier’s disguise and head down to the Pearl! That way you’re not really using someone because you’re paying for it. On top of that, you’re helping out someone of the lower class.”

            A prostitute? Should he really do that? Could he? Why not? He wasn’t tied to anyone. And Kateriel had already moved on it seemed. The thought made him scowl again, maybe he _should_ do it. But...a prostitute? Wasn’t that a bit desperate?

            He looked at Eben for assistance. The man shrugged. “Lots of soldiers go to prostitutes to blow off steam if they don’t have someone special or can’t seduce someone,” Eben said, “I’ve even done it the odd time. Sex is great for releasing stress, as I’m sure you’re aware. You don’t want to use someone beneath your status and bedding your peers can have complicated consequences. So this might be your only other choice. But I don’t know if it’ll help you and I’m not going to force you.”

            “I am!” Sharren cried, grabbing his arm and giving him pull.

            “I don’t think-”

            “Good! Don’t think,” She grunted, finally managing to pull him from his chair, and ushering him to the door. “We’ll get a few drinks into you and in about an hour or two, you’ll be feeling _very_ good.”

* * *

 

             Kateriel never thought she’d ever be so happy to see Vigil’s Keep. The journey back with Zevran and Jacqueline had been really enjoyable and she was especially pleased at being with Zevran again. But after the whirlwind of stress and emotions in Denerim, Vigil’s Keep felt like a safe haven of stability and order.

                By the time they reached the inner courtyard, however, Kateriel began to feel like something was wrong. People looked unusually relieved to see her and began whispering to each other. Many called out to her in greeting but it was the shouts of “Thank the Maker you’re back, Commander!” that had her feeling uneasy.

                They entered the bailey where they were met by Nathaniel. He looked slightly harried and had dark circles under his eyes. “Kateriel! Thank the Maker!”

                Thunder came running out of the Keep, barking with excitement, and Kateriel bent to greet him before turning her attention back to Nathaniel. “Considering how many times I’ve heard that since I arrived, I’m not sure I’ll be very thankful at all,” Kateriel replied, her brows contorting with concern. “What’s going on?”

                “The day after you left, Anders burst into the main hall carrying a young girl in his arms,” Nathaniel explained, his grey eyes troubled, “He said she’s been hurt and he wasn’t able to heal her fully because he’d exhausted his magic. He, himself, was injured and covered in blood and dirt, looking like he’d fought a battle. Luckily, Velanna is -”

                “Velanna?” Kateriel interrupted with surprise.

                “Oh. Yes, she returned during the night after you’d left,” his tone was rough but flat, an indication of mixed emotions that Kateriel made a mental note to investigate later. “Thankfully, Velanna is also an excellent healer, but even though she says the girl is completely healed, and still alive, the girl will not wake up. Anders would not tell us what happened. He locked himself in his room and refuses to come out or speak to anyone except you. I...posted guards at his door, just to be on the safe side.”

                Kateriel sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, attempting to process the situation. Creators, she just got back. Of course things could not go well while she was gone, that was too much to expect from her life!

                “All right, let me go to my room and get washed up and settled. I’ll meet you in the great hall in 30 min,” Kateriel looked around at the people in the bailey, most trying not to be obvious that they were watching, the rest were not bothering to hide that they were in the slightest. She couldn’t blame them. Most people feared magic, and rightfully so, as it was dangerous in the wrong hands. She turned her eyes back to Nathaniel. She indicated to Zevran. “Nathaniel, this is my good friend Zevran. He was one of my companions during the Blight. Can you show Zevran to a guest room?”

                “Of course,” Nathaniel nodded before turning to Zevran. “It is an honour to meet another Hero of the Blight.”

                “Well met, Warden,” Zevran crooned, “I look forward to being better acquainted.” He shot a smirk at Kateriel. She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she followed them into the Keep.

                Half an hour later she entered the great hall. Nathaniel and Garevel were waiting for her by the throne. She waved at Oghren and Darrel who were sharing drinks in the corner of the room and paused to hug Sigrun by the bookshelves, before making her way to the throne.

                “Things are quiet for the moment, Commander,” Garevel reported. “How should we proceed?”

                “Take me to see this girl first.”

                They led her to the room where the girl was being kept. Velanna and Pip were inside, quietly conversing while watching the girl sleep. Velanna rose to her feet as Kateriel entered, her cheeks turning pink and looking slightly uncomfortable.

                “Commander.” She held Kateriel’s gaze but her eyes were uncertain.

                Kateriel smiled as she moved to place her hand on the other woman’s shoulder. She could only assume that Velanna’s embarrassment was due to her running off and now returning. They would talk about that at a later time, but for now Kateriel felt she needed to reassure her. “Velanna, I’m so glad you’re back.”

                But instead of the relieved smile that Kateriel was hoping for, Velanna’s countenance darkened, her lips forming a straight line. “Yes, it seems I returned just in time for your pet abomination to lose control.”

                “We don’t know what happened yet, Velanna,” Kateriel retorted, glaring at the other elf, irritated that she had hoped for a warm reunion. She turned her attention from Velanna to the girl in the bed. She looked to be no more than about eight years old. She slept peacefully, her chest rising and falling steadily with her calm breathing. “How is she?”

                “She is perfectly healthy as far as I can tell,” Velanna said lightly, raising her brow as she viewed the sleeping child. “But she is young and my guess is that she is new to her magic and untrained. I fear she may be trapped in the fade. I believe we should restrain her in case on demon possession but our young fellow Warden disagrees.”

                Kateriel turned her attention to Pip, with a raised brow. “I just don’t think it’s right to tie up a young girl,” he explained with a pleading look, “What if she wakes up? It might frighten her, and something tells me she’s been through enough all ready.”

                Kateriel pondered the situation for a moment, lightly chewing her lip. “I agree with Pip.” She ignored Velanna’s disgusted noise. “We will watch her closely. I want one of you here in shifts. Choose who takes the first one and the other go sleep. I’ll have another Warden here with you as well. I won’t post a guard, I want Wardens on this. Now...I will go and speak to Anders.”

                Kateriel made her way to Anders’ room with Nathaniel and Garevel. She reached his door and turned to her companions. “I will go in and talk to him alone,” she told them, her tone firm. She faced the door and knocked. No answer. “Anders? It’s Kateriel.”

                After a moment, she heard the door unlock but it didn’t open. She turned the handle and pushed the door open slowly before peering inside. Anders stood by the fire and looked up at her as she entered. He had dark circles under his eyes judging by the smell in the room, he hadn’t bathed. “I’m glad you’re back, Kateriel.”

                “That seems to be general feeling all around,” she smirked, attempting to lighten the mood, “It’s nice to feel so wanted.” Her attempt at humour failed; he didn’t even crack a smile as turned his gaze back to the fire. She sighed. Anders used to be such a light-hearted man, quick with a joke or a smile despite the situation. It bothered her that he had changed so much since he joined with Justice. “Care to tell me what happened?”

                “I was out on patrol,” he began, his tone dark as he picked up the poker and jabbed at the fire. “in the western farmlands. I heard weeping and went to investigate. A man, a woman, and two small children stood on the threshold of their home, each one crying, the mother especially was sobbing into her husband’s chest as he held her.”

                He paused to poke viciously at the fire before resuming his tale. Kateriel said nothing, choosing to simply listen until he was finished. “I asked what the matter was. They looked at me uncertainly before telling me that their eldest daughter had discovered that she could do magic. They didn’t believe that she was cursed but that she was blessed. However, they knew she needed to be taught to control her power. They didn’t know what else to do but to send her to the Circle. So they notified the Chantry to send Templars. They told her she would be sent to school and that she would be taken care of.” He paused to take a long, deep breath, his angry clearly rising. His eyes narrowed, his breath was heavy, and his voice growled. “When the Templars arrived, they barely gave the family time to say goodbye. The girl was frightened and began to cry for her parents but two templars each took an arm and dragged her away. They wouldn’t give the mother time to console her daughter! To comfort her or ease her fear!”

                Anders dropped the poker and began pacing. “It was easy to tell which way the Templars went from how the siblings kept looking in one direction,” He clenched and unclenched his hands as he paced. “I went after them. I wanted to see how they were treating her. I caught up to them and watched for a few moments, just close enough to see and hear. The girl was weeping. One of the Templars grabbed her by her collar and gave her a rough shake, telling her that if she didn’t stop crying he’d make her.” He stopped pacing and closed his eyes. “I...I lost it. She is just child. They have no right to treat her like that...like a criminal. It was bad enough that she was being taken from her family; she didn’t need their abuse as well! I confronted them on their behaviour. They ordered me to mind my own business or, Grey Warden or not, they would put me in my place by returning me to the circle or executing me. I told them that I wouldn’t allow them to hurt her. I can’t remember who struck first but...we fought. Justice emerged to help me. I told the girl to take cover but-” his voice cracked, “She was _afraid_ of me! She ran to _them_! She ran as I was casting a powerful spell...ran right into it! But I couldn’t stop to help her until the Templars were dead. Then I tried to heal her but I didn’t have enough energy left. I brought her here. I’m certain you know the rest. Thank the Maker that Velanna was here.” He covered his eyes with his hand, his voice heavy with remorse. “She won’t wake, I don’t know why. I’m so... _so_ sorry! So is Justice.”

                “Justice...” Kateriel spoke now, keeping her tone neutral. She clasped her hands behind her back and raised a brow slightly. “You say you couldn’t stop until they were all dead. Was that your choice? Or his? Why didn’t you try to freeze them and get her out of there? Or use a protective barrier while you tried to help her? I’ve seen you do those kinds of things before.”

                “They needed to die-” Anders began with a growl.

                “No they didn’t!” Kateriel cut him off sharply, her tone heating. “You should have stayed out of it! I agree that their behaviour was cruel but this was not the time to be seeking vengence!”

                “It’s justice not vengeance!” Anders bit back.

                “I disagree,” Kateriel argued, crossing her arms over her chest. “And what would you have done with her if she hadn’t been hurt and they were all dead? Bring her here and ask to train her? Send her home again even though the Chantry is aware and would be looking into what happened to their Templars? I’m sure that would have gone well for her family. She’s not a Grey Warden so we couldn’t keep her here and, of course, there’s no way I’d try to make her a Warden.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Creators, I’m sure all of Amaranthine knows about the girl by now. That means the Templars will be banging down our door. Not to mention that I’m going to have to get help for the girl from the Circle as it is! Dammit, Anders! Grey Wardens are not supposed to get involved in this stuff.”

                “I know,” he said firmly, his gaze becoming grave. “That’s why I’m leaving the Wardens.”

                “Like the Void you are!” Kateriel growled, “You don’t get to just run away.”

                “You told me once that you didn’t have to remain in a Grey Warden if you chose not to,” Anders shook his head, “Why should it be any different for the rest of us?”

                “Because, obviously, you are dangerous!” Kateriel replied exasperated. “Look at what has happened. You murdered those Templars and nearly killed an innocent in your rage. Who knows what other damage you and Justice will cause? What other lives will be lost?”

                “This was a tragic accident. But it was also an eye opener and learning experience for both Justice and myself,” he placed his hand on his chest. His voice became soft and pleading. “I’m certain I can control this now but I need time, something we don’t have. And besides, I never wanted to be a Warden. Something must be done about the Mage injustice. I know I was meant to try and make a difference...I _need_ to do this Kateriel. Please don’t try to stop me.”

                “I don’t know that I can just let you leave,” Kateriel shook her head. “To simply release something destructive into the world, never knowing if you are actually able to help or cause more suffering.”

                “I thought we were friends, Kateriel. I’m asking you to trust me,” Anders pleaded. He rolled back the left sleeve of his robes, revealing the burn scar on his arm that he received from throwing himself in front of Kateriel to shield her from The Mother’s acid vomit. “I have fought by your side and risked my own life for you. Please do this for me.”

                Kateriel lifted her gaze from his arm to his eyes. Deep down in her soul, she felt that letting him go was wrong. It bothered her that he was using their friendship against her but she also understood fighting for what you believe to be right. Yet, she did owe him one, and until now she never had any reason not to trust him.

                Kateriel sighed heavily in resignation. “All right, Anders,” she said in a gentle but firm voice. “You may leave. Tonight. _But_...I have one condition. You must keep me informed of your where-abouts consistently. I want a report once a month at least. I will give you a Warden seal that indicates confidential information for you to put on your reports so that none see it but me. Deal?”

                Anders took a moment to consider before nodding. “Agreed.”

                Kateriel stepped back out into the hall where Nathaniel and Garevel were waiting. “Well?” Nathaniel asked.

                “Meet me in the great hall in half an hour and I’ll explain it all to you,” Kateriel said as they walked through the halls. Nathaniel looked like he was about to protest but Kateriel shot him a look that said it would not be wise.

                Kateriel made her way to her study and retrieved the letter seal from her desk and returned to Anders. He was already packing his things. She held his gaze sternly as she placed the seal in his palm and closed his fist around it.

                “Don’t make me regret this,” she said, her voice rough. “Take the secret passages out of the Keep. You need to leave now.”

                “Thank you, my friend,” he said, grateful.

                She nodded in response before turning and leaving his room, there was nothing left to say. She went back to her study and wrote a request to First Enchanter Irving, explaining that she had another “Connor” situation minus the demon...yet. She told him that she would explain everything when he arrived.

                All the Wardens gathered by the throne in the great hall. Kateriel explained that Anders had an altercation with some Templars and the girl had gotten caught in the crossfire, though she did not go into great detail. She further informed them that she had sent a request to the Circle for aide, and that she would decide what to do with Anders by morning.

                When morning came, it was discovered that Anders was gone. Kateriel allowed search parties to be sent out but she knew they would never find him. She prayed to the Creators, and the Maker, that she hadn’t made a terrible choice.


	33. New Directions and Dark Revelations

Nearly a week and a half passed before First Enchanter Irving, accompanied by four mages and nearly a dozen templars, arrived at Vigil’s Keep in carriages. The days and nights of keeping watch by the sleeping girl’s bedside had been straining on everyone. They miraculously managed to feed her sips of water and broth, as though she knew in her dreaming mind that she needed to eat.

                Velanna and Pip slept in shifts so there would always be a mage present. The other Wardens took shifts as well, in pairs, standing guard with the mages. Kateriel took extra shifts and instructed Nathaniel to oversee the Keep and governance of Amaranthine with Seneschal Garevel. She felt the need to respond to this threat personally, and she could not shake the guilty feeling that she was partly to blame. _Perhaps she should have watched Anders more closely. She should have stayed at the Keep instead of going to Denerim. She shouldn’t have let him go without fixing this! She probably shouldn’t have let him go at all!_

                Velanna hardly spoke to Kateriel, and when the mage was not on shift, she stayed in her room. Kateriel decided to leave it be for the time being. Once the current crisis was solved, she could focus on the next. Though Kateriel knew why Velanna was not interacting with her fellow Wardens. It had become obvious to her the day after she returned that a romance had blossomed between Nathaniel and Sigrun. She would catch them in the halls in an embrace or shooting warm glances and smiles at each other across the room, except when Velanna was present.

                Sigrun’s cheeks grew flushed and her eyes sparkled when Kateriel asked her about it during a shift together. The young dwarf was very much in love and so very happy, it made Kateriel’s heart swell with happiness for her friends. And at the same time it made her heart ache with sadness as it brought memories flooding back of when she had felt the same...not so very long ago. She had not had the opportunity to ask Nathaniel about his new romance as he was not taking shifts as per her orders and they were both focused on other tasks, but she could see his happiness when he looked at Sigrun. She intended to speak to him about it, and Velanna, once the girl had been awakened...or otherwise been taken care of.

                Kateriel greeted the guests in the outer courtyard. “First Enchanter, it’s good to see you again!” she beamed at the kind elderly mage as she grasped his hand. “Though I wish it wasn’t under such circumstances. Thank you for coming.”

                “I am pleased to see you as well, Warden Commander,” Irving returned her smile, “We are more than happy to help if we can.” His attention turned to a mage who stepped next to him.

                “Petra! I’m pleased to see you as well,” Kateriel recognized the young woman whom she had met during the Blight when the Wardens had saved the Circle tower. Petra had been with Wynne and the children, protecting and comforting the young mages. “In fact, I cannot think of a better person to have here right now, given how good you are with children.”

                “And I find it interesting that you continue to find yourself in these situations,” a Templar interrupted before Petra could reply, standing next to Petra with his arm crossed over his chest. “Perhaps your sympathies toward mage freedoms are to blame.”

                “Knight Captain Hadley,” Kateriel recognized the man standing before her, glaring at her with eyes full of accusation. So many thoughts battled with her mouth to be let loose, words of her own accusation regarding the cruelty of the templars to their charges. But she swallowed her words, deciding that it was futile to begin such an argument when there were more pressing matters at hand. Silence proved to be as equally effective as anything she could have said and she thoroughly enjoyed the angry flush that covered his face as she turned her attention back to the mages with out further comment.

                “I’m sure you’re all tired from your journey,” Kateriel smiled, “Let me show you where you can wash, rest, and have something to eat.”

                “That won’t be necessary, Commander,” Irving assured her, “Travelling by carriage is not so taxing as walking. Time is of importance I believe, as we don’t know what’s happening to the child in the Fade and cannot tell how much time she has.”

                “Agreed.” Kateriel said firmly with a nod, turning while motioning for them to follow. “I will take you to her now.”

                She led the group through the Keep to the girl’s room. Kateriel dismissed Darrel, Sigrun, and Pip, who were on shift and explained to the circle mages, once more, what had happened to the girl to cause her situation. It was agreed that Petra should enter the Fade, she had a way with children and had the best chance of comforting or persuading the girl.

                The mages stood around the bedsides and the Templars stood vigilant around them. Kateriel opted to wait out in the corridor with the others; she was useless at this point. Time passed in anxious, agonizingly long minutes. Hours later, voices and, to Kateriel’s relief, the crying of a child could be heard through the door. She let herself back in the room. Petra sat upon the bed with her arms wrapped around the girl, who was sobbing with her head buried in Petra’s lap and her arms clinging to Petra’s waist as though her life depended on it.

                “We need to perform tests, Irving!” Hadley growled, his posture imposing, “You don’t know if there’s a demon in her or not.”

                “The child has been through an ordeal and she’s already frightened,” Irving said unmoved by the Templar’s stance. “Give her a little time-”

                “To what?” Hadley interrupted, “Gather her strength? Her current state will make it only easier to tell if there’s a demon. Do it now or I’ll do it myself!”

                Irving sighed in resignation, turning toward Petra and the girl, he leaned down and touched the child on the arm. She slowly turned her face toward him. “I’m sorry child,” he said with sympathy before sending a blast of magic at her.

                The girl let out a pitiful screech, tightening her grip around Petra’s waist and burying her face again. Irving looked remorseful as he watched the girl shiver with fright before turning back to Hadley with an angry glare.

                “Satisfied?” Irving asked. “If there was a demon it would have defended itself.”

                “It’ll do for now,” Hadley smiled smug. “We will see what Knight Commander Greagoir has to say when we get back.”

                “There are no demons,” Petra firmly insisted, “There were two spirits protecting her. A spirit of Compassion and a spirit of Mercy. They spoke to me and explained how they found her hiding, crying and afraid. They were keeping the demons away. It was they who encouraged her, in her subconscious to allow herself to be fed her and given water. They insisted on testing me before they would let me near her, that’s why it took so long.”

                “How do you know these spirits weren’t demons?” Hadley looked at her with suspicion, “Any apparition in the Fade is dangerous. _You_ could be possessed.”

                Irving growled and shot a blast of magic at Petra as well, who continued to glare in annoyance at the Templar. “Not even a flinch,” the First Enchanter said placing his hands on his hips. “Are you satisfied yet?”

                “For now. But we will be watching them both closely.” Hadley’s narrow eyes moved to each mage before he turned them to Kateriel. “And now we will deal with the mage who caused this. Cleary, from what we’ve heard, he is an abomination and must be destroyed.”

                Kateriel steeled herself for confrontation, she knew this would come up eventually and tried to be prepared. “I’m afraid that will be hard to do.” Kateriel raised a brow and watched Hadley carefully. “He escaped the night that I returned and we have been unsuccessful in tracking him down.”

                “How convenient that he should escape,” Hadley snarled in anger and disgust. “Him being a Grey Warden...and your friend was he not? However, _we_ have his phylactery-”

                “Which is no good anymore,” Irving interrupted smoothly, “Anders’ blood changed once he became a Warden. You will not be able to track him now.”

                “Changed how?” Hadley’s voice grew louder with his anger.

                “I’m afraid that a Grey Warden secret,” Irving replied folding his arms. “The First Enchanters are often made aware of it as it takes magic to accomplish what the Grey Wardens need. But we are pledged to secrecy.”

                Hadley’s face grew flushed and contorted with fury, which he turned upon Kateriel. “You let a dangerous apostate free?” he shouted, an accusation rather than a question. “You never should have interfered! You should have let us take him back to the Hold, damn your Right of Conscription!”

                “You dare to judge and accuse me?” Kateriel glared back, “If I’m not mistaken, Anders escaped from Kinloch Hold six, maybe seven, times? He’s gone, and there’s nothing to be done about it now.”

                “You think not?” Hadley huffed, his hands squeezed into tight fists. “Once we get these mages back to the Circle, we will launch an investigation of our own and we will find him, mark my words.”

                Kateriel smirked and raised her brow saucily. “Good luck with that.” She chuckled before turning to regard everyone in the room. “We have rooms prepared-”

                “No!” Hadley cut in sharply, making a slashing motion with his arm through the air. “We return to Kinloch Hold _now_.” Irving and Petra started to protest but he shouted, “Enough! _I_ am in charge. It’s obviously not safe here and we need to begin our search for the maleficar. Unless the Commander plans to Conscript the lot of you, you will do as I say.”

                He glared at Kateriel, daring her to protest. But Kateriel just slowly shook her head. There was no point in fighting with him. He was right; he was in charge of the mages. And she didn’t want any more trouble with the Chantry than she was already in. Besides, the sooner those Templars were out of her hair the better.

                “I will have the carriages readied,” Kateriel said, casting an apologetic glance at Irving before leaving the room.

                She sent a servant to notify the stables to ready the carriages before making her way to the great hall to fill the others in on what had happened. Once that was done, she went to the outer courtyard to say her farewells. Petra carried the girl in her arms and placed the child on her lap once seated in the carriage. It didn’t seem as she had much choice, the girl continued to cling to Petra desperately.

                Kateriel smiled with gratitude at First Enchanter Irving and bowed low before the elder mage. “Thank you again for coming, Irving, your help is greatly appreciated. I really can’t express it enough.”

                “Any time, Kateriel,” he placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly, “Rest assured the child will be fine. I’ll keep you updated.”

                “I’d like that, thank you again,” Kateriel smiled as Irving climbed up into a carriage. “Safe journey and Maker watch over you all.”

                Knight Captain Hadley said not a word as he and the templars climbed into the carriages. As Kateriel watched them roll out of the Keep, Nathaniel stepped up beside her.

                “Thank the Maker that’s over with,” he grumbled.

                “Indeed...” Kateriel sighed weary; hoping to whatever deity would show mercy that she would have peace for a few days. She stretched her neck from side to side and rolled her shoulders, attempting to relieve the tension in her muscles as well as her mind.

                “Perhaps we should have let Anders keep his cat,” Nathaniel shook his head and shrugged. “Maybe it would have kept him calm and content, and this whole thing would never have happened.”

                “Somehow, I think something would have happened eventually regardless,” she replied after musing over the thought for a few seconds. “Sir Pounce has a nice home and is happy. He is a nice kitty and doesn’t deserve to end up as some darkspawn’s snack or impaled by an arrow, or anything like that. Creators! Can you imagine what would have happened if Justice had possessed the cat?”

                Kateriel laughed as Nathaniel’s eyes widened and he shivered. She turned back toward the Keep with a smile for her friend. “And now I’m starved. Let’s go get something to eat and you can tell me all about you and Sigrun.” She giggled and the light blush and goofy little smile on his face.

                “I know that the two of you have already talked about this so I’m not sure what more I can tell you,” he laughed lightly, shooting her an awkward glance. “I guess...we connected over her fascination for animals and my love of them. She loves them as much as I do, it seems. And while you were gone she was the one I depended on, _my_ right hand, I guess. She is great with the new recruits...I did tell you we have three more new Wardens?” he paused with watch Kateriel nod in affirmation before continuing. “Darrel has also been invaluable with the recruits and Oghren is great, when he’s sober, but Sigrun is so personable. She’s sweet and funny, nonjudgmental and understanding, compassionate – she has such a beautiful heart...and amazing eyes...”

                Kateriel grinned as her heart glowed with happiness for her friends. “Aw, Nathaniel, you are both truly great people and deserve to be happy together,” she squeezed his arm in a sort-of hug before poking him. “Just don’t let it interfere with your duties. Not that I really need to tell you that. Both of you are sensible and reliable, so I’m not worried.”

                Her line of thought and good mood vanished as they neared the gates of the Keep and she saw Velanna walking toward them. Velanna’s eyes were set on Kateriel so Nathaniel murmured that he’d see her later and quickened his pace toward the entrance. Velanna’s eyes flicked quickly to Nathaniel as he passed but she said nothing.

                “I think it is time that we talked,” Velanna spoke as both women came to a stop, standing before one another.

                “I agree,” Kateriel said serious, raising a brow. She raised her arms at her sides, indicating to their surroundings. “Here? Or would you prefer somewhere more private?”

                “Let us walk the ramparts,” Velanna replied, “That should be adequate enough.”

                Neither women spoke as they walked to the outer walls, climbed the stairs, and began a slow pace along the ramparts. The tension between them was thick and heavy; Kateriel could almost imagine slicing it with a blade.

                “Velanna, I’m so immensely sorry about your sister, I truly cannot say enough,” Kateriel said, breaking the silence first and attempting to put as much of her truly felt feelings into her words.

                Velanna took a quick step forward and rounded on Kateriel, her eyes flashing. “You gave up on her without even trying!” Velanna snarled, baring her teeth in her anger as she spoke. “It is _your_ fault that she was a mindless creature by the time I found her! _Your_ fault that I had to - ” her broke and tears spilled from her eyes though she continued to glare in fury, “I had to _kill her_! My sister!”

                “Velanna, I tried to explain to you that she was beyond hope,” Kateriel said, her tone gentle and sympathetic. “I know you’ve heard my story, how it began with myself and another of my clan being tainted as we explored a ruin, and that I was found by Duncan and saved but they never found my companion. But there’s a part of my tale that very few know...” Kateriel paused and gathered herself, her emotions, as this tale was extremely hard for her to tell. “The other clansman, Tamlen, was my dearest and closest friend. We grew up together and I loved him like a brother...and then, shortly before we were tainted, I began to love him romantically. I was heartbroken that we could never find him and Duncan assured me that Tamlen was beyond our help. And he was right. Months later, during my journeys across Ferelden...I found him. He...attacked our camp with a group of darkspawn, but he gathered enough wits to speak to me.” Kateriel paused to swallow the lump choking her throat as tears stung her eyes. Velanna’s face had grown serious and her eyes widened slightly. “He told me...that he had always loved me...before he begged me to kill him so that he would be out of his torment and would not be able to hurt me. I granted his request. I did it quickly before one of my other companions could. It had to be me. So, you see, I _knew_ as soon as the Architect was dead that there was no help for Seranni. His magic was the only thing keeping her alive. I’m _so_ sorry.”

                “So you killed the Architect knowing that she would die?” Velanna nearly shrieked, electricity flickering over her hands.

                “You saw what she was like,” Kateriel pleaded for Velanna to understand, “He wanted to do that to the entire world. Think of the death! And do you think our people would have submitted to that? Do you think your sister would have wanted that? Velanna, if there was a way we could have saved your sister, _I would have_.”

                There was silence except for the snapping of electrical charge of Velanna’s magic. Finally, Velanna’s shoulders slumped and her magic flickered out. “No,” she admitted defeated. “Seranni, would not have wanted that, not for anyone.” Relief washed over Kateriel but it was short lived as Velanna spoke again. “But I have yet one more charge against you. Once I found my sister, I was desperate to find someone to help her. I hunted for Asha’Belannar, whom my Keeper disclosed to me was said to be sometimes found in the Korcarri Wilds.”

                “Asha’Belannar?” Kateriel repeated in question. She had never heard that the Keepers knew where to find her; she was under the impression that this mysterious friend of her people would find them when she chose to help them.

                “Yes,” Velanna spoke slowly, watching Kateriel intently, “You know of her of course,” she paused to watch Kateriel nod before continuing. “I wandered the Wilds for days until I came upon a small hut by a soggy marsh. I did not find Asha’Belannar but I did find a dweller there. A woman, with raven black hair.”

               Kateriel remained silent as Velanna spoke, a feeling of dread prickling her mind as memory and recognition surfaced. When Velanna spoke of the woman there was no question in mind her whom it was. “Morrigan...” Kateriel said, her voice barely above a whisper.

                Velanna studied Kateriel with hard eyes. “I asked about Asha’Belannar and the woman laughed and told me she was dead. I asked how it was possible and she assured me it was so. That even the legendary Flemeth and Asha’Belannar could be killed and that people should be more careful of putting their faith blindly into such tales. When she said the name ‘Flemeth’, my mind connected all things together and I spoke your name. She nodded slowly and asked me if I knew you. I replied that I did and she tilted her head, seeming to regard me thoughtfully before waving me off, declaring that her mother was dead and there was no help for me there. She pushed me out the door and closed it before I realised what happening and when I opened it again, preparing to demand answers...she was gone.”

                Again, Kateriel had remained silent, allowing her mind to connect the pieces of information. As realization dawned, shock washed over her, chasing the blood from her head and limbs. She felt faint and began to tremble lightly. Velanna asked for Asha’Belannar and Morrigan answered that her mother was dead! Surely it couldn’t be...

                “Flemeth...and Asha’Belannar...” Kateriel sputtered.

                “Are the same person it seems,” Velanna’s voice was low and laced with accusation.

                Kateriel stepped back and leaned against the rampart, her eyes moving around unable to focus on anything, as her mind struggled to grasp meaning. She shook her head, closing her eyes and burying her face in her hands.

                “I had no idea!” she rasped out finally. “I did not know...If I had known...I would not have...”

                “Wouldn’t you?” Velanna spoke lightly and with disbelief. “She was your friend, was she not? This Morrigan? If I recall, you killed Flemeth to help her, to save her. Is that not so?”

                Velanna’s words, most likely meant to inflict pain, had the opposite effect. They brought to Kateriel’s mind the reasons for killing Flemeth, how she prolonged her life by possessing her daughters, how heartless she was. And yet, she had saved Alistair and Kateriel, that was something Asha’Belannar would do. Why did she not tell Kateriel that she was Asha’Belannar? The answer was Kateriel’s anchor in the sea of questions and self doubt. Neither witch had bothered to mention that bit of information. She was a pawn in a game they seemed to be playing. Flemeth could have said something, possibly saved herself when they arrived to kill her, but chose not to. Why? If she would not attempt to save herself then Kateriel could only assume it was part of their game and would not feel guilt about it, not when they had _used_ her so.

                She informed Velanna as much as she straightened herself, anger and resentment burning through her, chasing off her guilt and remorse. She was tired of people questioning the decisions that she had been forced to make, in this role that she had not chosen.

                “You’re very quick to absolve yourself,” Velanna accused.

                “Enough, Velanna,” Kateriel said, tone firm, “You are not me and you were not there, you have not had to face what I have or had to make the same decisions. I am not running from anything. I _own_ what I have done. Can you say the same? Do you really think you’re qualified to judge me? I don’t have to answer to you and I am done with your accusations. You have my deepest sympathies regarding your sister and hope you were able to give her a proper burial. You only joined the Wardens to save her and we were unable to do so. I realize you cannot return to your clan but if you are so very unhappy as a Grey Warden then I suggest going to Ostagar. If you wish to leave then I will release you from your Warden Vows.”

                Velanna was silent in shock momentarily before speaking again. “Would you also remove the taint from my blood?” she growled, an accusation rather than a question as they both knew the answer. “How can I return to our people now? Can you really just dismiss me so easily?”

                There was a note of anguish laced with her anger in the last question that Kateriel did not miss. Her heart softened and the woman before her changed in her eyes. Velanna had been banished from her clan. She no longer felt connected to their people due to the taint in her blood. She returned to the Wardens where she most likely didn’t feel she had a place aside from her skill with magic, or possibly that she was even wanted, especially in the light of the new relationship between Nathaniel and Sigrun. The woman standing before Kateriel was someone who felt things deeply, and right now she was alone and vulnerable.

                “No, Velanna, not easily at all,” Kateriel sighed. She looked at her fellow elf with gentleness but not pity. “Whether you believe me or not, I care about you. I was worried for you when you left, and I’m not the only one. I want you to stay but I want you to be happy, or at the very least content. But whether you are or not, as I’ve told you before, is up to you.”

                Velanna looked hard at Kateriel as if she was trying to decide whether she believed her or not. “You were worried about me?” she snorted finally, “Seems to be that everyone has been too preoccupied with their new relationships to bother to notice.”

                “Oh, enough, Velanna,” Kateriel said weary. “I’m done. I’m not going to stand here and try to convince you. Your life is in your hands, make of it what you will. I am going in for supper.” Kateriel turned and left the ramparts not looking back.

                Later in the evening, as she sat before her fire, she found herself unable to stop the questions that flared up in her mind and disquiet settled in her soul. What game were Morrigan and Flemeth playing? It made her burn with anger at the realization that they had used her, particularly Morrigan. The dark ritual...the soul of a god! What had she helped to unleash upon the world? But what hurt the most was that it was because of Kateriel that Alistair was also used and unknowingly played a part in their much bigger game. He would be crushed and furious to know. And also...she had truly cared for Morrigan. The witch was supposed to be her friend, was she ever really? Did she care anything for Kateriel at all? It broke her heart to think that it was all a lie.

* * *

 

                Broken straw and splinters of wood flew into the air and showered down upon the ground as sharp steel assaulted the training dummy over and over again. Alistair worked his muscles hard, sweat covering body, making his clothes cling to him. One final shield bash cracked the dummy in half. He stood staring at the wreck, his chest heaving, before turning and leaving the training yard.

                As he made his way through the halls of the palace toward his chambers his mind replayed events from the past two weeks. He went with Eben and Sharren to the Pearl the night that Kateriel had left Denerim. After drinking heavily, he agreed to go to bed with a tall, buxom, curvy brunette. She looked nothing like Kateriel, which was what he wanted. He gave himself over to physical feeling, pushing all thought from his mind. He couldn’t deny that it felt good and she taught him some things he never knew.

                But the next morning, he did not feel quite as good, and not because of a hangover. What Sharren said about sleeping with someone else to get Kateriel out of his system was partly true. He had woken up with memories of another woman and felt...disconnected to Kateriel more than ever. Yet, it didn’t feel good, not in the slightest. It felt hollow and empty, and it tasted of betrayal even though it truly wasn’t.

                Sharren advised him not to be put off by it and that it may take a few more trips to the Pearl before he felt better. Alistair wasn’t sure he wanted to go back, but he was a man and he had needs, so he didn’t rule it out completely yet. Eben’s opinion was, as usual, to the contrary, saying that casual sex was not the answer for many people and he shouldn’t force himself if he didn’t like it.

                Teagan stayed a week after Kateriel and Zevran left and Alistair was surprised that he stayed as long as he did. Teagan tried hard to seem normal and casual but Alistair could see that he wasn’t himself. There was pain in his eyes when he thought no one was looking and the dark circles under his eyes revealed that he wasn’t sleeping well. When Alistair tried to talk to him about it, Teagan brushed him off with a painted smile, insisting that he was fine, that he always knew it was a temporary thing, and refused to talk anymore about it.

                Alistair reached his room, bringing his mind to the present again. It wasn’t long before he was soaking in a hot bath, one of the perks he liked most about being King. As he watched the steam roll and swirl from the hot water he pushed the past out of his mind and tried to focus on the present. He had received a letter from Anora. They were anxiously waiting for Cauthrien’s child to come; she was due anytime the midwives said.

                His thoughts passed over his day, pausing on his visit to the alienage. Shianni’s reports were good minus a few scuffles between human and elven labourers. Ever since he read Duncan’s letter he felt connected to the elven people in a new way. It pleased him more than ever that he had given the Dalish new lands and been able to help the alienage. His thoughts drifted to his mother, whoever she was. She was out there somewhere. Would it hurt to at least know who she was? If she was a Warden then maybe he could try to find out her name and what happened to her. But it would have to be handled delicately to protect his position. Kateriel was the only person in the Wardens that he could trust. Surely she would help him. Wouldn’t she?

* * *

 

Anora lay on her side atop the large bed in her private chambers, her head supported by her hand and her arm propped up from the elbow. Beside Anora, fast asleep, was Mairsil Cauthrien, her new baby girl lay cradled in her arm between them. Anora gazed adoringly at the peaceful face of her beloved, reaching out she brushed a strand of dishevelled hair from Mairsil’s face.

                The labour had been intense but Mairsil bore it like the warrior that she was. Still, Anora had been terrified for her. So much could go wrong in child birth. Losing the baby would have been horrible. Losing Mairsil...She shuddered at the thought, her heart paining with the idea. She reached out and stroked Mairsil’s cheek, unable to resist, needing to reassure herself with touch that her love was really there. Mairsil’s eyes fluttered open. A tired smile slowly drawing her lips upward. Anora’s heart swelled with love and adoration and a smile of her own soon reflected the overwhelming emotions.

                “Hey,” Anora whispered, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

                “It’s all right,” Mairsil replied, reaching out and taking Anora’s hand in her own, lacing their fingers together. “I’m glad you’re here.”

                “Funny, I was just thinking the same about you,” Anora lifted and kissed Mairsil’s hand. “I’m so proud of you, darling.” Turning her eyes to the sleeping babe, she added, “And your little girl.”

                “ _Our_ little girl,” Mairsil corrected with raised brows. Lifting her hand to Anora’s face, she tenderly stroked her love’s cheek. “I’ve decided on what I’m going to name her...Celia.”

                Anora’s eyes filled with tears, overcome with love, happiness, and gratitude. It was her mother’s name. Giving the child that name gave Anora a familial tie to her, and it was gesture and symbol of Mairsil’s love and devotion to her. No words would fully express all that it meant to her, so she simply said, “Thank you! I love you so much!” and let a passionate kiss say the rest.


	34. Restless

Drops of rain dripped over the brim of her hood as Kateriel splashed along the muddy road toward Vigil’s Keep. She didn’t mind the gloomy weather at present, it matched her mood. Stupid dwarves and their stupid greed! What need did they have for such powers when they simply hide themselves beneath the earth?

Just over a month ago, she received a letter from a Jerrik Dace in Orzammar, begging for her to help him find his brother. A group of dwarves uncovered a Thaig where attempts had been made to replicate Caridin’s golem work; his brother had been among them. There had been no word from the group, they had simply disappeared. For some reason unknown to her, Kateriel felt the need to help Jerrik. The quest became a thing of nightmares as they discovered the horrors of the Thaig and a hideous creature known as The Harvester. Fighting for their lives while slipping in and out of the Fade, they somehow managed to save Jerrik’s brother Brogan and kill The Harvester. The Thaig collapsed as they were escaping and Kateriel was glad of it. The horrific golem creation should stay buried, just as Caridin wanted.

She stopped to spend a couple of nights in Highever on her way back. The pleasure of spending time in Fergus’ company, not to mention his enticing caresses and kisses that stoked increasingly hot flames of desire within her, chased away the horrors and darkness of her journey until she was on the road again. Fergus’ brother had agreed to return to Highever with him, but Kateriel saw little of the younger Cousland. The poor man was still struggling with being home, haunted by what happened there, yet Fergus assured her that his brother was getting better.

She splashed through the puddles on the road, getting great enjoyment at sending the water flying away from her feet and the satisfying sound it made. It wasn’t long before Vigil’s Keep was in view and she paused on the roadside to gaze at it. During the past months, upon returning to the Keep, Kateriel had enjoyed a sense of relief and peace, feelings of comfort and...home, despite the problems that seemed to constantly arise. But this time it was different.

Her annoyance with the Dwarves was not the only cause for her gloomy mood. Even though she had to leave her companions behind and travel by herself, for Dace had she insisted that go alone, she found herself immensely enjoying the freedom and excitement of travelling and exploring once again, not to mention the thrill of fight, especially for a good cause. The many times she wished for peace after solving a problem or defeating an enemy notwithstanding, the days of politics and pressures of running the arling, the trip to court, and dealing with the Chantry and Templars had taken its toll on her. Being a Commander of the Grey was something she thought she could deal with regardless of the fact that she didn’t really enjoy being in charge of other people. She enjoyed living at Vigil’s Keep, loved her friends and comrades, and cared for the people who lived and worked there. It was being Arlessa of Amaranthine that she found she hated. Jacqueline, Darrel, and Pip had been called back to rejoin Stroud just before Kateriel had left and now she felt as though she’d give almost anything to have gone with them.

Kateriel heaved a heavy sigh and continued to splash toward the Keep; standing in the rain would get her nothing but a cold. The happy welcome she received as she made her way through the Keep warmed her heart. Yet, a restlessness had taken root deep down in her spirit that she couldn’t completely quell. She resigned herself to simply having to live with it and satisfy the feeling by occasionally going out and recruiting. She paused in the inner courtyard as Thunder came bounding out to her, barking enthusiastically. He stopped before her to growl lightly, giving her what she knew to be a scolding look.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Kateriel gave him her best puppy eyes. “From now on we go together, all right?”

Thunder wagged his tail, moving close to her before flipping over in the mud so that she could rub his stomach.

“Oh, now you’re all muddy!” Kateriel laughed and rubbed his tummy with both hands. “You’re going to need a bath now.”

The dog yipped at the idea and rolled quickly onto his feet. He looked around frantically before running over to the corner of a nearby building where water poured down upon the ground in a steady stream. He stood under the water letting it rinse the mud of his fur before stepping out and giving himself a good shake. He padded pack to Kateriel with a satisfied look on his furry face.

“Well, I guess that works.” Kateriel chuckled as they turned to head inside.

She made her way through the Keep toward the great hall. She passed by the door of one of the lounge rooms in which there were several new faces, both human and elven. Their eyes widened and a few mouths dropped open when they saw her. She nearly stopped to question who they were but decided to proceed to the great hall to speak to Nathaniel first. She smiled to herself as her elven hearing picked up whispers of “Is that her?” and “It is! I’m sure of it. I’ve seen her before.”

Oghren was the first to greet her upon entering the great hall. “Commander! It’s about time you got yer ass back here.” He grinned as he swung his mug in the air, his drink sloshing over the rim. Kateriel smiled back and blew him a kiss. He chuckled appreciatively as he refilled his drink.

Kateriel stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of Sigrun and Velanna sitting together reading in one of the little nooks filled with books. Sigrun called out to Kateriel and ran out to give her a hug. Velanna gave Kateriel a meaningful smile and nodded her head in greeting. Kateriel’s bewilderment dissipated and she smiled in return, lifting a hand in greeting. After their conversation on the ramparts, Velanna seemed to have taken Kateriel’s advice, accepting her role as a Grey Warden and to find her place among them. It was subtle things like seeking out where she was able to help and the occasional supportive comment. It appeared that things had progressed well while Kateriel was away.

Nathaniel smiled as she approached him where he stood with Garevel at the top of the room, both men bowing. “Commander, welcome back. I’m relieved to see you in one piece.”

“Aww, were you worried about me, Nathaniel? How sweet!” She tilted her head and smiled teasingly.

“Of course I was.” He folded his arms across his chest, giving her a scolding look. “We didn’t know anything about what you were doing and where you were going. I don’t suppose you’d enlighten us now?”

“I’m afraid not.” Kateriel shook her head, looking grim. “I think it’s best for all that it be forgotten. So, care to fill me in on what’s been going on here?”

Nathaniel looked at her with concern but wisely chose to go a long with the change of subject. He and Garevel filled Kateriel in on all the business of the arling before finally moving on to Grey Warden and more personal matters.

“We’ve had a number of new recruits in the past weeks.” Nathaniel informed her, thoughtfully stroking his chin, a haunted look in his eyes. “Four humans and six city elves. We were going to wait to do the Joining until you returned but we didn’t know how long you would be. So, about two weeks ago, we proceeded.”

“I’m pleased to hear it.” Kateriel had instructed Nathaniel on how to perform the Joining and given him the order to proceed with the ritual in her absence whenever necessary. But she recognised the look in his eyes. Losing recruits was never an easy thing. “How many did we lose?”

“One human and two elves.” He shook his head gravely. His eyes turned to where Velanna and Sigrun sat reading. A smile graced his lips. “There has been a slow change in Velanna over the past weeks. She had been excellent with the recruits, particularly the elves. Of course they are all fascinated with her, being that she is not only Dalish but the only mage here now that Anders is gone. And speaking of recruits....” He grinned at what had caught his attention at the other end of the hall.

The small group that Kateriel had seen in the lounge earlier were gathered by the door at the other end of the hall, trying hard but failing to not look like they were watching Kateriel with curiosity. Nathaniel motioned for the group to come join them. Kateriel tried hard not to laugh or feel self conscious as the new Wardens looked her over carefully. Introductions were made and Kateriel spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening getting to know her new crew.

Eventually, she excused herself from their company and after retrieving personal letters from her study, she retired to her room. He soaked in a steamy hot bath in which she fell asleep once or twice before getting out and curling up on her sofa to read her letters. She read the letters from Wynne and Leliana, who were always faithful to write and never failed to make her smile. She was pleased to read a letter from Jacqueline, letting her know where they were and hinting as to what they were doing. And she was very relieved to receive a letter from Zevran. He assured her that he was safe but gave no specifics to where he was which she didn’t take personally knowing that it was safer that way. But he had her grinning like a fool by the end of the letter with his outrageously flirtatious comments and an amusing story about sleeping in a stable, a tavern wench and a blacksmith.

Finally, she picked a letter simply marked for her eyes only. There were two such letters. The seal matched the one she’d given Anders and indeed they were from him. In the first letter informed her that he had made it to the Free Marches. He managed to meet up with his friends in the mage underground and was currently hiding out in a small town by the name of Fennic Glen. He was laying low for the time being but thought he might make his way to Kirkwall. He assured her that he would send word as soon as he arrived there. The second letter informed her that he had arrived in Kirkwall and was very glad to be there. He reported that the Circle in Kirkwall was the worst he’d ever seen. He also wanted to find a way to help the refugees of the Blight of which there were many, most in desperate need. Kateriel was relieved to hear from him and that he had managed to stay out of trouble. So far.

Her mind wandered to the rest of her companions. She wondered where Shale and Sten were and what they were up to. But there were two friends that her mind lingered on the most. The conversation that she had with Velanna had unsettled her. She wished she knew where Morrigan was so she could demand answers. The other, of course, was Alistair, who was never really absent from her thoughts. He was always there, on the fringes, waiting to be brought forward again for her lament. Creators, how she missed him!

Deciding that she would respond to her letters in the morning, she climbed into her bed. It felt big and empty. She wondered if she should invite Fergus to join her the next time her came to visit. The thought made her skin burn but she could not shake the feeling of apprehension. Something about it just didn’t seem right. Eventually, she drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

The next morning she trained in the yard with the newest Wardens. Two of humans had previously been guards at different bannorns, but the rest were still only learning how to fight and use weapons. It had taken a while for them to find out exactly what weapon they worked best for them, now they were learning and honing new skills. She knew that the Wardens didn’t simply recruit just anyone and that there were usually certain skills and traits such as integrity, courage, fortitude, etc., that are usually looked for before allowing someone to join but seeing as the Ferelden Wardens had all but been wiped out, she didn’t feel badly about openly recruiting all the ones who had come there to join. However, now that they were now more than a dozen in number since her arrival at Vigil’s Keep five months ago.

She pondering these things and was making a mental note to speak to Nathaniel on the matter when a guard came rushing onto the train yard calling frantically for her. “Commander! There’s a large creature here insisting that it speaks to you!”

Feeling puzzled and alarmed, Kateriel followed the guard to the inner courtyard. She nearly burst out laughing once she got there. In the middle of the yard stood Shale, surrounded by guards and looking not the least bit bothered by them. The two dwarves standing with Shale seemed slightly more uncomfortable.

“Ah. There it is at last.” Shale smiled when she saw Kateriel approach.

“At ease everyone. It’s all right. As you were.” Kateriel chuckled, holding her arms out and waving them lightly toward the surrounding guards. She stopped before her friend with a wide grin and placed her hand on Shale’s arm. “It’s good to see you, Shale. Just last night I was thinking of you and wondering how you were doing.”

“Worried about me...Commander?” Kateriel couldn’t hide her amusement at Shale’s obvious attempt to stop calling her ‘It’. “There was no need. Though I won’t pretend I haven’t been through any trials since the end of the Blight. The Elder Mage helped me write to Orzammar and gain permission from the Shaperate to search the files to discover what became of my family. I travelled to Orzammar and visited their Shaperate. The entire time the Dwarves were very helpful and accommodating. That is until I tried to leave. Apparently, they had all decided I was some kind of relic that belonged to them and were going to make me stay so they could study me. Bah!” She waved her arm in disgust.

“Oh, dear.” Kateriel smiled her crooked grin and shook her head, imagining the mayhem of the event in her mind.

“I won’t bore you with details of the battle that ensued and how lovely it was to squish some of their heads between my fingers.” Shale held a hand up and gazed at it with a smile, flexing her fingers. “But...in the end I was forced to flee into the deep roads where I wandered for some time. I finally found a cavern close to the surface where a stream of daylight filtered in through a crack. I smashed through the wall until I was able to climb out. Don’t worry, I filled it in again.” Shale rolled her eyes at Kateriel’s look of alarm. The fewer exits the darkspawn had the better.

“I’m sorry to hear it turned out that way, Shale.” Kateriel really wasn’t surprised however but didn’t think it was worth mentioning. “Did you at least find the information that you where looking for?”

“Thankfully, yes. Apparently, the Cadash family were exiled to the surface. So I began asking surface dwarves if they knew any by that name. I was approached by group called ‘the Carta’ who were very helpful.” Shale ignored Kateriel’s frown and indicated to the two dwarves standing with her. “These are two of my family. The Cadash family are apparently a big name in this ‘Carta’ and they are all very eager to meet me.”

“I’m sure they are.” Kateriel narrowed her eyes at the dwarves who smirked back at her. “Are you aware, Shale, that the Carta is a really large crime syndicate?”

“And?” Shale replied, causing one of the dwarves to snicker. “What do I care about the laws of squishy things?”

“Because sometimes they hurt innocent and good people,” Kateriel growled. Her posture, as she glared at the dwarves, became somewhat aggressive and they stopped smiling. “I’d really _hate_ to see you used in such a way. I’m sure you wouldn’t either.”

Shale paused as she pondered Kateriel’s words. “You make a good point. Thank you my friend...I shall be careful and vigilant.” The two dwarves frowned as they looked up at Shale. “It would be unfortunate to find out I was tricked and have to hurt my family, however far they are removed.”

“Why don’t we just get you home to meet the others before we start suspecting such things,” one of the dwarves finally spoke. “Come on. We have a boat to catch.”

The dwarves glared at Kateriel as they left the courtyard. Kateriel just raised a brow, not the least bit threatened. She’d taken plenty of Carta out before. She turned her attention to her friend. “I’m sorry to be all doom and gloom, Shale. I’m glad you found your clan and I’m sure you’ll find your place and be very happy. Just...be careful.”“Tsk! Don’t get all emotional on me. I’ll be fine.” Shale waved her off. “I’m sorry I can’t stay longer. I’ve heard stories about the things you’ve done since we parted ways. None of it was surprising. Take care...Kateriel.” Shale chuckled to herself as she stomped away.

* * *

 

Alistair stood on his balcony, watching as the stars appeared. It had been a long and boring day of business and official appointments. He rolled his head and shoulders trying to relax his muscles. It was amazing how tense they were when he hadn’t even had time to do any training. At the sound of someone knocking on his door, he stepped back inside his room.

“Enter.” He already knew who it was. In the past weeks he and Sharren had spent quite a lot of time together. He found he was enjoying her company more and more. She had the intelligence and sharp wit of Morrigan, with out the meanness but enough to make her intimidating, and she was sympathetic and compassionate to others. She had the same sense of humour he did, without the awkwardness, and with a touch of dark humour that Kateriel had.

After his third visit to the Pearl, he stopped going and had no intentions of going back. He didn’t want to bed women that way. But what were his choices? He resigned himself to many lonely nights. One thing he could say he came away with from the experience was that he did feel severed even more from Kateriel and their relationship, enough that when Sharren flirted him, as she so often did, he grew comfortable flirting back. Once he had started it was hard to stop. It became a game and they were constantly trying to out-flirt each other.

And then, something changed. Perhaps it started with a look, a visual image, or just the right touch, but he suddenly began to look at Sharren differently. She was beautiful, no question, but he had always dismissed her flirting as nothing, part of her personality like Zevran. He began to imagine what it would be like to follow through on their flirting, images formed in his mind of kissing her and running his hands through her fiery hair. He certainly wouldn’t have to bend down to kiss her like her did with Kateriel, Sharren only a few inches shorter than he. Guilt would rear its head and bring Kateriel to his mind but he forcefully drove them away and replaced them with Sharren once again. He discovered he rather enjoyed the idea.

The only problem was that Sharren was his friend and one of his council. His was attracted to her, yes, but would it ever be more than that? Could he risk their current relationship by sleeping with her and not be able to give her his heart? He was not sure he would ever be able to love anyone again, not the way he did Kateriel. Lust was no problem, his trips to the Pearl made that clear and he was sure that he wouldn’t have to be drunk with Sharren. But the biggest questions were did she feel the same attraction? Was she simply being flirtatious or did she desire him the way he had begun to desire her? Did she feel more for him than simply physical attraction and friendship? If she had romantic feelings for him and he could not return them, he didn’t want to hurt her.

All this was running through his mind as Sharren opened the door and entered his room. She smiled at him as she sauntered over. Maker, she had a beautiful smile. In fact, she was beautiful all over. She was tall and toned with curves in all the right places. The shirt she was wear hung loosely over those curves in a teasing way and she wore simple cotton pants. Her red curls hung loose about her shoulders. Everything about her bespoke rest and relaxation.

“Rough day wasn’t it?” She brushed passed him, their arms touching, as she walked over to the table where a decanter full of expensive Antivan liquor sat. Alistair’s skin ignited where her skin had touched his. She poured two glasses, picking them up, she walked back and handed him one. She had that look in her eyes, one that she seemed to have for him when they were alone and warmed his blood. That is...if he was reading her right.

“Yeah, it was.” He rolled his shoulders again as he took a sip of his drink and sat down in the chair at his desk. Sharren moved behind him, close enough that he could feel the heat from her body. She slid her hands along his shoulders and began to massage them. She chuckled lightly when he groaned.

“So tense. You need to relax.” He couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down his spine from her hands on his body and her lips near his ear. His body was tuned into her closeness. “Hmmm...you don’t seem to be relaxing. I think I’ll have to try harder.” She patted his shoulders. “Get up, take off your shirt, and lay down on your stomach on the bed.”

“Er...I’m sorry?” he asked, turning his head toward her slightly, uncertain he had heard her correctly.

She slid her hands down his chest and began to pull up his shirt. “You heard me.”

He downed his drink, finishing it in one swallow and set the glass on the desk, before rising from his seat. He turned to her, raising a brow in question, before slowly pulling off his shirt. She ran her eyes over him appreciatively, her eyes searing his skin where ever they went. He walked over to the bed and lay down on his stomach, his arms bracing his head from under the pillow. He felt the bed shift as she climbed on and waited with baited breath to see what she had in mind.

She straddled his waist and his body tensed as she placed his hands on his shoulders again, even though her hands felt wonderful on his skin. He felt her lean forward, felt her breasts brush against his back through her shirt, and her breath was against his cheek as she said, “Alistair, you need to relax.” He was sure she must have heard his breath catch; she was too close to miss it. The sound of her saying his name in his ear was intoxicating.

Alistair tried to force himself to relax but it was difficult as his body began to react to her closeness and their almost intimate position. He grew increasingly harder as her hands moved up and down his skin and her body rocked slightly as she applied pressure. A moan escaped his throat before he could stop it. After a few moments he detected a slight pause in her rhythm. Her hands continued to work his muscles but he felt her lean forward once again. He gasped lightly when her felt her lips begin to follow her hands as they trailed across his skin.

Every touch of her lips sent jolts through his skin. In a flash, he flipped over so that she was straddling his groin. There was no way she could miss the hardness of his length pressed between her legs through their clothes. Sharren smiled at him and raised her brows with a sultry gaze. She ran her hands up his chest and rolled her hips making him groan.

He placed his hands on her hips to still her, looking at her with uncertainty. “Sharren, should we be doing this?”

“And why not?” She tilted her head to one side and traced patterns on his chest as she spoke. “You don’t want prostitutes and you don’t want to be with any nobles because you can’t make promises of a future family or let them know your secrets as to why. You’re not sure of how much you can give of yourself to another because your heart still lays elsewhere. I’m not looking for true love or marriage, just someone who cares about me enough to respect me and be my friend...and share a bed and some physical pleasure. I’ve had my eye on you for some time. How does that sound?”

It sounded perfect. “Deal.” He sat up quickly, burying his hand in her thick red hair as he brought her mouth to his. Her mouth was sweet and welcoming, their tongues sliding together in an entrancing dance. He groaned again as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rocked her hips against him. His hands slid down her back to grasp her backside. This time it was her turned to moan as she ground harder against him.

Alistair slipped a hand under her shirt and up her side to cup her breast, while the other pulled the ties of her breast band loose and removed the garment. Sharren moaned and pressed into his touch. Both hands went to the hem of her shirt and began to lift it over head. Their kiss broke so he could remove her shirt. He dipped his head to lick at one of her nipples before taking it in his mouth. She gasped and moaned as she dug her hands into his hair. He kneaded the other breast and rolled its nipple between his fingers.

He could feel her heat as she straddled him and he slid a hand between them. She gasped and breathed his name as he stroked her through her pants before moving to untie them. Shifting, he rolled Sharren onto her back. He kissed his way along her jaw and down her neck. He continued his downward direction, pausing to pay tribute to her breasts before continuing on. As he reached her stomach, he began to slide her pants and undergarment off her hips. He kissed his way over her hips and down her thighs as each inch of skin was revealed.     

Alistair stood to remove her trousers and then his, appreciating the way her eyes widened slightly as they fell on his groin. Her gaze caught the smirk on his face and she grinned saucily back at him, lifting her hand and beckoning him with her finger.

He knelt to place kisses on her thighs, intending to kiss his way back up her body while stopping to taste her along the way, but she caught him under the chin with her fingers.

“I’ve wanted you since the day we met and I’ve waited long enough.” She gave his chin a tug, beckoning him back to her. “I want you now , there’ll time to play later.”

“Who am I to argue?” He growled as he climbed over her again. He kissed her deeply and groaned as she reached down and stroked him. She guided him to her entrance and he wasted no time thrusting inside her.

Sharren gasped, her body arching with pleasure. Alistair set a steady rhythm which she matched, thrusting her hips to meet his. Soon their pace quickened, breathing harder and moaning louder. Alistair fought to keep control until she finally fell over her peak, crying out as she tightened and quivered around him. He wasn’t long behind her, moaning loudly and thrusting slowly through the waves of his climax. He kissed deeply once more before flopping down on the bed beside her.

“I could get used to this you know.” He grinned feeling drowsy and relaxed.

“I’m glad.” Sharren curled into him. “Feel better now?”

“Mmmm...much better.” And he did, until Kateriel’s face flashed into his mind. His heart ached at her appearance and he forced the image from his mind as he had learned to do, even through what he had just shared with Sharren. He only hoped it would one day be easier and his heart would no longer ache from the memory.


	35. To the Horizon

The early morning sun beamed through the high arched windows creating a soft glow through the room. Alistair woke feeling warm and relaxed. He smiled as his eyes were greeted with a sea of red curls. Sharren was with him again, as she’d been nearly every night in the past week. Her back was to him. He moved closer, pressing against her body and sliding his arm around her waist, enjoying the feeling of her soft, warm skin. Sharren’s hummed and turned her head to toward him.

"Good morning.” She hummed with pleasure again when he leaned over to kiss her lips.

“It appears to be.” He smiled, gently brushing back some of her hair. “So far, so good anyway.”

“Well, that’s good.” Sharren grinned, turning her body to face him. “And I’m sure it will continue to be. Unless you know something that I don’t.”

Alistair laughed. “That will be the day.” He looked at his hand while twirling strands of her hair in his fingers. His mind drifted to the thoughts he’d been pondering before falling asleep.

Sharren noticed his thoughtful gaze. “Is everything all right, Alistair?” She stroked her hand gently across chest.

Alistair closed his eyes tight as the sensation of her fingers brushing against his nipple brought a memory to his mind. Kateriel loved to play with his nipples; she had a weird sort of fetish for them. She said his nipples were always so small and perky, and, because of their height difference, were always right at her eye level. She loved to catch them between her lips and flick them with her tongue....He quickly pushed the memory aside.

“I was just thinking.” He replied, covering her hand and pressing it against his chest. “In three weeks it will have been one year since the end of the Blight, since the battle of Denerim. I had declared it a holiday after my coronation so it is my duty to set an example. I believe a celebration should be held to honour it.”

“I think that’s a perfect idea! Perhaps a ball?” Sharren smiled, her eyes lighting up. Alistair nodded but there was something in his eyes that gave her pause in her growing excitement. She thought she could guess what his problem might be. “The Hero of Ferelden should be there, of course. Is that the trouble?”

“No. And yes.” He heaved a sigh, shaking his head. “I really want to see her. I have some things I need to speak to her about in person. At the same time...I wonder if there’ll ever be a time when I won’t be...anxious in her presence, for lack of a better word.”

“I think anxious is a good word because of the anxiety you feel. Especially if she’s on the arm of another man.” She stroked his cheek affectionately. “But...it’s not like you don’t have a woman of your own to keep you company, even if it’s not publically known.”

He grinned shyly at her. “You’re talking about you right?”

Sharren burst out laughing. “Yes, I mean me.” She pulled him in for a kiss. Maker, she adored his awkwardness! So unlike other nobles.

“Mmmm. That does make things easier.” He moved to cover her body with his. “I assume you will help me with the planning? Which means you will pretty much have your way as I have no idea about such things.”

“We’ll work with Eben on it, since he knows all the protocols.” She said between kisses. “And don’t worry, it’s going to all work out beautifully.”

“I feel better already,” he smiled, kissing his way down her neck.

* * *

 

The snow fell heavily upon Vigil’s Keep. Kateriel watched the big, fluffy snowflakes through the window of her study as they floated down toward the ground. She loved it when it snowed like that, in big feathery flakes, despite how she hated the cold. So far the winter had been unusually mild, which she had been grateful for when travelling to Amgarrak. The day after she had returned, the rain had turned to snow following a drop in temperature. Ferelden usually received its first snow fall around the beginning of the month of Firstfall, right in time for Satinalia, or Feastday as she heard some of the humans call it. It had been a very exciting holiday for her that year because the people with whom she celebrated with were so very different from past holidays.

It was now just over a week into Wintermarch, when Ferelden would have normally been covered with snow and ice, and they were finally receiving some wintery weather. Kateriel was thankful that she had returned from her journey just in time for Firstday and was able to celebrate the new year with her friends. Firstday having been the first day of the month and over a week past now, the excitement of the holiday had dissipated and everything was business as usual. She continued to watch the snow and recalled how the previous winter had also been very mild, except that the snow and cold had arrived on time but left early so that by the time of Alistair’s coronation the weather had been fairly spring like. She remembered how some of the Chantry officials had claimed that it was a sign of the Maker’s blessing on King Alistair’s rule.

Thoughts of Alistair drew her eyes to the invitation lying on top of the papers on her desk, which she was leaning against. The king was throwing a grand ball in celebration on one year since the victory over the Blight. The invitation request her presence, stating it was of utmost importance as she was The Hero of Ferelden. It was polite but very official and she doubted very much that he wrote it. It didn’t sound like him at all. It wounded her that he didn’t send her a personal message. So much so, that she was thinking highly of not going. She sighed heavily, squeezing her eyes tight and pushing the dark feelings from her, before opening her eyes and turning them back to the window.

As she stood allowing the falling flake to lull her mind pleasantly blank, there came a rap at her door. “Come,” she replied, turning toward the door.

The door opened and Seneschal Garevel entered. “Commander, the Teryn has arrived. He is waiting for in the great hall.”

“Thank you, Garevel.” The man bowed and exited the room. Kateriel tossed the stack of documents, that she was meant to be working on, into a drawer. She paused to check herself in the mirror by the door before leaving her study and making her way to the great hall.

Fergus stood by the fire in the center of the hall, warming himself in its heat. She paused a moment, after entering, to take him in. He looked good. His hair was cut a little shorter and nicely combed. He was finely dressed; his tailored clothes fit his athletic form perfectly. When he lifted his eyes from the fire and saw her, his face lit up and he smiled in such a way that made her heart flutter. He began to walk towards her and she suddenly realized that they were the only ones in the hall.

“Hello there.” He caressed her face with his hand while he bent to kiss her. His lips on hers felt so good, she could not resist leaning into him. She opened to him as he deepened the kiss, his tongue find hers. The feeling of their tongues sliding together sent shivers of pleasure down her spine.

“Hello indeed,” she replied with a breathy laugh after the kiss ended. “I can’t say how good it is to see you.”

“Same here.” He kissed her forehead and then her nose before releasing his embrace, stepping back and taking her hands in his.

“Now I can thank you in person for sending me the Vheneras elgar!” She grinned, her eyes reflecting her pleasure. It was a Dalish sweet cream liquor that she particularly loved. She found out that Fergus had sent it while she was gone. He hadn’t said anything about it when she had stayed in Highever so it was a nice surprise when she got home. “It happens to be my favourite drink. How in Thedas did you get your hands on it?”

“I bought it from some Dalish traders,” he explained, clearly pleased with himself and that he had made her happy. “It wasn’t part of the merchandise they were selling but one of them was sipping on it and I asked him what it was. It took some persuading but I managed to purchase two unopened bottles. It’s worth it to see such a smile on your face.”

“Have you tried it?” Fergus shook his head no and Kateriel’s smile widened. She moved to his side, wrapping her arm around his and leading him to the door. “Then I propose we go to my study and warm ourselves, both by the fire and by Vheneras!”

“Sounds perfect,” he replied, bending to kiss her cheek.

Once in the study, Fergus placed himself in one of the two comfy chairs that sat before the fire. Kateriel moved to the self where she kept the bottles of Vheneras and a few glasses. One bottle had been already opened and half emptied as she had shared it with Velanna at Firstday. She poured two glasses before stepping over to the fire and handing one to Fergus.

“How is your brother doing?” Kateriel settled herself in the other chair and sipped her drink, sighing happily as the creamy liquor rolled over her tongue.

Fergus smiled as he watched her reaction to the drink. “He’s doing much better, I think.” He sniffed at his own cup before tilting the light brownish liquid to his mouth. His brows raised slightly and lightly smacked lips. “That’s very sweet.”

“It is.” Kateriel grinned at his uncertain reaction. “But it’s quite strong. The sweetness hides its strength so one has to be careful how much they drink.”

“The sweetness hides its strength...” Fergus repeated, flashing her a charming smile. “No wonder you like it, it sounds just like you.”

Kateriel’s face blushed lightly and, not ever really knowing how to take a compliment well, she could only think of reaching over and placing her hand on his arm...and taking a long draught of her drink. When she met his eyes again, they were dancing with amusement.

“Aedan is fairly settled at home now for what I can tell,” he continued to answer her question. “Being at home for the holidays and the love of the good people of Highever, both ours for them and vies versa, has helped him find some peace and he is blaming himself less. Not to mention he and I have each other. The holidays brought both joy and sorrow for us but we are still family and there was comfort in being together, drawing strength from one another...” He trailed off as he stared thoughtfully at the fire. Kateriel said nothing, content to watch him and let him process things in his mind.

She continued to sip her drink, and when he pulled his gaze back to hers, she was ready to speak before he could apologize. “I’m glad to hear he is doing well, Fergus. I’m sure your people were overjoyed to have you both home for the holidays.”

They chatted easily over the events at Highever and Amaranthine during Feastday and Firstday, laughing at antics and sharing memories. The liquor warmed their blood, relaxing their bodies and minds. Fergus, finding the Vheneras too sweet, switched to wine.

“Speaking of holidays, I assume you got the kings invitation to the ball?” Kateriel simply nodded in response, but Fergus could see the hesitation behind her eyes. “You do plan to go don’t you?”

“I suppose I really should.” She sighed heavily before finishing the liquid in her glass and pouring another. “You know, being ‘The Hero’ and all.” She waved her hand in a flouncy, yet sarcastic, fashion.

Fergus studied her face for a moment in silence, his gazed heating and never leaving her as he downed the rest of his glass and set it on the table. He stood abruptly and she raised a brow in question. He moved around the chairs until he was at her other side and held out his hand to her.

“I believe that it’s been a while since either of us has danced at a ball.” He grinned charmingly as he bowed to her. “I think we better practice.”

Kateriel’s mouth dropped open slightly in her confusion and uncertainty. “But...we have no music,” she said dumbly, though she did not resist as he took her hand and pulled her to her feet.

“I’ll improvise.” He laughed as she regarded him with a puzzled smirk.

Fergus pulled her against him. Kateriel could feel herself flush instantly from head to toe as his arm slid low around her waist. She could feel the heat radiating from his body and his scent filled her head. His skin held the scent of the soap he likely used to bathe with, mingled with the scent of leather, and the wine from his breath. He began to hum softy, a deep lovely sound that kept on key. They moved through the steps of a waltz and as they swayed he kept their bodies pressed together. The sensation heated her blood, the strongest heat gathering at the apex of her thighs. Her breathing grew shallow as he began to brush kisses on her face.

There was a sudden knock at the door and the pair broke apart. Kateriel steadied her voice as she gave the call to enter. A servant popped in to announce that the evening meal was being served. Kateriel ordered that the private dining room be set and the senior Wardens to be notified to dine there.

Kateriel smiled awkwardly at Fergus. “Well, I suppose we best not keep them waiting. Hungry Wardens are unpleasant to say the least.”

He didn’t protest and she was grateful, at least for the moment. There was no question that she was attracted to Fergus. The need and desire which he stirred within her body was evidence of that. But something deep inside her kept telling her it was wrong and bringing flashes and memories of Alistair to her mind. She was beginning to dismay of ever being able to be close with someone with out this constant guilt.

In the dining room, they talked freely and their laughter drew the others in. Oghren was already drunk and laughed when Fergus and Kateriel did, even though he didn’t know what was funny. Velanna frowned as her eyes moved back and forth from Kateriel and Fergus, but she became more relaxed after Kateriel poured her a glass of Vheneras. After the half bottle she had started with was emptied, Kateriel opened the second. She allowed the others to try her drink of choice as well. Oghren laughed at it, saying it was a drink for kittens. Sigrun also choose to drink wine with Fergus after tasting it, though she kept her comments to herself other than to say it was “interesting”. Nathaniel enjoyed it and had a second glass after he downed the first, despite Kateriel warning about its hidden strength.

Fergus kept his leg pressed against Kateriel’s under the table, keeping her blood from cooling. She wondered if he knew this and it was his intent. The alcohol in her system certainly helped and soon she found that she didn’t care and let herself enjoy the sensations of her body. Once everyone was finished eating they remained to lounge while chatting and telling stories. Inevitably, the evening got late and, one by one, people bid farewell for the night.

Fergus bid her goodnight, though his gaze still held a burning gleam as he looked in her eyes. Once she was finally able rouse Oghren, who had passed out as usual, and sent him staggering off to his bed, she made her way to her quarters. It was only moments after she arrived there before a knock was heard at her door. Her heart leapt in her chest as she went to answer it. Once she began to open it, it was forced open from the other side by Fergus, who turned abruptly to close and lock it.

He was on her instantly, gathering her to him. “I believe we have a dance to finish.” His voice was husky and low, causing pleasant shivers through her body.

Her only reply was to meet his hungry mouth with her own, both open, tongues dancing. A light growl escaped Fergus’ throat, an almost strangled sound like a beast of some kind, long restrained. He slid his hand down to her backside, his fingers grazing across her lower cheek causing her to gasp sharply and dig her hands into his back. It had always been a particularly hot spot for her and stoked the heat between her legs even more.

She broke their kiss when she gasped and Fergus used the moment to remove his shirt. Kateriel drank in his body. He was athletic and slightly broader in the chest than Alistair was. The hair on his chest was dark to match the hair on his head, and it was spread evenly over his skin thought it was not thick. Her eyes travelled up until they were captured and held by his. Slowly, he moved his hands down to tug her shirt from where it was tucked into her trousers. She was glad that she had chosen not to wear her armour that day. He began to pull her shirt over her head, and she let him, raising her arms. When she lowered them again, she rested one on his chest and slid the other behind his neck.

Thankfully, the alcohol in her blood made it easier to drown out that little voice of guilt and yet her mind was sober enough to force away flashes of Alistair and focus on the pleasurable sensations of her body. She _would_ do this! She needed to move on. Fergus reached up and tenderly stroked her cheek. She closed her eyes and enjoyed his touch. He bent to kiss her again, as his hands moved to remove her breastband. Once he had dropped it to the floor, he pressed her against him again.

They both gasped at the feeling of skin on skin. Fergus bent and wrapped his arms under her backside, lifting Kateriel in the air and carrying her to her bed. He laid her gently down on her back and began kissing and licking his way down her neck. His mouth was hot on her skin, burning a trail wherever he went. She moaned when his mouth found her breast, flicking her nipple with his tongue before laving circles around it. She buried her hands in his hair. He cupped and massaged her other breast with his hand, tweaking the nipple gently. He sucked her breast into his mouth causing her to gasp and arch into him, before settling into little mewling noises.

He moved his mouth to her other breast while one of his hands travelled down her stomach to the ties of her trousers. Once they were loose he wasted no time sliding a hand beneath, and under her small clothes. His fingers brushed through her folds, gliding through her slick heat. Fergus groaned when he felt how wet she was. His mouth broke from her breast and he kissed his way down her stomach, tugging her trousers down over her hips as he went. He had her pants only just passed her knees when he bent his head to taste her. Kateriel cried out, digging a hand tighter in his hair while the other clutched her bed cover. Fergus shifted to place kisses on her thighs as he pushed her trousers off the rest of the way. Placing his hands on either side of her hips to steady her, he returned his mouth to her core.

After a few glorious moments drawing Kateriel toward her peak, Fergus pushed back and stood beside the bed to remove his breeches and underclothes. Kateriel sat up quickly and moved to the edge of the bed before he could climb back on. She held his heat glazed eyes as she reached out and took his firm length in her hand. He groaned at the contact, closing his eyes as she stroked him. He was about to lean down to capture her mouth when she bent to run her tongue up his length. His gasp ended in a deep moan as she swirled her tongue around the tip before taking as much of him as she could in her mouth. He let her pleasure him for a few moments before stopping her, pushing her gently back on the bed. He climbed over her, settling himself between her legs. He kissed her deeply before positioning himself at her entrance. She felt him hesitate. His eyes were closed.

“Fergus?” She called to him gently, placing her hand on his cheek. He opened his eyes and Kateriel caught a haunted glimmer before it vanished and he thrust into her. They both gasped and Fergus held himself still, enjoying the feeling of being sheathed within her before he began to move. It wasn’t long before his thrusts became fervent. He braced himself with one arm while reaching between them with his other, touching her where their bodies joined. Kateriel groaned at the increased pressure and soon she cried out, spilling over her peak. Fergus immediately followed crying out in jagged relief.

Once they caught their breath, they crawled under the covers and Fergus pulled Kateriel into his arms. Neither of them said anything aside from wishing each other goodnight. They were seemingly lost in their own thoughts or perhaps simply enjoying the feeling of their sated bodies. Perhaps there was nothing to be said. It felt wonderful to be held in someone’s arms again, maybe that was enough. It wasn’t long before they were both asleep.

Kateriel woke the next morning feeling a warm body next to her. She smiled as her eyes roamed over Fergus’ features. He was very handsome indeed. Yet, despite what they had shared, she didn’t feel anything more for him than she ever had. Less as much actually, she frowned at the thought. Not that she thought or cared less for him, but the desire she felt towards him seemed to have completely vanished. Slowly, so as to not wake him, she slipped out of bed and into her robe. She moved to a window and looked out. The winter morning glowed soft yellow and orange as the sun was about to break over the horizon.

Something had definitely changed inside of her. It was a very strange feeling. When she thought of Alistair, she still missed him an agonizing amount. But the distance between them felt so immense, as if some tether between them had been severed and she was now too far adrift. Her only choice now was to sink or hoist her sail to move on. That restless feeling gnawed at her again as gazed out to the edges of the horizon.

“You look so beautiful there,” a voice said from her bed. She turned her head to see Fergus sitting up, leaning on his arms. “And stone cold serious.” He laughed as he crawled to the edge of the bed. He put on his small clothes and shirt before joining her at the window.

She gave him a weak smile. “How are you feeling?” she wondered if he felt as she did.

“Well...I feel pretty good,” he replied cautious, closely studying her. His brows pressed forward in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He didn’t look like he believed her. She placed a hand on his arm. “Really, I am. It’s just...” She paused, what if he didn’t feel as she did. What if he felt something more? They had promised to not let thing get too far but was it too late?

“Kateriel, what is it?” He placed a warm hand on her shoulder. “You can tell me. I promise that I won’t be upset.”

His words held hope and encouragement for her so she pressed forward. “Last night was really fun. I enjoyed it.” She gave him a genuine smile. “But...I think we should stop there. I mean, that I think we should end it all together and just simply be friends.”

To her relief, Fergus smiled. “I’m...actually glad you feel that way.” He let out a breath before continuing. “I woke up in the night and lay thinking about how I felt. I care for you as much as ever as a close friend. But it seems last night changed something.”

“I think that both of us really just needed to see if we were ready to move on.” Kateriel tilted her head thoughtfully. “And now that we’ve seen how far we can go, I think we are ready to proceed to other things.”

“Yes. It’s been two years since the death of my wife and son.” Fergus was solemn. “And though nothing will ever take their place in my heart, I think my heart now has room to let some else in. I need to start searching for a new wife and beget myself a new heir to the Cousland name. It won’t be easy and it’ll be a slow process, but I think I am ready now.”

“Maker bless you, Fergus,” Kateriel smiled with affection. “I know you’ll find someone again soon. And she’ll be so very lucky indeed!” She paused thoughtfully for a moment before continuing. “I think it will be best if you show up for the ball by yourself then. Let all the ladies know you’re eligible.”

Fergus laughed. “I guess that’s true! And what of you?” Fergus looked at her with serious concern. “Do you feel any better from this?”

“I’m not sure if I would classify it as ‘better’.” Kateriel shrugged. “But...I definitely feel the need to move on, to move forward, and to stop looking back.”

“I’m glad for you then,” he said, gently. “I hope everything works out for you. If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to ask.” He bent to place one more slow and gentle kiss on her lips. “Thank you, my friend, for everything.” Fergus put his clothes on and waved to her before leaving her room.

Kateriel watched out her window as the sun rose above the horizon, shining its light on a new day. She withdrew from the sun’s warm rays to wash and dress before heading down for breakfast.


	36. Disaster at the Victory Ball

On the eve of the Victory Ball, the Denerim palace was a-glow as every wall scone, torch, chandelier, and candle was lit, driving out the darkness and the cold. Throughout the streets of the city, people celebrated amongst their friends, families, and peers. Music filled the air and bonfires blazed in the squares. Banners and streamers of blue and silver hung in the streets and in the palace, to honour the Grey Wardens as Alistair has promised to do.

The king stood upon the dais in the throne room while guests where announced and presented themselves before him. Those of his advisors who were present stood on either side of the platform; Eamon to his left and Sharron to his right. Eben stood on the steps of the dais, watching over the proceedings. Alistair found that he was missing Anora and little Ryain very much. But Anora was not ready to leave Cauthrien and their new daughter, nor were they ready to return to Denerim together. Ryain had taken a few of his first steps before they had left for Gwaren and Anora wrote that the little prince was really on the move now. Alistair was looking forward to seeing it for himself.

He glanced over at Sharren, who flashed him one of her beautiful smiles. She looked amazing in a gown of deep indigo and her hair done up elegantly. It contrasted nicely with his attire in the red and gold of the Theirin crest. He returned her smile before turning his attention back to the room. He received guests for an hour in the throne room before he, his advisors, and his guard, moved into the ball room. He was then able to mingle while late guests trickled in and presented themselves to him wherever he happened to be.

Fergus Cousland had arrived while Alistair had been in the throne room. The Teryn had shown up alone, and, when Alistair could observe his friend, Fergus mingled pleasantly with other guests, while seeming to have particularly winning smiles for the court’s most eligible ladies. This filled Alistair with mixed feeling of relief and anger. Was he just imagining Fergus’ behaviour or had something happened to end things between him and Kateriel? If Fergus hurt her....

It had been two hours since the palace had opened the doors for the guests to arrive, two hours since the ball began, and there was still no sign of Kateriel. The bit of dread that he felt at seeing her again was replaced with concern. Was she not coming? Was she so angry with him or had he hurt her so much that she would not see him again?

Then the seneschal’s voice was heard over the din of the crowd. “Your majesty, King Alistair, and ladies and gentlemen of the court! Presenting the Hero of Ferelden and vanquisher of the Blight, Grey Warden Commander Kateriel Mahariel!”

As the room filled with applause, Alistair stepped up on the dais so that he could see to the other side of the room. Kateriel did indeed stand there, dressed in Grey Warden armour, and her face flushed from the attention. His heart pounded at the sight for her. It took only a moment before she spotted him and began to walk in his direction.

               

 

Kateriel stood in the door of the ballroom feeling her face grow increasingly warmer by the second. She knew it was too much to hope for that she’d be able to slip into the ball without too much notice. As the seneschal announced her presence and every gaze in the room fell on her, she had to fight the desire to retreat. Then her eyes met another’s, a pair of familiar honey-brown. Alistair stood on the dais at the far end of the room, which raised him above the others. Despite the somersaults her insides were doing at the sight of him, she suddenly felt grounded and secure, as she often did in his presence, and she began to head across the room toward him.

But as kateriel neared the dais, the anchor that was his gaze was pulled from her. The woman with red hair whom Zevran told her would be Alistair’s new spymaster, stepped up next to the king. The woman, Kateriel thought she could recall being named Sharren, brushed Alistair’s forearm as she drew her hand down to grasp his. Alistair turned his gaze to Sharren and she smiled at him with an affection that was impossible to miss. What made Kateriel almost stop completely in her tracks was that Alistair seemed to return Sharren’s affection as he smiled back at the spymaster and squeezed her hand before releasing it. The display had been missed by all others in the room, since everyone’s attention was on Kateriel. But she had seen it, and it felt as though her heart had just been crushed in her chest.

Kateriel suddenly regretted coming alone. She chose only to bring Thunder with her while she travelled to Denerim, but when they arrived at the palace, the dog went happily to the kennel with a servant after being promised a good meal. That left Kateriel alone and adrift in the sea of people that filled the ballroom as her anchor had been pulled from under her. But she gathered her strength and pride, and quickly hid her discomfort with a mask of indifference. She reminded herself that he had as much right to move on and find happiness with someone else as she did. The fact that it turned out to be someone other than Anora made no difference. She should be happy for him.

 

 

Alistair smiled at Kateriel as she came to a stop before him and bowed. He had so many feelings swirling inside him while he had watched her make her way across the room; he appreciated it when Sharren had taken his hand briefly and reminded him that she was there. He needed that extra encouragement, especially now when Kateriel stood before him and the warmth that he thought he had seen in her expression appeared to be only an illusion of his mind.

Yet, still he smiled anyway. He was happy to see her, and that she was alive and appeared well. He’d heard that she had left Vigil’s Keep on an unknown journey a few months past and he had worried about her until he heard that she had returned. And it didn’t help that it was nearly impossible to know what was going on in Vigil’s Keep as the Grey Wardens were all about their secrets and keeping their business unknown. After the visit from the group of Wardens that Jacqueline had been a part of, the security had drastically increased so that it was difficult for Sharren’s spies to glean information.

“Commander Kateriel, we are honoured by your presence.” Alistair said formally, bowing to her in the Grey Warden fashion.

“The honour is mine, your majesty.” Kateriel clasped her hands behind her back, not really knowing what to do with herself.

Alistair turned his view to the rest of the room. “Please continue to enjoy yourselves.”

As people began to turn their attention elsewhere, the hum of conversation filled the room again. Once he was satisfied that they were no longer the main focus, Alistair turned his attention back to Kateriel. He stepped down toward her, his expression becoming warm as he smiled at her, and Kateriel inwardly panicked as it began to melt her defences. Did she even really have any against him? Or was it just smoke screen.

“Seriously though, I was beginning to think you weren’t going to come.” He spoke gently, with affection that he still held for her. Something in her eyes changed and he inwardly held his breath. A glimmer of the light that used to burn in her eyes when she looked at him peeked through the cold shield that had taken its place. Perhaps she wasn’t completely lost to him after all.

The warm tones of Alistair’s voice rolled over her like a wave. Gentle though it was, it crashed against her walls like a tsunami. She wanted to crumble. She wanted to weep. She wanted to slap him. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and never let go. No. She battled within herself. Don’t get carried away. He’s moved on. He’s just being friendly; he said he wanted to be friends. Could she not give him that? Would she not do anything for him? Creators, she would certainly try!

“I...apologize for being late.” Kateriel returned his smile. Her heart fluttered when it seemed to light his eyes a little brighter and he appeared to relax a bit more. She shrugged. “I remember Leliana saying it was important to be fashionably late to a party. I guess I was pushing it.”

 “Well, I’m certainly not one to judge.” Alistair chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m still terrible at all this protocol stuff. I’d be lost with out my advisors.”

The mention of his advisors brought Sharren to her mind and Kateriel forced herself to continue to smile. She wanted him to continue to look at her and smile at her the way he was, almost like he used to.

“I understand completely.” Kateriel fiddled with a strap on her armour. “I’d be lost without Nathaniel. I’ve pretty much given him the run on the Keep. All the political stuff drives me crazy.”

Alistair studied her a moment before asking the question or two that would get him answers to those burning inside him. He hesitated to do so. He was revelling in her softened demeanour, in the way she seemed to opening up to him again. But...he had to know.

“What about Fergus? Does he not help you out with that kind of thing? Give you advice?”

“No, not really.” Kateriel shrugged and shook her head. She absently began looking for Fergus in the crowd. “I’m sure he would if I asked him. But it’s never really come up much. He’s got his own matters to look after.”

“I thought perhaps the two of you would have come together.” Alistair heard himself saying before he could stop himself. Too late.

Alistair’s question drew Kateriel’s gaze back to him. What was he getting at? Oh! Realization dawn on her and she almost wanted to laugh. Of course, he’d be wondering about them, seeing as the last time she’d seen Alistair, he’d discovered her relationship with Fergus.

“Fergus and I are just friends.” Kateriel stated with a smile. “We kept each other company for a while but have moved on.”

Kept each other company? What did that mean? Alistair wondered these things to himself, but did not dare voice them out loud. This renewed openness was new and very precious. He did not want to ruin it with petty jealousy.

“What about you?” Kateriel dared to ask. He seemed comfortable enough to bring up Fergus, so she would try a little probing of her own. When he seemed puzzled by her question, her eyes sought out and found Sharren in the crowd. Kateriel couldn’t keep the edge of sadness from her voice no matter how hard she fought. “Nevermind, Alistair, I already know. I can’t blame you at all. She’s very beautiful. And Zevran says she’s trustworthy so she was a good choice.”

He followed her gaze to Sharren and her words sunk in. His attention snapped back to Kateriel to find her smiling at him, in spite of the sadness in her eyes. How did she know? Of course! The gesture on the dais. Everyone else was looking away except for Kateriel. He was about to say something when he was interrupted.

“Commander Kateriel.” Arl Eamon greeted her with his hand extended. “Might I have the pleasure of a dance?”

“Of course.” Kateriel took Eamon’s hand, casting one more smile at Alistair, before allowing him to lead her away.

Alistair didn’t know whether he felt relieved or bothered that Kateriel had just seemingly given her blessing on his relationship with Sharren. He decided not to thinking about it, as it felt like it would be best to let it go.

The rest of the evening passed smoothly. In between dances with other people, they were often in each other’s company. Whether this was on purpose or not was something that they chose not to pay attention to. And in addition to that, was the fact that they hadn’t danced together yet. Eventually, though, they began to feel that it was unavoidable. What were they afraid of anyway? They were getting along well. It seemed as though they were comfortable enough now to be friends, what harm could there be in a dance?

Alistair approached Kateriel where she was chatting with Fergus, Bann Alfstanna Eremon, and a few other nobles. He smiled and held out his hand. “Commander, would you do me the honour of a dance?”

Kateriel fought to squash the butterflies in her stomach and forced herself to smile as she reached out to place her hand in his. “Of course, your majesty, the honour is mine.”

The moment their hands touched it was though lightning had formed between their palms, sending currents through their bodies and setting their skin on fire. They both struggled to maintain composure but it only got worse when Alistair pulled Kateriel into his arms.

Maker, it was suddenly hard to breathe! Holding Kateriel close, the feeling of her in his arms, was both wonderful and torturous. He could see that she felt it too, her walls were down and her eyes swirled with mixed emotions. She still smelled of the forest and it was intoxicating. Her little body fit into his embrace so differently from Sharren’s taller frame, but it felt so right! His body remembered hers, and it felt like...home.

The exquisite agony of being held in his arms made Kateriel nearly cry out. She felt as though she was drowning in overwhelming sensations. Her body was acutely tuned in to every place where is body made contact with hers. His scent and the heat of his body washed over her. His gaze seemed to reflect the conflicting pain and pleasure that she felt. She struggled to focus on moving her feet, uncertain if she was stepping properly or stumbling about. It felt so right to be there, in his arms, being held by him. It was where she belonged. No! It was not her place. It was someone else’s now. The reminder nearly crushed her and she couldn’t take anymore.

Kateriel stumbled to a halt and stepped out of his embrace. “I’m sorry, Alistair,” she breathed, shaking her head. “I...I think I need some fresh air.”

She quickly made her way out the doors to the gardens terraces. She gulped in the cold air and let it clear her head. She heard steps behind her. She knew it was too much to hope that he wouldn’t follow her. He would want to make sure she was all right, of course. That was his way.

Alistair approached Kateriel slowly, taking time to settle himself before he reached her. Knowing the struggle that they had just experienced, it would probably have been wiser to leave her be until they both got a hold of themselves. But he needed to make sure she was all right, he couldn’t just turn his back. He stopped beside her, though not too close, and glanced at her sidelong. Her eyes were closed but she seemed calm. He was relieved.

“Feeling better?” He smiled slightly when she nodded and opened her eyes to the night sky. The evening had been going so well. They’d been able to actually talk to each other and feel, for the most part, comfortable in each other’s presence. Perhaps, this would be a good time to ask for her help in locating his mother. Now that they weren’t actually touching, starting a conversation might relax things again.

“So...” He looked about to make sure no one else was around, but few people went out doors in the snow at night. “I was hoping that you might be able to help me with something. I don’t dare trust anyone else with this matter.”

Kateriel turned to regard him curiously. “Oh? Of course, how can I help?”

“Well, I was thinking of trying to find out who my mother is and where she might be. Because of...you know...the elf thing and with her being a Grey Warden, you are pretty much the only one who can help me that I trust.” Something flickered in Kateriel’s eyes and his brows pinched in concern. “What is it?”

“I...met your mother...actually.” Kateriel said slow and uncertain.

His face went blank with shock before his brows narrowed again. That was not the answer he had expected to hear from her. “What?”

“About six months, or so, ago when I went to Weissaupt I met an elf one night in when I was poking around in the library.” Kateriel explained hastily. Considering how he had reacted when she gave him Duncan’s letter, she wasn’t sure how he would take this news. “After some discussion she confessed to me to be your mother. Her name is Fiona.”

Alistair continued to stare at her. He was listening intensely but his feelings in the background where a tumulus thunderstorm of excitement and annoyance bordering on anger. He kept his feelings in check, not wanting to interrupt until his got all the information.

The way he was staring at her was unsettling. Kateriel continued on with caution. “She explained to me that as she no longer had the taint, she had left the Grey Wardens. She did not tell me where she was going.”

Alistair’s feelings bubbled to the surface. The excitement was understandable. But the annoyance was extreme and he didn’t know who it was directed at more. Kateriel for, once again, with-holding the information, or his mother for not coming to him. Most of all, he knew, was that his annoyance was on the edge of outright anger because he was waiting for answers. He swallowed hard.

“Does she know where I am? Who I’ve become?” He paused as Kateriel nodded. He ran his hand over his hair. “Then why hasn’t she come to me? Did she say that?”

Kateriel nodded again. She was bracing herself inwardly. She could see the anger brewing in his eyes. “She hasn’t come to you _because_ of who you are. She feels she is protecting you by staying away. She has only ever wanted the best for you.”

“I so sick of hearing that!” Alistair roared, pounding his fist on the railing. Kateriel glanced at the ballroom doors, hoping they weren’t drawing attention. He pulled his hand from the rail and there was blood in the snow. “Where is she now?”

“I don’t know.” Kateriel shook her head, speaking gently. She began to shiver but didn’t know if it was from the cold or the intensity of the situation. “She didn’t tell me. Only that she had left the Wardens to start a new chapter in her life.”

He continued to glare at her as he breathed in deeply. “And _why_ didn’t you tell me this? When were you planning on telling me? _Were_ you even going to?” The level of his voice rose slightly with each question. “I can’t believe you with-held this from me! That you did this to me _again_!”

“I would have told you during your visit to Vigil’s Keep,” Kateriel defended, her own irritation growing. It wounded her that he seemed to think that she was doing this to deliberately hurt him. “But you wouldn’t hear anything I had to say and blew out of there like a demon from the Fade.”

“You could have found a way to tell me, Kateriel. This was important to me!” He shook his head, and paced a moment before rounding on her. “What else haven’t you told me?”

“There is nothing else.” Kateriel stated flatly.

“How do I know that? How can I even trust you anymore?” he began to pace again.

“I have _never_ lied to you or deceived you!” Kateriel’s voice broke. That he would accuse her of not being trust worthy, especially to him, dealt a huge blow.

“With-holding the truth is as bad as a lie, Kateriel!” he growled.

“It was never my intention to with-hold anything,” Kateriel pleaded. She did not want things between them to go this way again. It killed her inside to think that he would think so little of her. “Nor was it ever to hurt you!”

He waved his arm toward her dismissively as he turned towards the doors. He knew he wasn’t thinking clearly, all he could focus on was his own pain. “Forget I even asked you about helping me find my mother. I have my own people who can help from here. I need people I can trust.”

A choking sound came from Kateriel and he turned his gaze back to her. What he saw put a damper on his ire. Something in her eyes shattered, her face contorted in pain. Guilt washed over him. He was still angry and upset but he felt sorry for letting himself get carried away. As he gazed at her, standing there looking broken, he remembered who she was to him, who he knew her to be. And he knew his accusations of purposeful deception and causing him pain was wrong.

He scrubbed his hand on the back of his neck before taking a step toward her. She stepped back, shaking her head at him. “Kateriel...” he said, gently. “I’m sorry...I-”

“No.” She cut him off sharply. “You are right. You don’t need me. All I want is for you to be happy. But all I do is cause you pain. I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke off in a sob but she swallowed and regained control. “Don’t worry. I’ll not bother you again.”

And with that she slipped over the railing and into the shadows below. “Kateriel!” Alistair called out as he ran to the railing and looked over the side. It was no use. He’d never find her now that she’d faded into the shadows. “I’m sorry!” he called into the darkness.

 

Kateriel made her way around to the front of the palace and through the halls to retrieve Thunder from the kennels. After picking up their things from the inn, it wasn’t long before they were on the road back to Vigil’s Keep. They made camp only a short distance from the city gates. It was too difficult to travel by night but she didn’t want to stay in the city where she might be found. She didn’t sleep at all. Alistair’s accusations continued to repeat, over and over, in her head. He was lost to her entirely now. She’d lost his esteem and his trust. He no longer needed her in his life. He was better off with out her.

At the crack of dawn, they were on the road again. Thunder would cast worried looks at her. But she didn’t want to talk. She just kept patting him on the head, saying, “I’m all right boy.”

But she wasn’t. And even when they arrived at Vigil’s Keep, after days of being on the road, she felt wrong inside. Something was broken that would never be fixed. She found herself standing in the middle of her chambers numbly looking around.

“I don’t belong here.” Kateriel whispered. But the words went beyond the mere meaning of her chambers or even Vigil’s Keep. She didn’t belong in the world. Her purpose ended with the death of the Archdemon, when her life also should have ended. She thought of all the trouble she’d caused with her “good intentions”. She brought Alistair only pain. Who knows what danger she unleashed on the world she was supposed to have saved by going along with Morrigan’s ritual. Not to mention Anders and Justice.

She should not be in a position to make decisions that affected the lived of so many. She would remove herself from such a position as soon as possible. But first she would right some of the wrongs she had caused, or at least make sure there was no impending doom.

She would begin by getting some answers. First thing in the morning she would take Thunder, and hunt down Morrigan...


End file.
